by Fiona Murphy
When they rounded the corner, Laura went still at the sight of the woman hanging on to Paul. Her arm was through Paul’s and her other hand was on his arm, and she was leaning on him so much that if he let go Laura knew she’d go down in a tumble of anorexic bones and fake tits. Paul barely looked Laura’s way as he told her to hold his calls. The moment his door closed, Laura was pretty sure she stopped breathing. Closing her eyes, she told herself to stop it. Paul was punishing her but he wouldn’t allow it to go far. Paul cared about her. Paul never looked at other women, and if he did, it was a glance that barely lasted seconds. She counted to ten and then a hundred, and then she heard Liza laughing and was up before she even realized it.
Opening the door with enough force to send it into the wall, she looked at his desk, but they weren’t there. The son of a bitch was on the couch and the bag of bones and silicone was practically on his lap. There was no thought to her actions, just pure, blinding anger. Laura crossed the room in seconds and had her hand in the woman’s hair before Liza knew what was happening. With a vicious yank, the woman was up and moving. Laura shoved her out of Paul’s office.
“Do not come here again, or I swear you will regret it.” Laura snarled, and the woman took off running.
Laura slammed the door and turned to see Paul coming toward her with an apologetic look on his face. Anger still flowed through her and she pushed him away. “How dare you? How dare you let her touch you and climb on your lap?”
“I’m sorry, please believe me. I never thought farther than making you jealous, and it got away from me. Please, sweetheart, it made me crazy when I found you gone when I woke up alone yesterday. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I don’t want her. I want you, only you. I swear, I’m sorry and I’ll never do anything stupid like that again. Laura, please come here. Touch me, sweetheart. I need your hands on me. I need your body against mine. No one else, I only need you.”
Laura went, her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her. Their kiss had the electricity of a lighting bolt, and it consumed them. They went down on their knees, unable to move from where they stood. Frantically, Paul worked himself free, and Laura pulled her skirt up and thong to the side and climbed onto him. Close wasn’t close enough, fast wasn’t fast enough, they couldn’t get enough, and when they convulsed together in their climax, Laura’s head fell against his chest. She mouthed the words but didn’t say them. She loved him, would always love him.
***
Watching Kelly’s antics with the vibrator she had just opened at her bachelorette party, Laura couldn’t stop laughing. While she had been surprised to receive the invitation, she had been happy to come. They were starting the night in a hotel room in a sumptuously expensive suite in a hotel on Michigan Avenue. Later they would go out in a limo for a night on the town. The trilling of her cell phone had her moving quickly so as not to bother Kelly. Moving out onto the balcony, she answered the call she knew would be Paul.
“Hey, sweetheart, sorry to bother you, but I can’t seem to find the file on the Stone property. Where is it?”
“I’m sorry, but it’s at home. I took it with me to work on last night. You can go over and get it if you want.”
She heard him sigh heavily.
“I’m really sorry, Paul.”
“Its okay, but it’s just one more reason you should move in and do everything from here. It just makes sense.”
“Paul, please, let’s not have this conversation right now. I have Kelly giving me death glares and I have to go.”
“Just don’t have too much fun, okay?”
“I won’t, I promise. Do you want me to go over to your place tonight? It might be really late.”
“That would be good. It doesn’t matter how late it is.”
“Okay, I’ll see you tonight.”
The doors opened, and she was shocked to realize she was still out on the balcony, her mind centered only on Paul.
“Hello? What are you doing out here?”
“I’m sorry, Kelly, I just—Paul asked me to move in with and I don’t know what to do.”
“Wow, I never thought I would see the day. That’s great! You say yes. What’s the matter?” Kelly seemed genuinely surprised.
“I’m in love with him and I’m scared that it’s just sex on his part. He doesn’t want to love someone. So yes, the sex is amazing, and five or six times a week obviously means there is something there—but what if it is just sex and not something deeper on his side, like I need there to be and am hoping there is?”
“Five times a week? Are you serious?”
“What? Did you guys do it more?”
“No way. It was usually just once a week. Sometimes when he was really stressed out it would be twice a week. I never spent the night at his place. I’ve only ever been there, like, twice, and that was to run him over paperwork. Laura, there is something much deeper going on for Paul. Take it from someone who worked with him for years. The guy you’ve just described is not the man I knew. That’s a great thing, it really is. I’m happy for the both of you.”
“I love him so much I’m scared to lose him. I don’t want to move in with him until I know he loves me back and is willing to take us to the next level.”
“I can understand that would be scary, but sometimes you just have to jump for it,” Kelly said. “How is holding out and waiting any better than what you’re going through now? Yes, you have Paul beside you, but you’re all freaked out and scared, and how can you really enjoy what you have with him all stressed like that? You have to put it out there and let him know.”
***
That night, at just after two, she let herself in with her key and did her best to be quiet, sure he would be asleep already. She was really hoping he would be asleep. He’d been at the office when she got ready, and she’d worn a dress she knew he wouldn’t like. One of the few tight and small dresses she had left. Even though she knew he wouldn’t like it, she’d felt compelled because she wanted to fit into the bachelorette party.
She gasped when the lights flicked on.
“What a bad girl you are to be out so late.” His voice was deep, down to the note that immediately made her pussy wet. It was the voice he used when he was going to be rough, and dear Lord she didn’t care if it was wrong, but she liked it rough.
“I’m sorry. Kelly—”
“Shut up! Don’t blame this on Kelly. You were out late making all the men pant over you in that tight dress with your tits hanging out. Did you make their dicks hard? You did it on purpose, didn’t you?” He was coming toward her completely naked, and his cock was hard. Her nipples tightened in anticipation.
“No, I’m sorry Paul—”
“You aren’t sorry! You look like a whore in this dress!” He pulled her to him with the straps of the tight black dress, and then he ripped it right down the middle and pushed her away.
“You are so lucky to be wearing panties right now. If I found out you had gone out without your pussy covered, you would have had to pay.” Then it was there, the smack on her ass. The sound echoed around her. Her pussy quivered, and she wondered if she was going to come just from the spanking, like she had the last time.
“I can smell you already, your pussy wet and ready for fucking. Was it wet while you were out there? Did any other man smell you?” Smack, hard.
“No, Paul, it’s just for you. I’m wet just for your cock.” Smack. Dear Lord, her juices were seeping down her leg.
“So you’re just my whore and no one else’s?”
“Just for you, Paul, no one else but you.” Smack. The orgasm hit her hard, and she went down to her knees in front of him. His cock was at her mouth, and she opened up and sucked on him greedily. He fucked her mouth relentlessly, not giving her a moment to catch her breath. When he exploded in her mouth, it was a relief and it was far too soon. She kept him in her mouth and cleaned every inch until he began to harden again.
He leaned down and whispered into her ear, “Who does your pussy belong t
o?”
“You. Nobody else can touch or see my pussy but you. My pussy gets wet only for your cock.”
“That’s my bad girl. My horny little bad girl,” he crooned as he pushed her onto her hands, and she knew what would be next. Another slap rang out, and her pussy clenched. His fingers slipped into her soaking wet pussy, and she knew he was coating his cock with her juices. Just seconds later, he was pushing into her ass. Her ass was open and welcoming to his cock, and she pushed back to take him deeper. Several more slaps rang out as he pounded into her and carried her into a mind-blowing orgasm.
***
She woke the next morning to find Paul already awake and watching her. She smiled and caressed his bristled cheek. “Good morning.”
“How are you doing? I wasn’t too rough, was I?” His concern was always there in the moments after, and it made her heart squeeze every time.
“I’m fine, better than fine, and you were amazing. I love you.”
She hadn’t meant to say it. If he hadn’t looked so relieved and smiled at her so sweetly, she wouldn’t have, but she couldn’t hold it back anymore.
She watched him still at her words, and held her breath.
He seemed to consider her words, and then gave a small nod and leaned down to kiss her thoroughly and sweetly. “Come on, sleepyhead. we have to get ready for the wedding. We can’t be late or Kelly will put our heads on a stick.”
She lay there stunned as she watched him walk into the bathroom and heard the shower turn on. What had just happened? In a daze, she followed him.
“Paul?” She watched him soaping his gorgeous body. Her body responded immediately, and she had to force her eyes up.
“Sweetheart, if you come into this shower we are going to be late. Give me two minutes and stop looking at me like that and maybe we’ll make it on time. Go use the guest bathroom. I put all your things in there last night for you to get ready.”
A coldness swept through her, and she turned away. He wasn’t pushing her away and telling her he didn’t love her and wasn’t ready for love, but he wasn’t saying it back. What did this mean? Dazed and beyond confused, she went through the motions of getting ready for the wedding, unsure of what to do beyond the next minute.
She followed him out the door and stood by while he hailed a cab to take them to the church. They entered the church and Laura almost wept at the beauty of it. The beautiful stargazer lilies gave off a heady perfume. The soaring ceiling and the stained glass gave a feeling of grandeur that fit Kelly perfectly.
“Oh no, sweetheart, no waterworks yet. You have to at least wait until you see the bride. But no worries; I have you covered.” He pulled out a white handkerchief and handed it to her with a smile. She smiled at his thoughtfulness, but his next words took the smile away. “I’m glad it’s all settled. I’ll call the movers on Monday to schedule a time for them to move you. We can spend tomorrow packing you up. I really want you to move in before the end of this week, before I have to leave to go to Seattle to see Jim and Cayce.”
“What? It’s not all settled, and I’m not moving in with you.” The church was beginning to fill up, and she had to lower her voice despite the fact that she felt like screaming.
“You said you loved me. Why the hell won’t you move in with me?”
“Because you haven’t said it back. Because I want more than just to move in together. I need to know there is a future, and you haven’t given me that hope.”
He sighed and was about to speak, but the music began and he was forced into silence.
Laura watched the ceremony with a heavy heart. Would she ever stand up there with Paul? It was what she really wanted. She wanted him all to herself forever and ever. The tears came. She made use of the handkerchief and was surprised to feel Paul’s hand cover her own. He drew her to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
The ceremony ended, and they filed out of the church. Cabs were lined up to take the guests on to the hotel for the reception. The moment the door was closed, Paul was on the attack. “I told you from the very beginning we were going to keep this light, no commitment, and you agreed.”
“That was then and this is now, and you asking me to move in is not light. There is a commitment in that. How the hell is asking someone to move in with you light?”
He seemed stunned by her outburst and her question. “Because we can both leave at any time. This isn’t about just moving in. You want it all, just admit it.”
“Yes, I want it all,” she said. “I want marriage, kids, and the whole package. I’m not asking for it right this second, I know it’s only been six months, but I want to know that eventually you want that with me too.”
He seemed lost for words, and was shaking his head. Her heart squeezed tight in pain. This couldn’t be happening, but it was. She needed to get away from him before she just completely lost it. “Stop the car,” she yelled at the cabbie, and was shocked when he slammed on the brakes. Thankfully, she was on the sidewalk and was out in seconds.
“Laura! Dammit!” She saw him throw money at the cabbie and she started walking, looking for another cab. He caught up to her and swung her around. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I need to get away from you. Unless you can tell me you love me and you see us having a future together, there isn’t another thing for us to say to each other!”
“Jesus, you can’t just throw all of that at someone and just expect what you want that instant!”
“We have been together nearly every day for the last five months. I have loved you from almost the beginning. I don’t when exactly or how, but I knew and have known. If you don’t know what you feel already then I’m nothing more to you then a good fuck, and it’s over because I can’t do this anymore.”
“Why, why do you love me? How can you be so sure?”
His words stopped her, and she couldn’t help it—she laughed. “I love the way you took care of me when I was sick. I love the way you laugh. I love the way you frown, that little crease you get between your eyes. I love how big you are but that you are so gentle with me, and then I love it when you aren’t gentle. I love that you listen to my opinion. Just the fact that you ask for it is enough for me. I can be sure because I can’t imagine a moment of my future without you. But I won’t take anything less than all of you. You made me greedy. You are all that I want, but I won’t live waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to push me away. I can’t live life on the knife’s edge waiting for that moment.” She couldn’t hold back the sob that welled up and over.
She looked away and saw a cab appear. She was inside and away from him before the tide broke, but just barely.
Chapter Eight
“Oh damn. I am so sorry, girl. I’ll get the liquor.” Tina all but ran to the kitchen.
“Tell me I did the right thing. Or should I have moved in and waited for him to come around? I think he would have come around eventually. I mean, Kelly couldn’t even believe he asked me to move in.” Laura was wondering if there was anything she could do stop the tears. There had to be some point when they would stop, right?
“You did the right thing. Don’t question it. That man is in love with you. He just needs to admit it to the both of you.”
“Do you think so?”
“Girl, he is straight up head over heels,” Tina said. “It was kind of sad to watch. He didn’t want you dressing sexy outside of the office. He hated it when other men even glanced at you. He took care of you when you were sick. I couldn’t even get Tyrone to nuke me some soup when I was sick. He loves you, Laura, I’m sure of it. Just give him a little bit of time to wrap his head around it. He’ll come around.”
***
That weekend was spent in haze of tears and wine. Laura couldn’t believe it when he didn’t call or text her even once. Tina and April were both quiet and quick to assure her it didn’t mean anything, that Paul was likely still in shock from it all coming out. Her friends were amazing, staying with her until late Sunday be
fore finally going home.
Getting ready for bed that night, Laura knew, though, that Paul didn’t love her. Paul didn’t want her the same way she wanted him. The man that had come for her when she lied about spending the night at April’s would have pounded on the door until he was let in. Her words had him running scared because he couldn’t, wouldn’t say them back. She had gambled with her love and she had lost.
***
The next day, Monday, started off with a volley of text messages that had Laura wanting to throw her phone out the window. She started the day by texting Paul and telling him she wasn’t coming in. There was no way she could face him when she was still spontaneously breaking into crying fits. She followed up by sending an email notifying him of her resignation, effective Friday. He responded by blowing up her phone with repeated calls, which she ignored. But then he started texting her and telling her that they had an agreement she had to give two weeks’ notice, they had a contract, he needed time to find a replacement. To which she responded with: So sue me. Then all she could think about was the replacement, and is he would would try and find someone else to do what she had done. She remembered he was due to be in Seattle for a week, visiting his brother and niece starting Friday, and said fine, her notice would be until the following Friday.
He finally left her alone when she promised she would be in the next day and would work to find a replacement while he was out of town. She also told him if he wanted to find someone willing to fuck him, he had to find it on his own. He didn’t respond to that. She wanted to kick herself, and settled into a puddle of misery the rest of the day.
***
Tuesday came far too quickly, and after several self-lectures she let herself into the building early, prepared the office, and reviewed the things that had been left on her desk while she was out. It was just after eight when she felt his eyes on her as he looked her up and down, taking in the wide leg slacks and prim blouse that had about twenty buttons down the front. With a frown, he ordered her into his office.
