by Anne Bennett
‘Of course.’
‘There isn’t an “of course” or there wouldn’t have been such an argument,’ Gloria pointed out. ‘I need to work and that involves both of us doing our bit and not moaning if you have to make your own meal or see to Ben when I’m not here. It’s not such an onerous task. When the year is up, and Tom decides one way or the other, we will have money to enable us to go wherever we want and start again.’
‘Tom said if he decides not to come back, then he will sell the farm and split the proceeds between us.’
‘Even if Tom does decide that, I should say that farms might take some time to sell,’ Gloria said. ‘This way we are assured of money in the bank. What do you say?’
What could Joe do but agree? That night he lay in bed beside his slumbering wife and knew that he would be the butt of the jokes in Buncrana. He had claimed to the fellows in the market and the pub that he would tell Gloria she had to give the job up, and now he would have to confess that she hadn’t, and wouldn’t, and he could almost hear their laughter.
‘Are you looking forward to Molly and Mark’s wedding?’ Helen asked Gloria the first week of June.
‘You bet,’ Gloria answered. ‘And at least now I am working, Ben and I can have new clothes, and we won’t be turning up at Molly’s wedding looking like two country bumpkins.’
‘You’ll probably be the best dressed people there,’ Helen said. ‘Remember there is the points system on clothes in England.’
‘I know,’ Gloria said. ‘When that came in a couple of years ago, I found I was using up my allotment and sometimes Joe had to get things for Ben because he was growing so much. Then I had to use heaps to buy things for Joe so that he could leave the hospital, because everything he possessed was crushed in the remains of the flat. I can’t remember the last time I had anything new.’
‘Well then,’ said Helen. ‘Make the most of this occasion.’
‘Oh, don’t worry,’ Gloria said. ‘I intend to.’
However, Gloria could find nothing to suit her in any of the dress shops in Buncrana, and so she did as Nellie advised and bought material for the dressmaker to make up into something she really wanted. The material had a satiny feel to it, and was mainly lemon, but with a swirling mix of colours as well, and she also bought plain lemon for the jacket.
The dressmaker turned out a beautiful outfit. The dress finished at the knee and it had a scooped neckline trimmed with lace, and it clung to her body until just below the waist, where it fanned out in gorgeous little folds. The softly tailored jacket draped over the shoulders made the whole thing complete. She had navy shoes to match the handbag and hat she was borrowing from Nellie McEvoy, and when Petty Officer Morrisey heard that she was going to a snazzy wedding in England he gave her a pair of nylon stockings as a gift. She was almost speechless with pleasure, but didn’t tell Joe where she had got them from.
Gloria tried on her outfit for Joe, spinning around so that the dress flared out and then settled against her nylon-clad legs, but when she caught sight of his glum face she suppressed a sigh. The outfit looked far more expensive than it was, and Joe was annoyed that Gloria had used some of the money that she said they desperately needed on such an outfit for herself, and new clothes for Ben too.
‘Say something, Joe,’ Gloria pleaded. ‘How do I look? Will I do?’
Joe thought that Gloria was absolutely stunning, like some sort of film star. Few would believe that she was a wife and mother who lived in a small and primitive cottage in the North of Ireland. And suddenly that annoyed him.
So what he said was, ‘And how much did that little lot cost you?’
Gloria was upset because she knew she looked good and she had wanted Joe to be proud of her, and so she snapped back, ‘Not as much as if I had bought a ready-made rag in the town.’
‘Ah, yes, but none of the dresses that suit every other woman was good enough for you, were they?’ said Joe mockingly.
Gloria noted Joe’s glowering face as she said rather sadly, ‘No, no, they weren’t, and I make no excuse for that. It’s the type of person I am. The person you married.’
She turned away and made for the bedroom to change back into her everyday clothes.
Joe was sorry now that he said the harsh and scornful words; sorry he had dimmed the light in her eyes. He almost called her back and said so, but he hesitated too long, and Gloria shut the door behind her and the moment was lost.
For all that, Gloria enjoyed the wedding. She had met all the family the evening before at Molly’s house, and the next morning she took her place in the church beside Ben. She saw Mark, the nervous young groom that she had met the previous night, get to his feet with his best man as the strains of the Wedding March were heard. She turned her head to see her beautiful niece begin the walk down the aisle arm in arm with Tom, and it was the absolute pride in Tom’s eyes that brought tears springing to her own.
The couple stood before the altar, facing one another, and the love they had for each other seemed to radiate out of them. This gave Gloria a cold feeling in her heart because she realised that she didn’t feel that way for Joe any more. But, she told herself sternly, this wasn’t about her but about the young couple at the altar, and she pushed her own problems aside and prayed earnestly for their happiness.
At the reception later, she had many comments and compliments about her clothes. Ben too was as smart as paint, for Gloria had bought him a proper little grey suit and, worn with a pure white shirt and a striped tie, it looked the business. Gloria realised that Helen had been right about the difficulties of getting anything halfway decent to wear in war-torn Britain at that time. She thought Molly had been very sensible to take Mark’s mother up on the offer of borrowing her wedding dress.
Molly looked a picture in it too, for she was a very beautiful girl, Gloria thought, and couldn’t have been more welcoming. She also liked her brother, Kevin, who took Ben under his wing immediately, as he said he’d promised his Uncle Joe he would.
But it was Aggie Gloria was totally intrigued by. She was like an older version of Molly, and Gloria thought must have been a real stunner when she had been younger. She was still extremely attractive and, with the life she had led for years, Gloria considered that was truly amazing. She also found Aggie to be just as kind and gentle as Joe had said, with no bitterness in her at all.
Her eyes seemed to dance in her head, especially when she gazed across the room at Paul. That night, in bed in Molly’s house, Gloria examined her feelings about Joe. She still cared for him. She had been worried about him over the whole Finch business, for example, but she certainly didn’t feel the same way about him as she had once upon a time. It was as if the love between them had melted away. And she suddenly felt sad and lonely.
Gloria had been home four weeks when there was a letter from Aggie. Joe read it as he ate the breakfast that Gloria made for him and Ben before she left for work. ‘Aggie and Paul are getting married,’ Joe said.
‘Well, that’s no surprise,’ Gloria said. ‘When is it?’
‘The twenty-third of October.’
‘Great!’ Ben burst out. ‘Can I go? Will Kevin be there as well, like last time?’
‘Kevin will undoubtedly be there,’ Joe said. ‘But I don’t know if we’re going yet.’
‘Why not?’ Ben and Gloria said together.
‘These things have to be considered.’
‘What is there to consider?’ Gloria said. ‘Your sister is getting married and she wants you there, and really that is all there is to it.’
‘Well, there’s the farm to see to.’
‘Ask Jack McEvoy again,’ Gloria suggested. ‘I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. He said he enjoyed himself last time. And it’s not as if the McEvoy family will be asked to Aggie’s wedding. I mean, they barely know her. In fact, I hardly know her either so I shan’t mind staying here if you and Ben want to go on your own.’
‘Don’t you want to come?’
‘It’s not a qu
estion of wanting or not wanting,’ Gloria said. ‘It’s the practicalities of it. Look, I have to go soon or I’ll miss the train. I haven’t time to discuss this, but it would make sense for me to stay here. It’s a lot to expect Jack to come here and do the milking and go home without a bite to eat. And then I would have to book the time off work and take the loss in pay.’
‘So,’ Joe said truculently, ‘your job comes before your family?’
‘I didn’t say that,’ Gloria protested. ‘Nor meant it either, but if you want to take that attitude then I can do nothing about it. Nor can I discuss it any more because I will be late for work.’
Helen laughed when she saw her friend’s disgruntled face as they met at the station to catch the train to work. ‘What’s up with you?’ she said. ‘Got out of bed the wrong side?’
‘Definitely, I think,’ Gloria said, and told Helen of the letter that had arrived that morning and of the words she had had with Joe over it. Helen couldn’t see the problem. ‘Why can’t you both go together?’ she said. ‘We can cope for a few days without you.’
‘I suppose,’ Gloria said, struggling to be honest. ‘The truth is, I don’t want to go anywhere with Joe at the moment, and particularly nowhere near his family.’
Helen was perplexed. ‘But why not? You said you enjoyed Molly’s wedding and they couldn’t have been more welcoming.’
‘I did, and they were. But just at the minute, I don’t want to go into the midst of Joe’s family and pretend everything is fine and dandy between us when it isn’t. They’ll soon work that out.’
‘You have just had a few words, that’s all.’
‘No,’ Gloria said. ‘I don’t mean just now. I realised at Molly’s wedding that my feelings for Joe had changed.’
‘In what way?’
‘The most basic way there is, Helen,’ Gloria said. ‘I don’t think I love Joe any more, and it is nothing to do with the odd spat. It’s far deeper and more important than that. I feel concern for him, the same as I would feel for a friend, but the love just isn’t there any more. It’s like a dead marriage.’
‘I feel so sorry for you, Gloria,’ Helen said. ‘You have been through such a lot to get to this point.’
‘I know that,’ Gloria cried. ‘In a way that makes the whole thing worse. I mean, I probably wouldn’t be here today if he hadn’t rescued me at the docks over twenty years ago. And after Daddy killed himself, Joe was marvellous. I don’t honestly know what Mother and I would have done without him. So I know what I owe Joe, and I’m grateful to him and respect him as the father of my child, but I don’t think I love him, and the realisation of that hurts me.’
‘I really don’t know what to say,’ Helen replied. ‘Have you talked to Joe about this? Asked how he feels?’
‘Helen, Joe is a man,’ Gloria said. ‘And you know what that means. He probably isn’t aware that there is a problem.’
Joe did know, however, and he was saddened to see the marriage that he once thought so wonderful falling apart around his ears. But he had no idea what to do about it, and so as one week slid into the other he hoped that it would right itself eventually.
However, the situation got worse instead of better. They tried not to argue in front of Ben – in fact, they seldom argued – but Ben could often feel the antagonism in the air.
And so when his mother steadfastly refused to travel to Birmingham for Aggie’s wedding, although Ben expressed regret, secretly he was pleased. There would just be him and his dad, and his dad was always in a better mood when his mother was not around.
* * *
In fact, while Ben and his father were enjoying the delights of the wedding reception, Gloria was at a dance put on for local people by the servicemen at the camp. Gloria and Helen had heard about it about three weeks after the letter had come inviting them to Aggie’s wedding, when Joan asked them if they would come to serve up the food. ‘You will get paid, and generously,’ she encouraged. ‘I’ve done it a few times.’
Gloria looked across at Helen, read the excited anticipation in her face and knew she wanted to do it. She also knew that it was same day as the wedding and so there was nothing stopping her either, so she said, ‘I don’t think we’d mind, but the trains don’t run much after dusk.’
‘Oh, they’ll fetch you,’ Joan said. ‘I’m sure they will because they bring in women from the outlying areas anyway.’
‘Oh, well, I’ll do it then,’ Gloria said.
‘And me,’ said Helen. ‘I shall look forward to it.’
Returning to the counter for the midday rush, Helen said, ‘Are you going to mention this to Joe?’
‘Are you kidding?’ Gloria said. ‘And give the old moaner something else to gripe about? I’m telling him nothing and what he doesn’t know can do him no harm.’
‘I wonder why they are having it here anyway,’ Helen said, as they began serving vegetables to the men in the queue.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, a couple of the girls told me the Guild Hall in Derry was the place to go,’ Helen said.
A young sailor, hearing this, said, ‘Have you been to the Guild Hall?’
‘That’s hardly likely when we live six miles in the opposite direction,’ Gloria said drily. ‘What’s wrong with it?’
‘It’s all this waltz and foxtrot rubbish.’
‘What sort of dancing do you do then?’ Helen asked with a smile. ‘The cancan?’
‘No, don’t be silly,’ the sailor said. ‘We jitterbug.’
‘What’s jitterbugging, when it’s at home?’ said Gloria.
‘Just about the greatest fun in the world, that’s what,’ said the first man’s neighbour in the queue. ‘We are going to show these Derry girls a good time.’
‘I can’t wait to see what this jitterbugging is all about,’ Gloria said when the sailors had moved away.
Morrisey, arriving at the counter at that moment, overheard what Gloria said and asked, ‘Are you two ladies going to be at the dance?’
‘Yes,’ Gloria said. ‘But only to serve the food.’
‘Oh, I’m sure there will be ample time for a dance or two.’
‘We wouldn’t have the least idea how to do those sorts of dances anyway,’ Gloria said.
‘I would like to wager that most of the women who come here the night of the dance won’t have the least idea either, but it’s easy to learn.’
‘I’ll take your word for it,’ Gloria said. ‘But I think I will stay behind the counter.’
‘Ah, we’ll see,’ said Morrisey, with a large wink to them both.
The day of the dance the canteen was unrecognisable. Bands of men had been decorating it all day with streamers and balloons and such, but when Helen and Gloria went in that night, the room was transformed.
A wide stage had been set up at one end, and bandsmen with their brass instruments were taking their places on it. In front of this a large area of the floor had been left clear, obviously for dancing, and around the edges on both sides were some of the canteen tables, now with white cloths on them and lit candles at their centres.
When the music began it was new and vibrant, some of the tunes reminiscent of the jazz that Gloria had enjoyed in New York. She watched the sailors teaching the Derry women to jitterbug and longed to be amongst them, for it was music a person would love to dance to.
But the evening wore on and the canteen workers were kept very busy. Eventually the crowds thinned out a little, though the bar set up to the side of the room was still doing a roaring trade and the dancing seemed to get wilder and wilder.
‘I should say some of these women will have sore heads in the morning,’ Gloria said to Helen.
‘You could be right,’ Helen replied. ‘Some of them seem crazy about the Americans. I was talking to a girl the other day and she said that when they came here first, it was like Hollywood had come to Derry.’
Gloria laughed. ‘When in actual fact they are just men and, like any other men, after one th
ing. If the girls allow their heads to be turned, they are silly. D’you think we can start clearing away now? This lot will be finished in half an hour or so.’
‘I think so,’ said Helen. ‘The food is more or less gone, and tea and coffee don’t seem to be the preferred drinks just now.’
‘No indeed,’ Gloria smiled. ‘Come on then. We’ll get this done in no time.’
It was as they were putting away the last of the dishes that Morrisey came to find Gloria. Meadows was with him, but it was he who spoke to Gloria. ‘I’ve come to claim the dance I promised you earlier.’
‘I gave you your answer then,’ Gloria said. ‘I don’t know how to do dancing like this.’
‘Your friend doesn’t seem to have such inhibitions,’ Morrisey said. He was right, for Gloria saw with astonishment that Helen had allowed herself to be swept up and out onto the makeshift dance floor with Meadows.
Gloria shrugged. ‘She is a free agent.’
‘Mrs Sullivan,’ Morrisey said, ‘I am suggesting dancing with you, not making love to you. Being married surely doesn’t preclude having fun?’
Oh, yes it does, Gloria might have said. Certainly in my case.
She didn’t say this, but it did set light to a little spark of defiance. She would be doing no harm dancing with a man, and wasn’t it what she’d longed to do all evening? ‘You’ll have to show me how,’ she said.
‘It will be my pleasure,’ said Morrisey. ‘Trust me in this. You will pick it up in no time.’
And Gloria did pick it up and found that she thoroughly enjoyed herself. She hesitated when the last waltz was announced, but when Morrisey drew her into his arms she went without protest. Strangely, she felt comfortable there, as if it was the right place to be, as if she had come home at last, and she fought the longing she had to lay her head on Morrisey’s shoulder.
