“One more reason to put off breeding. You know so much about it. You must have spent a lot of time down there.”
He nodded. “Monster City is a good place for half breeds. That’s the most civilized point of contact with the assassins, thieves, poisoners, saboteurs—”
“I get the idea. Do you think that you’ll be able to pick up clues about who attempted to kill Sorsha there?”
He cocked his head. “You. They attempted to kill you. Yes. I’m taking the dart with me. We’ll go once you’re on your way to your dad’s home.”
“You’re taking Lucien?”
He shrugged. “I was referring to Takeo’s team of highly skilled bodyguards. Ambassadors get guards, you know. We’re very important. Can’t be kidnapped or tortured.”
“Spyguy, how is Sean’s aunt doing?”
Sean glanced over at Spyguy before refocusing on driving.
“Psychotic, homicidal, just fine.”
“I want to talk to her.”
“I have a video stream I can begin at any time.” He flipped open a black sphere and after prodding it in elaborate patterns with his slender fingers, a holograph of the dark-haired woman sprang up between us.
She was startled, dropping the writing implement she’d been using to draw on a peach colored stone pillar.
“Hi. How are things?” I asked.
She narrowed her eyes and turned back to her work, which was apparently a lot of math, pictures of dead bodies, and a language I didn’t know.
“Excuse me, are you doing well?” I tried again. She didn’t even glance at me or acknowledge me in any way.
“You can do this all day,” Spyguy said with a twitch of his lips.
I tried one last time. “Do you have a message for your sister?”
She looked over her shoulder at me and her eyes were so haunted. What had she seen that had made her like this? Spyguy shut off the feed and tucked the sphere away.
“I wasn’t finished yet.”
“She was about to launch into a tirade against all civilization. I don’t want her to corrupt you. You might decide to wipe out an entire province.”
I scowled at him. I wasn’t ever going to live that down. Not that I shouldn’t constantly be reminded of what I was capable of. Focus. Control. That was my purpose that weekend. I worked hard and didn’t have any fun at all. To make up for the week before, I also didn’t put on a grand concert. I didn’t look for heads in the water and I didn’t ask if anyone was there. Denial was a hobby of mine. It was funny, but I hadn’t ever gone into the water around Siren’s Rock. Maybe I had enough water all week. No, that wasn’t it. It was more like I knew that if I went in the water I’d be really and truly declaring that I was a Siren, that I owned these waters, that I belonged in them.
I wasn’t ready to be the mother of monsters. I wasn’t ready to save a people I didn’t know, not when I couldn’t save myself.
Back in Cierdeep, I had Monday like usual, interning, training, homework, and studying lineage then Tuesday was the exam. We both wore blue because everyone wore blue to the lineage exam, not because it brought out Sean’s eyes and he looked even more magnificent than usual, all golden and pouty with ice blue eyes.
The exam room was a grotto with smooth pale walls. Written on the walls were the blank charts where our ancestor’s names would go.
We walked in together, and then I took my pen thing and he took his and we went to work. I went to the trunk and stared at it. Sean’s father was Reeve Fielding. His mother was Loren the Vashni Queen. I’d gone over it a million times. I knew the stories, the names, some of the dates, but staring at the chart, my mind went completely blank. Many of Sean’s ancestors had been kings, kings who were fair, unjust, brutal, kind, or any number of other characteristics, but they’d all been strong. Strong kings, strong men. Sean would be an incredible king, an incredible husband.
What was the name of his grandfather, the one we’d attached links to? Why couldn’t I remember that, or the great-great uncle who had… What had he done? Something about defeating Soremni against a revolt from the Deepness monsters. They’d broken out of the places where they’d been working the grow fields. Some places they blew up the fields with afrateau, other times they just ran, fleeing into the Deepness, disappearing.
Sean would be a great king, bringing equality to the entire underwater world. He’d stand against corruption and evil, while making everything work properly. Why couldn’t I remember anything? I stared at that wall and images came into my head, battles where the blood was so thick in the water you couldn’t see your own hand, screaming monsters that should be singing but that was forbidden. Monster song was dangerous. There might be a Siren among them, a Siren who could change the tides, upset the balance, destroy what the Soremni considered theirs.
Wars. Slavery. Torture. Thoughtless killing. Starvation. Act after act of horrible brutality while my monsters screamed.
“Gen, I’m finished.” Sean put his hand on my shoulder. I dropped the stylus and turned to crash against his chest. His heart beat calmly beneath my cheek.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t remember anything. It’s stupid anyway, not real.”
He stiffened like I’d whipped him with a tentacle. I straightened so I could look at him. He’d gone pale and his eyes kind of bright, but his mouth curved into a smile. “That’s right. It’s not real. We’d better go or we’ll miss our ship.”
He turned and left me to float there, heart aching and mind moving too slowly. He thought I meant that the Soremni marriage customs weren’t real. I’d meant the screaming monsters, hadn’t I? I followed, glancing back at the empty graph that had betrayed me. I still couldn’t remember any of them and if I tried, the monster screams came back.
Chapter 33
He didn’t talk on our trip home. I wore a red sheath dress and heels. Spyguy was off to Monster City. Everything was normal, but it felt wrong. Wrong wrong. Not just a little bit off, like we weren’t quite in tune, but like I was working on a pop song while he was going off on an experimental jazz tangent. Experimental jazz tangent sounded so cool. I mean, when I held his hand, he squeezed it and stayed there for a minute or two before finding something else to do with his hand. He read a lot. He had things to read. Important things. Real things. I should just tell him. Definitely. I should just blurt it out. ‘Sorry I didn’t remember your family. I was temporarily rendered insane by images of all the near genocide enacted by your relatives on mine.’ Yeah, that would help.
Spyguy would understand. Or Lucien. Or anyone who wasn’t there. No, they’d all call me crazy. Maybe I was. Maybe this was the beginning of them needing to execute me on Siren’s Rock.
I pulled out my black box and started a composition. ‘Crazy.’ I needed to get the monster screams out, turn them into something I could deal with. Heavy rock metal base. Perfect. Strings. Lots of strings all playing different slightly discordant threads. I glanced at Sean’s ice sculpture profile. More discordant. It’s not like we didn’t joke about it all the time, our fake Vashni marriage, so why was he so upset about me completely disregarding his entire genealogy, culture and customs?
I bent over and thudded my head on my knees before I sat up quickly. I was a pulled together Soremni/Vashni/Monster/Cleaver/Intern person. Sheath dress, see? Clearly pulled together even if my identity crisis was having an identity crisis. Heels. No one wore heels who wasn’t completely on her game. And my game was…
I sighed and focused on the guitars. Louder. No, softer. More of them. None of them. I put boxie back in my bag and stared out the window for the rest of the trip. It would be good to see my dad. And Flop. Man, I missed Flop. She knew about relationships. She would give me good advice about how to get Sean to forgive me for everything. Not that he should. He would anyway. If he could forgive me for Terramore, he could forgive me for forgetting about his family. Not that I could forget about the blood they’d shed. I could still taste it.
Once we touched down at the airport, Sean
was moving, gathering up his tech screens and boxes. I moved a little slower, getting my bag and heading down the ladder to the gunmetal Maserati that waited for me. Sean was already in the car, engine idling.
I took a deep breath and ducked inside. “Thanks for waiting.”
He raised his eyebrow but didn’t say anything.
“I mean because I was slow and you were fast.”
Nothing.
“What time is the first event? Are we going to my dad’s house first to hang out before all the Fielding stuff?”
“I’ll drop you off at your house while I take care of business. I’ll have meetings with my supporters all evening.”
“Okay. Sure. What time will you come home? Do you want me to wait up for you?”
“I’ll spend the night at Fielding.”
And that was that. Not quite. When he pulled up at the curb in front of my house, I thought he’d just take off, but he walked me up the sidewalk and went inside to talk to my dad for a few minutes. It was all game chat, stats, plan for upcoming games, and overall strategy. Sean was charming, warm, polite, and all other things you’d want in a son-in-law.
When he headed back out, he kissed my cheek, gave me a delicious warm smile and left. He hadn’t been that warm on the plane. It was a show for my dad’s benefit. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he’d just been focused on the plane. There was a lot to think about, to worry about. There was the embassy to Monster City. He was in almost constant contact with Spyguy, and there was the Terramore rebuild, and the suit the Examiner had put against Sean, and the monsters being placed in different cities and protesters and financing the games and the rebuild and my elevator.
I made spaghetti with my dad while we chatted about things. It was good to be home, really good, but it didn’t feel like home without Sean.
“How is the internship going?” My dad asked as he dried dishes while I washed them.
“Okay. I’m learning a lot.”
“What about the Soremni marriage? How’s it going?”
I winced. “It’s great.”
“When are you going to get married up here? I expected you to have a ring or something by now.”
“It hasn’t been that long.”
A sharp knock on the door ended that fun conversation. I pulled the plug in the sink and headed to let Flop in. She squealed and threw her arms around me.
“I haven’t seen you for years! You’re so pale and your eyebrows are perfect. Does Spyguy do them? I’ll have to get him to do mine. Mom sent a pie. She made too many. I can’t spend too long here because I have family over, but I had to see you. Come on, we have so much to talk about!”
She dragged me upstairs while I laughed and my dad shook his head slightly. In my room, she closed the door and leaned against it, suddenly serious.
“How are things with Sean?”
I made a face before I smiled brightly.
“What happened?” She flopped onto my bed like she had all the time in the world. I sat in my computer chair and propped up my feet beside her legs.
“I don’t know. It’s so complicated.”
“What’s so complicated? Are you still together?”
“Of course.”
“Then what’s the problem? Not sure if you’re ready for the next level of commitment?”
I sighed. “I’m obsessed with Oliver and getting mixed up with all sorts of other things. We’ve agreed not to breed. We’re not Vashni married for real. The Soremni stuff is more for media and the cause than us.”
“Is that your opinion, his, or are you projecting what you think he thinks instead of actually listening to him? I’ve talked to Junie way more than I’ve talked to you. You don’t ever take your phone anywhere, do you?”
I shrugged.
“I know you’ve been insanely busy. Like insanely, and I’m terrible company because I’m so obsessed with Fred. Junie has told me enough times. Did you know that she’s going to make out with Dean this weekend, and if it works out, she’s going on a date with him?”
I gasped and leaned forward, almost losing my chair. “You’re kidding. Wait, isn’t that backwards? Don’t you date and then make-out?”
“You know Junie. She has to be in control. If it’s conventional, she’s got to shake things up. Fred talks to Dean sometimes but Dean hasn’t mentioned his thoughts on the topic.”
“Maybe Junie hasn’t told him.”
Her honey brown eyebrows shot up. “That’s completely possible. I wish I could see his reaction.”
“You want to watch Junie and Dean make out?”
She giggled. “Junie hasn’t really kissed a lot of guys, you know. Her and Tuba were strictly pecking.”
“I still don’t understand why Junie would start with making out.”
“She says it will save time. She can see if they have any chemistry and get it out of the way.”
I sighed. “That never would have worked with Sean. He took forever to warm up.”
“And you’re having problems, right? Tell me about it.”
I was quiet for a long time. What was the problem? “It’s actually just fine, except I kind of insulted him on accident this morning while we were at the temple in the ancestor’s room. I was supposed to fill in his whole family but I couldn’t remember anything past his dad. Nothing. It was a total blank.” I wasn’t going to tell her about the monster blood.
“So you messed up your part. Well that happens. You’ll have to study harder and try again.”
I shrugged. “I studied. I can remember everything now, but facing that wall I couldn’t remember one name. It’s not just that. Afterwards I said ‘it’s not like it’s real,’ and Sean got really stiff.”
“Isn’t he always stiff?”
“Yeah, but this was a hurt kind of stiff. Like I’d really hurt his feelings because I don’t take these marriage customs seriously. It’s so weird. I’m doing them, but I can’t get married until I get over the obsession and the compulsion.”
“What if it never ends?”
I stared at her and felt suddenly sick.
She shrugged her shoulders. “You don’t know when or if it ever will end. I’m sorry, but someone had to say it. So, you’re sleeping together. Junie told me. Every night, but you don’t feel like you’re ready for marriage. I personally feel strongly about sex belonging inside marriage. It’s healthy physically and psychologically, but if the two of you feel differently, I can respect that. The thing is, I’m not sure why you’re putting off marriage if you’re already living and sleeping together unless you think it won’t last.”
“We’re sleeping together like sleeping. Drooling, snoring, stealing the sheets, that kind of sleeping. We’re holding off on breeding. I can’t believe I just said that.” I covered my face and groaned.
She sat up and stared at me. “How is that possible?”
“I always put him to sleep. It’s my super power.”
“I could never sleep with Fred without needing more. Maybe one night we wouldn’t get to sex, maybe two, but month after month? And you don’t have your parents around to say anything. There’s something seriously wrong with you.”
I laughed and laughed for a long time. “You think that’s what’s wrong with me? Oh, Flop, I love you so much.”
“I’m serious. There’s an insanely strong biological drive to procreate. For guys in particular.”
“Wow. This is a fun conversation. He’s in control all the time. He’s Sean Fielding. Control is like his identifying characteristic. I love that you still are obsessed with guys and making out, even if you stick to Fred. Are you guys still on course with your five year plan?”
She sighed. “No. We’re getting married in the spring. After one year of college, I’m ready to settle down. He’s in business school and doing a program in accounting. Did I tell you? I’m so proud of him. I only see him weekends. We won’t have kids right away, not until school is finished. That’s the new plan.”
“Spring. That’s so soon.
You’re so young. Are you ready?”
“No. But you’re never ready for that kind of thing. I know Fred. I know who he is and I love him to pieces. He’s not perfect. He still struggles with a lot of things, but he’s tough. He’s persistent. He hasn’t given up on me even after we’ve been dating for this long without sex.”
“Is sex that important?”
“Of course. It’s not the most important thing, but I can’t believe that Sean isn’t incredibly frustrated right now, and not just because you forgot a few names.”
“All of them. Never mind. How are classes going?”
We talked about classes, and Flop had a lot to say about my double, Gertie, who hadn’t gotten into any fights all semester. Then she started talking about Fred, his business, his classes, his car, his job, how hard he worked and how sweet he was, and how she couldn’t wait until spring and how the whole thing was planned to the last detail. Did I want to see it all? Of course I did.
We looked at wedding dresses, cakes, decorations, invitations, menus, favors, maid-of-honor toasts and a million other things that made me dizzy. Not with being overwhelmed, but with aching. I wanted that dress, the one with the gauzy over-sleeves and the long, satin skirt. I wanted the cake decorated with real roses. I wanted the bouquet in shades of blue and white, like Sean’s eyes. Blue brides-maid’s dresses. Blue and white with a touch of red roses, maybe a red ring pillow. We’d have the wedding in the old church with the old pastor. Solid. Traditional. A marriage that would last forever.
“Man, look at the time. I’ve got to run, Gen. Look, tomorrow will be insane, but Friday, let’s go shopping, get smoothies, round up Junie and get the details of her Dean attack.”
I laughed and walked with her down the stairs. I saw her out and then walked into the living room where my dad was watching sports while he sat on the hideous floral couch.
“Dad, I’m going to go to the dojo for a little while.”
“Do you want me to come?”
“No. You’re tired. I just miss it sometimes, bare feet on dry wood. I had air rooms, but it’s not the same.”
Water Games (Watergirl Book 4) Page 29
