I hear an audible ‘ew’ come from Savannah’s mouth. Lick, doing what he does best, has some chick’s legs spread open, one over the back of the couch while the other one rests on the floor. His face is between her legs making her moan in delight. She scrapes her nails of the smooth skin of his head. The coloring of those nails is telling. I know their Kara’s. She always dons the hot pink and black nails with glittery shit on the pinky.
“That’s gross.” Savannah says as she continues to watch. Kara’s head comes off the couch as she comes, I’m sure. Her eyes open and they land on us. On Savannah in particular and a scowl appears on her face, her eyes narrow as she glares at me. She’s going to be a problem. “Oh, my God, did she just have an orgasm?”
I chuckle. “Yep.”
“In front of all these people?”
“It looks like it, sugar.” She physically shudders. “Are you okay?” I ask as I pull her into me. She nods against my chest.
“Who are all these people? I didn’t realize the club’s this big.”
“It isn’t, but it’s the weekend and neighboring charters tend to come in and hang out on the weekends.” I tell her the names as I point each one of them out.
“How have I not known about any of this?”
“My mom’s house is sound proof for this reason.”
“Yeah.” Hawk speaks up. “The clubhouse can get pretty loud. Devin Sr. had the walls of the house soundproofed when we were younger.”
“I figured it is because of the empty lot between the clubhouse and her house.”
“Nope, it’s the walls.” I interject.
“So these women, are they all the club whores?”
“Not whores, Savannah, they’re The Fallen. I’ve told you this.” Hawk’s voices come up from behind us.
“So these women are The Fallen, huh? They’re the ones who’ve been watching me, sneering at me?” She questions.
“They’re sort of like a fan club. They don’t like new meat on their territory. You can’t take them too personally.” Hawk adds. Savannah glances at him, not impressed.
“They’re part of the club?”
“No, not part of the club, they aren’t patched in. We don’t have women in this charter. If you see a woman they’re usually someone’s old lady, they’ve been invited by a member of the club, or they’re one of The Fallen.”
“Why are they called The Fallen?” She asks.
“Because they’re always fallin’ on our dicks, or on their backs. It seemed fitting at the time.” Hawk says laughing.
“Because they’re always fallin' on our dicks, or on their backs. It seemed fitting at the time.” Hawk says it laughing because it’s funny, but to me, it’s disgusting. This is not me, this type of life, music blaring, and sex everywhere. This is not how I grew up. You didn’t grow up getting beat, either.
I start to back away. I would rather sit with Cut than watch all this play out.
“Hey, hey, Savannah, stop.” Sin tries to grab my arm.
“I need to go lay down.” I look at Hawk who just shrugs his shoulders and then walks away. “Do you do this?” I ask Sin pointing to the women on the floor. The guys, the ones who were watching from the bar are all on the dance floor, grabbing at the women, sliding their hands up their shirts, down their pants.
“Am I an exhibitionist? No.”
“Well, at least there’s that.
“Do I have sex with these women–”
“Who do we have here?” A woman, one with ink black hair, the same one who was on the couch with Lick approaches us. “Is she new?” Her eyebrow arches as she rubs her hands up and down Sin’s arm. I step away, hoping she doesn’t feel like she can touch me. “I’ve never seen her around here before.” She's playing like she hasn’t seen me around before, but she has. I know because she’s always been the one who’s been on the forefront of the sneering and dirty looks. The fact that she’s touching Sin and he isn’t pulling away tells me that she trying to prove to me who she is to him.
“Are you a new Fallen, sugar?” Sugar, the name Sin has called me time and time again is more like poison from her mouth than the sweetness the name portrays from him.
“Hell no!” I say, totally disgusted by her insinuation.
“Back off, Kara. Savannah’s of no interest to you.”
“Oh, Sin, honey, she’s touching you, so that means there is some interest to me.”
“Kara.” Sin’s warning tone doesn’t deter her.
“Come on, Sin baby, I’ve got to know who my competition might be, seeing as though my legs were wrapped around your waist only a few short days ago.”
Well, that answers my question. Sin does have sex with these women. Why am I surprised? How can I not be? This is his life; this is how he chooses to live. Me being here, his charity case, is no reason for him to change who he is. It doesn’t answer why he’s been so adamant that I stay here. Maybe he is the way he is because he sees me as a new start. I know he isn’t very happy here, that this isn’t the life he really wants to live; he’s just doing it because there isn’t anything else for him to live for. He stays here out of loyalty to his family, because he doesn’t have anything else to be loyal to. I look Kara right in the eyes.
“Matthew, honey." I practically coo his name. "I think I need to lie down. The baby’s making me tired.” Once I see the jealously cloud her browns eyes, I look up to Sin. “You think you can get me a bottle of water and bring it to your room while I rest?”
She steps back, letting go of Sin’s arm in the process. “She’s pregnant? Are you kidding me? She’s fucking pregnant! Is that why she’s been staying at your mother’s house?” She screeches.
You know in the movies when something happens at the exact moment the music stops and at little incident becomes heard by everyone in the area. Yeah, that’s what just happened.
Sin doesn’t pay any mind to Kara, or to the many eyes that are all focused on us. “I’ll be right behind you, sugar.”
“How is this even possible?” Kara demands as she follows me to the back. I should have known once I heard the clicking of her stilettos that I was going to have a problem.
“How is what possible?” I play stupid, but honestly, I don’t need to give her an explanation or the time of day. She knows her place in the club, they all do.
“We were just together, Matthew–”
I swing around. Who the fuck does she think she is, using my formal name? Never, not since the day my father branded me with Sin has any one affiliated with the club called me Matthew, my mother and brother excluded. I’ve been Sin since before any of The Fallen entered the complex.
“What the fuck, Kara? Why do you think you have the right to let that name roll off your tongue? Huh?” By the look on her face, she knows I'm pissed. My blood pumps through my veins in a furious beat.
“Well, um.” She stutters, taking a step back as I proceed to step forward. “I just figured…”
“You figured wrong, bitch. You need to remember your place and realize that you’re nothing but a warm hole to fill, nothing more and nothing less. You’ve made yourself that; it’s no one’s fault but your own. You’re an easy lay, and that’s all you’ll ever be, for me and every other member of this charter. If you thought you’d be more, then you went about it all wrong. The first time you laid on that back of yours and spread your legs was the first of many bad decisions on your part. Especially if you thought in the end, you would be wearing a brother’s brand. Aint no member of this club gonna claim you, Kara. That ship has long sailed.”
“Why her? Why her and not me?”
I hadn’t realized that her outburst about Savannah’s baby was because she thought it was mine. I’m by no means dumb. Being a member of an MC doesn’t mean I don’t have brain cells. I run the business end of the club. I design and create some badass machinery on a computer system; I don’t just draw that shit by hand. I formulate the crap outta that shit. It becomes clear to me though that I'd totally missed what ju
st went on back there. Savannah’s sly mention of the baby and Kara’s outburst is total elementary bullshit and I just figured it out. She sees Kara as a threat, and she laid claim on me by mentioning the baby. She failed to mention the baby isn’t mine, but some other asswipe’s.
“She’s everything you’re not, plain and simple.”
“You never give anyone a chance to be more, Sin. You’ve always been brooding and closed off. You’ve always had this chip on your shoulder. The only way any of us could get close to you is if we were down on our knees sucking you off. How can anyone even have a chance?”
“Do you give Lick or any of the other guys this much shit, Kara? Do you? Because if I remember correctly it was Lick who had your snatch in his mouth about fifteen minutes ago. Go bitch at him because I have no desire to partake in your tantrum. Not today or any other day in the future for that matter. You need to step off and remember your place or you’ll be out on your ass without an invitation back.”
I know my words are hurtful since she's only trying to belong. We all are. That’s the main reason why my father and a few of his friends started the MC, to belong. We’ve seen it for decades, gangs forming and coming together in a sense of brotherhood and they aren’t wrong. A gang is a group of friends with similar interests who come together and do things—together. Yeah, most of the definitions talk about crime and gang wars and all that shit, but the fact is, the first use of the word gang was back in 1856, it’s true, I looked it up. Back in those days, they didn’t know anything about Crips, and Bloods, or the Bulldogs; it was about coming together to be as one.
The Fallen aren’t that much different from the guys in our MC. They’re a group, maybe a gang, but they’re just spiteful, full of estrogen, evil acting, and cliquey, monthly freak out type of gang. Still, they are The Fallen.
They each want to feel as if they belong and they do that by being here, willing and able when we want to get down and dirty and don’t have the time or desire to make the effort and go and find the pussy. It’s harsh, many people, mostly women balk at the fact, but it’s the truth. They’re here because they want to be here. There’s been too many of them who’ve graced these walls over the past twenty plus years to prove otherwise. Because of this MC, many of them have learned who they are as a person, many of them know what they are willing to do for dick, and some of them have realized that being part of The Fallen is not what they want out of life. To each their own. Kara, she is and has always been prime Fallen material. She does her private life thing, works or whatever, but she’s in the clubhouse for more hours then she isn’t, which only says one thing. She has no one, just us. Threatening who she is to this club might be a chicken shit thing to do, but in order to make her obey, I have to threaten what she holds dear, and it’s her title as one of The Fallen.
Tension burns in my shoulders as I make my way down the hall towards my room. I open the door and see Savannah sprawled out on my bed, clicking through the channels on the television. Her hand is slowly moving over her stomach, the action making her shirt move, exposing her stomach. As of right now, her stomach is flat, firm. You'd never know there was a baby, growing safely under the flatness of her abdomen. I approach her and hand her the bottle of water.
"What?" she asks, innocently, noticing my glare.
"What do you mean what? Do you think I'm stupid, Savannah?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Sin."
She takes a drink of the water. I watch her throat bob as she swallows. She closes her eyes while the cool liquid makes its way into her body, a soft sound of pleasure coming from her lips. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. "You don't? Why did you imply that I’m the baby's father?"
"I didn't, not really." She smiles.
"Well, you sure as shit didn't make it sound like I wasn't."
"I don't need to explain anything to her, or any of The Fallen for that matter."
"I'm not saying you do." I sit down on the bed next to her, smacking my hand against her hip so she’ll scoot over. "I don't need that shit flying through the club. Or around town for that matter."
"Why? You afraid you won't get any action from the club whores?"
I laugh. "I know you're not from this life, but you have to know, those girls out there don't give a shit if someone's married, let alone expecting a child. As long as they get to continue to do what they're here for. They don't give a shit about anything else."
"It seems like it mattered to Kara."
"Yeah, well, sometimes the girls need to get a little reminder as to who they are. Kara just got that, thanks to you."
"She likes you."
"It's doesn't matter. She wouldn't be the first. Whatever she may or may not feel for me doesn't give you any reason to imply that I'm the father."
"It's sad. Her desperation, it's so obvious." I’m not sure if I like the look of jealously on Savannah.
"It's not sad. It is what it is. Again, you’re not from here. You don't know the life and for some people it isn't for them. This life works for Kara, just like it works for the other girls that spend their time around the club."
"Does it really work for you?" I turn to stare at her. The youth is evident on her make-up free face. Her blue eyes sparkle, something that I've noticed is more prominent lately. When she first arrived, her eyes appeared dead. Soul, broken and bruised. The recent change to her hair color brings out the soft dusting of freckles across her delicate nose. Her sweetness is so evident, she screams honesty. She embodies purity I will never be able to experience. She may have lived a hellish life for the past four years, but she hasn't let it tarnish who she is. She’s someone I can never have. I am Sin, biker, killer, and coward. I am not worthy of the love I'm sure she possesses.
"I was born into this life, Savannah. This is my family. This is who I am. Who I have to be. Who I’ll always be.”
"Just because you were born into the life, doesn't mean you have to continue to live it. That's the plus of it being your life, and not anyone else's. It's yours to live. Do you think your brother and mother would love you any less if you chose to be someone other than Sin? If you chose to be Matthew Sinclair, designer, fabricator, brother and son. Someone other than just a biker. Someone you want to be. This isn’t who you have to be. What happened? What happened to you that you think you have to live a life that's expected by others and not a life you want to live? Besides, you saying that means that I should be a drugged out whore because that was the life that I was born into. That I should go back to Tyson and live in abuse, because that’s the life that I chose for years. Is that what you're saying?"
"No, of course not."
"Then if I deserve to live a better life, why don't you? I see you, Matthew. I see you around here; you only exist. You aren't living. Why?"
"It's just how it is."
"It's how you choose for it to be."
"Sometimes there isn't a choice, Savannah. You don't understand, and that's fine. You don't have to understand. I don't need you to understand. But the point is, I'm here, out of loyalty, out of the love for my mother and brother, I’m here. I want you to have choices. I want you to have all the choices you can muster, but that doesn’t happen for all of us, and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with my lack of choices."
"Are you? Because I don't believe it. I believe you want choices. You want to be happy and live the life you've wanted for as long as you can remember, you need to do one thing first. You need to stop living in your head. You need to stop thinking that for whatever reason this is your life, the club, the whores, the unhappy life. You need to stop thinking you don't deserve to be happy and start believing in it. Do you think Sienna would like to see you like this? Don't you think it would break your sister's heart if she saw the shell of the man I'm sure she adored?"
I reach over and grab the remote. "Take a nap, Savannah." I turn off the television, tossing the remote back on the bed.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Get some rest. You're tired
, remember?" I leave the room, closing the door harder than I anticipated.
For the first time since I brought Savannah here, I regret it. She has no right bringing my sister into this. She doesn't know the things I've done; the reasons I live my life the way I do. My family is the only thing I have; their loyalty is the only thing I trust. My brother's loyalty to me is the reason why she's here and now she's trying to tell me that I should turn my back on him, on my family and be happy doing what I want. Impossible. I turned my back too many times in my life and it's cost me more than I can ever repay in ten life times. I joined the military to live the life I wanted, and look where that got me. I experienced a hell no one should have to and I ran the other way when my men needed me, when my brothers in arms depended on me. Where was my loyalty to them? The panic I felt when the first bomb went off overpowered my loyalty to them. The only thing I thought was to save myself. I'm not turning my back on my blood as I did to them.
"Mijo." I look up to see my mother standing there with her hands up. I'm so lost in thought I didn't see her walking up to the clubhouse I was just leaving.
"Ma. Sorry I didn't see you there." I lean in and give her a kiss on the cheek.
"What's wrong, Matthew?"
"It's nothing."
"It's something. I know you wouldn't try to plow me down for no reason."
"Just something that Savannah said." I look my mother in the eye. "I think I made a mistake bringing her here. This isn't the place for her and now I'm not sure where she should go. Where she’ll be safe."
"She's safe here."
"This isn't the place for her or the baby she's carrying. She doesn't understand club life, the rules and how we do things. She doesn't understand what it means to be part of what we are here."
"Come." She holds out her hand for me to take. "We need to have a little chat." I obey, taking her hand as I follow her down the street. "Matthew, I love you."
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