by Lacey Alpha
“Sure.” I shrug casually but inside my heart is doing backflips.
That is more than okay. Just me and Ethan in a car for two hours, driving through the beautiful Irish countryside. What could be better?
Ethan eyes the number on the key in his hand, glancing down at those painted on the ground beside each car.
He pulls me to a halt, turning to a black Mini Cooper and unlocking it with the key. He opens the boot and we drop our bags inside.
“See you there, guys,” Libby calls and the others wave.
“You've got the address I text you, yeah?” Kat shouts and I give her a thumbs up.
Without a word, Ethan opens the passenger door for me, leaving me practically swooning. No guy has ever done that for me before.
I mutter my thanks, ducking into the car, grinning from ear to ear.
He drops into the driver's seat a minute later, turning the key in the ignition.
“I guess you're driving then?” I tease, liking this side to him.
He shoots me a crooked smile. “Guess I am.”
I reach into my handbag, taking out my phone and setting it up a moment later on the dashboard, using it as a Sat Nav.
Ethan's a confident driver and I vaguely wonder if he owns a car back in London.
With him distracted by driving, I can study him all I want. The rough cut of stubble on his jaw, the hardness of his brow. There's so much depth to his eyes, like he's seen a thousand unspeakable things. He carries it all with him with a strength I'm not sure even he sees. He's beautiful, his vulnerability raw and ever-present. Like I could coax it to the surface with just a stroke of my hand.
Ethan glances at me as we pull off of the motorway onto a quiet road flanked by hedges.
My neck heats up and I scramble for something to say.
“Do you have many friends in London?” I blurt. He's never mentioned any. And something tells me he doesn't. He comes off as a lone wolf type.
“No,” he says vaguely and my curiosity grows.
I pick at my jeans, wanting to ask more but unsure of how to phrase my question without sounding rude. “What about before...when you were in the army?”
“Yeah, there were a couple of guys, I guess. I don't see them any more though.” He shifts in his seat and I decide I should drop the subject, figuring it's making him uncomfortable.
To my surprise, he continues, “I had a group of friends, before I was discharged. But when I came back to England I...” he trails off, his forehead creasing. “I just couldn't see them any more. I wasn't the same person. I didn't want them to...I dunno.”
“What?” I breathe and he adjusts his hold on the steering wheel, taking a breath.
“I didn't want them to see who I'd become,” he says, his eyes firmly on the road. “I was ashamed.”
My heart pangs and I reach out, laying my hand on his arm. “I'm sure they would have understood. You went through a lot.”
His mouth becomes taut. He nods stiffly though I know he doesn't believe me.
A heaviness weighs on me. I wish he wouldn't beat himself up so much. If only he'd accept that what he's going through is normal. That his mind is just responding to a trauma he's been through. And the harder he fights it, the more difficult he makes it to heal.
The Sat Nav directs us onto a tiny little road with a mound of grass tracking along the middle. We ascend a hill and as we roll over its crest, all thoughts flee from my mind.
Mountains roll out ahead of us, the clouds overhead casting sweeping shadows across the land. The sun highlights the lush green of the grass and bright purple heather clinging to the steep banks.
“Oh,” I sigh and Ethan pulls the handbrake, jumping out of the car without a word.
There's no other car in sight for miles. We're completely alone in this ethereal landscape. Kat and the others must be way ahead already.
Ethan opens the passenger door, pulling me out by the arm. I laugh, stumbling into him as I climb out. His arms surround me and he presses his mouth hard to mine. I tremble in his hold, the wind pushing against my back, like it wants me to be close to him.
He catches my hair which is flying around me in strands, gently pushing it behind my ear.
“Sorry,” he murmurs. “Couldn't resist.”
“No need to apologise,” I breathe, leaning into him. “I'm so glad you're here.”
“I feel like we're a million miles from anywhere. And that's exactly where I want to be. Thank you for inviting me.”
I nod, my mouth going dry as he dips his head and kisses my jaw, journeying down to my neck and leaving me gasping.
“Ethan, we've got a long drive. I don't think I can handle it if you're going to get me all worked up.”
He chuckles softly, a wicked note to his tone setting my pulse racing.
“No one's around,” he growls and heat sparks deep in my belly.
“You're crazy!” I accuse, laughing as I tug away from him and slip back into the car.
He returns to the driver's seat, shooting me a ravenous expression. It's my undoing and I lunge across the space between us, my knees pressing against the handbrake, his hand bunching in my hair.
My knee smacks into the radio and an Irish folk song roars through the speakers.
We both burst out laughing and I tug away, turning the volume down.
“I don't think Minis were designed with this in mind,” he says in a low tone.
He groans in frustration then pushes me back into my seat.
I tug my skirt down, my cheeks heating up furiously.
He continues to drive and I soon forget my flustered feelings, getting lost in the scenery beyond the windscreen. The sea glints at us far in the distance, peeking at us between two mountains.
We wind our way toward our destination and I tell Ethan about my time at university, my mother's hatred of my career path and my dad's silent, unwavering encouragement of the choices I make.
He asks a lot about my dad and, having been given a glimpse into his own father's abusive nature, I wonder if that's why he's curious.
The time feels like nothing and we're soon arriving at the large manor situated on a high cliff overlooking the Atlantic ocean. Its breathtaking, miles from anything and anyone. There's lights on in the house, presumably the others having already arrived.
We park up next to their Land Rover and two other cars, heading to the door with our bags.
I slip my hand into Ethan's as it opens, finding Kat there with a sour look on her face. “The boiler's broken. It's bloody freezing.”
“Oh.” My floaty happy feeling dissipates a little at her sour expression.
We step into the house and I smile as I spot Kat's mum through the door.
“Hi Linda!” I call and she hurries to greet us.
She pulls me into a hug, her eyes swinging to Ethan who holds out his hand.
“Ethan Harding.”
She takes it, giving me a not-so-subtle-raised-eyebrow look. Kat wanders away, barking orders at someone out of sight to get a fire going.
“Linda, I'm Kat's mum. Shall I show you to your room?”
“Sure,” he says and we head after her up the wide oak staircase, carpeted in dark green.
“I could have a look at the boiler, if you'd like?” Ethan offers.
Linda glances over her shoulder, her black hair slipping down her spine. “Oh, could you?”
He nods and I glance at him with intrigue. Would he know what he's doing?
Linda leads us along the wide landing full of doors and when we're right at the end, she knocks on one.
Paul opens it, looking pissed off.
“You'll be sharing,” Linda informs us and I force a smile.
“Great,” I say through my teeth. Looks like my hot weekend with Ethan just turned into a cosy sleepover with Libby and Paul.
We step inside and I find two double beds in the large room. It's decorated in old-fashioned floral sheets and carpets, the dying afternoon sunlight pouring in throug
h an arched window.
Libby's perched on the edge of her and Paul's bed, on the phone. “-are you behaving?...and your sister too?”
Ethan carries our bags to the other bed, shooting me a surreptitious glance. I guess he's disappointed too. How the hell are we going to have sex this weekend?!
Ethan may have drawn out my wild side but I'm not wild enough to do it in a room with my best friend and her husband five feet away!
“This is real cosy,” Paul remarks, placing his hands on his hips. “Not that you guys aren't a delight and all, but Libby and I haven't been away together in...I don't even remember.”
I sigh, giving him an apologetic frown.
Paul huffs, glancing at Libby before heading out of the room.
Ethan drops onto the edge of the bed, leaning in by my ear. “We'll just have to be inventive.”
A shiver runs through me and I spin around to him, beaming.
“Sounds exciting,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his.
“-put your sister on the phone. I said put her on the phone!” Libby goes full demon-voice, dousing our moment.
Ethan's mouth pulls up at the side and he stands. “I'll go see about this boiler.”
“Do you know what you're doing?” I question lightly, curious.
He gives me a lopsided grin. “I picked up a couple of things in the army. My bunk mate was an engineer.”
I nod, watching as he walks away, feeling the cold for the first time. With him by my side, I forget about everyday things like my surrounding climate. But as I sit, I find my breath nearly visible in the room and a chill soon starts to creep into my bones.
Libby finally hangs up the phone, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She turns to me with a frown. “I can't believe Kat didn't tell us about this. Do you have any idea how long it's been since Paul and I-” She drops her eyes, halting.
I frown, standing and moving across to her. She hasn't opened up to me in so long. Was she finally about to? Why does she hold her tongue?
“What?” I press, dropping onto her bed.
She shakes her head. “It doesn't matter.”
“Lib...”
“Seriously, Lise. It's fine.” She forces a light tone and I pin my gaze on her.
“Libby, why don't you open up to me any more?” My chest compresses a little as I voice my thoughts. But really, it's gone on long enough.
She glances up at me, her blue eyes going wide as if I've caught her out. She lunges for my hand, taking it. “Oh, Lise. I don't - I mean-” the fight goes out of her and she sighs, dropping her hand. “I'm sorry.”
“It's fine,” I insist but I can't deny that it has been a little hurtful. I tell Libby everything. Even when it's uncomfortable for me to do so.
She glances at me, her lips twisting. “Don't take this the wrong way, okay?”
I nod stiffly but my spine instinctively straightens, preparing to be offended.
She continues, diverting her eyes to her knees. “I know you're lonely, Lise. And I feel guilty moaning about Paul or the kids because, well, you-”
“Don't have that,” I finish flatly. Am I that pathetic? That she's worried I'll get upset if she tells me anything about her family?
“It's not that you wouldn't understand,” she backtracks. “I just don't want you to feel like I'm complaining about something that you've been looking for your whole life.” Guilt dashes through her expression and, though I feel thoroughly pathetic, I can't find it in me to be mad.
I touch her wrist. “Please don't hold out on me, Libby. We've been friends our whole lives. I may want what you have one day, but I know that doesn't mean your world is perfect. Everyone has problems, no matter what their circumstances.”
Her brows lift and she breaks into a typical Libby smile, all shining teeth and bright eyes. She pulls me into a hug. “Okay, I promise.”
I nudge her, pulling away. “So you were saying about Paul?”
She sighs, her brow furrowing. “It's not that we aren't into each other. I mean really, if I had time, I'd still want to bang him all day long.”
I laugh and she starts giggling.
She continues, her smile falling just a fraction. “But we just don't have the time. Like, seriously, between us juggling one of us being at work whilst the other is at home to watch the kids, we hardly ever get a moment alone. And when we do – we're basically zombies!”
“Hey well...maybe me and Ethan can give you some space, if you know what I mean?” I give her a mischievous grin and she mirrors me.
“You guys are in the start of a relationship, you're probably more anxious to do it than we are.”
My breath sticks in my throat at her words. “Relationship?” I echo vaguely. The idea of me in a relationship is alien. I've not made it beyond a month with any guy. But I've never felt about anyone this way before either. Is Libby right? Is that where this is heading?
“He's all over you, Lise. He stares at you, like all the time. It's kind of sweet, in a creepy way.”
I smack her arm. “He's not creepy.”
“It doesn't really matter, seeing as he's just so...” She wets her lips.
“Ew- Lib!”
“Sorry! I told you – no sex in a long time!”
“What about Paul?”
She grins wickedly. “Paul still drives me mad. And he has a huge-”
“Boiler's fixed,” Ethan walks into the room, topless, his shirt in hand. He lifts it up, showing it to us. “It got covered in cobwebs.”
“Oh,” I breathe, eyeing his beautiful body, heat sparking deep inside me.
“Oh,” Libby echoes, her eyes like saucers.
ANNALISE
We change for dinner and head downstairs, the house already growing warm. I decided on a black dress, seeing as it's a special occasion. But the party isn't until tomorrow night. The rest of Kat and Eric's family and friends will be arriving then. I never really thought of Kat's parents as 'rich' but they've clearly put a lot into this, renting the house, having everyone stay. It's quite extravagant considering this is just the engagement, not the wedding.
Ethan looks good enough to eat in his smart shirt and trousers, making me pine for him. We arrive in the dining room where the long table is set for nine people. Eric's dad is sat beside Eric at one end, every inch of exposed skin covered in tattoos, all the way up his neck to his chin. He leans in to Eric, the two of them chatting together quietly but I can't catch a word they're saying. I'm so intrigued. It's the most I've ever seen Eric talk.
Kat's parents are sat beside her, Linda and George, looking practically regal tonight. Christ, if this is how they act over the engagement, how fancy is the wedding going to be?
Ethan pulls out my chair for me and I blush immediately, caught off-guard.
“Oh- thanks,” I mutter, dropping into it. Why am I so flustered? Ever since he showed up shirtless in our bedroom, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. But how are we ever going to get a moment of privacy?
Perhaps we can go on some sort of rotation shift with Libby and Paul. The thought sullies my mood. I'm not exactly comfortable with them knowing what we'd be up to. And it completely saps any spontaneity out it.
I'm surprised to find Kat's parents have ordered in catering staff and our food is soon brought to us on shiny china plates.
“So Ethan, you're Annalise's new guy, are you?” George addresses him, folding his hairy arms.
“Yes, sir,” Ethan replies – very soldier-like. It kind of turns me on. What's the matter with me tonight?!
“Well it's a pleasure to meet you. Hopefully you'll still be around next year for the wedding.” He throws his head back, laughing and Linda shoots him a glance.
Ethan shifts awkwardly in his seat, not looking at me. The smile falls from my face at his expression. I mean, I know we haven't exactly been seeing each other for very long, but the idea that we could stay together isn't that impossible, is it?
I can't draw my eyes from him as Kat star
ts to dominate the conversation, discussing venues, cakes, flowers, everything down to the earrings she's going to wear on the big day.
Ethan turns to me at last and I drop my eyes, not wanting to cause him any anxiety.
“Something on your mind?” he murmurs, taking my hand beneath the table.
My stomach flips over and I shake my head.
“No,” I lie, glancing up.
His eyes narrow just a touch but he manages to hold my gaze for a second. Leaning in, he places a light kiss, right near my ear, sending a bolt of electricity down my spine.
I release a ragged breath and I'm certain he heard it, his grip on my hand tightening.
I remember to eat and make my way through the delicious chicken pie on my plate. Despite how good it tastes, I find it near impossible to eat the whole thing, my mind constantly drifting to Ethan.
He eats his food without a word but his body is angled toward me. I can sense an energy growing between us, so strong that goosebumps raise on my arms.
“Tell us about the day you met,” Linda encourages Kat and Eric.
“Oh Mum, not that story again. You've heard it a hundred times already.” She's clearly faking, I know how much she loves telling that story. I myself have probably heard it more than ten times. “Well, I was studying in Cork and decided to take a weekend out here with a couple of friends. Only, they both bailed on me last minute so I ended up going on my own.”
I inhale as Ethan's knee brushes mine and I have to clench my thighs to suppress my arousal. It does absolutely no good as his hand drops onto my bare knee, sliding up beneath my dress.
Kat continues, “Eric was working on a conservation project for some birds, weren't you babe?”
“Puffins.” Eric nods.
I glance at Ethan but his expression is casual like his hand isn't on a journey up my thigh. It's driving me crazy.
A waitress appears, clearing our plates and I jolt my knee to try and shake Ethan off. He grips tighter, his fingers dipping down between my thighs, roaming higher and higher.
“Anyway,” Kat goes on. “I was driving into town and what do I see but one of these birds-”
“Puffins,” Eric interjects.
