by Haley Travis
I was lovestruck. Or lovesick.
Part of me wanted to take myself out back and kick my own ass for getting so bothered by a girl I still didn’t even know very well. But this magical connection we had couldn’t be ignored. And I knew that Kate felt it, too. She just needed some more time to figure out how to deal with it.
Several days later, after helping a nice middle-aged couple check out of cabin twelve, I went down the path very slowly, listening for any signs of life from cabin eleven.
It was completely silent. I finally forced myself to tap at the door, but she didn’t answer.
Walking back to my place, I saw that the mailbox was open. Inside was a note, and her key.
Hi, Ray.
Listen, I’m sorry that I likely seem difficult to read. I don’t want to hurt you, but I know I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend for you. There’s no way to express to you how sorry I am, unless I were to write an album’s worth of songs about it.
But maybe in a few months once I get my head on straight, I’ll get your number through Dan.
Thanks for everything,
Kate.
My lungs needed to scream. My fists needed to punch something hard enough to smash my bones apart. Yet I wasn’t angry with her. Only myself. And this horrible situation.
From the beginning, I should never have slept with her without first sitting her down and having a long chat about what we wanted. What we needed.
Now all I could think was that I needed her more than I needed air to breathe.
Just a few weeks ago I would never have dreamed of giving up my life for anyone else. I had my routines, and my set patterns. That was it. I thought I was happy.
Now, if she called me and told me she wanted to go live in a hut in a distant country I’d never heard of, I would say yes and already be packing.
Maybe that’s what frightened her off. Maybe feeling how much I needed her was too much pressure on her.
She seemed so smart and driven that it was easy to forget that she was also quite young. I didn’t even know how old she was. She mentioned finishing university, so she must be around twenty-one to twenty-three. I was only thirty-seven, and didn’t know if that made a difference to her at all.
A flash ran through me, and I went to Dan’s computer, calling up the guest records. There it was. Kate Harris, with her phone number and email.
I entered them into my phone. There was no way that I could call her without sounding weak and needy. But I need to feel that I had that connection to her, just in case.
If she wanted to tell herself that I was out of her life completely, perhaps letting her think that for a while was for the best. But there was no way I was going to give up on her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
* Kate *
*** One Week Later ***
The rest of the customers at Julian’s Pub must have absolutely hated us. The second we all arrived there was a flurry of squeals, hugging, and laughter so loud I swear it shook the chandelier above us.
As soon as we had ordered a round of wine, the stories began. I couldn’t believe that Joanna was already making plans to move out to t he country with her hot farmhand, Dean. The photos of the two of them out in the field together warmed my heart.
Laura told us all about Paul, and how her crazy new boyfriend wanted her to move into his condo right away. She showed us the incredible necklace that he had made from one of her sketches.
“That’s amazing,” Kim squealed. She raised her hand, waving as if she were a prom queen. “Friends, we have a keeper over here.”
“What about you?” Joanna said to Kim. “You sent us a photo of some big guy with tattoos.”
To our absolute shock, Kim actually blushed. “Devin is amazing. He wants me to move in too soon as well, but I’m actually thinking about it.”
Becca shook her head. “I told Mitch that I needed a little time first. It’s cute how careful he is with me. He just floated the idea out there for me to consider as long as I needed.” Her eyes absolutely sparkled. “But I know that he wants me to move in so that he knows I’m safe all the time.”
After a too-loud round of “Awws,” Laura reached out to tap the back of my hand. “Hey, quiet one. We haven’t heard a peep about your forest getaway.”
Trying to arrange my features into a calm smile, it felt like a lie. “Well, I did meet someone, but I don’t think…” I burst into tears, shocking the others as much as myself. Instantly I felt arms around me, a tissue being pressed into my hand. Someone’s palm was rubbing my back.
“Let it out, sweetie,” Laura said.
“If some guy did you wrong, we will kick his ass,” Kim said sharply. “I’m not joking, I have a guy for that now.”
I shot her a look, blinking through my tears. “You had better be kidding.”
“Nope. What’s his name? I will tear him a new one if he hurt you.”
Shaking my head, I mumbled, “I’m okay...just give me a second.”
The girls sat down again, but Laura kept her hand on my back. “Breathe, sweetie, and try to tell us what happened,” she said softly.
Nodding, I tried to pull myself together. “His name is Ray. He runs the campground for a month every year to give his brother a break. He’s…” It was bizarre how hard this was to share. As if saying the words out loud made everything concrete.
“He’s incredible, but he’s just…larger than life. His energy is huge. I feel like I lose myself when I’m with him, and all I can think about is how much I want him.” Looking up at Laura through wet eyes, I asked, “I can’t put my dreams aside and lose myself for the first guy I’ve ever loved, can I?”
Laura’s head cocked to the side, and I saw her eyes dart to Joanna. “Kate,” Joanna said slowly, “Did he ask you to put your dreams aside? Did he ask you to change anything?”
“No, but I just can’t control myself around him. I know that I’m going to want to be with him all the time, and spend every waking moment with him. He’s just…instantly addictive.”
Joanna patted my hand. “I get it. We all probably had that at first, right? How we just wanted to be in his arms day and night?” The other girls nodded.
“You can figure it out,” Laura said. “If you really want to, I’m sure he’ll compromise and you guys will find out whatever lifestyle works for you.”
“Was he good to you?” Kim asked. “Did he really listen?”
“Yes.”
“Could you call him and get together some time for coffee?” Becca asked. “Maybe if you met in public where you wouldn’t be jumping straight into the bedroom, you could have a real discussion.”
“How did you know…” I looked around as four faces each raised an eyebrow.
“You’ve got it bad, girl,” Kim laughed. “It might as well be written across your face in big black magic marker.”
“Dammit,” I muttered.
“So call him,” Becca said. “Just talk to him and work it out.”
I shook my head. “I don’t have his number.” Swallowing hard, I added, “I freaked out and left early so that I didn’t have to say goodbye.”
“Does he have your number?” Laura asked.
“No.”
“Oh, I bet he does,” Joanna said. “If he runs the campground, they keep files on the guests. They need to have contact information.”
“You’re right!” I gasped. “I mean, I made the reservation with his brother, but I’m sure he could’ve gone into the system. But...if he has my number, why hasn’t he called?”
“He’s probably afraid of scaring you,” Becca said gently. “If he saw you react like this, and knows that you’re having doubts, he might be trying to give you some time and space to settle down before you guys talk again.”
I nodded. “You might be right.” Looking around the table, I could practically hear what they were thinking. “I know.” My eyes rolled to the ceiling. “Steady, logical Kate is flipping her shit.”
“Well,” Kim said, “Y
eah. It’s pretty weird.”
Before I could respond, my phone began ringing from my purse, and I dug it out.
“If he’s calling to pledge his love for you right now while we’re listening, I will freak out,” Kim laughed.
“It’s work,” I said as soon as I saw the number, answering quickly. Kevin had booked a well-known band to rehearse in the space for the next several weeks while they prepared for a tour. But they were coming back from another gig, and their van had broken down so they couldn’t pick up the key earlier today when we were open. Now I had to go let them in since Kevin was already across town filling in as roadie for his friend’s band.
Throwing the phone back in my purse, I swallowed the last few sips of my wine. “Sorry, ladies, but work calls.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Joanna asked. “If you’re feeling down and you want some company, I could–”
“No, that’s alright, thanks.” I tossed some money on the table. “Sorry to cut this short, but text me all of the juicy bits, and I’ll see you next week.”
After a round of hugs, I darted out the door and jumped on the streetcar. In fifteen minutes, I was walking through the parking lot of the rehearsal space, where a huge old black van was parked, with four lean, scruffy long-haired guys lounging in front.
One of them jumped up the second he saw me. “Hey, are you Kate?”
“Yes. You must be Lawless Flowers.”
“Yeah. We’re so sorry to bother you. Thanks so much for coming out to meet us. We have a lot of work to do, and not much time.”
“No problem.” I gave him the key, directed them to their spot on the other side of the building where there was a garage door they could use to haul their gear inside.
They all thanked me, but then the shorter guy that I guessed was the drummer from the sticks in his back pocket paused. “Hey, There was a really big guy with dark hair walking around here earlier as if he was looking for someone. Do you want one of us to walk you to your car or the streetcar, just in case?”
My heart leapt up into my throat. For a second, I didn’t know whether to hope it was Ray or not.
Then he leaned in closer and muttered, “That’s him over there. If he’s a stalker or something, just come with us and we’ll keep an eye on you until he goes away.”
Turning, I could feel complete relief wash me as I saw who it was. “I really appreciate it, but it’s okay, thanks, I know him.”
“All right,” he smiled. “Thanks again.”
Ray and I began walking toward each other, and I fell into his arms so naturally that I immediately felt a bit better. His huge palms instantly slid under my shirt to press against my spine.
His dark voice was soft. “Was that guy hitting on you?”
Laughing, I looked up into those magical deep blue eyes. “No. He was warning me about the big guy lurking around, and wanted to know if I needed one of them to walk me somewhere safe.”
He nodded. “That’s good of him.”
“Yeah, most musicians are used to working in bars, so they’ve become accustomed to keeping an eye out to keep women safe.”
His lips slid down the edge of my ear. “I want to be the one to keep you safe, kitten. But when you’re here at work, that’s good to know.”
“I’m sorry I panicked and took off,” I breathed.
Ray murmured, “It’s okay. I’ve got you now.”
“How did you find me?” I asked.
“When we were chatting at breakfast, you mentioned that you worked at your brother’s rehearsal space for musicians. Just a couple of months ago I moved into a huge warehouse space three blocks away from here. When I passed the sign this morning, I thought I’d look around for you on the off chance.” He paused, before adding, “I also got your info from Dan’s guest log. I wasn’t going to let you go completely.”
His arms tightened around me, his entire body pressing against mine. “Kate, please don’t be mad that I dropped in. I couldn’t stand the thought of staying away from you. I tried for a week, but baby…”
He stepped back a bit, holding my hands in his. “I’ve never felt like this before. I love you. I need you.” A shudder ran through him as his eyes closed, while he squeezed my hands tightly. He smelled so good, like cedar after the rain. “Baby, I want to be your boyfriend, and be in your life properly. But if you just want me as a summer fling, let me be that for you. I’ll be anything you want.”
My gut reaction was that I needed to pull him into the nearest alley and rip our clothes off. Maybe it would be better if we had a chat in public for once.
“Come on,” I said, leading him down the street and past the car wash to a gritty, sad little excuse for a park in this industrial area. Once we were seated on the bench, I turned to him. “Ray, I want you, too.”
He exhaled loudly, as if he’d been holding that breath in all day. “Thank you, Kate. Anything else you say, I’m going to agree to it.”
It was unnerving having such a huge, powerful man completely under my thumb. I had to admit, I sort of liked it.
“I think I’m scared by the idea of my life completely changing into someone else’s vision of my life. Do you know what I mean?” I asked.
He nodded. “I’m completely set in my ways as well. Go on.”
“So what if we used our analytical minds everywhere outside of the bedroom?” I asked.
“Yes. Absolutely.” He paused, smiling. “Wait. What exactly do you mean?”
“I mean that we’ll still put our work and projects first. During weeks when we have a lot of free time, we’ll see each other as much as possible. When we’re really busy, it might just be a five-minute phone call. But we don’t make the other person feel guilty about being busy.”
“Absolutely. Yes.” He paused again. “Would it be reasonable to request a once a day check in? Just a quick text.” He looked so hopeful, his gorgeous tan looking even deeper under the streetlight.
“Yes. Good idea.”
“But if you’re songwriting or recording, I don’t want to interrupt your flow. If I text you, and you’re in the zone, just ignore it completely, or respond with the word ‘working’ – don’t feel guilty about it. I’ll know that you’re happy and fine, and you’ll send me a note sometime when it’s convenient.”
I nodded. “And the same goes for you, when you are up to your elbows in wood chips or varnish or whatever.”
He exhaled heavily again. “I’m glad you understand that. Sometimes I go hours without checking my phone, because I physically can’t touch it.”
“I’m not one of those clingy girls,” I said quickly. “I do my own thing. I always have.”
“Me too,” he said, holding my hands in his. “I swear, this is the only time I’ve been clingy and needy in my life.”
He paused, then his eyebrow rose. He slid an arm around me, pulling me against him on the bench. “Kitten, do you like it when I talk dirty to you in the bedroom?”
My breath caught in my throat as my heart began to speed up. “Yes. You know I do.”
“And do you like it when I tell you what to do?” My mouth fell open as I nodded. “How about we divide things up that way, then?”
My eyes flipped back and forth between his sensual mouth and those stunning eyes. If he didn’t kiss me in a few seconds, I might explode. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I will give you complete control over my life. I’ll give you the login for my calendar. I rarely have anything beyond work and making dinner, but if there’s anything you need me for, you schedule it. Anytime you want to see me, or go out on a date, that’s up to you. I will put you in charge of my entire life.”
I started to speak, but his finger landed across my lips. “I will obey you completely, Kate. If you are in charge, you can’t be afraid of me messing up your life, or letting you lose your focus.” He paused, brushing his thumb slowly against my lower lip. “But when you call me to the bedroom, and that door shuts, I’m the one who is completely in
charge, kitten. How do you feel about that?”
In a blink I had straddled him, already kissing him as my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers curling into the back of his hair. “Yes,” I whimpered against his lips.
For a few seconds, his hands gripped my ass, as he ground against me. I could already feel his thickness through his jeans. If we weren’t on a bench twenty feet from a public street, I know that he would have already ripped off my panties.
“Fuck, kitten, I love you so much.”
Placing my forehead almost against his, I stared into his smoldering eyes. “I love you, Ray. I really do. I just didn’t understand it at first. I’m sorry I was scared, I’m sorry–”
