by Woods, Emily
“I am,” she replied joyfully, dismounting and grinning. “It's my first taste of freedom, but not my last. What are you all doing today?”
Even though there was more than a ten-year age difference, she enjoyed Tallie's company enormously. She was like the older sister that Maddie had always wanted but of course could never have.
“Noah has decided that we all need some exercise,” she replied, shooting a smile at the oldest child, “so we're taking a picnic down to the lake. Would you like to join us?”
The children clamored for Maddie to come along. They loved her like a big sister too.
“I'd love to, but are you sure you have enough food for me? I'm a big eater.”
Everyone laughed except for one of the twins, Sarah. “You sure do eat a lot,” the little girl said admiringly. “More than my Papa.”
It was a running joke in these parts. How someone as tiny as Maddie could eat so much remained a mystery.
“It may catch up with me one of these days,” she joked back.
“Well, I think Fanny and Lucinda packed enough to feed a small army, so I'd say we're safe,” Tallie assured her. “Shall we go?”
Maddie led Spark to the paddock outside the barn and followed them, happy to have something fun to do with her morning. After they arrived at the lake, the children raced around looking for frogs and other creatures while Tallie and Maddie spread out a blanket under the trees.
“It's really too cold out for a picnic,” Tallie stated with a wry grin. “But they badgered me, and I can't resist my children. I'm sure I'm the worst mother ever, spoiling them all so. They'll probably turn out to be hooligans of one sort or another.”
Maddie giggled a little. “With Wesley for a father? They wouldn't dare. I'm sure the two of you balance one another out.”
They chatted about the past week's events, and ever so subtly, Maddie brought up the fact that there was a new hand on their ranch.
“Well, now...is that so? Do tell,” Tallie enthused, her Southern accent more pronounced when she was intrigued. “Is he a dull boy like Mark or a dashing stranger?”
Guilt tweaked her conscience at the mild insult. “Mark's not so bad,” she defended, even though she was the one who had given Tallie this opinion. “He's just not for me. In any case, I would say he's definitely the latter, but...” She sighed.
“What is it, darlin’? You can tell me.” Tallie kept her body facing Maddie while her eyes dashed over to where her four children were frolicking, possibly engaged in a game of tag or some such.
“Oh, I'll sound like such a princess for saying this, but...well, he doesn't seem to know that I exist.”
Tallie laughed delightedly. “Oh, sugar, if that's how you feel, you can be sure he's avoiding you on purpose for the exact opposite reason. You have probably caused him too many feelings and he can't bear to look at you!”
The thought lingered for a moment as Maddie considered it. “No, I don't think that's it. He is actually preoccupied with something and didn't see me at all last night, even though I was wearing my cobalt blue dress.”
“The one with the tiny white flowers? Oh, that's so sweet on you. How could he not look at you? The boy must either be daft or blind.” Again, she released a tinkling laugh and Maddie felt herself relax. Tallie was a balm to her frazzled nerves.
“Thank you, but I don't think that's it. He's so interested in the ranch and asked my father a million questions. Maybe he's a spy for someone interested in buying some land out here.”
Tallie's eyebrows shot up. “That's altogether possible. Noah! Don't you tease your sisters with that frog!” The oldest child was chasing his sisters, who were shrieking with excitement and disgust. The youngest ran behind, laughing and nearly stumbling on his chubby little legs. “And watch out for Mikey!”
Immediately, Noah turned to check on his little brother, but the boy was perfectly fine.
“They're sweet, aren't they? I can't believe you're having another!”
“God is so good to us,” Tallie murmured, placing a hand on her swollen abdomen. “I can't wait to see who this little one will be.”
Tallie had gotten a little plump with all the childbearing, but she was still as beautiful as ever. Maddie remembered being nine years old and wishing she could look like her. Tallie's long chestnut-colored curls seemed to shimmer and glow in the bright spring sun. Her own hair looked boring and pale, washed out in comparison.
“I'm sure it will be another little bundle of joy,” she replied with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. Would she ever have her own?
Tallie looked at her sharply. “What's the matter, my friend? You are very downcast today.”
“No, I'm not.” But despite all her exhilaration at her new freedom, something was missing. “Well, I'm a little jealous of you.”
Pressing a hand to her bosom, Tallie was the picture of a charming Southern Belle. “Of me? Whatever for?”
She pulled her denim-clad legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. How could she put into words the discontent? It felt tiresome to repeat the words she'd said to Elise last night.
“I don't really know, but you just seem so happy. I don't even know what I want. I told Aunt Elise that I want to work in town, travel and have adventures, but I'm not entirely sure if that's true. The thought scares me a little. I guess I just want something different, something that will make me smile from the inside out the way you do.”
The two were silent for a moment as they watched the children play in the mud. Tallie didn't once scold them or tell them not to dirty themselves. Maddie knew that she allowed her children a lot of freedom, and she wished her own mother would have been like that. Maybe then she wouldn't have this restlessness in her heart.
“You'll have to dunk them in the water trough before they go in,” she joked, and Tallie nodded absentmindedly.
Tallie picked at the new grass beside her and twirled it between her fingers. “I pray for you each night, you know, but last night, I felt God telling me to pray harder. When you showed up today, I knew there was a reason, but I don't know exactly what to tell you. But when we follow God's plans for our lives, we will experience deep joy and satisfaction.”
“You sound like a preacher,” Maddie replied with a bit of a smirk. Their family didn't go to church every Sunday because it was quite a distance to town, but they went several times a year, enough for her to know what a preacher sounded like.
Tallie didn't return the smile, but laid a hand on her arm. “I can't tell you how different my life was before and after I accepted God's will. When I came out here, it was under false pretenses. I didn't care about anyone and only did what was right for me. After my, uh, accident, Lucinda clearly explained why I owe God such a debt.”
“Are you going to start talking about Jesus and the cross and all that?” Maddie asked, annoyance creeping into her voice. “I've heard that story a thousand times.”
The sorrow that reflected out of Tallie's eyes was too much for her to bear. She hadn't meant to hurt her friend, but her parents had told her about Jesus her whole life. There wasn't anything she didn't know about His life.
“Sometimes we need to hear it a thousand and one times before we really understand,” Tallie said softly. “But maybe it's not the right time.”
Immediately, she was contrite. “Forgive me. I just don't see how Jesus is relevant to me. He was on Earth nearly two thousand years ago. Sure, He gave good advice on how to live and treat each other, and my parents tell me every Christmas and Easter why He came to Earth from Heaven, but it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I believe in God, but Jesus is hard to figure out. I think it's more like God made us and we have to work hard to be good people so that we can go to Heaven one day.”
“Oh, Maddie, that's not it at all. I wish I could put into words...”
“Mama!” A shriek came from the other side of the lake and both women jumped to their feet, Maddie much more quickly than Tallie. At first, they both assum
ed the worst—that one of the children had fallen into the lake—but it wasn't anything so dire. Leah, the other twin, had taken a headfirst tumble into the mud and was now covered in it.
“I didn't push her!” Noah shouted at them. “She tripped.”
“Because you were chasing her with that old frog,” Sarah accused, squatting beside her twin and speaking consoling words while patting her on the back with a muddy hand.
Tallie sighed and pushed a fist into her lower back, kneading at what Maddie only imagined was a sore muscle from carrying so much weight in the front. “I guess the rest of that conversation will have to wait,” she commented, a tiny bit of exasperation showing on her face. “Children don't generally give a body more than fifteen minutes rest at a time.”
Glad for the interruption, Maddie just nodded and followed her to where the children were playing. Between the two of them, they managed to clean Leah up a little before escorting her home. Once they arrived back at Tallie's house, Maddie went straight for her horse.
“Don't you want to come in for a bit? I just need to wash Leah down and change her clothes. We could have coffee and some fresh cookies. I know Lucinda was making a batch of shortbread this morning.”
The temptation was great, but Maddie worried there would be more of a sermon than she could handle right now.
“Another time,” she promised. “Thanks for inviting me along on the picnic. It was fun.”
She waved as she rode off, her heart even heavier than it had been when she arrived.
Chapter 6
After having spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon riding around the range checking on the cattle, Cole felt his lack of experience with riding but wouldn't dare voice a single complaint. The other men kept looking at him sideways as though they were waiting for him to say something, but he wouldn't give them the satisfaction.
“You did well today,” John commented back in the barn. “Much better than most on the first day.”
“Thanks,” he said, trying to smile. He suspected that it was more of a grimace from the way John raised his eyebrows. “What are we doing tomorrow?”
“Oh, a little of this and that,” John replied vaguely. “Whatever needs doing. We have some horses that need training. We'll also be putting up a fence starting this week.”
Cole had noticed the lack of fences around the property but hadn't questioned it. Some ranchers seemed to prefer to let their cattle roam the open range.
“That'll be a lot of work,” he remarked.
“Yeah, it sure will, but it'll pay off in the long run when we don't have to go far and wide to collect our stock before roundup.”
It made sense to him, but he knew that as the newest hand, he would probably be assigned this task every day. An endless number of days hauling logs and the back-breaking work of building rose up in his mind. He would certainly be a stronger person by the end of the month, if nothing else.
At dinner that night, he was so tired that he could barely keep his eyes open. Although he was aware of people talking around him, he could barely register what they were saying. It took all his energy just to eat, but when Luke started talking to him, he got a burst of energy.
“John said you did well today,” Luke said from across the table. “I don't think we'll have to make you work the whole month to prove yourself.”
Cole nodded, a lump in his throat. The older man was smiling at him and nodding approvingly.
“Thank you, sir,” he murmured. “I'm happy to be here.”
That was the whole of the exchange, but Cole felt an unexpected warmth travel from his stomach to his heart. This was the kind of approval that he’d sought from his uncle, but never received.
Once again, before dessert could be served, he excused himself.
“I'm beginning to suspect that you don't like sweets,” Kate teased him. “You certainly don't have to leave just to avoid eating it.”
“No, ma'am,” he replied quickly. “That's not it at all. I'm just getting used to a new lifestyle.”
“What did you do before you came here?” This question came from down the table, but he didn't need to turn his head to know that it came from Maddie. She was wearing a pretty dress of dark red, a color that emphasized her shimmering golden hair.
“Uh, different places,” he answered briefly. He really didn’t want to encourage a lot of interaction with her. The last thing he needed was her father thinking that there was something going on.
After answering a few more questions about his education and past, Cole once again tried to excuse himself, and this time, he was allowed to leave. Back in the bunkhouse, he lay on his bed, pondering his answers.
Part of him wanted to just confess the reasons for coming out, but he wasn’t sure what the reaction would be. If he was found out, he didn’t expect that there would be a lot of outrage, but he might lose his position, and he couldn’t risk that.
He was nearly asleep when he heard the others come in. Keeping his eyes closed, he hoped that they would take the hint and leave him be.
“Want some of this?”
He looked up to see Austin holding out a bottle of something.
“What is it?” he asked cautiously, thinking that it was some kind of alcohol, but it seemed a bit bizarre that the Bible-thumper would offer him such a thing.
“Liniment,” he said simply, setting the bottle on the floor beside him and then dropping down on his own bed, taking up his Bible.
Cole stared at the bottle for a minute or two before picking it up and inspecting the label in the candlelight. He'd never had a reason to use such a thing before.
“So, what, I just put it on places that are...sore?”
“Yep. You'll probably want to put it on your lower back.”
He actually felt the most pain on his backside, but he didn't think it was meant for that.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, placing the bottle near Austin's bed. “But I'll be fine.” Part of him didn't want to take it because then he might owe the man something. He didn't like to be indebted to others, not even for something small like a few spoonfuls of liniment. Plus, he thought it might make him look weak in the eyes of the others.
“Suit yourself,” Austin replied, not even looking up from his reading.
The other men sat down to play cards again, but Cole didn't have the strength or desire to join them tonight. Instead, he covertly observed them all.
Boone, Mark, Charlie, and Jesse were engrossed in their game, frowning and scowling at their cards. They didn't look terribly content with their lot in life. There was no joy in their expressions. Their lives were marked by long days of hard work and monthly visits to town in winter. Cole had heard that they would leave Saturday evening and come back late on Sunday, supposedly spending all their earnings and passing out in the saloon overnight or dragging themselves up to a room over the bar. He knew well enough what went on there.
The only puzzle was Mark. He didn't seem like a careworn cowboy. Cole pegged him for about twenty-two or so, not exactly fresh-faced, but not hardened either. He suspected that the man was caught in limbo, not wanting to associate with the Jesus-loving Austin and hanging around with the other men by default.
Through half-slit eyes, he regarded Austin. The man's serene face reflected peace and contentment. Did he come by that naturally or did it have something to do with his faith? Cole wasn't a complete heathen. He'd sat through numerous sermons in his life, dragged to church by his uncle, but he couldn't find anything in those long, dry talks that would make a man feel his life was worth living.
Curiosity overwhelmed even his desire for sleep.
“Hey, Austin?”
The man looked up immediately, his expression open. “Yep?”
“You happy here? Working on Triple Range for Luke?”
Clearing his throat, he didn't reply at first. “I'm not sure how to answer that exactly. I don’t know if happiness comes from a job or a place. I like the ranch just fine, and I sure do e
njoy working for the Winstons, but happy?” He shook his head a little. “I get that from another source.”
“God?” Cole didn't ask snidely, but with mild interest. “How does that happen?”
Now Austin closed the Bible and looked at him intently. “Do you really want to know?” When Cole nodded, he pursed his lips and closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them, Cole saw that the usual placid look was replaced with passion. “I've done a lot wrong in my life, a lot to be ashamed of.” His voice was low, but Cole could feel the heat of his words. “I haven't told these guys anything, but I was once so far gone that I made them look like angels, even Charlie.”
He couldn't help it. A snort escaped before he could stop it.
“Yeah, I know. But I'm serious. You know what saved me? You know why I'm still here, breathing and talking?” He held up the Bible. “Just because of this. A man came into the saloon where I was probably gonna die one night and looked me in the eye. He asked me, ‘You wanna live or die, son? If you wanna live, walk out of here with me right now.’ And you know what? I did. At the time, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what made me do it, but I believe that it was God, calling me out of the grave.”
Cole had no reply. His whole life, he felt like he was staring into a big hole, pitch black. Coming out west to pursue his dream was the only thing he’d ever wanted, but now that he was gaining some headway toward his goal, he wasn’t sure if it was going to ultimately make him happy.
“Thanks for telling me, man,” he replied gruffly. “I appreciate it. And, uh, I'm glad you got your life back on track.”
Austin's eyes still burned with fire. “You can do it too, Cole. God is waiting on you.”
So many emotions roiled around in his stomach that he almost felt sick.
“Thanks. I’ll, uh, think about it.”
He rolled over and stared at the wall, wondering if God was big enough to fill the hole.
