by E. L. Todd
“No…kinda…yes…no.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Sounds complicated.”
“You’d be surprised.”
“Tell me about it.”
I thought it would be weird to talk about Silke to her father but it wasn’t. “We kissed a few times but she kept pushing me away. Then I went by her apartment and just tried talking to her. She’s torn. She wants to be with me but she still doesn’t trust me. It’ll take us a while to get there.”
“Just be patient,” Ryan said. “She’ll come around.”
“I was at her apartment the other night when Pike came by…”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“He wasn’t happy I was there.”
“Pike is a good guy,” Ryan said. “I feel bad for him.”
“Silke told me how you and Janice were rude to him.” I smirked while I stared him down.
He avoided my gaze. “No…we were nice to him.”
“Silke said Janice completely ignored him.”
“Well…I think she was just tired.”
“Knock it off, old man,” I said with a laugh. “You were totally rooting for me.”
“Obviously,” Ryan said. “We always wanted Silke to end up with you. We’re still hoping that happens.”
“I will,” I said. “I’m not letting her get away. But she’s slowing everything down by not letting me kiss her. She knows that’s her weak spot.”
“She won’t let you?” he asked incredulously. “When Janice won’t let me do something, I just do it anyway.”
“Well, I don’t think that approach is going to work on Silke—at least right now.”
“Food works,” Ryan said. “Silke has always been a sucker for a good meal.”
“I think she just needs time to adjust to everything. You and Janice have had a year to watch me grow. She’s had a few months. She just needs more time.”
“She’ll come around. Try not to smack her in frustration.”
I chuckled. “I’d be more worried about her smacking me, honestly.”
“She’s got a good punch. Ask Slade.”
I finished my food then looked at the time. “I should go. I’m going to stop by and see Abby before I turn in for the night.”
He smiled. “You’re obsessed with two women.”
“And I love them equally—but in very different ways.”
***
I went to Silke’s apartment after work. Sometimes I couldn’t stop thinking about her so I just stopped by. The idea of seeing her face drove me to insanity. After our afternoon together at the beach, I wanted her even more. And seeing her in that bikini made me want to shove my fist in my mouth and bite down.
Those legs…god.
As ashamed as I was to admit it, when I went to bed that night I rubbed one out thinking about her. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and I took her hard on my bed. She kissed me and told me she loved me. It was a great fantasy, one that made me come hard.
I wanted the real thing.
There was nothing I could do to speed up our relationship. I should just be grateful that she loved me and still wanted me. She was just taking her time in trusting me. But she wouldn’t let me kiss her, and that was just mean. I loved kissing her. My lips burned and steam was released.
But she asked me not to. So, I wouldn’t. And even if she did ask me, I still couldn’t do it. The only loophole in this situation was if she kissed me on her own. There were so many opportunities for her to do it, but it never came to pass. I knew it was becoming harder for her not to give into me. It would happen eventually.
I just had to be patient.
I knocked on her door and waited.
A minute later, she answered. She wore a green sundress with no shoes. Her hair was curled around her face, and she looked breathtaking.
Was she trying to torture me?
“Hi, how are you?” I kept my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t grab her.
“Well, you?”
“Good. May I come in?”
“Sure.” She allowed me to enter before she closed the door.
I couldn’t kiss her, but I could hug her, right? I was tired of being so distant with her. A little affection was needed for me to survive. If I didn’t get it, I feared I would take her right on the table and feel no internal struggle.
So, I did it. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to my chest. She fit against me perfectly, like she was made for me to love. I locked my arms around her and refused to let go anytime soon.
She released a quiet sigh, like she was comfortable.
I could stay like this forever. It wasn’t a kiss or a passionate night of making love, but it was something.
I remembered the way she stared at my body when we were at the beach. She looked at me the way I looked at her, so I knew the physical attraction between us was stronger than ever. I wanted her and she wanted me.
Silke latched onto me and didn’t pull away. She rested her face against my chest and tightened her hold on me.
We stood together for fifteen minutes, saying nothing and just holding each other. My hand moved to her hair and felt the soft strands. I missed the way I would fist it when I moved inside her. I missed the way her mouth would gape open in ecstasy.
Whoa…getting out of hand there.
Without pulling away, she looked up at me. “Any particular reason for your visit?”
“I wanted to invite you to my apartment,” I said. “I’m making dinner.”
“I’ve never been to your apartment,” she whispered.
“I think you’ll like it. Abby’s toys are everywhere, so just watch your step.” I added a smile to keep her calm.
She smiled back then moved back into my chest like she didn’t want to let me go.
“Is that a yes?”
“Sure.” She pulled away then grabbed her shoes. “What’s for dinner?”
“Tacos.”
“I like tacos,” she said.
“It’s Abby’s favorite.”
She grabbed her purse then turned toward me. “I’m ready.”
For some idiotic reason, I hoped she would bring an overnight bag. I wanted her to sleep with me, and I mean just sleep, not sex. Well, I would like sex but I’d settle for less. I’d settle for anything with Silke. “Okay.”
We walked to my apartment and I kept my hands in my pockets. Naturally, I wanted to grabs hers as we walked but I held back, somehow. When we entered my apartment, she looked around. “It’s really nice.”
“Thanks.” I took off my jacket then rolled up my sleeves. “Carne asada?”
“Si.” She came into the kitchen with me then started to help. She rinsed the limes then sliced them. I cooked the meat on the stove then warmed up the tortillas. A quiet companionship emerged between us, and we worked together in comfort. The knowledge hurt my heart slightly. I wanted this with her every night. I wanted to get off work and come home to her, knowing she would be waiting for me when I returned. We’d make love then shower. Then she and I would make dinner together.
It was a dream come true.
But that wasn’t what we had. Right now, we were just friends, or whatever the hell she thought we were. I wanted to make her mine forever but I had to play by her rules. I really fucked up our relationship. I really had no right to make any demands.
When dinner was ready, we sat at the kitchen.
She ate quietly across from me, sneaking glances at me every few minutes.
I was staring at her the entire time so I noticed.
“How was work?” she asked.
“Good. Yours?”
“It was okay.”
She and I had these boring conversations when in reality we were thinking about each other on a deeper level. I wished we could just be open and honest with each other. I wanted to tell her eyes looked like the deep sea. I wanted her to know I would be honored if I got to stare at them every day until I grew old. Instead, I kept the conversation light.
“She’s at her mom’s,” I said with a sigh.
“It’s cute that you miss her all the time.”
“I miss her even when I’m with her,” I said honestly.
“Adorable…”
“I feel the same way about you,” I blurted. “I’m sitting across from you now but I miss you.”
She stopped eating and stared at me. “I miss you too…”
The tension settled in the air and we kept eating. She averted her gaze and didn’t look up.
I sipped my beer and watched her.
When we were finished, she looked at me. “Thank you for dinner.”
“You’re welcome.” I carried the plates into the kitchen.
Wordlessly, we washed them and loaded them into the dishwasher. Then, it became awkward again.
“Would you like a tour?”
“Sure,” she said quietly.
I guided her down the hall and showed her Abby’s room.
“Dang…she loves pink, huh?”
“And ponies.”
She nodded her head in approval. “You did a good job decorating it.”
“Little girls are easy,” I said. “When she becomes a teenager, that will be a pain.”
“I’m sure you’ll manage.” She looked at the hallway bathroom. “Wow, it’s actually clean,” she said in a teasing voice.
I used to be a slob in my previous life. Now I was so clean I was practically sterile. “I can’t expect Abby to follow my rules unless I carry them out myself.”
“True.”
I walked down the hall then entered my bedroom. My bed was against one wall, and the opposite wall was a floor-to-ceiling window that showed the nighttime skyline of New York City. A few mahogany dressers lined the walls, and there was a master bathroom and a walk-in closet.
Being in this room was tense for both of us. Whenever I lay in bed at night, I thought about her. And when I was in the mood I closed my eyes and thought about her as I touched myself. The room hinted at pent up desire and passion. I’d longed to have her on my sheets every day for two years. Keeping my distance was becoming unbearable.
She looked around and crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s nice.”
“Thanks…”
She walked out.
I was grateful she did because I almost asked her to stay.
We returned to the living room. “Want to watch TV?”
“Sure,” she said.
We sat together on the couch, and I moved close to her and grabbed her hand. I knew that was all the affection she would give me. It was all she could handle. I turned on Animal Planet and we watched a documentary about crocodiles.
As the night passed, she leaned closer into me. Her head eventually moved to my shoulder, and when I looked down, her eyes were closed. I stared at her for a long time, more interested in her face than the television.
When my eyes grew heavy too, I turned off the TV then picked her up. I carried her to my bedroom then lay her down. She stirred slightly but didn’t wake up. I pulled off her shoes then tucked her in the sheets.
Then I pulled off my jeans and t-shirt, just wearing my boxers. If she was willing to sleep with me on the couch, then I didn’t see why the bed would be any different.
Once I was under the sheets, I pulled her closer to me and rested my head on the pillow. She was still asleep, but she grabbed me and cuddled close to me like I was a teddy bear. When she was tired, she didn’t seem so reserved. She just did what she wanted without thinking. Her hand rested on my stomach and her face was pressed into my neck.
Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Now I was hard and suddenly aware of the fact Silke was right beside me. Her breathing sounded in my ear and it was all I could think about. I remembered the way she used to moan for me.
Goddammit.
I closed my eyes and tried to clear my thoughts. I tried to remember our day together at the beach, and the dinner we just had. Her cheeks were slightly rosy, and her lips were red like an apple.
Silke suddenly stirred, waking up for some reason. She pulled her hair out of her face then cracked her eyes open. It was dark in my room so I could barely distinguish her face. She was still for a moment, like she wasn’t sure where she was or what she was doing.
Then she crawled on top of me and kissed me.
It was so unexpected I didn’t know what to do. Her kiss was aggressive and hard, like she was trying to take something that once belonged to her. Her hands freely touched my near naked body, showing hidden desires I’d never seen her express before.
I kissed her back and cupped her face, missing these quiet embraces. Our lips danced together, taking and giving accordingly. I sat up and took her with me, pulling her close to me. Then I moved her to her back.
Silke immediately wrapped her legs around my waist and squeezed. Her nails lightly scratched my back then moved down to my boxers. When she gripped the brim and started to peel them away, I knew something was off.
She went from keeping her distance to wanting to sleep with me. It didn’t make any sense. She was so forward with me, devouring me like she didn’t fear the consequences.
Then I realized what happened.
She was still asleep. This was all a dream, a sleep-walking dream.
It would be so easy for me to go through with this and get what I wanted, a night with her. But I wanted it to be different. I wanted her to tell me she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me. I wanted her to look me in the eye without any fear. I needed her to trust me.
I brushed her hand away then kept kissing her. Then I moved back to the place beside her and kissed her slowly, deescalating the desire we both felt. My fingers moved through her hair, calming her rather than arousing her. Then I pulled away and kissed her forehead.
She blinked her eyes several times before they closed.
I sighed and stared at her, wondering if she would remember any of that the following morning. At least she still desired me the way I desired her. At least she wanted to make love to me. It was a hidden desire she was battling. If I was just patient, I would get everything I wanted.
And more.
***
Ryan and Janice invited me to dinner at an Italian place, and naturally, I accepted the offer. They still invited me over for dinner a few nights of the week, and I would stick around and watch the game afterwards. Now that I had a TV, I followed sports. But I wasn’t an enthusiast like Ryan. But I pretended to be so we had something else in common.
When I arrived at the restaurant they waved me to their table. I sat down then looked at them. “How’s it going?”
“Not so well,” Ryan said. “Janice is hungry and she gets a little feisty when she’s hungry.”
“I’m always feisty, dear.” Janice spoke in a bored voice. She browsed her menu.
“She sounds pretty docile to me,” I said with a laugh.
“You should have been here a second ago,” Ryan said. “She was yelling at me because I didn’t put the wet clothes in the dryer. Apparently, they smell now. Or something like that. Anyway, you’re lucky you missed it.”
She set down her menu. “I asked you to do one simple thing. One.”
He looked at me and rolled his eyes.
“Ryan.” Her tone implied it would be stupid to mess with her.
“I’m sorry, baby. It won’t happen again.” He rolled his eyes again when she couldn’t see.
“Thank you.” She looked back at her menu.
I smirked while I watched them. They argued and bickered like real parents. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world.
The waiter approached our table to take our order.
“We’re waiting for one more,” Ryan said.
We were?
The waiter walked away.
My heart leapt in joy. “My lady?”
“Yep,” Ryan said. “But don’t call her that. You’re going to get Janice excited for nothing.”
&
nbsp; “Any progress?” Janice asked.
“I’d say so,” I said. “She came over for dinner the other night. I made tacos.”
“Nothing happened?” Janice asked sadly.
I didn’t mention Silke kissing me in her sleep. That was a little awkward. “No. We slept on the couch together but that’s about it.”
Janice sighed in irritation. “Ryan, I’m going to smack her.”
Ryan laughed. “Give her time. This isn’t our relationship. And…Arsen did hurt her a lot.”
That made me feel like shit.
“Maybe we’ve forgiven him,” Ryan said. “But Silke needs to forgive him on her own.”
“Which is why you arranged this dinner?” Janice asked sarcastically.
Ryan shrugged in guilt. “Slade and Trinity were busy otherwise they would have come.”
“You didn’t even invite them,” Janice hissed.
“Well, I just assumed they’re busy planning that wedding,” Ryan said.
“I’ve been thinking about that,” she said. “I think we should offer to pay for half.”
“Mike wouldn’t accept it,” Ryan said immediately.
“If you talked to him privately, he might,” Janice said.
He shook his head. “I’ve known Mike for a long time. He won’t budge.”
“Why?” she asked. “Slade is our son.”
“That doesn’t matter to him,” he said. “It’s traditional for the bride’s parents to pay for the wedding. And you know how much pride Mike has. Besides, we have to pay for Silke’s wedding. Let’s save for that.”
“I’ll pay for our wedding,” I blurted. I probably shouldn’t make all these assumptions when Silke wasn’t even my girlfriend yet, but I wasn’t going to let her go again. If she started dating someone, I’d only fight for her harder.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Janice said. “You’re like a son to us.”
“Is a son,” Ryan corrected.
My heart swelled to twice its size. “Thanks…” Comments like that always made me feel warm.
“We can cross that bridge when we get there,” Ryan said before it became too awkward.
When Janice waved across the room, I knew Silke just walked into the restaurant. She was behind me so I couldn’t see her. But she would recognize me the second she turned in this direction.
