Then he did the most amazing thing. He placed his mouth against her breasts. He drew the hard tip inside and suckled like a babe. Her eyes widened, then closed. She cupped his head, holding him in place.
“Justin, oh, Justin. How can you do that? How can you make me feel that?” He moved to her other breast and repeated the exquisite torture. When he would have pulled away, she slipped her fingers through his hair. “No, don’t stop.”
He laughed low in his throat. The soft sound made Megan aware of herself and what they were doing. Her hands moved from his silky hair to his shoulders and she pushed him away.
He straightened slowly and looked at her. Then his gaze dropped to her chest. She glanced down and saw the damp silk clinging to her. The material was transparent and left her breasts practically bare to his gaze. He touched the hardened tips.
“You’re more beautiful than I imagined,” he said softly. “Especially in silk.”
He was teasing, but that didn’t stop the feeling of guilt that flooded her. “Justin!” She swatted his hand away and pulled on the ribbon of her corset cover. When it was fastened, she tugged her bodice closed and began on the buttons.
“Megan, look at me.”
She didn’t want to. She was still blushing. She was afraid of what he’d made her feel and what she would see in his eyes. But she couldn’t resist him forever. Slowly, she raised her gaze to his.
He smiled gently. The fire flaring between them had been banked, but she could see the lingering embers. It wouldn’t take much to make it explode again. Despite the fact that he’d frightened and shocked her, she was pleased to know he wanted her again. She would hate to think the wanting was only hers.
“Your guilty secrets are safe with me,” he said.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“Yes. Imagine what would happen if the good women of Landing knew what you wore under your dresses.” He grinned and reached for her bodice, but she turned away. “Don’t be shy now.”
“I can’t help it.” She secured the last of her buttons. “I’m shocked at what we did.”
His smile faded. “I’m glad you said ‘we.’”
She raised her chin. “I won’t deny I didn’t object when you...” Her hand fluttered close to her chest. “But, no one can know.”
He drew in a deep breath. “I’ve always kept your secrets, Megan. You can trust me with these.”
The last glow of the passion between them flickered and died. She knew what he was talking about. Their “understanding” seven years ago. He’d never said anything about that. He’d never repeated those horrible things she’d said to him. Even now, she could hear her own words echoing loudly in the silence.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“Why? You meant what you said.”
Her head jerked as if he’d slapped her. But she couldn’t dispute the words. At the time, she would have said anything to convince him she didn’t love him anymore.
“Besides, if you get lucky and the town accepts me, you can confess one of your secrets without anyone thinking less of you. With the possible exception of Colleen. I don’t think she’s ever going to see me other than—”
“Don’t say it,” Megan demanded, glaring at him. “Stop saying that about yourself. I won’t listen to that word again.”
Justin looked at her for several seconds, but she couldn’t read his expression. She didn’t want to know he still thought of himself as a bastard. He was too good for that. He’d always been too good, but seven years ago she’d been too young to see the truth.
“I’d better go,” he said, and started down the stairs. “Bonnie should be in bed.”
She trailed after him. “Leave her here with me. She’s already asleep. I know you think I don’t want her here, but I do. I’m sorry I hesitated when you asked me before, but you judged me unfairly. I care about her.”
“I believe you.” He reached the bottom of the stairs. “But I still have to take her with me. I understand Bonnie and she needs that right now.”
Megan was one step above him, so she could stare directly into his eyes. “I understand her, too. I wasn’t much older than her when I lost my mother. I know how she feels. I can help.”
He shook his head. “It’s not about that. You came from a respectable home. Bonnie’s mother was a saloon girl. How are you going to explain it to her when she starts asking questions?”
She had no answer for that. What would she say to the child? Justin was right. Again. Before she walked past him, she reached into her skirt pocket and pulled out the object she’d raced upstairs to get.
“This is yours,” she said, handing it to him. “I meant to return it that last night, but I forgot.”
He stared at the pocketknife. The light in the hallway reflected off the polished surface, illuminating the initials carved there. She was surprised they could still be seen. How many times had she traced those letters with her fingers, as if rubbing them again and again would bring Justin back to her?
“Why did you keep it?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I tried to throw it away, but I couldn’t. I’ll get Bonnie’s things.”
She placed the girl’s new clothes and shoes in a cloth bag, then put Bonnie’s precious corn-husk doll on top. Justin picked up the sleeping child and held her against his chest. Megan handed him the bag.
When she opened the front door, he stepped onto the porch. “Good night,” she whispered.
He didn’t answer for a long time. “Was there anything between you and that farmer?” he asked abruptly.
“Cameron? Of course not,” she answered without thinking, then bit back a groan. She should have been coy.
“Good,” Justin said. He started across the porch.
Megan watched until he disappeared into the night. Good? He thought it was good that she hadn’t been involved with the handsome widower? Why?
She’d already closed the door and was dousing the lights downstairs when she got her answer. Justin had been jealous. There was no need for him to be. There had never been anyone but him. She was starting to wonder if there ever would be again.
* * *
“Will there be lace, too?” Bonnie asked eagerly.
“Yes, here on the collar, and on the cuffs.” Megan picked up the dark blue dress and held it in front of the little girl. “See how pretty? It matches your eyes.”
Bonnie grabbed a piece of lace and held it up to her face. “The white part, too!”
Megan laughed. “Yes, the white part, too.” She leaned over and squeezed the child against her.
It had been over a week since Justin had first brought the thin, scared girl to her store. Since then, they’d spent most of their days together. Justin brought her to the store after breakfast and picked her up on his way home. There hadn’t been a repeat of that first night, with Justin staying to supper, and then—she cleared her throat and searched frantically for her scissors on the table—what had happened later. She brought Bonnie back to the house, but she always returned her to the shop before sundown.
“This was your dress?” Bonnie asked, fingering the heavy cotton.
“Yes, when I was a little older than you. I’m going to cut it down. I think I only wore it one or two times, so it’s almost new. It’s going to look much prettier on you than it ever did on me. You have such beautiful dark hair.”
Bonnie smiled shyly, as if compliments were as foreign to her as regular meals had been. But in the last few days, her bruises had faded and her face had lost its pinched, hungry look. She smiled often and even laughed on occasion.
“We’re going to a social, huh?”
“Yes,” Megan said, laying the dress flat on her dining room table. She began to carefully tear out the neat stitches. “After church on Sunday.”
“I’ve never been to church.”
Megan stared at her. Never been to church? But the child was six years old. She opened her mouth to say some
thing, then clamped it shut. Of course Bonnie hadn’t. Who would take her? Her mother wouldn’t have been allowed inside Landing’s most sacred building, and Mrs. Jarvis hadn’t taken the trouble to feed and clothe the girl decently. Why would she have bothered with the state of the child’s soul?
“It’s very lovely,” Megan said, and smiled at her. “There’s singing and the minister reads from the Bible. He talks about God.” She sighed. “Sometimes he talks a little too long, but he has a nice voice, so we don’t mind.”
“Is there singing at the social?”
“Sometimes. It’s mostly a picnic to welcome Justin as the new sheriff.”
Bonnie’s big blue eyes got bigger. She laid her corn-husk doll on the table and leaned closer. “A picnic? I’ve heard about that. Is there going to be fried chicken?”
“Yes. And lemonade and cakes.”
“Do I get some?”
“Of course.”
“I’m glad Justin’s the new sheriff,” Bonnie said fervently.
Megan laughed. “I bet you are.” She turned back to the dress and continued tearing out the stitches. Unfortunately, not all the townspeople shared Bonnie’s enthusiasm. Justin continued to investigate Laurie Smith’s murder and many citizens resented his spending so much time on something they considered worthless. She’d had an argument about it with Mrs. Greeley just yesterday. In a fit of temper, she’d told the older woman she should be grateful Justin cared that much. If anyone ever did in her husband for overcharging in his butcher shop, Justin would be sure to bring the man to justice.
Megan bit her lower lip. It had been a silly thing to say. She’d known that as soon as the words had slipped out. No doubt, news of the words she and the butcher’s wife had exchanged were already spread all over town. Part of the reason she’d brought Bonnie back to the house had been to work on the dress, but the other had been to avoid her sister. It had rained yesterday, turning the path between town and the Bartlett house into a muddy trail. Colleen would never risk her shoes over a visit, so Megan and Bonnie were safe today.
At least Colleen and Mrs. Greeley seemed to be in the minority. There were enough new settlers to tip the scale in Justin’s favor. He was also getting support from the most surprising places. Megan had been shocked when she’d found out Mrs. Dobson had been the one who’d suggested the social. The older woman had always talked about Justin’s being as handsome as sin, and sin making its own kind of trouble. Maybe the widow didn’t think trouble from sin that handsome was a bad thing. Megan smiled at the thought.
When the dress was in pieces, she picked up the heavy paper she was using as a pattern. She pinned it to the cloth, then carefully cut around the edges. Bonnie sat on the floor and played.
“Can we make a dress for my doll?” she asked.
“I think so.”
“And Alice?” The kitten had awakened from her morning nap and had come to investigate their activities. She was still small enough to sit in a teacup, but she was growing. Her bright green eyes didn’t miss anything, Megan thought as the kitten swatted at a falling bit of fabric.
“I think Alice likes her calico coat just fine.”
The cat meowed her agreement, then hopped into Bonnie’s lap.
“What are you going to wear?” the girl asked.
“Oh, I have lots of dresses.”
“But you have to wear something special.”
“I’ll find the right dress.”
Bonnie picked up Alice and cradled her in her arms. “Let’s go pick one now.”
Megan set down the blue fabric. She could finish the dress later, while Bonnie was taking a nap, or even that evening. It wouldn’t take long. “All right.” She took the little girl’s hand and led her upstairs to her bedroom. There was a large armoire opposite the bed and another one beside the big window.
She opened the one opposite the bed. “I have a pretty pink dress,” she said, pulling out a floral print calico that had to be at least four years old. It was wearing a little at the shoulder seams and the fabric had a decided droop to it.
Bonnie climbed onto the bed and shook her head. Alice flopped down beside her and started to purr. “It’s not pretty, Megan.”
“All right.” She reached into the armoire again and brought out a light blue gown. It had pleats across the front and a big lace collar. The back pulled up into a cascade of flounces. The style was nice, but the color was a little off for her. Even before Bonnie wrinkled her nose, she was already hanging it back up.
They went through three more dresses. There was a second pink dress of silk that Bonnie admitted might be all right. Then the girl pointed at the other armoire. “What’s in there?”
Megan hesitated. She shouldn’t really show her. It wasn’t as if she could wear the dress. It was completely scandalous. But no one had ever seen it, and suddenly she desperately wanted to know what the little girl would think.
“This is very special,” Megan said as she approached the armoire. “But it’s a secret. You can’t tell anyone. Do you understand?”
Bonnie nodded so vigorously, the bed shook. Her eyes widened in anticipation.
Megan opened the armoire. One half was shelves where she kept most of the silk and lace lingerie that Justin had seen the other night. She flushed at the memory. She’d been rearranging her things while Bonnie slept that evening and he’d seen her room before she’d had a chance to put everything away. But she didn’t reach for any of the fancy undergarments. Instead, she pulled out a cream-colored silk dress.
The neckline dipped scandalously low in front, and was edged in deep rose-colored rosettes. The tiny sleeves would just cover her shoulders and leave her arms completely bare. The tightly fitted bodice flared out at the hips before the luxurious fabric draped down to the underskirt. Rows and rows of gathered flounces had been edged in rose ribbon. The last foot of the skirt was pleated. She turned it slowly so Bonnie could see the back. A bustle of rosettes and ribbon cascaded to the ground.
It was a dress made for a princess. Bonnie stared openmouthed. “Oh, Megan, that’s so pretty. It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen forever.”
“I know. It’s a Worth gown.” She brushed a speck of lint from the shoulder seam. “Three years ago, I was in St. Louis buying for the store. This gown had been ordered for a lady who changed her mind about it. The gentleman I purchase my ready-made clothing from showed it to me, and I simply had to have it.” It had been wicked of her, she knew, but she didn’t care. The gown had been too beautiful to resist. The previous year had been her best yet, so she’d told herself she deserved a reward.
“Wear that,” Bonnie said.
“No. I can’t.” Megan put the gown back. Just thinking about what the townspeople would say—what Colleen would say—was enough to make her shudder. Like the lingerie, this was a guilty secret. She had more than anyone suspected.
“The earth dress is pretty. You should wear it. My dress is going to be pretty and I’m wearing mine.”
“It’s a ‘Worth,’” Megan said, closing the armoire and sitting next to the girl. “He’s a famous dress designer in Paris.”
“Worth,” Bonnie repeated. “Doesn’t he want you to wear your dress?”
He might, Megan thought, but probably not in Kansas. She smiled. “I’m sure he does. But not to the social.”
Bonnie seemed to accept that. “You can wear your pink dress, then. We’ll be pretty together.”
“Yes, we will.” Megan leaned over and hugged her close. Bonnie clung to her.
Deep in her chest she felt a sharp pain. She tried to ignore the cause, but she couldn’t. She loved her job at the store. It made her happy and kept her from going slowly mad from being trapped in this big house. For the last few years she’d told herself the store was enough. That she was lucky to be able to work. Most women couldn’t. Their children or society kept them at home. But as Bonnie snuggled closer, Megan realized she’d been fooling herself. Just as being home all the time wouldn’t please her,
the store by itself wasn’t enough, either. She’d been lonely for a long time.
As she straightened, Megan wondered what she was supposed to do about that. She wanted the normal joys of womanhood. A family and husband. But how? And who? Since age sixteen, there had been only one man in her life. And in a year, that man would be leaving.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“I don’t want to be here,” Justin mumbled under his breath.
Bonnie, skipping along at his side, glanced up at him. “Megan says there’s singing at church,” she said, as if that made it all right.
“I know.” The singing was the least of his problems but it sure didn’t make it all right with him. He tugged on his collar and adjusted his string tie, then pulled at his black jacket. He didn’t give a damn about how he looked. He wanted to be anywhere but fifty feet from the white clapboard church in front of him. The townspeople were starting to assemble. He’d hoped to get to church early and find a seat in the back so he and Bonnie wouldn’t be noticed. However, more people were out than he’d thought. If having to go to church wasn’t bad enough, afterward there was going to be a social.
The old-timers hadn’t forgotten who he was and why he’d been run out of town. Most of them were offended by his investigation into Laurie Smith’s death, despite the fact that he hadn’t found out a damn thing. The new settlers didn’t care who or what he was as long as he got the job done, but they would hear the talk today, if they hadn’t already. He didn’t care for himself, but Bonnie was another matter.
He glanced down at the girl. Alice, the maid, had come in early and done Bonnie’s hair in ringlets. Her new blue dress with its big lace collar was the exact color of her eyes. She was beautiful, and almost a replica of her mother. If nothing else cast a pall over the social, the men who had visited Laurie were bound to be unnerved by Bonnie’s likeness to her. It was going to be a long day.
As they approached the church, Justin noticed several clusters of people talking. One by one they grew silent and stared. Bonnie gripped his hand tighter. She clutched her doll to her chest and crowded him.
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