Noni’s thoughts began to drift and scatter, a little like leaves in a breeze, and she realised she felt sorry for him. Why feel sorry for him? He’d been a jerk in class. She should just drop the tray and run.
‘Can I help you?’ she found herself saying, though she had no idea why.
He looked up at her with genuine relief in his face, as if he really didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. ‘I’m worried about Jacinta. My daughter doesn’t like me and I’m hoping she won’t run away before she has the baby.’
Daughter? Daughter? Noni stifled a laugh. Oops. Why hadn’t she realised that herself instead of jumping to conclusions? He’d seemed older, but not old enough to be her father. And the longer the class had gone on, the younger she’d suspected Jacinta was. She must have made a small sound because he looked at her, and she had no doubt he’d see the tide of colour that crept up her cheek.
He frowned and raised an eyebrow in question. May as well get it out, she thought with an inner cringe. ‘Um, I thought she was your wife.’
‘Thank you.’ Iain laughed a little uncomfortably. ‘I mustn’t look as old as I feel.’
Noni closed her eyes and this time didn’t hide her wince. How could she have been so wrong about someone? She’d sensed there were undercurrents she hadn’t understood between the two. She hoped that other sensation she could feel wasn’t relief. Relief that she could be attracted to him without flaying herself. Relief that … umm, she didn’t want to think about!
Noni refocused. Was he struggling not to laugh? Great. Now, she’d provided a source of amusement. When he stopped biting his lip and finally grinned, that smile did strange things to her stomach. Sheesh.
‘Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.’ His voice shook a little when he spoke. ‘You think I’d want to entice a seventeen-year-old girl into my bed?’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Did everyone else in the class think that tonight?’
Noni didn’t like to say she’d be pretty sure they did. But seventeen? Good grief. ‘She looks older than that. And yes, you look younger than you must be to have a seventeen-year-old daughter!’
He didn’t look appeased. ‘It’s a worry that I even looked like a cradle snatcher. It’s not my style, though.’
‘So, tell me about it,’ She said sympathetically.
His mouth curved again. ‘What? My style?’
Out went the sympathy. ‘No.’ Her voice came out so dry it nearly crumbled. ‘I could probably work that one out for myself. You must have had your style for a while if you have a seventeen-year-old daughter.’
That damn gleam in his eyes returned. Then just as quickly his face changed and the humour disappeared as if it had never been. ‘I fibbed to her mother about my age.’ The brilliant blue of his eyes leached cooler as he thought about it.
‘Please.’ He gestured for her to sit opposite him.
Invitation or order? It didn’t matter at this point. She was curious enough to agree. She lowered her butt into the chair, curled her feet up under herself, and waited.
‘My ex-wife and I divorced last year. We didn’t have children. Recently, when she remarried, she forwarded me a letter. The letter said I had a daughter.’ His voice flattened.
Noni spread her hands. He’d said he and his wife hadn’t had any children, so how was Jacinta his daughter?
‘That letter came from Jacinta’s mother, Adele, an old and dear friend …’ He hesitated over the word ‘friend’, before continuing. ‘A good friend, I thought, from a very long time ago, who informed me of my daughter’s existence and asked for desperate assistance.’ The shock echoed in his voice.
‘When they weren’t at the address on the envelope I hired a private investigator to find them.’ He ran his hand through his hair. ‘Eventually, we discovered that Adele had died not long after she sent the letter. Then after some anxious false trails the detective managed to track Jacinta down at a hovel in Kings Cross.’ He looked up and shook his head and then his gaze lowered again as his voice dropped down. ‘By then, she’d spent nearly a year on the streets.
‘Jacinta’s mother’s life wasn’t easy, from what I’ve gathered, and since Jacinta turned ten, Adele had been plagued with illness.’ His eyebrows drew together. ‘I’ve yet to discover what the problem was.’ His fingers tightened on the small whisky glass. ‘Thankfully she put the surname McCloud on Jacinta’s birth certificate, though God knows I don’t deserve any recognition. It may have been the saving of us all. Adele died not long after my divorce and Jacinta moved in with a very dubious character and fell pregnant.’
He looked up again. ‘I’m telling you this in the hope it may help you understand where Jacinta’s biggest needs lie.’
His fingers squeezed until they were white around the glass and Noni crossed her fingers it wouldn’t break. Win liked those glasses.
‘When she started to show signs of pregnancy, the boyfriend told her terminate the pregnancy or get out. I’m telling myself that was a good thing. Except she hooked up with more dubious characters she’d met while sleeping under a park bench. One of whom, a drug dealer, has been “looking out for her”.’
He regarded his glass. Noni considered the expression on his face as his brows drew together again. ‘I really hope I never meet the father of her child.’ His voice held an edge more dangerous for that. Noni shivered in the warmth of the room.
He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. ‘So, I brought my heavily pregnant daughter to my apartment and tried to connect with her on some level, any level, but it was fraught with just the two of us.’ He laughed without humour. ‘The first night alone together in Sydney progressed to sheer hell and I thought she’d run away.’ His mouth twisted. ‘I couldn’t say the right things. She stopped talking and started looking longingly at the door. I began to think we should get away, in case her friends found her or she went looking for them. Then she suggested dropping in on the drug dealers. Your Dr Soams happened to ring me out of the blue and, when I told him what was going on, suggested we come here, perhaps even stay until the baby was born. I jumped at the idea.’
Noni wondered how he knew their local doctor. But he’d moved on. She’d ask Aunt Win.
‘Jacinta carries a lot of emotional baggage from her mother’s death, which she won’t talk about, and we needed a buffer until we can begin to understand each other. Greg suggested this guesthouse might work since there are other people here to talk to, that it would be somewhere I could concentrate on fostering a relationship with my daughter without my life – or, my biggest fear, her other life – intruding. The squat she lived in …’ He shuddered. ‘I wouldn’t let a dog stay there, and I’m pretty sure it was physically and legally dangerous for her.’ He huffed out a breath. ‘I’m hoping we’ll have enough time to form some sort of connection before the baby is born.’ He grimaced. ‘Maybe that’s too ambitious, but at least I can try. We’ll stay a month, and see where we are after that.’
Noni wanted to put her hand on his shoulder. His distress made her ache in sympathy, not to mention cringe for her previous assumptions. Thankfully, he wasn’t looking at her. She had badly misjudged him. But how was she supposed to know?
He still hadn’t finished; had probably bottled the whole emotional rollercoaster up inside and needed to vent. Noni had no problem with that. It was like an episode on TV except these were real people with real heartbreak. ‘Jacinta’s had no antenatal care,’ Iain continued.
That wasn’t good. ‘We can help there.’ She didn’t think he heard her.
‘Her baby’s grown better than it could have under the conditions. I had her checked out the first day and the ultrasounds are all positive. But I worry that she even wants to eat well. It would have been very different if she’d come to me sooner. Like about seventeen years ago. I let her mother and her down for a very long time and I think she hates me for that. But even Jacinta knew the shady side of the Cross wasn’t an option for a baby to grow up in, so that’s given me a little leverage, for now.�
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He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. ‘She’s due in eight weeks and we’ve got a lot of cramming to do in the next month or two before her baby arrives. And then she’ll have to learn to be a mother.’ He laughed again mirthlessly. ‘The crazy thing is I’m actually excited about my grandchild. Which is lucky. Someone needs to be.’
Iain shook his head. ‘So that’s the story. Unless it comes early, I’ve got eight weeks to learn to be a father before I become a grandfather.’ He seemed to shake off the despondency of his memories and fixed a slightly teasing gaze on her. ‘Greg Soams spoke highly of you both, so you and Win get to share some of this. From the little I’ve seen of you both already I know you will help.’
She really wanted to ask how he knew Dr Soams, only she didn’t want to push, considering he’d been so open with sharing their story. It wasn’t a ‘need to know’ right at this moment but it nagged at her.
‘I’m sorry. I’m venting.’ Iain looked at her. ‘Surely enough about me. Now that you know I’m not a cradle snatcher, seducing girls young enough to be my daughter, what about you? What’s your story?’
He smiled, and she felt the intensity of that smile all the way down to her toes. Shocked at the unexpected connection, she felt her world tilt. She consciously inhaled a slow breath and slid her feet down onto the floor to ground her. It must be the empathy she was feeling for his plight. His and Jacinta’s. Or hunger. Or tiredness. Phew.
When she looked at him again, his eyes were trained on her face. A small smile played around his too-sexy mouth and she could feel her cheeks warm. He was looking at her like she was suddenly a woman and not just a means to an end and she tried hard not to respond to his magic – but apparently once he turned on the charm it could knock her sideways. For goodness sake, he was too old for her. ‘Just how old are you?’
He laughed. ‘I’m thirty-five. How old are you?’
Well, she could say it was none of his business. But it served her right. ‘Twenty-five.’
She did some quick mental gymnastics. He must have been young when he’d fallen in love with Jacinta’s mother. So, a wild, youthful passion – she knew about those. If Adele had been much older than him – he mentioned he’d lied about his age – then maybe that was the reason Adele hadn’t told him she was pregnant. Noni tried to ignore the voice inside that suggested she go with the temptation of attraction instead of the usual back-pedalling. Six years of a taboo against men had become a habit.
But that tiny voice deep inside whispered to her. Imagine if you gave him a chance to flirt with you? How would it feel? Two adults with chemistry, passing in the night … nothing long term – just a taste of what other women have, the ones who don’t have a checkered past and a five-year-old illegitimate son. Then he’ll go. Back to the city. And you’ll at least know how it feels.
But she’d never been into affairs and she wasn’t sure she knew the rules – if there were rules. And anyway, she wouldn’t do that under Win’s roof – even though Win would laugh and say the choice was hers. She could feel her heart thumping. No way! Her life had boundaries.
She stood up. Escape looked good right now. ‘Somehow, I don’t think you’re any sort of “old” man, and I think Jacinta will settle under Aunt Win’s care. And mine. My aunt and I will help you in any way we can.’ Her mouth felt dry and her heart thump-thumped like a train. Geez. ‘This is a good place to run to when you’re feeling challenged and Jacinta won’t be micromanaged.’ Unless you try, she added silently. She thought seriously about that for a moment because he definitely looked the type. Another reason she shouldn’t be attracted to him.
‘I know this is a good place because it’s where I came,’ she told him, sharing just a bit. ‘We’ll be here for Jacinta when she wants us.’ She didn’t say they’d be there for him because that might not be in Noni’s best interests. The jury was out on that one. Stay on track, she reminded herself. ‘Just let Jacinta settle in and what’s meant to be will take its course.’ Lordy, she sounded like her aunt. ‘Right now, I need my beauty sleep.’ Although she spoke calmly, she could still feel the vibration in her chest, like the rabbit that went past her earlier this evening. Scared of the intruder. Unsure of what the darkness held. Except hers was the deep, sleepy darkness in his eyes. ‘Goodnight.’
She backed out of the room and then spoiled it by nearly running up the stairs. She, who didn’t run away from anything! She kept her eyes on the steps ahead. To look back wasn’t an option.
Chapter Seven
Jacinta
The next morning, Jacinta sat on the verandah and answered the questions Harley badgered her with. She’d never had much to do with little kids; had always thought they were shy and boring. But Harley amused her. He was like that black-and-white willy wagtail outside her window on the tree branch this morning. Jumping up and down and twittering insistently, Wake up! Look at me! Lucky she was a morning person.
‘So where did you live before you came here?’ Harley tilted his head as he asked and she could see all the freckles across his nose.
‘In Kings Cross.’
‘Is that in Sydney?’ For a five-year-old, he had a fair grasp on the world. His eyes watched her as if she was going to say something really exciting. She wasn’t.
‘Yes, I’m surprised you know that.’
‘Aunt Win said you came from Sydney.’ He squirmed in his seat as if barely able to contain himself. ‘I want to go there.’
‘Why?’ So did she, but he was a little kid. ‘It’s full of strangers.’
‘People come and go here all the time.’ Apparently, Harley didn’t mind the idea. Strange kid. ‘They’re strangers until we get to know them.’
‘Ah, but in the city, nobody cares about you.’ Unless some random father picks you up and transports you to a hick town in the country. She preferred strangers who weren’t going to watch you twenty-four seven.
Harley narrowed his gaze on her when she didn’t say anything more, and shrugged his skinny shoulders. ‘And the city’s big. And the trains run all day. They only come once a day here. I could catch trains. I love trains. Do you love trains? Did you go on trains in Sydney?’
Trains weren’t fun at night. ‘Yes. And I can’t say I loved them.’ She’d better ask him something or he’d never stop asking questions. ‘Have you lived here all your life? Is it always this quiet?’
He looked around. Looked around again as if searching for the quiet she was talking about. Another willy wagtail had settled on the lawn a few feet away from them and had begun to tweet belligerently. A truck started up down the street with a low rumble, and somewhere in the vicinity she could hear sheep bleating.
‘It’s noisy on Saturday mornings,’ he told her.
Just then his mother called. ‘Harley! Inside, please.’
He grinned cheekily at her. ‘Cricket this morning. Gotta go. See ya.’
Jacinta couldn’t help smiling. ‘See ya.’ She watched him run away and glanced down at her Sudoku. Sometimes, her brain felt like it ran on speed and maths helped to calm it down. She was about to tackle it again when she was distracted by the show that started through the kitchen window.
She’d missed family stuff this last year. Stuff she would probably never be a part of again, she thought, and she stamped down on the spark of self-pity. Her mum might have been sick, but they’d had fun, loved each other. They’d been a two-person family.
She watched Noni and her son laughing at something Win said, and she found herself wondering about the boy’s father. Someone else had missing links, too. Though she’d bet Harley’s dad hadn’t been a loser like her baby’s dad. Still, the kid looked happy enough.
Conversation drifted out the window. ‘Come on, Harley. Can you put the cricket kit beside the ute? I’ll lift it in when I find the thermos. There’s three hours of sitting under a tree for me this morning and I’m going to need my caffeine.’
‘I can’t find my white shoes, Mummy.’ The miniature version of Noni st
ood with his hands on his hips and looked at his mother.
‘Do I wear them, mate?’ His mother mimicked his stance. ‘Where did you have them last?’
‘Here they are.’ Aunt Win came back into view with a pair of shoes in one hand and a thermos in the other.
Both combatants smiled at her and Win turned away to fill the container with coffee.
Jacinta’s eyes rested on Win. She’d felt the warmth from the older lady from the first moment she’d met her. Noni had been lucky there. There was no such luck in Jacinta’s world since her mum had died. She felt a wave of loss and guilt about whether she could have done more for her mother. That somehow, she could have prevented her dying. Her mum had loved her, and even though she’d been sick for so long, they’d been a team. Until her mum’s boyfriend had come along. She chewed the quick of her fingernail, scowled, and looked back at the window. If she hadn’t got a boyfriend her mum wouldn’t have fallen pregnant. If she hadn’t been pregnant she wouldn’t have died. That was why she hadn’t stayed with him – couldn’t stay with the man she blamed. Though she had a new person to blame now: the man who should have looked after her mother from the beginning.
Win’s voice broke her maudlin thoughts. ‘You losing shoes is hereditary, Harley. Your mother loses everything, and I still haven’t figured out how she manages to get it all back. Some guardian angel’s looking after her, so you better hope they look your way, too. Now, both of you get out of here and have a good morning.’
Harley ran out of view, probably to get the kit from the carport, his cricket hat shoved into his hand by his mother.
Win handed the thermos to Noni. ‘Here’s your coffee, and here’s that rulebook you said to remember. But they’re only under-sixes. Kanga cricket is designed for people who don’t know the rules. Someone else will umpire.’
‘They’d better.’ Noni grimaced and kissed her aunt on the cheek. ‘It’ll be fun.’ She said it staunchly, but Jacinta could see her chewing her lip as she came down the steps. Jacinta had no idea what Kanga cricket was.
Mothers' Day Page 4
