“Hen, that is not a good idea.”
“Samantha, right now I need you to be my best friend; not my publicist. I want to go out. I will go out. I will find a club and shake my ass all over every inch of it. Do you hear me say?”
She exchanges a concerned glance with the other three, “Okay.”
I return to my bedroom and discover my clothes have been hung in the small bedroom closet. I choose a black BCBG sleeveless body-con dress. The dress is cut in a sharp V-pattern and shows quite a bit of cleavage. It drops to a foot below my bottom. I dry and style my hair, apply makeup, and add big black bangle bracelets, and a drop silver necklace. The only black shoes I have are a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti Swarovski crystal and suede open-toed heels. A crystal band wraps the ankle.
Koi enters the bedroom, “You’re gorgeous.”
“Thanks. You ready to have some fun?”
“I can’t go, baby girl. I have things I need to take care of.”
I kiss my brother’s cheek with cheer, “Okay. See you soon.”
Kip and Jessica are arguing when I emerge, “Maybe this is exactly how she needs to handle this. She is a grown ass woman. Let her be.”
“I am worried is all,” Jessica says.
I roll my eyes; I can hear you motherfuckers. Opening the suite door, Maurice and Cory stand from their chairs at like attention and shit. My goons are so cool.
“Are you ready Ms. Hendrix?” Cory asks.
“Yes.” I peer over my shoulder, “Are you guys coming?”
My friends' attire is all black. They follow me down the hotel corridor to the elevator.
Kip instructs my goons to take us to Lure, some celebrity nightclub, and when we arrive I open my phone and see its 11:00 pm. I have so many missed calls, voicemails, and texts. I am sure the world wants to tell me how sorry they are. Maurice opens the door, and I have an urge to run my fingers through his hair again. Kip exits the passenger side holding his hand out for Jessica, Samantha, and then me. The line outside is already long, and the paparazzi lose their shit when I step out. The line cheers as flashes erupt from cell phones and the papz. I smile my practiced smile. I perfected it by the age of 16. When the flashes go off, you can’t see shit. Stare straight ahead. The line and the papz scream my name, and I hear Jagger’s name in the mix too.
My friends and goons flank me as we inch towards the door. The bouncer takes one look and waves us in. Sometimes it’s nice to be a part of the elite rich and famous. Once we enter the club, we are met with a skinny Emo guy. He waves us over to a table where the booth lines the wall. This is where all the pretty people sit. I sit and wait for a waitress to take my order. When she arrives, I order a double shot of whiskey, and ask her to keep them coming. When she retreats, I check out the dance floor, and watch the bodies move against each other. This place is pure sex, and I want to be in the middle of all that beautiful flesh.
I don’t make it far before Kip grabs my hand and smiles a sad little smile. He leads me to the middle of the dance floor, and we gyrate against one another. Kip is an amazing dancer. Samantha and Jessica join us, and we dance for hours, only returning to the table for more shots. Kip and the goons surround me at all times, but it doesn’t stop the camera phones and looks of interest. My whereabouts are all over the media by now.
Kai Scott meets us at the table, full of sad smiles for me. Fuck pity. Kai is the “it” producer in our industry, and might I add, an extremely sexy man. He has recently committed to producing our new album, and I am pretty stoked about working with him. As he leans in to speak with Kip over the music, I take a moment to check him out. He’s easily six feet tall, with Japanese tattoos of fish, dragons, and lions running up and down his arms. He has dark hair styled in that messy, but sexy way. His arms are just muscular enough, and if the shirt he is currently sporting is any indication, his body is equally defined. He has no facial hair, and perfect lips. I bet he can kiss like a god. His long eyelashes line his honey brown eyes.
As he leans away from Kip, I look away to hide the blatant eye fucking I was just giving him. He approaches me, and the whiskey and lush gods take over.
I grab his hand, “Let’s dance.”
He looks unsure, but I don’t give him another moment to think about it. I drag him to the middle of the floor and shake my ass against him. His hands find their way to my hips, so I lean my head back to rest on his hard chest. He smells good. I wish my sheets smelled like that. He places a small kiss on my temple, and I lean forward so he doesn’t see my smile. Samantha asks to cut in, and I could smack her! I’m aware she is trying to keep the pictures of this moment from the public, but I’ve had too much whiskey to care. I like the way he smells.
Kip jumps in and dances with me, and I am facing Kai, so I watch him watch me dance. His body is moving with Samantha and Jessica who have double-teamed him, but his eyes watch my body move on Kip. There is something sexy when a man watches you with lust in his eyes, so I stare straight into his honey eyes to keep him with me. I wish I knew what he was thinking, the naughty thoughts are written so clearly across his face.
His expression changes suddenly, and Jessica and Samantha still with panic in their eyes. Samantha shakes her head in a no motion, so I turn around to follow her stare, and there he stands nose to nose with Kip, and Kip isn’t backing down. I don’t think I have ever seen Kip’s face so angry before. He is itching for a fight. He pushes Kip, so I place myself in front of my friend, throw my arms around his neck and speak into his ear where he can hear me over the music.
“Let’s go home.”
Kip never takes his eyes off of him, but nods in agreement. I motion for Cory and Maurice to lead us to the exit, but Cory shakes his head “no” and speaks into Maurice’s ear. Maurice motions towards the back of the establishment instead, and we follow. We are outside of the building in no time, and the fresh air feels good in my lungs.
Someone grabs my elbow, tugging on me, and I spin around to see Jagger. Sweet, gorgeous Jagger.
“Take your hands off of her,” Kip orders.
“This doesn’t concern you,” Jagger growls.
“Now it does. You just fucked up everything you selfish dick! You brought us all into this when you kept vital information to yourself.”
“That vital information doesn’t pertain to anyone else here.”
“Yeah? It most definitely pertains to Henley, or was the last five months a fucking sham? It also pertains to your band because now nobody is listening to our music. They are listening to how bad you fucked it all up. It certainly pertains to your friends in the band because we are in the middle of you two now whether you like it or not. Koi also factors in, seeing as you fucked his sister over, and not just a little. You fucked her over publicly, in front of the entire goddamn world!”
Jagger says nothing for a beat, instead he reaches out to me, and I stare at him as though he is a ghost too. I am imagining this. He isn’t really here. He looks like shit. Dark bags hang heavy under his eyes, his clothes appear worn, and he’s trembling.
“I just need a minute baby. Please hear me out,” he pleads.
I process his request as I stare into his eyes, the eyes of the man I love. What could he possibly say? It was true, and he can’t make that go away. The love I woke up too three days ago, is gone. It takes one article full of pictures and gory details to wipe the last five months of my life clean. It’s like it never happened, a fleeting moment in time.
The SUV pulls into the back alley, where Cory and Maurice quickly open the doors for us. No one moves though. I stare at Jagger, his eyes pleading and begging. Do I owe him this? Years of friendship and love are worth something, right?
“Please go get in the car,” I call to my friends, without taking my eyes off of Jag.
“Hen...,” Kip starts.
“I will be fine. I will walk down the alley with Jagger. You will be in the car, and have me in your sights the entire time. I will be fine,” my big blu
e eyes land on Kip’s face so he can see my confidence.
My friends load in the SUV, but Maurice and Cory remain in front of it, alert and ready. Jagger would never hurt me physically, so there is no need to guard me. We walk down the alleyway several hundred feet with the words hanging in the air. I find a bench, and sit, suddenly feeling exhausted. He follows suit. We don’t speak for a small eternity, and I listen to his ragged breathing. He is a mess. I feel the way he looks, but I don’t want him to see it.
“How are you?” he asks.
I think how simple the question is. The answer isn’t so simple, and I’m not sure there are words in the English language to describe my current state, so I don’t answer him.
“I am sorry, Henley. I’m a fucking tool.”
“Are you?”
“Jesus. Yes! I have never been sorrier in my life.”
“What are you sorry for exactly, Jagger? Are you sorry you lied? Are you sorry you began a relationship with me based on lies and half-truths? Or, are you sorry that you got caught?”
“I needed more time to work it all out. I have struggled with this since you came on tour. I finally got the chance to tell you how I feel, only to discover you felt the same way, and my head was wrapped up in the fear I would never get another chance with you. I couldn’t figure out how to make both situations work.”
He was living two lives.
“How far along is she?”
He lets out a big sigh, his head drops, and he fidgets with his jeans. “Seven months.”
Chapter 3
Henley
I try to imagine the woman who will have Jagger’s baby. I’ve read none of the articles or seen any of the pictures other than to see the headline at Saks. I wonder if she is beautiful. Does she love him? More importantly, does he love her? There has to be a certain sense of love for the person you have a child with. Where is my place in this love triangle?
“You had five months to tell me.”
“I know, Hen. I struggled the entire time with all of this crazy shit.”
“You lied.”
“No. I didn’t lie.”
“You lied by omission.”
“Fair enough.”
“Are you in love with her?”
“God no! It was a one-night stand, and I didn’t see her again until she contacted me through my Twitter account. She claimed she was pregnant two weeks before you came on tour. I flew out to Las Vegas and took her to the doctor. I didn’t believe her Henley. I berated her and treated her like a whore. Turns out, she was telling the truth. She’s pregnant, but I am not sold on the fact the child is mine.”
“Did you fuck her?”
“Yeah. I told you it was a one-night stand.”
“Then it could be yours.”
“Something didn’t add up from early on. We slept together around the time she conceived. I used a condom, but I never got off. I am not naive enough to think a woman can’t get pregnant otherwise, but the chances definitely decrease. I had a private investigator probe into her before I allowed her to fuck up my life… my life with you. She was in a long-term relationship with a guy who beat the shit out of her for two years. She left him a week before our concert in Vegas, and that’s when we hooked up. A week between sexual partners doesn’t make me feel confident this is my child.”
“Did you sleep with her again?”
“No, baby. No.”
“Were you in contact with her the last five months?”
He hangs his head, and I have my answer. How many times was I in the next room when he spoke to her? I have so many questions. I am trying to understand how the man I have loved since I was a little girl could enter a relationship with me with plans to build a future and never tell me he was having a child with another woman. Do I have a right to be angry when it happened before me?
“How many times, Jagger?”
“What?”
“How many times have you spoken to her while we were together?”
“Once a week, I check on her health and any updates from her doctor’s visits. I make sure she doesn’t need money and take care of anything she needs. If it’s my child I can’t let her go without, baby.”
“Don’t call me that right now.”
“Okay. This is a lot to wrap your head around. I would give anything to change things. I would have told you from the minute you walked on that bus and risked seeing where that left us. I would have had you by my side either way, but now I am risking losing you all together.”
“That’s why you exploded on me that night about the marriage and baby talk.”
“Yes. I am so sorry for the things I said to you.”
“I have to go.”
I stand and hold my clutch close to my chest. He kneels down and throws his arms around my waist while he buries the side of his face into my stomach.
“Wait. Please don’t go. Please tell me where we stand. Please don’t leave me hanging here. I am dying inside. I don’t deserve shit from you, I know that, but please take pity on me. I love you, Henley. I love you so fucking much. I can’t live without you. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t fucking sleep. I will do whatever you want, just please don’t leave me,” he cries.
I touch the top of his head and run my hand over it until my hand stops at the back of his head. I hold him there for a moment because I love touching this beautiful man. He sobs loudly, but I am so numb I can’t muster any tears.
“I need time to figure things out in my head. I just need time. Please give me that. I will call you when I am ready to talk.”
He stands and I peer into his red swollen eyes, which just seem to make those crystal blues even more brilliant, and I give him a sad smile. I wipe the tears that stain his gorgeous face. He turns the side of his face into my hand, needing to feel my touch. We stand like that for a little while when I drop my hand. He takes a step closer and gently grabs the sides of my face.
“I love you Henley. Please don’t leave me. I am nothing without you,” he searches my eyes for the answers he needs, but I don’t have them yet.
I place my hand on his chest, “I have loved you since I was a little girl. The last five months have had a few bumps, but I’ve felt more alive with you than I ever have. You gave me that. Thank you.”
I lean up to brush my lips against his, and he parts his lips in response. We kiss for the briefest of moments, before I pull away and he places his forehead to mine, holding onto the sides of my face with his hands.
“I have loved you since the sixth grade. I will always love you, no matter what. I want to spend the rest of my life making you smile, not cry. I want to wake up and look in your stormy grey-blue eyes every morning. I can’t breathe without you. This life isn’t worth living without you by my side. Please consider that when you make your decision. I love you,” he kisses me on the side of my mouth and then lets me go.
I walk back to the Escalade, holding my head high, keeping the impending storm brewing inside me pushed down as far as it will go. The Escalade had a clear view of us the entire time, but Cory and Maurice are looking down when I turn around. Perhaps they didn’t see and hear everything, but it didn’t matter if they did. Neither of them knew Jagger and I together, or the love that has bound us together since we were kids. I stride past Maurice, who jumps to attention and opens my door. Kip and Samantha are in the third row while Jessica is waiting for me in the second row. Tears stain the faces of my friends, and I’m aware they watched the train wreck that is Jagger and I. They just witnessed two people they love, beaten and broken by an epic love I thought knew no bounds. They watched Jagger plead and sob, and how I touched him. Anyone watching that scene could see the immense love ours souls share. Is that love enough now?
I climb into the second row, and grab Jessica’s hand, hoping she can give me some of her strength. I stare out the window of the vehicle the entire ride home and watch the world continue spinning. The world doesn’t stop spinning
even when mine falls apart. All the people continue to live their lives, and have no idea that the girl passing by is hurting, screaming inside.
When we arrive at the hotel, I ask my friends to pack my bags and take me home, so I can sleep in my own bed. I remain in the car. I need the memories my home holds to decide. Will I stay with Jagger, or leave him behind? Will he leave me behind when his child is born? I won’t be his number one priority anymore. As selfish as it is, I don’t know if I can handle coming second to a baby that isn’t mine.
Once I am home, the anger sets in. He wants me to endure this baby with him, and it isn’t fair to put me in this position. Perhaps, if he had given me the choice, I could have had his back all the way through this, but I wasn’t given the choice. The whole fucking world knows, and yet I still have to keep a smile plastered on my face as if all is well in my world, when it is everything but. I can’t do this with him. I can’t watch him welcome a child into this world that isn’t mine. I can’t help him raise a child that isn’t mine. I can’t do this, not like this. I wasn’t afforded the choice to decide. I should’ve had the choice.
You said you didn’t want this
But I am still wading through the shit
I can’t look you in the eye anymore
I won’t smile at your whore
I want forever
But I got never
You want me to wait,
It’s already too late.
I put back up the walls
You won’t watch me fall
I am climbing my way back up
While you fuck it all up
I’ll hold my head high
I didn’t think I could handle goodbye
Did it ever occur to you?
As our love grew
That deceit would unravel the threads
Until all that we had was fucking dead
I wasn’t okay
My life tangled in the middle of the fray
I can’t live like this
My heart’s stuck in the thick of it
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 28
