“Hen!” Jagger yells.
I keep walking. I can’t believe he wanted me to come here when he has a girl on his arm. I may love him, but I am not that fucking desperate.
Koi grabs me by my elbow, “Hen, he’s is likely to make a scene. Let’s just get his ass out the back, and into your car. I will take him home from the studio.”
I nod in response and swallow my pride for my brother’s sake. When I reach the table, Jagger is standing, and he looks like a lost little boy. He grabs my elbow and pulls me to him, kisses my forehead, and runs his hand up my jaw, cheek, and into my hair. I swallow more of my pride because right now I want to clock his ass.
“Let’s go Jagger,” I say as I walk towards the back.
He pulls me back to him, and leans down to my ear, “Don’t be mad, baby. She means nothing. She doesn’t hold a candle to you.”
That stings. He confirms my earlier suspicions, he’s moved on.
“Hey, I’m not going to be a dad, Hen!” he says excited. He is so wasted.
“Yeah, congratulations. Now can we get fucking moving? I need to get back to the studio, and I don’t have time for your drama.”
“Sweet Henley, don’t be like that. I need you, not her,” and I roll my eyes in response.
I’m stone cold sober, and I do not have the patience for this.
“I am walking out the back, Jag. You can follow or stay here with your little play toy. Either way, I have shit to do. Get on board or sit the fuck down,” I say and walk through the kitchen door.
He’s on my heels, with Koi, Rhys, Kip, Cam, and Griffin, but I don’t glance back. I have shit to do, and need to drown this in my music.
“Henley, wait!” he slurs.
I walk faster towards the back exit, turn the corner of the building when I reach it, and march to my car. I unlock it, open the door, climb in, and close the door. He has about twenty seconds to get in the fucking car, or they can deal with him. Kip knocks on the window.
I roll it down, and he leans into the car, “Are you going to be okay with him?
“If he rolls out of the car at sixty miles an hour, I will claim my innocence.”
He laughs, “Try not to kill him, he’s a hell of a guitarist. Do it for me, blueberry?”
“Sure, anything for you, sweet muffin.”
The passenger door opens and Koi helps Jag into the seat.
“Sweet whip, sis.”
“Thanks. If he pukes in it, you’re cleaning it up, and my new car smell best still be here when you’re done.”
“Fair enough,” he chuckles.
Koi buckles Jagger into the seat, because Jag can’t stop staring a fucking hole in my head to do it himself, which I am ignoring by the way. Totally ignoring. Yup, I don’t notice at all. Once the door is closed, I blare Smashing Pumpkins, and make the twenty-minute drive back to the studio. I shift gears in sex-on-wheels, and Jagger remains quiet. He makes several attempts to touch my hand that rests on the gear shifter, but I buck it each time. I refuse to make eye contact with him.
I whip the car into the small studio parking lot and exit without a word to him. When I enter the studio, Kai is still there, and Jagger didn’t follow, so maybe he got the hint.
“You think you are up for recording this one last time? I would like to get another sample,” Kai says.
“Sure thing.”
“Hey,” he says as he touches my arm, “funnel the anger into it.”
“That won’t be difficult.”
“I figured, you’ve got ‘don’t fuck with me vibes’ coming off you in spades, girl,” he smiles.
I should fuck Kai and get it over with. It might make me feel better, and he is hot as hell.
I step into the booth, throw the headphones on, and wait for the music to filter through. Guitars fill my ears, and I listen to the guitar progression for my mark. The guitar fades into a quiet harmony.
“You can’t have all of me,” I whisper. I wait and whisper again, “You can’t have all of me.”
The drums pick up the beat, and the guitars scream in my ears,
My soul is not for sell,
It isn’t well.
I can manage on my own,
Keep throwing your stones,
My black heart won’t know the difference,
Your love is insolent.
Take what you can while you’re here,
There isn’t much left inside.
I already know, your motives are insincere,
I don’t have any more pride.
Guitars rage through my headphones, and Rhys’ drums hammer out my rage.
I scream, “You can’t have all of me. You can’t have me anymore.”
“You can’t have all of me,” I whisper. I wait and whisper again, “You can’t have all of me.”
Would it be easier if I handed you the broken pieces,
You wouldn’t have to wear the sheep’s clothing.
If you go ahead and tear it all down, the game will cease,
And my heart can slowly stop bleeding.
If this is love, I never wanted it.
All it’s ever been is torment.
Take what you can while you’re here,
There isn’t much left inside.
I already know, your motives are insincere,
I have no more pride.
I scream, “You can’t have all of me. You can’t have me anymore.”
Take it all away so no one will ever want my love,
Bury your venom deep, so I am poisonous to the touch.
If you have a heart, you will burn me down.
Leave nothing but my ashes on the ground.
Don’t leave residue for another,
Because I already know what it feels like to smother.
I scream, “You can’t have all of me. You can’t have me anymore.”
Take what you can while you’re here,
There isn’t much left inside.
I already know, your motives are insincere,
I have no more pride.
I scream, “You can’t have all of me. You can’t have me anymore.”
I whisper, “You can’t have all of me. You can’t have me anymore. There’s nothing left.”
I take the headphones off, and step into the room with Kai. All of Abandoned Shadow and Broken Access are here. I ignore Jagger’s stares.
“You nailed it! We might be able to use that entire take,” Kai exclaims.
I step out a side door of the studio to smoke a cigarette.
“Deep shit,” Koi says as he lights up beside me.
“Yup.”
“The girl was nobody.”
“This time.”
“What?”
“The girl was nobody this time. The next time I’m not there to pick his ass up, will she be somebody?”
“I don’t have the answer. You’re hurting, anyone can see that plain as day. The good thing is, you are using your music to cope. That’s a positive way to process it.”
“And what happens when I’m not in the studio anymore? What happens when I lay down by myself at night and wish like hell he was there? What happens when I see him with another girl, that’s nobody? What happens when I am so fucking lonely, I can’t breathe?”
Koi sighs, “You come to the people who love you, and we figure it out.”
He wraps me into his arms and holds me tight.
“Sometimes, I think this is my punishment for living. It should’ve been me.”
“Please don’t ever say that to me again. You are not being punished for living. The people who love you are most capable of hurting you. Never forget that. If you didn’t love them back, it wouldn’t hurt so fucking much, baby girl.”
I break into sobs, because I can only hold them back for so long, and if I’m being honest, I’ve been holding them back since the miscarriage. I wake up to the pain embedded in my heart each day and go to sleep wi
th the gut-wrenching feeling of loss. The pain seems to have infiltrated my bones and seeps out in a steady drip during my waking hours. The only time I can escape my misery is through sleep, and even in slumber, the pain can still find me in the cruelest of ways.
“I’m heading home,” I break away from my brother.
“Hen, you shouldn’t drive.”
“I will be fine. I need sleep.”
“Why don’t we go get coffee?” Koi pleads.
“I need to get home to Cash,” my only excuse.
“I can drive your new car home, and we can get coffee or beer there,” he wiggles his eyebrows at the possibility of driving the car.
“Okay. Can you grab my bag from inside?”
“Yeah. Meet you at the car?”
I dry my face and make my way over to my beautiful car. I lean against the passenger door, and wait for my brother.
“Jagger, go the fuck back inside!” Rhys yells from the front of the studio.
To my right I see Jagger pulling his arm from Rhys’ grasp. Rhys fights to control him, the one hundred yards to me. Jagger wins, and I can tell Rhys is really close to knocking his ass out.
“You were going to leave without saying a fucking word?” he screams when he comes face to face with me.
“Get out of my face! Why would you care where I go, I’m a selfish bitch remember?” I scream back.
“No! You will talk to me for once. Tell me what’s going inside that head of yours? What do you want from me, Hen? You want me to apologize for the text?” he rages.
Great, we have an entire audience of a producer and five rock stars.
“What do I want? I want you to call somebody else next time you decide your whores aren’t enough for the night. I want you to have enough decency to call me and tell me the paternity results. I don’t want to have to find out about your shit, over and over again through the fucking media! Have enough respect for me than that! More than anything, I want you to leave me the fuck alone. We are not friends. You made that abundantly clear. Stop acting like I owe you anything. You fucked this up! And if that wasn’t enough, you tried to put the blame on me! Like I did anything wrong, other than love your ass! Stop pretending like you have any hold on me!”
“What are you saying?”
“Jesus Christ!” I throw my hands up exasperated.
“You want to be done with me?”
“We were done the minute I found out about Claudia in the middle of Saks,” I say.
He leans forward and grabs me up by my arms, and hauls me nose-to-nose to him, “I’ve already told you once, and we are not done. We are never fucking done! You are mine, goddamnit!”
“I’ve had enough of this shit!” Cam screams.
Whoa! I’ve never seen Cam angry.
“Get your fucking shit together and leave her the fuck alone. You make it worse every fucking time you see her. Let her live her life, stop fucking complicating it for her. She didn’t sign up for any of this!” he screams and hauls Jag off of me.
Jag fights against Cam’s hold.
“Open the fucking door!” he screams, and Kip runs over to the door of his car.
“Let me the fuck go! This has nothing to do with you!” he screams at Cam.
“Oh it does. I stand by and watch you rip her apart every chance you get. Well, fuck that. I wouldn’t let her do that to you. I’ve tried to stay out of it, but you make that damn near impossible.” He lets go of Jagger and points to the open door, “Get in the mother fucking car, or so help me God, I will put you there myself, and you won’t be conscious when I do it. Now GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!”
Jagger glares at me and I glare right back.
“Fine. You want to be done, go be a whore, Henley! That’s what you really want, to be a revolving door at Cocks-R-US!” he screams, and Cam throws a punch. He lands it on the side of Jagger’s head, and he stumbles back. Kip and Koi grab Cam, and Rhys and Griffin grab Jagger and throw his ass inside the car. Rhys and Griffin sit on either side of him, so he can’t escape, and Cam enters the driver’s seat, while Kip turns the ignition over and takes Jag away before he can cause any more damage.
Koi takes me home after I apologize to Kai for the drama.
The morning brings a barrage of texts from Jag, and I delete everyone before reading it.
Chapter 17
Henley
The next morning, my doorbell wakes me. I pad my tired ass to the door, praying like hell it’s not the media. I open the door to my father’s worried face.
“Hey, baby. Sorry to drop in. I wasn’t sure if you’d talk to me otherwise,” he says.
I sigh as the soap opera that is my life continues in full force. How many more episodes can we write this week?
“Come in.”
I leave him to find us some coffee. Perhaps, I should add to whiskey to mine. It might make life a little more bearable these days.
Dad follows behind, “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“About Memphis?”
“Yeah. I am assuming you sent him the truck.”
“How’d you find out?”
“He called,” he says with a small smile.
I let a smile take over my face. Please tell me this is happening.
“He didn’t know that I wanted a relationship his entire life. He wants to meet, which is why I am here, but I can’t begin a relationship with him until I mend this one,” he motions between us.
“I’m not mad anymore, just hurt that I seem to be the only one left out of the loop. I am tired of everyone treating me like I might break.”
“I get that. You are tough as hell, baby girl, but you went through a bad period after… Caleb. I guess we just want you to be okay.”
“I am. Even with all the drama in my life right now, I am okay, or as okay as I can be.”
“Things still not good with Jag?” he asks.
“That’s an understatement.”
Dad pulls me into a hug. I really do love my dad. He is so kind and seems to always sense when I need him. We cook breakfast together, and he tells me about Memphis’ mom, and how he wasn’t aware of her pregnancy until after he married my mom. Mom and dad didn’t wait long to marry after they dated, so Koi and Memphis are close in age. Memphis’ mom was so bitter dad wouldn’t leave mom for her, and she kept her own child away from his father. She filled my brother’s head with a very different man, then who my father actually is, which doesn’t surprise me at all. Memphis apparently spent weeks sifting through the letters and gifts from the past twenty-nine years, and when he confronted his mom with proof, she finally told the truth. He wants to spend time with dad and get to know him.
“Do you mind if I stay in your guest room, Hen?”
“Of course not.”
“Red told me about his audition and said you want him in the band.”
“I would love for him to be in the band. He is amazing, and I never thought I could ever say this, but he is as good as Caleb was.”
“I will see if I can work up to that for you,” he winks.
We take Cash for a walk on the beach, talk about the studio, and how I’m dealing with everything that has happened since I found out about Claudia. I tell him I feel as though I am hanging on by a thread most days, just waiting for one more drama to sweep through and knock me down.
Memphis is planning on meeting dad at the house for lunch, and maybe some surfing, so I order delivery for them and leave for the studio.
As I arrive at the studio, Jagger’s texts filter in. He texts all day. I turn the phone off, and text dad from Rhys’ phone so he knows how to contact me. We accomplish a great deal by six in the evening and call it a night. I haven’t slept well lately, so I am looking forward to an early night in.
Kathrine calls as I get in the car.
“Hello.”
“Three weeks, bitch!” she happily announces.
“I can’t believe you are getting married
in three weeks! Where did the time go?” I ask.
“I was just thinking that same thing. So, I heard about Jagger and Cam.”
“Cam shocked the hell out of me.”
“He’s quiet, Hen, which means he doesn’t miss a damn thing. He’s been pissed at Jag for a while, but tried to stay out of it. When he saw Jag put his hands on you last night, he snapped. Maybe that’s what Jagger needed, was for Cam of all people to deck his ass over you. We’ve all stayed pretty quiet about how we feel about all of this, but it gets really old watching him tear you down.”
“I don’t think that will be a problem anymore.”
“Who are you kidding? That man may be stupid, but not completely stupid. He fell in love with you, and he keeps groveling. There’s common sense somewhere inside his head.”
“Debatable,” I laugh.
“You will get married one day Henley, and all this will seem so far away, like a different life. Besides, every man wants to marry you.”
“Every man may want to have sex with me, but not every man is marriage material. I am not so sure I will ever get married. I might do the whole live in sin thing for the rest of our lives. I will give the old ladies at my Grandmama’s church something to talk about.”
Kathrine chuckles. “You own the art of giving people the finger.”
“We all have our talents. How’s the house coming?”
“He is busy with the contractors at the house he bought here. The house is ridiculous Hen! How am I supposed to keep the damn thing clean with all the hours I am on the road and working?”
“Your husband –to-be is a rich bitch. Hire a housekeeper. You will be a kept woman now Kathrine Wright!”
“I am giving you the finger right now,” she laughs.
“Sorry I’m missing that. Are you nervous yet?” I ask.
“Not about marrying Cam.”
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 42
