He breaks away, and rests his forehead on mine. “Henley, come home with me so we can talk. I’ve been an ass, but please come home with me. I need to put all this shit between us to rest.”
I wonder what Jessica’s plans are for the night.
"I think Jessica is taken care of for the night," Ian says.
"What? I don't know that mother fucker! He could be a closet serial killer," I exclaim.
"He’s not," Ian retorts. "Want me to threaten his ass?"
"Threats would be way more effective if they came from me?" I smile.
"I'm not arguing that fact. Do you have a gun with you?" he jokes.
"As a matter of fact...." I start but he laughs and shakes his head at me.
To anyone looking on, you wouldn’t know there was a riff the size of a canyon between us. He laughs so carefree as if a sex tape starring both of us wasn’t released two weeks ago.
“Come on. Let’s go see what those two are up to for the rest of the night,” he says and helps me down from the rock.
He pulls my hand into his, interlacing our fingers, and we walk like a happy couple towards Jessica and Dane. I don’t feel like a happy couple though. I’m scared to go home with him. The words he may say may cut me deep, and I’m not sure I’m equipped or ready to deal with it.
“There they are,” Dane says as we stop close to them. “We were thinking about heading over to the bar and see what debauchery is ensuing over there.”
“I think we will call it a night. Jessica, can I offer you cab fare from the bar to my house?” Ian asks.
She takes a long look at me and I offer her a few nods before she believes I’ll be okay without her.
“I need to take my car to your house first,” she says somewhat coldly to Ian.
I ride with Jessica over to Ian’s because it will be the only time I have to speak to her in private. I assure her the whole ride over I’ll be fine. We really need time to talk and not feel so rushed in doing so. We also need privacy to do so. Jessica seems nervous for me and asks me to text if I want to leave, and after many assurances that I will she parks her car in Ian’s drive and leaves with Dane.
Ian and I make our way to his Georgia home. He pulls more beer from the fridge, and then I follow him to a back patio area.
Ian wastes no time in getting down to business.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you too, Ian.”
“I haven’t handled the tape situation well, and I get that. I’m sorry for ignoring you and shutting you out. It was a lot to take in. The words ‘sex tape’ are not two I ever wanted associated with me. It’s easier being a rock star, because it doesn’t tarnish your reputation, but…”
“Excuse me?”
“What?”
“Because I’m a rock star, it’s expected of me to make a sex tape?” I ask.
“That’s not what I meant. Musicians get away with a lot more than actors do.”
“And how is that? You’re saying this tape affects you more than it does me simply because I’m a musician and you’re an actor?” I seethe.
“Shit, look, hold on a second and let me get this out right. I need to find my words. Can I just have a minute?” he asks exasperated.
“Sure. Take all the time you need,” I say as I roll my eyes.
Well folks, this is going downhill fast. Apparently being a rock star entitles me to do whatever the fuck I want and no one bats an eye. I wasn’t aware musicians were also ready-made porn stars.
“Listen, Hen, I only meant this could have different repercussions for you as it does for me.”
“Like?” I question.
“Like, you’re Henley Hendrix, bad girl of rock-and-roll. Nobody gives a shit that you got caught fucking me on tape. I’m envious of you for that. For me, the blowback hasn’t been as accepting. The shit people are saying…”
He’s interrupted by his phone ringing, and he swears before he answers it.
“Dane?... What?... Fuck!... Is she alright?... I’ll bring Henley there,” he says and disconnects.
“What’s wrong?”
“Jessica is handcuffed to a door at the bar until the cops show up. She was involved in an altercation, but Dane didn’t go into detail. Let’s go.”
Ian and I speed walk to his car and he hauls ass to the bar. What in the fuck could’ve happened? I’m so worried about her, I’m beside myself.
Ian parks off the square in town, and we quickly make it to the bar. The first set of doors open, and then I immediately see Jessica sitting down with her hand over her head handcuffed to the metal door.
“She called me a fucking nigger!” Jessica explains.
“Who called you that?” I ask ready to punch someone in the throat.
“Some redneck bitch who didn’t think I should be here considering my skin tone.”
I turn to the first bouncer I see and yell. “Why in the fuck is she handcuffed to the door?”
“Ma’am, she assaulted a patron. We’re waiting for law enforcement to arrive,” he says gruffly.
“Were you aware one of your patrons called her a nigger?” I ask.
“Allegedly,” he grunts.
“Allegedly? I’ll allege my foot right up your mother fucking ass. You must be a racist mother fucker too? You don’t like my friend being in your bar because her skin tone is prettier than yours?” I scream.
“Henley, calm down. You’re making a scene,” Ian pleads.
I turn to Ian, and he’s looking all around us. I’m embarrassing him. Well fuck him.
“Ma’am, I’m not racist. Even if the other woman called her that, it does not give her the right to hit her,” the bouncer answers.
“Do you love your mother?” I ask.
“Yes ma’am, I do,” bouncer answers.
“So if I hypothetically called your mother a speck of unwashed cunt cheese, would that make you angry?”
The bouncer shows no emotion.
“Or if I called her a cock juggling whore, a ball-licking slag, a cum-guzzling skank, a cock tease, or a waste of good cock juice…”
“That’s enough,” he yells back.
“If I was a man, you would’ve already hit me by now. If some white trash skankasaurus called my friend a nigger she deserved to get her ass beat. Do you disagree?”
He narrows his eyes at me.
“If she called my friend a nigger does the other woman deserve to have her ass beat?” I yell but a little slower to ensure he catches on.
“I would say so, yes,” he finally answers.
“Then why in the fuck is my friend handcuffed to a door?”
He sighs.
“Let me explain to you what will happen here. You will take those cuffs off and hand her over to me. When the cops show you say she got away and drop this shit for good. If you don’t, I swear I’ll bring the Reverend Al Sharpton himself down here and invite every media outlet I can get my hands on to bring this bullshit to light,” I threaten.
He sighs again, but turns to another bouncer and advises him to unlock the cuffs.
We make tracks out the door, and Ian is nowhere to be found. I dial Koi and he picks up. I ask him and Memphis to rescue us, and march towards Ian’s car for cover from the cops. When I arrive at the car, Ian is patiently waiting in the driver’s seat.
“Get in the back seat and lay down until I tell you to get up,” I instruct to Jessica.
She wastes no time getting in the back.
I pace the sidewalk in front of his car trying to bring my blood down from a boil to a slight simmer. I have at least an hour until Koi and Memphis arrive, and I need to play this safe for Jessica. I want to open Ian’s car door and yank him out by his ear. I can’t believe he chastised me in the bar and then left me hanging there. If I didn’t need to hide Jessica for a while, I’d tell him what a pussy he is. There’s no need in attracting any more attention though.
I light a cigarette and
continue to pace the cement. Ian came to me the night we were recorded. I did nothing wrong and yet I feel like he’s blaming me. After years of friendship, and being confidants, he won’t stand by my side when I need him. He won’t show the world a united front during this scandal.
“Henley,” he calls out breaking me from my thoughts.
“Go sit in your car, Ian.”
I hear him sigh in exasperation, but I’m in no mood to deal with him right now. I should just walk away from him, and if he hadn’t been such a great friend over the years it would be easy to do so.
“Please come sit in the car with us,” he pleads but doesn’t try to walk past the front of his car towards me.
“I’m fine out here.”
“People know my car,” he says quietly.
“And?”
“They’ll see you standing by it.”
“What in the fuck does that have to do with anything?” I ask.
“They’ll know you’re with me,” he whispers and looks down at his shoes.
His words literally cause me to take a few steps back. He can’t be saying… no he wouldn’t do that.
“The entire world knows we were together two weeks ago,” I say cautiously.
“I know. I can’t… we can’t be seen out here together,” he hesitates.
“You mean… you mean you don’t want to be seen with me.”
He doesn’t answer, at least not with words. He continues to peer down at his shoes because he’s a coward. I didn’t see it coming. The dagger came out of nowhere and pierced my heart. He pierced my heart. If I was a vampire like he portrays… I’d be a pile of ashes. The betrayal takes hold in my heart.
“Say it,” I challenge as the tears swell in my eyes.
“Hen, let’s go sit in the car.”
“Say it.”
“I can’t do this here.”
“You don’t want to do this anywhere. That’s why you avoided my phone calls for two weeks. Say it, Ian,” my voice sounds shaky.
“I love you, Henley.”
“Bullshit,” I yell and the tears pour down my face, erupting with the force of my voice like a volcano.
“Please sit in the car and talk to me,” he begs again.
I shake my head not trusting my voice for my refusal. His long legs make several strides and he’s in front of me.
I feel his breath on my face, but my head remains down too afraid to see the truth in his eyes.
“I love you, Henley.”
I shake my head once more.
His voice cracks, “Please look at me.”
When I refuse, he continues, “I can’t be seen with you right now. My publicist is freaking out, and the production company, manager, and directors want me as far away from you as possible. My reputation has never been tarnished. I’ve worked so hard to keep it clean and perfect. I don’t do drugs, or fight, or make sex tapes. I’m Hollywood’s golden boy, and now I’m one of two names linked with a sex tape. My fucking family has seen all this crazy shit!”
I push him back far enough so I can breathe. Everything he’s saying is the truth. I’m bad for him. I’m bad for his reputation. Fucking me on camera will forever associate him with me, and anytime an article is printed about him, the tape will be mentioned. Our work in Africa isn’t what will make the history books, the sex tape. I’ve been reduced to a sex tape by the world, and honestly I’m fine with that. I’m not okay with Ian reducing me to the bad girl of rock-and-roll. I’m a goddamn person!
“Say something,” he pleads.
“There’s nothing to say,” I give him and wrap my arms around myself.
I want to protect me from the hurt, or from it cutting any deeper than it already has. My relationship with Ian whatever that may have been is controlled by the people he makes wealthy. They want him to keep his clean cut image, and I’m a pariah to his career. It doesn’t matter how well I play, write, or sing. It doesn’t matter how beautiful I am, it’s not enough. I’m not good enough. I’ll always be a second class citizen to him.
Ian closes the gap between us again and reaches for me.
“Please don’t touch me,” I assert.
“Don’t do this.”
“I have done nothing except be who I’ve always been,” I state.
“I know that! You don’t think I know that! I fucking love you! I’ve been telling you all night and you’re not listening. I’m in love with you. I love you so much I feel like it suffocates me sometimes. I close my eyes and see your eyes perfectly from memory. Your smile is the last thing I see when I close my eyes at night. I’ve been in love with you for so long, and I know I’ve never been good enough for you. I’m not willing to give you up. Neither of us asked for that tape. I just need to make the media think there’s space between us. We’ll give it time and then ease them into our reconnected friendship and eventually a romance. There’s nothing we can do to erase a sex tape from our pasts, but we can give it some space and time.”
“You want to be with me, but you don’t want anyone to know?” I ask.
“It’s not that I don’t want anyone to know.”
“Are you going to tell your family we’re together? Will your friends and coworkers know? Or will I be your dirty little secret?”
“I… I’m just… I just need to give it all some space and time. We can make this work,” he persuades.
“Henley?” Memphis calls from behind Ian.
“Yeah?” I answer and wipe my tears.
“Koi, Jessica, and I will get her car, and we’ll be back in five,” Memphis announces.
“Okay, thanks Memph.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
When I hear his car door shut, I think of fleeing, running after him. What is there to say?
“I won’t be your dirty little secret. I can’t even rationalize how you thought I’d be okay with this.”
“I know it isn’t ideal. I get it, I really do. God! I almost told you that night. I almost spilled my heart out to you that night,” he says.
His face is so full of pain and it hurts to see, but I didn’t put that pain there. I wonder what my own face says.
“And how would that make things any different right now? You would’ve told me you loved me under different circumstances, and yet the tape would still be a reality. I’d be standing here with my heart already in my hand wondering how you could say you love me and then ignore me for two weeks. I’d be standing here begging you to stand by my side when I needed you most.”
“Henley…”
“It changes nothing because my heart is in my hand and I came here to ask you why you aren’t by my side.”
“I love you.”
“No. You. Don’t.”
“Please stay with me tonight. Don’t leave me,” he pleads with eyes full of tears.
My ride honks the horn nearby.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so filthy and forsaken in my life. That’s not love. I may not be good enough for you, your family, your publicist, your coworkers, or manager, but I sure as hell wouldn’t ever treat you as inferior. I need to go.”
Ian catches me as I step away. He hits his knees and wraps his arms around my middle.
“Don’t do this. I don’t think I’m better than you. Please don’t leave like this. Just give it time and you’ll see it will all work out just like it’s supposed to.”
“Let her go, Ian,” Memphis commands from behind.
Somehow my brother gently pulls me from Ian, opens the passenger side door, helps me in, buckles me, and closes the door. I watch the bright orange lights on the interstate go by. One after the other. They are predictable. Not long after we leave, tiny droplets of water splatter against the windshield of the car. The small beads turn into large sheets of rain. The tiny drops are swallowed whole and consumed by the shower. Each drop will skitter across the asphalt until it finds the earth. The earth is its ground against the univ
erse. I’d give anything to feel like I have something firm for me to stand upon.
I stare out the window, my head against the glass. My attempts to hold my tears at bay have long gone. The radio plays River of Deceit softly. Is my pain self-chosen? Or is it that I believe it to be? I can allow myself to drown in the pain or swim to shore leaving it all behind. I can be me without the pain pulling me down. A sob finally racks through my body. There is no stopping it once the cracks slowly spread, and each tiny fracture leads to another… I shatter like glass.
Burying my face in my hands, I don’t try to stop the pain from filtering through my tears or my laments from crying out in the cabin of this car. The car coasts onto the shoulder of the interstate, and large, warm arms pull me into a wall of chest.
Memphis holds me tight and says words to soothe my heart. “It’s all going to be ok. It won’t hurt forever. I’ve always got you.”
Chapter 12
Jagger
Six Weeks Later
My phone sounds out from the night stand. I let it ring and hope it shuts the hell up some time soon. As soon as I drift into that state of sleep where you feel it take you under, the damn thing rings again.
“You going to get that or let it ring all damn day?” Rosario asks from beside me.
I chuckle at her, “Sorry.”
“Yeah?” I answer.
“Get your ass down to Red’s studio. You gotta see what’s about to take place here,” Koi says.
“What’s so important?” I grumble.
“Red’s about to sing. I mean laying down track shit, son.”
I sit straight up in bed, “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”
“Nah, bruh. Henley called earlier freaking the fuck out. He wants to record Whiskey and Smoke with her on the blues album we worked on. He found out about that shit three weeks ago and has waited for Hen to mention it. The man is patient, but not that patient. He finally made her fess up to Whiskey and Smoke and the blues album.”
I sigh at the mention of her name. I push up from the bed and hide in the bathroom to continue my conversation.
“She gonna be there?” I ask.
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 66
