I set my cup on the counter behind me and put her face in my hands, “I won’t ever hurt her. I put my life on that.”
She nods and pulls me in for a hug, holding me like she did when I was a small boy.
“My sweet Kip. I’m so sorry he’s gone. I’m so sorry you have all this pain inside of you. I did what I could to make sure you were loved and had a family, but I know you always wanted him to love you. I’ve always asked God why he couldn’t send Henley to find you earlier and bring you home to me. I’m so sorry it wasn’t earlier.”
The tears flow down my cheeks as I tighten my hold on the only real mother I’ve ever had.
“Thank you for loving me, Grace. Thank you for giving me a family when I didn’t have one. You’ll never know how much I love you and Derek or how thankful I am every day for you. I can never repay what you’ve done for me,” I cry.
She whispers, “I only loved a child who shouldn’t have had to need rescuing. I only loved a child who shouldn’t have had to fight for love. I’m so sorry they hurt you.”
“You fixed me.”
She leans back and wipes her tears and then mine.
“You made it so easy to love you. You still do. I don’t know how much you hurt right now, but I’m pretty sure it’s not easy dealing with all these unresolved feelings. I’m always here my son. I’m always here for you,” she says.
“Thank you Mama Grace,” I say.
She finally releases me and I pick up my coffee and follow her back to the dining room table. Henley catches my eye when I walk in and gives me a knowing look, she knows I needed her mom to comfort me.
I lean down and kiss her lips quickly before I sit beside her. My hand rests on her lower back, and when I look to my mom her mouth is open, so I give her a smile.
“You two together?” she asks.
I look at Hen and when she smiles at me I simply say, “Yeah, mom.”
My mom claps like a school girl and beams with happiness, “I thought I was going to have to put my foot up your ass to get you to man up.”
We all chuckle.
“Timing is everything,” Grace says.
“When can I have grandbabies?” mom asks.
“Jesus Christ, we’ve been together a few weeks. We’re not to the kid stage yet,” I run my hands through my hair.
I’d love to have kids with Henley, but we just began this journey and we need entirely too much time to explore it before we start procreating. I mean, can you imagine a little mixture of us? Yeah, I think it would be awesome too. The kid would be a heartbreaker and a pussy magnet. I can’t have girls. I’d go to jail as soon as she got her period. So back to my future son, could you imagine the little drummer/guitar prodigy with a soulful raspy voice? He’d have both of our humor, okay he wouldn’t make it through grade school without a few suspensions, but man he’d be a beautiful kid. I mentally shake myself.
“Beyonce says if you like it you shoulda put a ring on it,” mom says.
I burst into laughter, “You listen to Beyonce?”
“Don’t avoid the subject,” she chastises.
“What?” I’m confused.
“Put a ring on it soon so you don’t get mad ‘cause another brother notices her,” mom states.
“What?” I ask completely lost in this conversation.
I‘m a little confused as to who the fuck I’m talking to.
“That’s what Beyonce says,” mom says with a look that tells me she knows exactly what the fuck she’s talking about.
“We’re talking about Beyonce again?” I clarify.
“Son, have you not listened to the song? It’s instructions to all the men out there. Put a ring on it or someone else will.”
Henley puts her head on the table, inhaling air loudly because she’s laughing so hard her laughter is completely silent. You know what I’m talking about? You can’t breathe or even vocalize laughter because it’s so funny it doesn’t quite move from your belly to your throat? She’s there.
“Holy fuck,” I say.
Grace is not far behind Henley and mom just smiles like she knows exactly what the fuck she’s talking about. My mother, recovering alcoholic, white woman in her fifties, is now quoting Beyonce. Hell has frozen over. It takes a lot to shock Kip Paxton, obviously, but people I am there.
I move out to the porch to smoke and avoid any further discussion about Beyonce. I’ve never really listened to her music but she must be poetic, the modern day Shakespeare. I hear the door open and close and know it’s Hen. I can sense her presence. She wraps her arms around me from behind.
“Come ‘ere,” I say wanting my eyes on her.
She ducks between my arms and my eyes adjust to the darkness. I rub my fingers down her jaw.
“So beautiful,” I whisper.
“Who would’ve ever known Kip Paxton was the best fuck I’d ever have?” she smiles.
“The best?” I ask.
Okay, I’m fishing for compliments, but four orgasms to my two was pretty indicative of her pleasure.
“I’m going on record,” she raises her eyebrow.
“Record? Shit is going to get deep,” I tease.
“I’ve never felt anything like that in my life. I don’t know if it’s because you’re going through so much or…”
I interrupt her, “I’m going through a lot, Henley, but that was all me and you. That was everything I’ve felt for years. That’s me. It may have taken grief to forget about having courage, but that was me and you, baby,” I say.
“It was so different from anything I’ve experienced. Different in a good way,”
“It was different for me too. I’ve never felt so connected to anyone before. I’ve never done that with someone I…” I can’t finish my sentence.
I look away from her, scared I’ll say it before it’s time… scared she’ll say it before I’m ready. I know it’s stupid as hell, I’ve spent more of my life loving her than not, but saying the three little words mean so much more now, and I couldn’t say them and ever stop. I’d repeat it over and over again.
“I know, Kip,” she says.
I sigh, “I’m so fucked up right now.”
“Nah, you’re going through something you’re supposed to go through.”
“I guess.”
I light another cigarette and pass it between us.
Right before she puts it out I say, “Let’s go to bed.”
She smiles, “I never thought I’d ever hear you say that. At least not in the way you are now.”
“We’ve slept together a lot.”
“Not like this though,” she whispers.
“You okay?” I ask.
I’m scared she’ll tell me it’s all moving too fast.
“I’ve never been better. I just wish you didn’t have to deal with this. I wish you didn’t have to hurt.”
“You’re here. I can do this with you. I can’t without you. You get that, right?”
“Yeah.”
“When I woke up earlier, I panicked. I thought you left me. I thought maybe it was all too much,” I confess.
She grabs me by the back of the neck and pulls me to her, “I don’t know what shit you got going on in your head right now, but I’m forgiving you because Gary just died. I’m here, right where I’m supposed to fucking be. I’d like to say I should’ve been here a long time ago, but you were right. I needed to go through the shit I went through with Jagger to be who I am now. I needed to live through that shit to be stronger, so I could be the woman you need me to be. So, unless you’re telling me you want me to leave, I’m not going any fucking where. You get me?”
“I don’t want you to leave,” I say and give her a mischievous grin.
“Then I guess you better get your gorgeous ass upstairs so I can take advantage of you in your time of need.”
I raise my eyebrows, “Take advantage of me? Woman, please. You must have mistaken me for someone else.”
I growl. Damn, I like nasty Henley.
“No, as a matter of fact, I think you’d be performing an act of humanitarian aid if you sucked my dick. Coming in your mouth would only promote world peace… I mean worldwide peace. No more jihadists, no more Westboro Baptist church… mother fuckers will live in peace all over this globe. No one will be hungry, water will be clean, and murder never occurs just because I get to come in your mouth.”
“Well, I guess we should say good night to our mothers, then,” she looks at me with pure trouble in her eyes.
We tell our mothers good night and head for the stairs.
Chapter 3
Henley
I wake the next morning to the sun shining through the window and the smell of Kip on me. Jesus Christ, his dick is something to write home about. Seriously, if my mother didn’t have a hand in raising him I would sit her down and explain all the reasons why he had the most beautiful cock in the history of cocks. I need Jessica, Meghan, and Stephanie right now. I need to talk about Kip’s dick. It’s ridiculous to think I can’t get through the rest of this day without sharing all the dirty details of our sexual encounters, but I can’t. I need to tell someone what it’s like. I need to describe how prominent his head is and how amazing of a lay he is. I need someone to gush with me over how many orgasms he gave me, and how he cleaned me up afterwards.
Kip isn’t in the bed, so I pad downstairs to find him. He’s sitting at the kitchen table with pancakes on his plate, but he’s barely eaten. He’s looking at his phone instead of his breakfast.
“Morning,” I greet.
“Morning,” he turns to me from his phone.
When he smiles, I feel okay with the fact he left me in bed, so I make my way through the kitchen. Mom is cooking more pancakes.
“Good morning,” I say.
She hugs me and frowns.
“What?” I ask.
“You smell like sex,” she answers.
I laugh, “I bet that’s weird for you.”
“I don’t know how to fucking feel. I mean the boy is one of my favorite people in the world. He’s my child regardless of whether I gave birth to him or not. Now, he’s making my daughter happy… with sex and love. Shit, I need a drink.”
“Can I get some pancakes?” I ask.
“After you take a shower,” she answers.
“What? I’ll take one after breakfast.”
“Fine. But keep your ass on the other side of the table from me,” she sighs.
I lean down and give Kip a kiss before I sit down beside him, but he doesn’t look up at me.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, just… I don’t know,” he sighs.
“It’s okay not to be okay,” I say.
He finally looks up and gives me a smile, “You get it.”
“Yeah.”
A few moments later, Koi and Rhys burst into the house. Seriously, my mom taught the men manners like how to knock on someone’s door before you enter. Rock stars.
“Holy shit it smells good,” Koi says as he sniffs the air like a dog.
“Mom… pancakes,” I say between chews.
Rhys nods in greeting but takes a double take of me.
“What the fuck?” he says and rushes toward me.
He leans down to sniff me instead of the pancakes.
“You duked her, Paxton?” he asks Kip.
“Bruh,” is Kip’s answer.
“You fuck my little sister, Paxton?” Koi joins in.
“Dude, I told you not to call her that. It makes me feel like I did something dirty,” he smiles with pride.
Men.
Rhys sniffs me again, “It smells like you did something dirty.”
“You can’t fuck my little sister!” Koi yells.
“How else are we going to create your little nieces and nephews when we get married if we don’t practice now?” Kip asks with a straight face.
Don’t feed the monster.
“What? You’re already talking about marriage and kids with this fuck wad?” Koi asks.
He fed the monster.
“For your information, Beyonce says to put a ring on it so another brother doesn’t or some shit like that,” Kip answers.
“You high?” Rhys asks Kip.
“Yeah on love!!!” he croons.
“He’s changing his last name right?” Koi asks.
“So you’re saying if I change my last name I can marry your sister with your blessing?” Kip asks with a shit-eating grin.
“I’m not saying that at all. You hurt her and I’ll remove your balls through your nose,” Koi threatens.
“But what if she hurts me?” he continues.
“My first question to her would be ‘What did he do?’. So if you did something to hurt her, and she shot you, then what she did was merely a reaction on her part. All your fault, bruh,” Koi answers.
“Sit down and eat and leave these two alone. If I hear you’re messing with them I’m going to remove your balls through your nose. Get me?” mom chastises as she sets down a plate of pancakes for them.
“What she said,” Kip smiles at Koi.
“This isn’t over,” Koi says but fights a smile that threatens to tug at the corners of his mouth.
“Mom! Koi threatened me again,” Kip tattles.
“Koi, give it a rest,” she yells from the kitchen.
“Yeah Koi, give it a rest,” Kip repeats.
“You can do forever with him? Look, I get he’s a great lay. I’ve heard it since high school, but forever means you have to listen to him talk forever too. It’s okay if you want to walk away from this now and save yourself the headache,” Koi advises me.
“Bruh, stop cock blocking,” Kip retorts.
“And vag blocking,” I add.
“Jesus Christ, there are two of you,” Rhys says.
“Our superhuman powers get ridiculously strong after we have sex. I feel like I could move this table with my mind, or throw a plate of pancakes covered in syrup in my future brother-in-law’s face,” Kip taunts.
“You’ll start a war,” Koi assures.
Kip sighs and runs his hands on his face, the lively banter gone.
“I hate to get all serious on you, but I need a favor,” Kip says quietly.
“Anything,” Koi says.
“I wanted to ask all of you to be pallbearers.”
“Done,” Koi answers.
“I’ll get a suit,” Rhys replies.
“I’ve got to go with my mom to the funeral home later today, but until then she has to write an obituary for him. I don’t really know what else needs to be done,” he seems so lost.
“We’re here man. Let Rhys write the obit and I’ll get with Grandma to see what else needs to be done,” Koi assures him.
“Let Rhys write it?” Kip asks.
“Yeah. At least it would give us something to laugh at,” Koi chuckles.
“Fuck you, bruh,” Rhys says.
“Here lies Gary, the fucker was hairy. The end,” Koi teases.
“It would be nicer than what I would write,” Kip informs.
I reach over and squeeze his hand. Losing my dad would devastate me, so I couldn’t imagine losing someone who I’d hoped would love me my whole life. I couldn’t imagine my parents not loving me. I’ve always heard that you instantly fall in love with your child when you see them for the first time, so I was never able to understand Gary.
We work with Kip’s mom, Pam, for close to an hour on the obituary. Kip wouldn’t allow her to put anything other than the basic information in there. The only reason he didn’t refuse to have his own name listed as Gary’s son is because he said that was a fact, one he couldn’t change. Pam
has never been oblivious to the feelings of hatred that existed between Kip and his dad, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to smile and pretend like everything is okay. It’s how some people cope.
Kip becomes tenser as every minute passes, and he finally takes a smoke break. I’m torn between following him and giving him a minute to breathe. After fifteen minutes I seek him out and find him staring off into the distance. I sit down in the porch swing beside him and wait. There’s no sense in pushing him. If he wants me to leave, I will. I understand the need to be alone without someone else’s energy interfering with all the shit going through your head. If he wants me to sit here and say nothing, I’ll do that too. Sometimes you do want someone’s energy around so you don’t feel so alone. If he wants to cry or talk, I’m here for that too.
He doesn’t ask me to leave, but he doesn’t speak either. He does finally reach down and lace his fingers with mine. He picks our interlocked hands up and kisses the top of my hand before putting it back down. Kip doesn’t even make eye contact, but that’s okay because this isn’t about me. When you go through tragic events like this, you have to be what the person needs you to be within reason. Kip taught me that. He was always what I needed at every moment in my life, even when he walked away from my overdose. I needed him to do that. Kip walking away from me tore me in two.
“I’m going to the funeral home with mom in a few minutes,” he says softly.
“Okay. What do you need me to do?” I ask.
“You’re doing it, babe,” he answers.
I nod.
“I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Okay.”
He leans down and kisses me on the forehead and then briefly on the lips before he’s gone. I remain in the swing by myself until Koi sits beside me a few moments later.
“I’m worried about him,” he says.
“Me too. I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t think he knows what to do with his emotions.”
“Gary was an epic prick.”
“He was.”
“I give him shit, but Kip is one of the most stand up guys I know. He’s always got our backs and is the most loyal person I’ve ever met. He never deserved the shit he got handed,” Koi says angrily on behalf of his friend.
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 89
