The tears well up in my eyes, and I try my best to force them down.
“You don’t mean that,” Jagger says from behind me.
Kip doesn’t answer.
“I’ll take you home,” Jagger adds and Kip walks past me to Jagger’s car where he enters it.
“He didn’t mean that,” Jagger assures me with sad eyes.
“I know.”
“Sometimes we hurt the people closest to us because they’re the only thing close enough to lash out at,” he continues.
“I know. I just didn’t realize I was smothering him.”
“You aren’t, Hen. Come ‘ere,” he says and pulls me into a hug and then places a kiss on the top of my forehead.
“Take him home.”
“I’ll text you and keep you updated but I won’t leave him alone. I’ll take care of him for you,” Jagger says and leaves to take Kip home.
I go to my own home where Cash is eagerly awaiting my return. I set about feeding him and loving on him. I tell him about his daddy and assure him he’ll be home to us soon. Cory and Joe aren’t here. I sent them home to be with family and enjoy some time off, so I’m home alone. It feels like an eon ago since I was by myself.
I turn on my pensive play list as loud as it will go, pour a glass of whiskey and try to relax. Not being able to help Kip hurts. It’s frustrating to watch someone you love hurt and not be able to reach out and soothe them. I know Kip was here with me not too long ago, watching me destroy myself and not being able to stop my path of self-destruction. He did the only thing he could, he put out the fires I started around myself. He did the best he could for me, and now I it’s time to pay it forward.
I fall asleep to Noah Gunderson crooning but wake sometime early in the morning with Cash stretched out on top of me. The dog doesn’t realize he isn’t a tiny little puppy anymore. He has to weight seventy pounds now, but he still insists on tucking his face into my neck. His nose still fits where his entire body used to. Now, the crazy dog tucks his face into my neck while the rest of his body stretches out on mine crushing my ribs and a few organs.
“Cash,” I croak out and he sighs causing his jowls to make a funny sound as the air escapes.
“Cash, you’re a bad dog. And a big dog, up!” I raise my voice.
He groans as he lifts his head giving me a look of exasperation. How dare I interrupt his sleep, but he moves.
I reach for my phone to see if Jag’s text, but find a text from Kip instead.
“I’m sorry,” he text.
“It’s okay. Don’t push me away,” I reply.
I visit the bathroom and when I return to bed my phone blinks with another text.
“I’m not. I feel so confused and like I might explode at any moment. I didn’t want you to be around if that happened,” he explains.
“I’m a big girl. I can handle it. Let me be there.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“Can I come over in the morning?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Get some sleep, babe. I’ll see you in the a.m.”
“I’ll stay up if you want to talk,” I offer.
“I’m exhausted. I stayed up hoping to hear back from you. I couldn’t sleep without hearing from you. I’m gonna crash now.”
“Sweet dreams, Kip.”
“Sweet dreams my love.”
The next morning I wake to Cash’s deep growl and then yips of happiness. He lunges from the bed and crashes into the door.
“Good morning, buddy,” I hear Kip greet.
I sit up so I can see him and he gives me that shy little smile I’ve come to love in the last few weeks. It’s sexy to see a side of him so vulnerable, and that smile is for me.
“Go back to sleep, babe. I’ll let him out,” Kip says and then follows an excited Cash to the front door.
I can’t go back to sleep knowing he’s here, so I visit the bathroom. I brush my teeth before I emerge, then throw on some warm boots, sweats, and a hoodie. I look through my front windows to find Kip throwing a tennis ball for Cash who fetches it and brings it back to dad.
I smile and pad to the kitchen to make us some coffee and then carry them to the front porch.
“Coffee?” I ask and extend a cup out for Kip to see.
“Yeah,” he smiles and walks up the front steps to me.
He takes the cup and steps into my space, placing a kiss on my lips.
“You’re beautiful when you first wake up,” he says.
“Right. It looks like a squirrel nested in my hair last night and I forgot to take my makeup off so I’m sure I look closer to crack whorish than beautiful.”
“Nah. Your hair has your natural wave and your eyelashes are still plump from makeup. It makes your eyes seem more vibrant. Your voice is always a little raspy with sleep when you first wake up, and it’s sexy as hell.”
“Beauty must really be in the eye of the beholder,” I quip.
He sits his cup on the railing of my porch and then takes mine after I take another sip.
“Come ‘ere,” he says as he uses his head to beckon me towards him.
Even though he’s weighed down with grief, he still manages to be fucking sexy as hell. I’ve never had a man look down at me and use his head to bring me to him. He’s tall, so he looks down at me when he does making a thrill course through my body.
He places his hand on my hip and the other behind my head as he brings me to his chest. He kisses the top of my head then tucks his face into me. He holds me tight as he inhales me. I might’ve found it weird if he’d done it before we came together, but I assure you I find nothing about him smelling me weird. I’m smelling him too. He smells like a man, woodsy and clean. He keeps my body to his for some time, his hand absently rubbing my back.
“I’m an asshole, Hen,” he murmurs.
“Kip, you’re going through a lot.”
“Don’t take that shit from me because Gary died. If I’m an ass again you tell me to go fuck myself, just please don’t leave me,” he pleads.
I pull back and look at his face and see the pain fighting in his eyes.
“Hey,” I say softly as I cup his face in my hand. “I’m not going anywhere. You’re hurting and dealing with shit the best way you know how. I understand that better than anyone. It’s going to take more than you needing space and snapping at me to scare me off. Okay?”
“I wouldn’t survive it,” he whispers.
“Survive what?”
“Losing you,” he closes his eyes.
“Kip, stop worrying about me. Let’s get through this funeral and then we’ll find our footing again.”
He nods in understanding.
Chapter 6
Derek
I assemble the troops in the family room of my home. I look at my family, the one Grace and I created. Even though Grace didn’t give birth to Memphis, she loves him just like she does Koi, Henley, and Kip.
“Today isn’t going to be easy. Kip’s hurting, but he’s one of us. Maybe I should’ve intervened before now and put Pam and Gary in their places, but hindsight is 20/20. I can’t control Pam’s actions, but I can do everything in my power to keep her from hurting Kip again. He’s a part of this family and he always will be. Today, I want to make it clear that we mind our manners and have respect for the dead no matter what we thought of him in life. We’re here for Kip, and only Kip. If Pam asks you to do anything, do your best to keep the peace, but do not play messenger between her and Kip. She may try to appeal to some of us to change Kip’s mind about some things. We won’t take any part of that. Try to remain cordial to her today. After today, I don’t give a shit what you say to her, but today we’re going to do everything we can to ensure this process is smooth as hell for someone we love.”
“Kip asked for Hen and Grace to stand with him as family. Are we standing with him as well?” Koi asks.
“Yes,” Grace says. �
��We are his family, so every Hendrix will remain by his side at all times.”
“Rhys, Cam, Griffin, Jagger, Kathrine, Jessica, Meghan, and Stephanie are also standing beside him. Jag said there’s no way in hell he’s not standing beside his brother and the girls will be an additional deterrent for Pam’s bad behavior,” Memphis advises.
“Cat fight in the middle of a funeral… that shit could only happen in the south,” Koi laughs.
“If a cat fight happens between any of our girls and Pam, make sure you get that shit on tape,” I laugh.
“Hen?” I ask since she’s been quiet.
Henley Scarlett Hendrix was born seven pounds of pure hopping hell and is every bit as fiery now as she was then. It took some in our large musical family a minute to accept her and Kip. I don’t think there was a soul who was mad about the two discovering their love for each other, not even Jagger, but it’s an adjustment. Not me, I was happy Kip finally grew a pair. As ridiculous as he can be, I couldn’t hand pick anyone better for my only daughter. He understands her better than I do, and I know my daughter well. He hasn’t left her side since they were eleven year old.
When my feisty daughter is quiet, I’ve learned you have to pull her out of it for a second and see where she’s at. I don’t want her to get so lost in her anger or sadness, and her anger and sadness will be amplified by her loyalty and protective nature for Kip.
“Yeah,” she answers.
“You okay, doll?”
“Yeah, Dad. Just worried about Kip.”
“Pam may try to use you to get to Kip. You’re the quickest way to get a reaction out of him, so be prepared,” I warn.
“I’d wipe the entire cemetery with Pam Paxton,” she glares.
Her brothers laugh and ruffle her hair like she’s still a kid.
“Now that’s a fight I’d love to get on tape,” Memphis says.
“I’ll be on my best behavior, Dad,” she assures me as she trades playful punches with Koi and Memphis.
“Grace?” I call.
“I’ll be on my best behavior too. My white trash ass was ready to wipe the parking lot with her two days ago,” Grace says.
“I thought mom was going to pummel her,” Koi says with pride.
I usher my family to our SUV and we pile in and head to the man who was once just a frightened, dirty, sweet boy who just wanted to be loved. We head to a man who became my son the minute my teenage daughter told his father to go fuck himself. I’d like to say we rescued him, but that isn’t entirely the truth. He’s saved each one of us too. He saved Grace with his kind heart and their shared love of vintage band shirts. He’s always loved her and she had someone to need her when her own children were growing up and becoming more and more independent. He’s saved Koi with his ability to gamble on music and not let fear stop him from taking a risk, and he’s been there for Koi through thick and thin. His arms have been around us all when we needed it most, and Koi is no exception. He’s saved Memphis from going down the rock star road alone. It’s scary as hell to live in this industry, and it can’t be easy to feel like you live in Caleb King’s shadow. Kip has always made sure Memphis knew he wasn’t standing in a dead man’s shadow. He’s always made sure Memphis knew Caleb even in death and assured him that Caleb would want this and wouldn’t want anyone else playing with Henley. We all know he’s been Henley’s rock as much as she is his. Since they were kids, those two have bonded over their sense of adventure and have always been there to comfort each other. They’ve seen each other through the difficult times in life and came out of it in love.
And me? I spent thirty years missing a part of me, Memphis. There were days when I struggled with not knowing if he was okay. I struggled most with not knowing if he was aware of how much I loved him and would give anything to be in his life. Kip always seemed to sense when I needed his humor to guide me back to shore. He knows darkness. He knows what it’s like to want someone to love you and never being able to receive it, and he sensed that in me. He never asked what had me so down, he just showed up with that mischievous smile and pulled me out of my own head. Today, we all repay Kip for his kindness, loyalty, comfort, and love.
I drive through the cemetery to Caleb’s grave, where Kip said we’d find him. He needed to come here before he could go through with his father’s funeral. We unload from the vehicle and quietly make our way to the fenced in area around Caleb’s grave that keeps visitors from defiling his resting place. We each have a key to the gate, so we can come here when we want. We step through the gate to see Kip sitting on Caleb’s grave.
In our dress clothes, we sit to join him. Koi reaches in his suit jacket and pulls a flask he sips from before handing it to Kip. Jessica and her parents join us, her dad pulling his own flask out and passing it around. Red, Kathrine, Cam, Jagger and their parents squeeze into the fence and break out their own flasks. We sit in silence as the rest of this family trickles in, everyone adjusting to make room for the other souls we’re linked to in this life. Griffin, Rhys, Stephanie, Chris, Trey, Meghan, and most of their parents crowd in. The last face in doesn’t surprise me in the least. His wife might be a bitch, but he’s a good man. Caleb’s father enters the fence and walks straight up to Kip and plops down beside him before he reaches in his suit and pulls out a few joints.
Maybe we are white trash after all, but Caleb would’ve enjoyed a few hits before a funeral. I swear the kid only got wiser with each toke. Donny lights it up and passes it to Kip as he hands the unlit doobie to Red. So for close to an hour we sit in silence passing flasks and joints around.
Kip breaks the silence first, “Do you remember when we were in Amsterdam and Caleb got a hold of that primo shit? He swore he was destined to be the Dalai Lama.”
We all break into laughter at the memory.
“Or the time he was so stoned during a show he played a two hour guitar solo?” Koi asks.
Jagger chuckles loudly, “The union at the venue was freaking the fuck out. They kept shouting about how we had to be out of the building by one a.m. and he had to be off stage by midnight. Red stood on the side and smiled like a jack ass because he’s the one that smoked out with Caleb.”
“I told them to leave the boy alone, he was in his element. Can’t fuck with the spirit when it moves you like that,” Red says like a true hippie.
“I’m not sure the spirit was moving my son. I’m pretty sure it was the kush you two smoked,” Donny says with a smile.
“Us spiritual people descend to another plane when we partake in the natural herb,” Red argues.
“I tried to play against him that night and just ended up walking off stage. My fingers were about to bleed, and that crazy fucker just kept playing,” Henley says.
“My son loved to get high and play his guitars, but he wasn’t in his teenage bedroom anymore. He was playing a packed out Madison Square Garden,” Donny laughs.
“I’m pretty sure he forgot where he was,” Jagger adds.
“His forgetfulness cost us thousands of dollars to the union that night,” Rhys chuckles.
“Man, I fucking miss his crazy ass,” Kip sighs. “There’s so many times over the years he was the first person I thought of when I wanted to tell somebody something. If I was hurtin’, I wanted to talk to him, and if I’d had an epic night of debauchery I wanted to tell him that too. Then I’d remember I couldn’t tell him.”
We all let out a collective sigh, and many of us wipe tears before they get away from us. I think we stopped mourning Caleb a long time ago, and we started to celebrate his life. There’s a difference. Right now, we’re celebrating his life. We’re keeping him alive through memories.
Kip stands and each of us hugs him, silently letting him know we’re here for him, and only for him. We’ll be his rock, not just for today but forever. We pile into our cars and circle around the cemetery to the spot where Gary will be buried. Kip and his rock star family exit our cars and follow his lead to the tent. The women follo
w Kip to the front where Pam stands. She tries to pull Kip into a hug but he ignores her. He stands with my daughter’s and wife’s hands in his and speaks quietly to people as they give their condolences.
Once the hearse arrives with the casket, we unload it and as the pall bearers we carry his body to the platform in the front. A minister asks everyone to be seated and so we all crowd around Kip, even though we’re asked to remain standing close to the casket. We buck the system and support our family. The minister goes on and on about Heaven but I drown it out as I watch Kip closely. Henley is beckoned to the front, so she places Kip’s hand in Jessica’s. She walks to the front where she turns down a microphone and begins singing Amazing Grace a cappella. Her soulful voice carries across this large cemetery as she pushes the words from her belly. Kip never takes his eyes off of her.
When she returns to his side, she takes his hand from Jessica and resumes her place as the woman who loves him. The military portion of the service begins and the Three-Volley Salute goes off to show respect for Gary’s long time military career. The soldiers takes the flag from the casket and folds it before it’s presented to Kip. I hold my breath as I wait for his reaction. He didn’t want the flag, but after a few seconds where he fights an internal battle, he gives in and takes it. It doesn’t surprise me because he’s a good person.
When the funeral service comes to an end, Kip walks over to his mother and hands her the flag. Words pass between them, but I can’t hear. Pam looks pissed while Kip looks more pensive.
***
Kip
I hand Pam the flag and she makes a snide comment about the white trash that surrounds me. I don’t feed her anger though, I simply say “I’m sorry for your loss,” as if I didn’t know the man who was going to be lowered into the earth shortly. I walk away from her and into Derek’s hug.
“You did good, son,” he says.
I don’t know if they’ll ever understand how much my heart swells when they call me son.
“Yes, sir,” I respond.
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 91
