Henley purses her lips.
“When my mom was pregnant with me she said the only thing she could keep down was apples. You should try apples,” Rhys suggests.
Henley furrows her eyebrows.
“My mom drank baking soda and water to keep the heartburn down when she was pregnant with me,” Jessica offers.
Henley looks at me with contempt.
“If you’re having trouble sleeping you can still drink small amounts of red wine to help you sleep. That’s what my mom did, and I turned out fine,” Meghan says.
Henley shoots her death glare at me.
“Okay. Everybody calm down. Henley is feeling a little overwhelmed here. This is a big deal and we need to comfort her,” I say.
“Awww,” the girls coo in unison.
I swear women have the ability to sense when other women around them are going to say “awww” and they pull off a chorus of it all at once. It’s amazing really.
“Come ‘ere, Hen,” Memphis says and pulls her into a hug.
Everyone in the room joins in and squeezes her in a big group hug.
“You’re all fucking idiots,” she says.
“It’s all going to be okay,” Beau assures her.
Once everyone backs off from her personal space she looks at us like we’re a bit insane.
“I need you all to listen to me. Listen very carefully. I don’t want you to miss a thing. Everyone ready?” she asks.
We all smile and focus on her, so beautiful and glowing in front of us. We’re nodding for her to continue.
“I’M. NOT. PREGNANT,” she smiles back condescendingly.
“Hen, when was your last period?” Jessica asks.
“Uhhh… I don’t know. I don’t keep up with it and we’ve had a lot going on,” she answers.
“Bitch they make an app for that shit,” Meghan rolls her eyes.
“Kip, when was her last period?” Kathrine asks me.
“Ummmm,” I put my finger on my jaw and really think. I can’t remember her having one at all actually. Holy shit, she’s like pregnant pregnant. Really pregnant.
“I don’t ever remember her having one,” I admit.
“Why don’t we go to the drugstore and get some tests?” Beau suggests.
“That sounds great. Then we can bring them back, and put everyone’s mind at ease one way or another,” Kathrine adds.
“I call shotgun,” I say and throw the keys at Cory.
“Can we take Shelly?” Rhys asks.
“Sandy. Her name is Sandy, because she used to have sandy blonde hair before my baby made Henley go all crazy and scalp her,” I say.
Henley raises her finger at me and I see the rage boiling again behind her eyes, so I pull her to me and kiss her like crazy. She relaxes into me and I think about taking her into the bathroom and checking her for ticks before we go to the drugstore.
“Knock it off,” Koi orders so I break the kiss.
I hold her gorgeous face between my hands, “It’s going to be okay sweet pea. Daddy will go and get the test and you’ll see the proof and then we can start planning.”
“I’m not pregnant,” she says but way nicer this time.
“We should get our own tour bus. I bet we can get one with a nursery built into it,” I say.
She tries to retort, but I stop her.
“It’s going to be okay, baby. We’re going to figure it all out,” I say, lean down to her tummy and press a kiss to it.
I stand up, press another kiss to her lips and follow the guys out. When I get out to the car, Cory, Rhys, Memphis, Griffin, Beau, Chauncey, and Koi are in my Escalade. Jagger, Kathrine, Cam, Meghan, Stephanie, Jessica, and Samantha are in Cam’s SUV. We take two cars to the drugstore to buy Henley pregnancy tests. I realize halfway there we left her alone at the house and I freak out. She shouldn’t be alone right now. What if she gets sick, and no one is there to help her? I call her.
“What?” she answers.
“Are you okay? I just realized we all left you alone. I’m so sorry. Do you need me to come back?”
“No.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Pissy.”
“Do you feel nauseous? Do you need me to get you some soup or anything while I’m out?” I ask.
“I need cigarettes. Please bring me cigarettes,” she whines.
“It’s not good for the baby,” I say softly.
“So help me God if you come back here and make me piss on a bunch of sticks for no reason and don’t show up with a pack of cigarettes, I’m going to stab you all in the face like I did Sandy.”
“Okay, baby. I’ll figure something out. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she says gruffly and hangs up on me.
“How is she feeling?” Cory asks.
“She’s cranky as hell. She wants cigarettes.”
“She can’t smoke,” Memphis says.
“It causes low birth weight,” Rhys advises.
“It can lead to premature birth too,” Beau adds.
We finally make it to the drug store where I buy two of each pregnancy test. Who knew they made so damn many. I also buy my baby mama some prenatal vitamins since Meghan and Jessica said she would need to start taking them right away. On the next aisle, I push the cart towards Samantha and Kathrine who are going ape shit over something. They are looking at baby bibs and bottles and a whole assortment of baby shit I honestly can’t identify.
“Look Kip!” Kathrine holds up a bib. “It says ‘Little Rock Star’!”
My chests hurts a little. Thinking about having a baby with Henley and him or her wearing this bib has got me feeling all kinds of foreign shit.
“Throw it in the cart,” I say. “Grab one of everything!”
I know I’m a little excited here.
Further down the aisle Rhys and Cam are arguing about something so I push the cart next to them.
“Kip, seriously. Tell him man. Henley doesn’t want a manual breast pump. She’s going to want an automatic one!” Rhys argues.
“Bruh, what the fuck do you know about breast pumps?” Cam asks.
“I know that if my tits are the size of watermelons and hurt like hell, I to pump the girls manually. I am a man with sensitive nipples, so I am being thoughtful of how sensitive Hen’s nipples are going to be when she’s nursing,” Rhys defends.
“Can we stop talking about my sister’s nipples?” Koi joins us.
“Grab the automatic one,” I decide.
Rhys throws it in and then talks to me about the different nursing pads we have to choose from. He and I make a decision with Cam throwing his advice into the mix.
“She needs good food too,” Beau joins us.
He leads the way to the food section, and the entire group follows. We take up one entire aisle. I wish Henley was here, but it is probably best for her not to have a meltdown in public.
“Here. Special K shit with strawberries in it. It’s got lots of vitamins and healthy shit in it,” Jagger says and throws five boxes into a new empty cart.
“Crackers. She’ll need crackers if she begins to feel nauseous,” Chauncey says as he slings a box of saltines into the cart from the other end of the aisle.
“Nice shot, bruh,” Griffin says impressed.
“Applesauce!” Meghan shouts with excitement and dumps an armful of applesauce into the cart.
“She needs whole milk for calcium. The baby needs it to be a strong little fucker,” Jagger says.
“Don’t call the baby a little fucker!” Jessica yells at Jagger so loud the entire store turns around to look at us.
“I meant it in a loving way!” Jag yells back.
“Fuck me,” I rub my temples.
I don’t need people taking pictures of us buying all this baby shit. The world shouldn’t know we’re having a baby until we’re ready to tell them.
“Orange juice for vitamin C!” Memphis says and puts t
hree jugs into the cart.
“We need another cart!” Koi yells and a minute later he and Rhys are each standing on carts racing through the store.
“Chocolate. The woman needs some damn chocolate,” Samantha adds a mountain of chocolate to Rhys’ cart.
“Chocolate is bad for her and the baby. It might give her heartburn,” Griffin gives Samantha the stink eye.
“Chocolate has milk in it fucker. It’s healthy!” Samantha yells.
Why are they yelling at each other?
“Speaking of heart burn, she’ll need some Tums,” Rhys says and races off to another aisle.
“Let’s get some soup for when she’s not feeling well,” Memphis adds and he and Koi walk to the next aisle over.
“She needs some popsicles too,” Jagger says and follows them.
I add the cutest stuffed puppy dog to the cart for my baby mama, and by the time we take our five small carts to the cash register, my totals is over two grand. Shit, pregnancy is fucking expensive.
Chapter 17
Henley
I pace the house waiting for the idiots I call my friends and family to bring me back nicotine. I swear on everything holy I’m feeling homicidal right now. If they don’t bring me back nicotine I’m going to stab someone. I really love these people on most days, so maybe I should stab the shoulder or the bicep. I don’t want to mortally wound them, just get my point across.
What in the fuck is taking them so long?
Two hours after they left, I hear the cars pulling down the drive, so I open the door and wait with my hands on my hips and foot tapping. They pile out of the vehicles and begin unloading. Jesus Christ at all the bags.
“Did you buy the entire drug store?” I ask.
“No. We just got you a few things, baby,” Kip says and leans in and softly kisses my lips as he reaches the top step.
He looks exhausted.
The rest of the crew walks past me and each offer me a little kiss on the forehead or cheek like I’m the most precious thing they’ve ever seen. I see they’re still acting like idiots and holding on to ridiculous notions of me being knocked up.
I’m still standing on the porch after they all enter my house and I look down at Cash who is looking at me with an expression on his face that reads, “What in the fuck is wrong with all these humans?”
“I have no idea what’s wrong with these idiots,” I tell him.
He barks at me.
“Yeah. Maybe we should go face the crazy inside?” I ask him.
He whines and lies down to put his paws over his face.
“Want to run away instead?” I ask him.
He barks again.
“Not sure we would make it very far before Kip came after us,” I tell him.
He whines again.
“Let’s go get this over with.”
He stands and follow me into the house.
Jessica meets me at the front door, “Here bitch, I need you to piss in this cup.”
I glare at her. If looks could kill, she would at the very least be in pain right now.
Kip bounces over to us all of a sudden full of energy.
“Come on sweet cakes. Let’s do this!” he yells in excitement.
He snatches the cup from Jessica and grabs me by the hand jerking my body forward. He forces me to follow him down the hallway and into the master bathroom. He lifts the toilet lid up like I’m too much of an idiot to figure that part out.
“Sit,” he says and then slides backwards onto the vanity.
“What are you doing?” I ask him.
“Staying with you through every step of this process,” he says with sincerity.
“I’m not pregnant.”
“You so are,” he rolls his eyes at me.
“Did you just roll your fucking eyes at me?”
“My baby is making you angry and a little crazy,” he says.
“No. You and the lack of nicotine is making me fucking crazy and extremely angry!” I yell at him.
“Piss in the fucking cup, Henley!” he yells back.
“Did you just yell at me?” I growl.
“You yelled first,” he growls back.
“Get out!” I yell again.
“No!” he yells back.
I sigh and look up at the ceiling.
“I need a fucking drink,” I mumble.
“You can’t drink when you’re pregnant!” he yells.
I look at him and shoot him the best death glare I have. We’re doing this my way or not at all, so I slam the lid on the toilet down and sit down. I cross my arms and stare straight ahead.
“You’re being childish,” he says.
Ignoring him. I’m being fucking childish? He wants me to piss in a cup in front of him. He’s lost it. That’s private business.
“Piss in the cup,” he says with a gruffness to his voice.
Ignoring him.
“I swear to God, Henley…” he sighs. “I will pull your pants down and shove that cup between your legs until you piss in it.”
Ignoring. I’d like to see him try. I start to tap my foot.
“You know what! Fuck this!” he says and jumps off the vanity and walks through the door.
Now I don’t want to piss in the cup on principle.
Kip returns a moment later with a menthol cigarette between his fingers, “See this?”
My mouth begins to salivate.
“You piss in that cup and it says you aren’t pregnant, I’ll light the damn thing for you.”
“I’ll piss in the cup, but you’re waiting on the other side of the door or no deal,” I negotiate.
“Fine!” he yells and walks through the door and then slams it shut.
I walk over to it and lock it just to make sure his crazy ass doesn’t come back in for the show. I piss in the stupid cup and slam the thing on the vanity. After I wash my hands, I unlock and jerk the door open to find Kip sitting on my bed.
“Done. Have at it!” I yell.
“Jessica!” he yells out.
Jessica, Samantha, Meghan, and Rhys come in with bags from the drug store.
“What the fuck is all that?” I ask.
“Pregnancy tests. We got two of each. We gotta make sure,” Meghan says with a nod of finality.
“How many did you buy?” I ask out of pure curiosity.
“Over thirty,” Rhys says proudly.
Dumb asses.
“Where’s that liquid gold?” Jessica asks a little too happily about my piss.
“On the counter.”
“Glove up girls,” Rhys orders as he hands out latex gloves.
Samantha and Meghan begin unwrapping each test from the box and handing them to Jessica and Rhys who are in charge of dipping each tip into the cup.
Who in the fuck does this shit? I don’t know that I would dip anything in any of these people’s urine. I mean it would have to be life or death.
“The first five …” Rhys begins. “Wait what does that one mean? It’s different.”
I hold my breath for the first time fearing I might actually be pregnant. Kip reaches for me to sit down next to him on the bed and squeezes my hand.
“Negative!” Jessica shouts.
I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. We wait in silence for the rest of the testing to be complete.
“Negative!” Rhys shouts again.
Kip squeezes my hand again. I find his eyes and discover sadness in them. Shouldn’t he be happy he didn’t knock me up?
“Negative!” Rhys shouts once more.
“Kip…” I whisper.
“It’s not the end of the world,” he says.
“Kip, we’re not ready for a baby.”
He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, “No. I know that. The thought of it just excited the hell out of me and like usual I got a little carried away.”
I giggle which elicits a smile from him.
/> “Negative and that’s the last of them!” Jessica yells from the bath.
“We can still practice baby making all the time so that when we are ready we’ll have perfected the process and the child,” I say seductively.
He smiles devilishly at me, “Practice, huh? You sure know how to cheer a man up.”
He leans over to me and kisses me hard. It doesn’t take long before he pulls my body up the bed and crawls between my legs. His erection presses into me.
“Jesus Christ! We just found out she wasn’t pregnant!” Rhys yells.
“Which is why I have to keep practicing my baby making skills! I apparently did something very wrong,” Kip says and then plunges his tongue right back in my mouth.
“Get off of her you barbaric goon!” Meghan shouts.
“No,” Kip breaks our kiss long enough to say and then grabs a handful of ass.
“I kinda want to watch,” Jessica says and I feel the bed dip.
Kip breaks the kiss and turns to look at Jessica, “You’re a little freak.”
“Thank you,” she says.
“You promised me a cigarette,” I say and nip at his neck.
He groans and buries his face in my neck.
Once he leans up, he smiles down at me and uses his thumb to brush across my cheek.
“We’re not having a baby,” he says with a sad smile.
“Not right now,” I smile at him.
“But plenty of practicing?” he wiggles his eyebrows.
“I would say we get more than plenty.”
“I’m a lucky man,” he declares.
“Yes you are,” I giggle and he pulls me off the bed with a swat to my ass.
“Climb aboard. Your chariot awaits,” he says.
I climb onto his back and wrap my arms around his shoulder as he carries me through the house. Kip stops in the living room instead of continuing through the kitchen and my back patio.
“What the fuck is wrong with y’all?” Kip asks so I look over his shoulder.
All the men sit in horror as they stare at my television.
“Bruh,” Memphis answers but his eyes never leave the screen.
“Holy fuck! I’m never fucking again,” Jagger says as he also stares in horror at the screen.
“Shall we investigate?” Kip asks over his shoulder.
“Might as well.”
He walks into the living room and stands behind the couch.
Guitar Face Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 103
