Holding back is sure to give me the worst case of blue balls in eternity, but I don’t enter her. I need to know she wants me as deeply as I want her.
“Truth or dare?” I manage, only moving my lips far enough away from her to get the words out.
Lily moans as I slowly move against her again. “It’s not your turn to ask,” she replies, breathlessly.
“I’m making the rules. Truth,” I palm her breast, “or dare?”
“Truth,” she says against my lips.
“Tell me, are you as crazy about me as I am about you?” I pull my head back, searching her expression. I’m desperate to read every feature on her face, needing to know if she’s feeling this is as hard as I am.
“Crazier,” she states, her hands scratching down my back. “Aspen?”
I hum a response. “Hm?”
“Truth or dare? And choose dare,” she warns.
“Dare.”
“Get inside me. Right now.” Her nails dig into my ass, pulling me close enough to her that I could easily slide in.
I put some space between us, pushing up on my hands to create a space between our bodies. Looking down, I study her face. “Are you sure?”
“One hundred percent, yes. I need you inside me. Right this moment.” She tugs against my hips, but I don’t let her bring me any closer.
My self-control is hanging by a very thin thread, and if she uses that begging tone one more time, I won’t be able to say no.
We stare at each other for a few short moments, our chests both heaving with deep breaths.
I see zero hesitation on her face, causing me to reach across the bed, dig into my nightstand, and sheath myself with a condom. Aligning myself in front of her, I look at her one more time. “We can stop this right now if you want, Lil.”
Lily squirms underneath me, causing friction between us. “Since when the hell are you such a gentleman? Put your dick inside me.”
“You asked for it.” I ease into her, hanging on by a thread to cage the lust I have for her.
Looking down, I find a pained look on her face. “Am I hurting you?” My stomach sinks.
I go to pull out, but both of her hands palm my ass. She holds me in place, her fingernails digging into my skin. Lily shakes her head, arching her back off the mattress and allowing me in deeper.
I pull in and out of her slowly, marveling at how tight she is. Almost too tight. I’ve never felt something like it. She moans underneath me, arching her back again after a few moments.
The two of us get lost in each other, our bodies finally joined together for the first time. It feels like we’ve had years of foreplay leading up to this exact moment, and the way she pants my name only sends me closer to the edge.
I’ve always been a fan of sex. I’ve never been one to hide that. But sex with Lily…that’s a whole new ball game.
Not only does she fit around me perfectly, but…the small caress of her hands on my lower back…the way she tells me exactly what she wants…she sets me on fire.
I’ve never mixed sex with feelings until now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go back from it.
“I’m so close,” she says, her nails raking down my spine.
I grunt, kissing her neck, chasing my release myself.
“Truth or dare, Aspen?” Lily says, her legs trembling around me, the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.
I’m two seconds away from an orgasm when I answer her question with, “Dare.”
Both of us ride our releases, my body falling against hers afterward. Her fingernails dance over my scalp. I’m about to ask her what her dare is when she finally answers.
“Fall in love with me,” she whispers.
I’m too scared to give her an honest response, so I don’t—hammering the first nail into the coffin of a relationship I’m afraid will never really begin.
30
Lily
Past - Age Twenty-Two
He looks too perfect lying next to me. I’ve been staring at him for many minutes now, entranced with being able to freely look at him without having to pretend that my heart doesn’t belong to him.
I’m not sure when it happened, but sometime in the midst of hating him, I fell in love with him.
And I want as many seconds to admire him before we both begin our charade again. Because I know he won’t fall in love with me.
There are small moments when I think he might be falling for me. But those moments are fleeting, and perhaps wishful thinking on my part.
Aspen has always been honest about not wanting to find love. He chases lust, not love. And while I have no doubt that he’s fallen in lust with me, I don’t think I’ll be the one to capture his love.
A girl can dream, though.
Staring at the way his long eyelashes splatter across his cheeks, I admire how incredibly sexy he is. He’s all too aware of it, but it doesn’t make it any less true. My fingers twitch against the pillow, itching to trace the soft curve of his lips. Guys shouldn’t be described as pretty, but he is. Aspen could easily walk onto a set for modeling and they would bow at his feet, ready to capture his cocky attitude and beautiful features through the lens of a camera.
I want to capture him, too.
He stirs next to me. I rake my fingernails through his buzzed hair as his body stretches underneath the covers. I’m obsessed with the way the short hair scratches against my palm, the feeling similar to the way his dark stubble felt against my thighs.
His green eyes flutter open, and god help me if it doesn’t feel like a hit to my heart when he gives me a cocky, sleepy smile. “Mornin’,” he says, his voice raspy.
“Good morning,” I whisper, scooting closer when he opens up his arms for me. I snuggle into his warmth, getting lost in his cozy embrace. I take a long breath in, reveling in his smell.
“Have a good night?” he asks into my hair.
I nod against his chest, remembering the last dare I gave him. The dare to fall in love with me. I don’t know why the words left my mouth when I knew it wasn’t possible. But…I can’t deny the small part of me that wants to live in a fantasy world where Aspen could fall in love with me. “It was okay,” I tease.
His hands travel down to the small of my waist, squeezing as he pulls away from me. I’m met with his sleepy eyes and devilish grin. “Just okay?”
“Well, not like I have anything to really compare it to, but yeah, it was okay.” I smile.
“I always told you I’d be better than Blaine,” he jokes, as his fingers drift underneath his T-shirt that I’m wearing, his fingertips warm against my skin.
“Hard to compare you to Blaine when he and I never slept together.”
Aspen’s head snaps back instantly. “You guys dated for like a year. You’re saying you never had sex?”
With a shrug, I decide to give him total honesty. “It never felt right. You were my first.”
This has Aspen out of the bed so fast you would think I just told him I was pregnant. He’s out from underneath me in an instant, standing in the corner of the room. “What the fuck are you talking about?” His eyes trace over the bed we had sex in last night.
The tender spot between my legs is throbbing this morning, but it was worth it. I always knew if I were given even one night with Aspen, I’d make it count.
“I’m talking about the fact that you took my virginity last night,” I say slowly, making sure he’s able to process every single one of my words.
It wasn’t like I’d been saving myself for marriage. It just never felt right with anyone before Aspen. My hookup sessions had mainly consisted of brief encounters that went to third base before both parties either fell asleep or lost the spark.
With Blaine, I think he was already too half-in-love with his childhood best friend to fully want me. And I didn’t want to feel like sex was a chore, or a requirement. So, I never let it escalate to that with Blaine.
Aspen runs his hands down his face, taking steps backward until he hits his
bedroom window. “No, no, no,” he chants, never once looking at me. “I didn’t just take my best friend’s little sister’s virginity…”
“Okay, for starters, he’s like two minutes older than me. I’m hardly the little sister. And this doesn’t freaking involve Maverick—at all. It’s fine.”
His arms fold over his chest while his stare fixates on the rumpled sheets of his bed. “You should’ve told me it was your first time.”
I laugh. “I didn’t realize it was something I had to announce. Next time, I’ll wear a fucking sticker on my face that says virgin. Oh, wait, there won’t be a next time, because you changed that last night—and I don’t regret it. Please tell me, do you expect every other girl you fuck to tell you how many guys’ dicks have been inside them?”
Finally, his gaze finds mine. “Those girls aren’t you,” he says quietly.
I throw my head back, looking at the ceiling. “Oh, perfect.” I snort. “I mean so much less to you than other girls that only I have to fucking explain my sex life to you? You know what? Fuck you, Aspen.” After throwing the covers back, my feet hit the soft carpet as I search for my clothes. Not bothering to change shirts, I grab my leggings off the floor and slide them on.
“Lily, would you just stop one for damn second? Look at me.” His voice is raised, but I don’t dare to look at him.
I’m too embarrassed. The realization hits me like a brick wall that I’m just another one of his one-night stands. Just another girl that can brag about rolling in between the sheets with Aspen. The thought makes me want to throw up.
“Aspen, I think you’ve said enough,” I respond, sliding my shoes on. When I turn to face him again, I find him standing way closer to me than he had been a minute ago.
“Bullshit. I’ve said enough. Why didn’t you tell me it was your first time? Shit, Lily, that should be something special.”
I swallow the lump forming in my throat. I will not let Aspen see my tears. He cannot know how much his words are destroying me. To me it was special—because it was with him.
But obviously, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for him.
No matter how hard I fight it, a few tears break free, falling slowly down my cheek.
“Oh, baby, don’t cry.” He takes a step closer to me, but I throw my hands between us before he can make it any closer.
“Don’t call me that.”
“Call you what?”
“Don’t call me any of those stupid pet names you probably call all your flings.”
There’s a pained expression on his face when he looks at me. “Lily, please stop bringing up other girls.”
I shake my head, letting the tears fall freely at this point. He’s already seen one tear, why not let him see them all? “It’s hard when all you’ve ever done is parade them around in front of me.”
His jaw works back and forth. “That was before I knew any of this would ever happen.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that it happened. Now, I can’t look at you and not compare myself to the many girls who’ve slept in those same sheets. Not after the things you’ve said this morning. Not after I gave you something special, and you threw it in my face.” With a shaky breath, I look him in the eye. “I feel sick to my stomach. I need to go.”
I pick my discarded clothes up from the floor and see myself out, rushing out of there as fast as my feet will take me.
I thank the universe that neither Maverick nor Veronica are upstairs to see the shitshow that’s happening right now.
“Lily, stop for one damn second,” Aspen barks from behind me, hot on my heels.
Ignoring him, I throw open the front door and begin the trek down the driveway. I parked my car a decent distance down the road last night, in an attempt to hide it from Mav and Veronica. I regret making that choice right now, considering this walk of shame is ten times more shameful than it should’ve been.
Aspen is still trailing behind me, though I’m not sure why. “God damn it. Stop, Lily!” Aspen raises his voice, causing me to finally stop in the driveway.
My lip trembles as I turn to face him. “What else do you want from me, Aspen?” I yell. My hands shake as they clutch my belongings to my chest.
“You didn’t give me time to even think about what you said. I just wanted the truth,” he offers.
I laugh helplessly, shifting my weight. “No strings attached, right? Isn’t that your thing? Well, congratulations, Aspen Bellevue. There are no freaking strings left. I’m cutting every single one that tied me to you. So, instead of viewing me as your best friend’s little sister, you can think of me now as just another one of the nameless girls who’s graced your bed. Go find somebody else’s heart to break.”
He says something, but I can’t hear it over the ragged breaths I take. I’m two seconds away from sobbing, and I refuse to show him any more of my tears. I can’t let him know that I’m already so far gone for him.
I can’t let him in on the secret that I’d lied to myself when I said I’d be okay with only having him for a night.
I wanted him forever.
I leave him standing with his jaw hanging open while I escape to my car, throwing all my clothes in the back when I reach it. After I slam the door, I climb into the front seat then slam that door too. I start the car and peel out, finally pulling away from the situation once and for all.
I don’t bother to look in the rearview mirror to get one last look at Aspen.
The next time I see him, my broken heart will be pieced back together and harder than ever.
He won’t ever be let back in.
31
Lily
Present
Who knew you could realize you loved and hated someone all in one day? I did. Aspen taught me that—when I was twenty-two, fresh after losing my virginity and having my heart broken all within twenty-four hours. He played a hand in both.
Now, he dismissively walks in front of me, completely ignoring my persistent demands to stop. Finally, I give up hope of him stopping, but I continue with the conversation I’ve needed to have with him for years. “You know what? I think this is the perfect time to have a nice little chat,” I shout over the rain, stomping right behind him.
My hair keeps sticking to my face, but I repeatedly push it back and out of my way. “What’s your problem? I’ve been trying to let go of what happened in the past, but I think it’s time we talk about it—right now. Why are you so hot and cold with me all the time? One second you’re a total asshat, and the next you’re actually not so bad. I’m getting fucking dizzy from your rollercoaster of emotions.”
He shakes his head, his steps pausing briefly when he looks over at me. I can barely see his eyes because of his hood. “Can we not bring this up? It was years ago. Let’s just get over it and stop talking about it.” He shoots me a glare before continuing his trek.
My wet shoes slip in the mud we walk over, but it doesn’t give me pause. “Stop bringing it up? Aspen, your back and forth personality is what ruined us. Sorry our relationship was that dismissible to you. But newsflash, to me, it was important. You hurt me! So, sorry if I’m not over it.” My voice becomes high-pitched at the end, and I know he doesn’t miss how angry I am.
I’m absolutely drenched as I follow him, but at the moment, I hardly notice. Too many pent up feelings are creeping to my surface. For once, I’m ready to air out all our dirty laundry.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aspen tries.
I barely hear him over the sound of the rain pelting my skin. I have to all but jog to keep up with him. Because his legs are much longer in comparison to mine, it takes me twice as much effort to keep pace with him. My clothes cling to my body as I squint ahead in the downpour surrounding us.
“Of course you don’t!” I seethe, my hands flying in the air as I continue my rampage. “You keep playing fucking dumb when you’re not. We had a good thing going, Aspen—or could have—but you fucking ruined it! Which is fine. I never expected a dam
n relationship with you. I knew you and your antics. I didn’t expect to change you. But for fuck’s sake, I wanted you to remember me. I wanted a little consideration after I let you take my virginity. I didn’t want you to fuck me one night and another girl the next. You barely spared me a second glance after that—for the rest of the year. It made me feel like fucking dirt. Dirt, Aspen, like what we did was wrong, or dirty. Even though it meant something to me. And now…”
I laugh maniacally. “You bulldoze your way back into my life—and I fucking let you! And here I am, once again, reeling from the temperamental treatment you give me. I’m sick of it. You have no idea how this feels.” At some point, he stopped walking. I give him my dirtiest look as I brush past him. I don’t hear him behind me and when I look over my shoulder, I find him standing statue still where I left him.
Good.
“You want to know how it feels, Lily?” he yells over the sound of the rain. Even with his raised voice, the storm blurs his words.
I glance back to find him walking straight to me. He stops a foot away from me, his chest heaving as the rain drums against his skin, the darker strands of his hair sticking to face.
“I’ve been fucking miserable without you, okay? Is that what you want to hear?” he shouts. His hand beats against his chest as he continues to yell his words over the rain. “That my world fucking stopped when you stormed down that driveway, away from me? So, there you have it. Full disclosure. My heart laid fucking bare for you. Are you happy now?” he says, and his voice breaking at the end almost does me in.
The only sounds I register are the whooshing of the blood in my ears, my heartbeat—erratic with his confession, and the distant rumble of thunder.
Aspen clenches his jaw before taking a few steps forward, to which I respond by stepping back.
“Wh-what are you talking about?” I stutter. I notice the pool of water forming at my feet from the downpour. When I look at him, I’m met with his penetrating gaze.
The Road to Finding Us: A Standalone Second Chance Romance (Aftershock Series Book 2) Page 17
