The Road to Finding Us: A Standalone Second Chance Romance (Aftershock Series Book 2)

by Kat Singleton

He doesn’t take a step back, so he’s still close to me. His emerald eyes travel over my face, now caked in more makeup than I normally wear. “Lily, I need to talk to you.”

  “Haven’t we done enough talking lately?”

  He looks up at the ceiling and when he looks back at me, I see the irritation brewing behind his eyes. “Really? Because I feel like we’ve done zero talking lately. I feel like it’s a lot more like me talking and you arguing.”

  Walking away, I cross the small distance to search through my shoe suitcase, deciding on a pair of pumps. “I can’t talk right now, Aspen. I have to finish getting ready. Please, just let go of whatever you want to talk about. We have to be there for Maverick and Veronica and celebrate their engagement dinner. This isn’t about us right now, it’s about them.”

  “We have to talk about it,” he mutters so quietly, I almost miss it.

  “But—”

  “But nothing,” he growls, caging me in. My only options are to fall into the small closet or remain close to him.

  His finger traces over the off-the-shoulder sleeve of my dress, and he lazily pushes it down even more, his lips replacing the spot where it’d been. “Truth or dare?”

  I huff, mad at myself for leaning into him. “I don’t want to play this game, Aspen.”

  His tongue trails along my collarbone. “Aw, but we’re so good at it.” His teeth tease the hollow of my throat, and fuck if I don’t feel the wetness pool between my legs.

  “I don’t want to be good at games with you,” I confess.

  “I don’t want to be good at them either, but if playing games is the only way I get you, then I’ll fucking play them all.” He looks up from the spot on my neck, his thumb and pointer finger grabbing my jaw.

  I can’t help but look down at his lips. They’re wet, as if he’s just licked them.

  “Truth or dare?” he repeats, holding my jaw so tight I can’t see anything but him.

  “Dare,” I manage, too afraid of the truth he’ll ask from me.

  “I dare you to take off your underwear.”

  He lets his hand slide down the velvet of my dress, fisting the fabric in his hand and pushing it up until it’s no longer in his way. When his fingers brush against the inside of my knee, he pulls my face to his.

  I should be worried about the dark stain of my lipstick getting messed up.

  I should be worried about where this encounter is obviously heading.

  I should be worried that my brother and best friend are right below us.

  But the only thing I’m actually worried about is undoing the belt of Aspen’s pants fast enough.

  Right when Aspen’s hand reaches the point where there should be panties, he discovers there are none.

  “Looks like you wasted a dare,” I breathe against his lips.

  Aspen groans, and I don’t know if it’s because he’s easily accessed my core or because I’ve managed to undo his belt and slip my hand into his boxers. I wrap my fingers around him, pumping up and down.

  “Bed. Now,” Aspen orders, not even allowing me the time to make it there myself. He picks me up by the hips then plops me down on the bed. He has his pants unzipped quickly, freeing himself in one fluid motion. “Scoot back,” he instructs.

  As he aligns himself between my legs, he suddenly curses. “My wallet is on the counter downstairs. I don’t have a condom.”

  My eyes search his. “I’m on the pill. Are you clean?”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “Yes, I’m fucking clean.”

  I let my head fall against the blankets as he enters me.

  It’s been years since he’s been inside me, and I’ve had other partners, but the way he feels inside me is euphoric.

  I’ve tried to fool myself many times, telling myself that other men felt just as good as him, but it was all a lie.

  Nothing can beat the way he feels inside me.

  Our bodies slap against each other, both of us chasing an orgasm quickly.

  I’m right on the edge when I hear Veronica call from downstairs, “Y’all almost ready?”

  Aspen kisses my neck. “Don’t pay her any attention.”

  His hips work against me quickly, and I try to stifle my moans as much as possible.

  After Veronica asks us if we’re ready for the third time, both of us finish.

  We get ready all over again, as fast as possible. I’m not even positive my earrings match when I finally open the door to my room, finding a smirking Veronica just outside of it.

  Thank god, Maverick doesn’t appear to be behind her. I would die of embarrassment if he saw us right now. There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s crystal clear what Aspen and I just did.

  Veronica’s blonde eyebrows raise, her eyes ping ponging between us. I feel the heat from Aspen’s body on my back, so I hesitantly look back at him. He looks almost perfectly put together again, aside from the small lipstick smudge on his white shirt.

  “You’ve got a little—” Veronica gestures to and around her lips. Before thinking of a better plan, she licks her thumb and brings it to swipe at the corner of my mouth, “—lipstick here.”

  I run my fingers over the spot she’s just wiped, I thought I’d gotten it all when I looked in the mirror.

  “Well, Aspen, looks like the plan worked,” Veronica states, looking over at my shoulder at him.

  I narrow my eyes. “Plan?”

  Veronica takes a step into the hallway, gesturing for us to follow her. My feet, however, don’t move. I’m too invested in what the hell she’s talking about.

  “Yeah, you know—the plan. The master plan Aspen and I worked up to finally get the two of you together. I can’t believe neither of you told me it worked!”

  When I look at Aspen, he looks like a deer in headlights. He’s nervously shaking his head at Veronica, something she doesn’t notice until it’s too late.

  “Someone explain. Right freaking now,” I demand, just as Maverick climbs the stairs.

  Veronica purses her lips awkwardly, looking over to my brother as if he’ll help her.

  I stomp a heeled foot, the sound reverberating off the walls. “Somebody explain—please,” I emphasize desperately. “Because right now, it sounds like my best friend and the guy I’m sleeping with came up with some freaking plan to lure me into bed. That can’t be true. Right?” I look between the two of them, a plea on my face, hoping this isn’t what I think it is.

  “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds worse than it is,” Aspen starts, tucking his hands into the pockets of his suit pants.

  A shrill laugh escapes me. “It sounds worse? Okay, then enlighten me. What the hell is happening here?”

  “Sooo, at this rate we’re going to be late for the party,” Maverick interjects from the stairwell.

  “Shut up, Maverick!” I shout, looking at my twin as he puts his hands up in surrender.

  “Don’t talk to him like that,” Veronica seethes from the hallway, giving me a look of her own.

  Aspen’s hand grips my elbow, delicately trying to spin me toward him. “Look, I was out here not too long ago, finalizing the plans for the house. Maverick and V were nice enough to let me stay with them. It was during that time that I confessed to them about the feelings I had for you in college. The feelings I still have for you.” He pauses, allowing his words to sink in.

  He shifts on his feet before continuing. “I didn’t know how to get your attention again. I knew you were in Dallas too, but I also knew you wanted nothing to do with me, and I didn’t want to barge into your life if you were happy. But when Veronica told me you were single, I wanted to shoot my shot. I wanted another chance with you.”

  Veronica chimes in with, “I told him about our girls’ trip. We came up with a plan to say I couldn’t go, so he could take my place.”

  “Was there even a catering emergency?” I ask.

  The look between the two of them tells me enough—it was a lie.

  “It’s not like we did anything bad,” Veronica
insists.

  The look on Aspen’s face doesn’t hold an ounce of his normal arrogance. He looks nervous as he talks. “I just wanted the chance to show you how I felt. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to do it.”

  “Well, it feels shady. Of both of you.” I grab my clutch from the armchair, brushing past Veronica and Maverick to go wait at the front door.

  When Veronica comes down the stairs, the look in her eyes almost scares me. She’s definitely pissed. She stops in front of me, looking every bit of a bride in her white dress. Too bad the look on her face is definitely not bridal. “We’ll talk later. Until then, don’t ruin this for your brother.” She stares at me for a few moments longer, forcing a smile on her face when she feels Maverick come up behind her.

  “Ready?” he hesitantly asks.

  “Yes, dear,” Veronica responds, before planting a kiss on his cheek.

  His eyes find mine, and I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile as I nod.

  Aspen makes it to the bottom of the stairs, trying to convey something in the way he looks at me. I pull my gaze away from him, too caught up in my emotions to continue to look at him.

  I plaster my own fake smile on as we walk to the car.

  What a shitshow.

  36

  Lily

  Present

  Hours later, I escape the bustling engagement party. Stepping out into the terrace of Veronica’s very rich parents’ house, I’m shocked to find Aspen standing in front of a fountain.

  He glances over his shoulder, barely pausing before he looks away again.

  “I thought I’d be alone out here,” I tell him.

  “Nope,” he quips. “I needed some air to sort stuff out in my head.”

  I begin to back up to the door. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then.”

  “Please stay.” The plea is barely audible.

  When I take the spot next to him, the left side of his mouth lifts up in a half-smile and my heart starts to race. Mustering up the courage, I talk, staring at the sputtering water in front of us. “We need to talk.”

  “So now you want to talk. I don’t even know what else to say to you anymore. You’ve been trying your hardest to convince me that I’m a rollercoaster, but I think you are. You’re the one who’s being hot and cold recently.”

  I take a deep breath before speaking, ignoring his comments. “I think I fell in love with you in college before our lips ever touched. I think my heart knew you were special the moment I saw you in the elevator.”

  “You mean the time you punched me in the balls?”

  “Semantics,” I respond, before continuing my speech. “I think I decided to hate you because it was an easier road than loving you. By the time we first kissed, I had wanted you for so long. I just wouldn’t give into it. But even though my heart was wanting you, I was seeing you with girl after girl after girl. And there came a point where I got so insecure about it that I really pretended to hate you. Because what else could I do? I didn’t think you wanted me. Then something changed. I realized you watched me. I realized you wanted me. I eventually gave in to my feelings for you. Even though I knew you weren’t one for a relationship.”

  “I never told you I didn’t want a relationship,” he interrupts.

  “You might not have said the words, but your actions spoke for you. Then we had sex and things got muddy. I thought you regretted taking my virginity. I thought it disgusted you. I gave up on you before you could give up on me. It didn’t help when you had some girl in the room with you, the very next day. You say it was all a charade, and I’m telling you, you played the part very well. Then I actually did hate you. I hated you because you broke my heart into smithereens. That hate simmered in me for years before you showed up for this trip. And then yet again, things got muddy between us. And just when I was coming to terms that I might let you in again, I find out you conspired with my best friend on a way to make me, instead of just telling me how you felt. Every serious moment between the two of us seems like it was all some sort of game, and I hate it. I need time—and space—to think it all through. I’ve been lied to by you, I’ve been lied to by Veronica. Hell, maybe even Maverick was in on it. And I hate it. I hate not being in control of any of this and I just need freaking time.”

  Aspen, the whole time I’ve been speaking, has just been staring at the fountain in front of us. I look out of the corner of my eye to see his hands running through his hair, his jaw working back and forth. After repeating the movement a few times, he turns to face me.

  His shoulders rise and fall with a loud exhale. “Okay.”

  I hesitantly run my fingers over the soft fabric of my dress. “Okay?”

  Aspen nods. “Okay.”

  “That’s all you’re going to say? I just poured my heart out to you, and all you can give me is okay?”

  “Yes, Lily, that’s all I’m going to say right now.”

  “Well, okay,” I say, emphasizing his new favorite word before turning my body toward the terrace doors.

  “What do you want from me, Lily?” Aspen yells behind me, his voice carrying over the cascading water. “I play your part and I’m the bad guy. I fight for you and I’m the bad guy. I respect your wishes and I’m still the bad guy. No matter what I do, I can’t win. I’m always the bad guy!”

  I turn to face him, yelling, “I don’t know what I want, Aspen! I have no idea what I want right now and it scares the shit out of me!”

  “You need to figure it out!” he shouts. “Because I’ve told you exactly what I want. And it’s you.”

  “God, you make me so angry. I don’t understand why I’m even confused. All we ever do is fight!”

  His Oxfords angrily slap against the ground as he paces toward me. “I couldn’t care less if we fight. It’s been that way since the day we first met. But we also fight for each other, Lily. At least, I fight for you. I’m not sure what you fight for anymore.” His voice is laced with years’ worth of anger.

  I turn around, taking the last couple of steps toward the door.

  He throws his hands up in defeat. “Yeah, go ahead and leave. That’s what you’re good at, isn’t it? Avoiding hard topics? Lily Morrison, ladies and gentlemen—pretending to be a badass when in reality, she bails the moment her life doesn’t go as perfectly as planned.”

  “You were my perfect plan, Aspen,” I say. “Don’t you get that? You were the fucking fairytale in my head! But you ruined it. You didn’t choose me. You chose other girls instead of me.” The last words are barely audible, but I know they still reach his ears. His shoulders stiffen as I say them.

  When his gaze meets mine, the look on his face breaks my heart. He looks defeated. “You can say that all you want, but you were never going to let go of this made up persona you had for me in your head. No matter what I did, you weren’t going to let it go. I’m done arguing with you.” He turns back around and walks to the fountain.

  I’m left talking to his back. “No. I want to talk about this, Aspen. I want to find a way to work things out between us. We were fine as friends in the beginning of the trip. I would be happy if we could go back to how things were right then, before we once again started playing games without either one of us thinking about what happens after the game ends.”

  He laughs sadly. “That’s what you don’t get, Lily. Even if we could go back to the beginning of the trip, I’d still be in love with you. Only you wouldn’t know it yet. I can’t fathom a life right now where I can be friends with you and not want to hold you. Or kiss you. Or pull that damn lip from between your teeth. Even though I want to give you everything you ever ask for, this is one thing I can’t. It isn’t a game to me anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time.”

  He turns away from the fountain and walks toward me, his footsteps quick with purpose. Aspen closes the distance between us, pulling me flush against him. He pulls my hair off my shoulder and wraps his hands around the nape of my neck. I lean into him when his lips find my hair. His finger brushes und
er my chin as he lifts my face to him and whispers, “Don’t cry.”

  “Why does it feel like this?” I ask shakily.

  “Because even if we don’t get to keep it, the love was real.”

  Without thinking about it, I stand on my tiptoes and brush my lips against his. His lips instinctively move against mine, but he rips them away shortly after they meet.

  He backs away from me, letting out a loud groan. “You can’t keep doing this, Lily. It’s either you want this, or you don’t. You can’t end things one moment and then kiss me the next. It isn’t fair. How do I fight for a girl that doesn’t want to be fought for? Or better yet, how do I prove to you that all I want to do is love you? I thought I could do that. I worked my ass off to become a man that you’d be proud of and believe—for once. But you’re proving to me, time and time again, that I can’t.”

  He runs a hand over his face before he continues to speak. “I need you to decide, right here, right now, what you want. I don’t need promises of forever, I just need to know if I have a chance. Because right now, that’s all I want. I want that chance, but if I don’t have it, then I really need you to stop stringing me along. I’m tired of trying to prove you wrong if there’s no hope you’ll even give me the light of day.”

  The world around me stops and the only thing I can think about is the man standing in front of me. My chin wobbles as I realize he’s the only man who’s ever had my heart—and he’s held it for a while now. But, I still look at him and feel my broken heart. I see the women he constantly had over, the look of horror on his face when I told him he’d taken my virginity. My vision blurs with all the different games we’ve played over the years, the games we’re still playing as grown adults. I see so many moments that only remind me of the hurt.

  Aspen stands patiently in front of me, waiting for an answer that I don’t know how to give him.

  “I can’t,” I choke out. “The thing is, we never even had a true relationship. We would hook up, yeah. And in the moment, it felt real, but it was never an actual relationship. One with commitment and trust. I thought I was head over heels in love with you, but looking back now, I don’t know if that love could have possibly been real. Or at least real enough to build a relationship on now. Because in reality, we were always playing games. It was always a fucking game, even if you claim it wasn’t.”