by Alice Raine
‘Fuck! So good!’ I don’t know who said it, but one of us cried out as our bodies joined. Perhaps we both did. I had no idea any more. Raising my head I gazed down into Stella’s wide eyes and after we both regained our composure I began to thrust in long, steady strokes, causing Stella to clamp around me like a vice. Christ. She was so tight. Every time with Stella felt like a brand new experience, she was so fucking incredible.
Leaning her lips against my neck Stella pecked and licked below my ear as I continued to drive us both on with steady, regular thrusts. I was carefully holding myself in check so I didn’t lose it too soon, but that control was disappearing by the second. ‘Harder, Nathan … please …’ she murmured against my skin, causing my cock to stiffen even further. Her words took me right back to our first time together on this very sofa; that night she’d begged me to fuck her harder and deeper too. And just as I’d obliged her then I did now, increasing the speed and power of my thrusts until Stella let out a strangled cry and came in pulsing bursts, triggering my own powerful orgasm that swept through me until I collapsed on top of her completely drained.
Several minutes later, when our breathing had returned to normal, I shifted my weight from Stella’s pliant body, undid the belt around her wrists, and pulled her against me so she was snuggled into my chest. I rubbed her wrists and allowed myself to relax below her as I tried to sink further into my contented state, but infuriatingly I found that my bloody mind was still partially focusing on my earlier concerns about marriage and living together.
At the return of these depressing thoughts a long, deep breath left my lungs. I was always so in control of my life that having an issue I had no power over was leaving me floundering. It was so fucking annoying. Chewing on my lip a devious thought slipped into my mind – perhaps if I broached the subject while she was sated from our sex Stella might be more co-operative.
Turning my head I placed a kiss on her forehead, which caused her to snuggle in closer to me.
‘We’re so good together, Stella, and I’m not just talking about the sex …’ I hesitated briefly before diving right in, ‘… why won’t you move in with me?’ I tried to soften the blow by stroking my hand through her hair in a soothing motion, but I still felt a warm sigh blow across my chest.
Leaning up onto one elbow she looked me directly in the eyes, a small frown puckering her eyebrows, and I cringed. God, I really must sound like a frigging broken record, asking her the same damn question. That must be, what, twenty times I’d asked her in the last year?
‘Fine, you really want to know why?’ she asked, her voice soft but determined nonetheless, a description that summed her up perfectly. I swallowed hard and an uncomfortable feeling rose in my chest. Now it looked like she was going to relent I suddenly had my doubts – did I really want to know why she’d been so hesitant for so long? What if the answer was as awful as I’d imagined? What if she was desperate for marriage and planned to leave me to find someone better? Forcing my paranoid guesses away I nodded my head apprehensively.
Seeing my nod she didn’t waste another second, seemingly keen to get it off her chest. ‘The main thing is this apartment. I don’t want to live here,’ she said simply. Trying to process her words I blinked several times as relief rushed through me. She hadn’t mentioned marriage, thank God, but my apartment? That wasn’t what I’d expected her to say at all. Did she want me to move in with her? Was that what this was all about? ‘But your place is only small, we’d never fit all our stuff there,’ I replied, still somewhat perplexed by the turn this conversation had taken.
Shaking her head a small smile tilted the corner of her lips. ‘That’s not what I mean, Nathan.’ She let out a long breath and seemed to be steeling herself to drop yet more bad news on me. ‘Look, I know how much you love your apartment, you designed it; you’re allowed to love it.’ Leaning down she placed a brief, chaste peck on my chin, ‘The thing is, I just don’t like it.’
My eyebrows rose significantly at her words, and even though Stella was talking sense I couldn’t help but feel my hackles rise and body tense. This place had every convenience possible, what the fuck was there not to like?
As if reading my mind Stella shook her head and smiled wryly, ‘Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful apartment, Nathan. Perfect really.’ Lowering her eyes she seemed to be choosing her words carefully so I laid there and attempted to reign in my impatience. ‘The thing is, if I moved in here it would never feel like “our” apartment to me, it would always be yours.’ Denial was about to spring from my lips, but Stella halted me by placing a finger gently on them. ‘I know it’s stupid, but when I’m here I can’t get the image of your previous women out of my head. They lived here with you, shared this space …’ Her hand wafted around as if to prove her point, ‘… and as stupid as it probably sounds, that’s why I can’t live with you. It’s not about you, it’s about this apartment and its history.’
Taking a moment to process her words I couldn’t help a frown deepening my brow. It was true other women had shared this space with me, but I never gave them a second thought now – how strange that Stella would dwell on it. ‘But you come here every week and you’ve never seemed bothered before,’ I stated, fairly sure that I was right.
Shrugging, Stella lowered her eyes, ‘Perhaps not outwardly, but there’s a reason I always try and manoeuvre our time so that we’re mostly in your bedroom.’ Raising her gaze she looked directly into my eyes. ‘You told me you’d never taken another woman in there before me, that’s why I like it so much.’
Wow. That was news to me, and it hit me like a punch to the stomach. ‘This is a little crazy, sweetheart, we’ve been together a long while now. Those women are in my past; they mean nothing to me.’
Sighing, Stella nodded as her fingers absently played over my bare chest, ‘I know, and I also know that this is probably irrational of me, that’s why I never told you before, but I can’t help it, they always spring to my mind.’ Stella’s eyes narrowed as a look of distaste settled on her features. ‘For example, can you honestly tell me that I’m the only person you’ve had sex on this sofa with?’ My loud swallow spoke a thousand words. No, she was not the only woman I’d fucked on this sofa. I winced, in fact I think I’d struggle to count the number on women who’d been below me on this leather … not that I’d share that thought with Stella.
Seeing my wince Stella sighed, ‘You see? I hate that thought,’ she grimaced, pushing herself upright as if the sofa was suddenly repellent to her. Standing, she began pulling on my discarded shirt for cover, leaving my arms feeling achingly empty as I sat up. ‘I’m sure I’m not the only woman who’s pleasured you on the kitchen table either? Or against those windows?’ Her voice was rising now, and although I did agree with her that it was a little irrational, it was clear that the thought upset her. ‘It’s too crowded here for me. I know that sounds stupid, Nathan, but that’s the reason, OK? I could never live here full-time and be happy, and I know your apartment is beloved to you so I guess we’re at an impasse.’ She smiled weakly at me. ‘Plus, you don’t have a conservatory,’ she added in a soft attempt at a joke, ‘I’ve always wanted to live in a house with a conservatory.’
Even with her attempt at lightening the mood I found myself sat in stunned silence. Wow. This was a hell of a lot to take in. It certainly explained why Stella was always so keen on having sex in my bedroom though … I’d never thought much beyond the fact that the bed was big and comfortable, but clearly Stella had chosen the location for a whole different reason. Running a hand through my hair I licked my lips, unsure what to say next. Christ, so I’d have to move out if I wanted to live with her? Leave the first building I’d ever designed, the apartment that was hugely symbolic to me as not only the start to my new life, but also a final end to my abusive childhood? I’d designed this apartment when I was still living at home with my parents, long before I’d even qualified as an architect. It had been my way of releasing some of the tension I held inside me, a
nd I’d poured out my frustrations and longings to escape into planning where I would live when I eventually did leave. In that sense, this place had been my refuge over the years, even before it had even become a reality – but on the other hand Stella was fast becoming my rock. Shaking my head to try and clear my thoughts I realised I was going to need to do some serious thinking to sort this problem out.
Turning to the left I raised my head and my gaze locked with Stella’s. I was expecting her to be annoyed at my hesitation, pissed off because my apartment meant so much to me, but to my surprise I saw a sympathetic smile on her face. Reaching her hand across she took mine and lifted it to her lips, kissing the palm. ‘I know what you went through to build this place, Nathan, and I totally understand why it’s so important to you. Let’s not rush things, OK? Maybe given time I’ll feel more at home here.’
Even now, when it should be me making her feel better, Stella was still trying to look out for me. Shaking my head I smiled weakly. Her compassion never failed to amaze me. Drawing in a deep breath I remained silent, not yet sure what to say, so instead I stood up, scooped Stella into my arms, and carried her towards the bedroom, her only real haven within my home.
Gazing down at her as I walked my eyes travelled over her features as she loosely draped an arm around my neck for support and rested her head on my shoulder. My chest tightened in that strange, warm, way again. I cared for her so fucking much it hurt. Well, that was that question answered then … it looked like I’d be visiting some estate agents in the next few weeks.
Three –Nicholas
Pushing through the doorway to Rebecca’s bookshop I made my way inside, rubbing my hands together and glad to be out of the cold day. Just last week I’d been sat on the balcony of my brother’s apartment enjoying the sunshine, but it seemed like the change to October had brought with it near-torrential rain and sudden temperature drops, making it feeling much more like the start of winter.
Weaving between the stacks of books that always seemed chaotic to me, but according to Rebecca were apparently completely ordered, I finally got to the counter and smiled at Louise, Rebecca’s assistant.
‘Hi, Nicholas, all set for this weekend?’ she asked with a knowing grin. Louise was in on my surprise because I’d had to call her last week and check Rebecca’s intended shifts at the shop. Luckily, she was off for the entire weekend so I could carry out my plan without disrupting the other staff member’s shifts.
‘Yes, everything’s ready, is she out back?’ I asked, tilting my head in the direction of the small office at the rear of the shop. As much I liked Louise – she was one of Becky’s closest friends and also one of her bridesmaids-to-be – I wasn’t exactly one for small talk, so I was keen to find Becky and head off.
‘She is, go on through,’ Louise said, turning her attention to a customer who had just entered the shop.
Making my way down the narrow corridor I had to dodge and negotiate several large piles of books and boxes, presumably new stock – definitely not in any sort of order – before I came to Rebecca’s cosy office. When I say ‘cosy’, I’m being polite. In actuality her office is about the size of a broom closet, and that’s being decidedly generous.
Poking my head in, I found Rebecca shoving her laptop into its bag before spinning to me with a huge grin on her face. As much as I might think of myself as a tough guy I just couldn’t help the way I reacted to my girl when she looked at me like that, and as was now the norm, I found myself reflecting her grin like a giddy teenager as I felt my heart start to thump a little faster in my chest. ‘All done?’
Shouldering her laptop bag and grabbing a holdall Rebecca nodded. ‘Yep. I packed a weekend bag this morning like you told me to.’ Stepping forwards she wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled my head down for a quick kiss which sent a fire racing from my lips straight to my groin before she leant back and levelled a narrowed glance at me. ‘Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?’ I had no idea if Rebecca felt the same spark between us every time we touched, but for me, even after a year and a half, the thrilling effect hadn’t faded. I hoped it never would.
Getting a grip on my runaway libido I tried to think with my brain and not my trousers as I smiled down at her. ‘Just for a nice weekend away,’ I replied vaguely, with a waggle of my eyebrows as I took the bag from her hand. ‘Come on, let’s head off and beat the rush hour.’
Just over four hours later we arrived at our destination, Langdale Chase, a beautiful and exclusive country house hotel on the shores of Lake Windermere. Rebecca might not have known my exact destination as I drove, but being born and bred in the Lake District she had realised we were heading for Cumbria as soon as I’d turned off the M6 at junction 36, and had been giddy with excitement ever since.
As I slowly negotiated the gravel driveway towards the hotel Rebecca drew in a gasp. ‘Nicholas, this place is beautiful,’ she murmured softly as she gazed out of the window while I parked the car. ‘I used to do a cycle route as a kid that took us past this hotel, but that’s about as close as I’ve ever been to it.’ Swivelling back around to me as I turned off the ignition I saw Rebecca frown, ‘It’s pretty exclusive here, Nicholas. I wish you’d picked somewhere a bit less pricy, that way I might not feel like such a freeloader.’ Watching as she nervously chewed on a fingernail I smiled and reached across to tug her hand from her mouth, pulling it to my own lips and placing a kiss on the tip. Lowering her hand I stroked her knee reassuringly and gave it a squeeze until Rebecca took the hint and met my calm gaze.
‘But this is my treat for you, Rebecca. I don’t want you paying for anything; that would defeat the point of it being my treat,’ I explained patiently, knowing that Rebecca was still a little uncomfortable with the amount of money that resided in my bank accounts. She had no reason to be, I knew she wasn’t after me for my money. After all, I’d seen her own bank statements – Becky had plenty of cash coming in from her business, she wasn’t as well-off as me perhaps, but none the less, she was more than comfortable.
‘Hmmm.’ She hummed a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat, but didn’t sound convinced and I found myself sighing heavily and drawing my hand back into my own lap. Rebecca might be a business owner, and a good one at that, but she was my girl, mine to look after and mine to treat to a night in a nice hotel if I bloody well wanted to. Not that a casual treat was entirely my motive for this trip, but Rebecca would find that out soon enough. Enough was enough, I might be softening up, but she still needed to know that I could and would take care of her if I damn well wanted. Swinging the car door open I fixed her with a firm look and saw her slightly flinch as she registered it. ‘Rebecca, stop overthinking everything. Just relax and enjoy yourself. For me?’
At my exasperated tone I saw Rebecca’s eyes soften and she eventually smiled ruefully. ‘I’m sorry, Nicholas.’ Blinking several times, she exhaled a deep breath through her nose and then nodded towards the grand building. ‘I didn’t mean to be ungrateful, this place looks amazing. Thank you.’
I had in no way intended for this weekend to start off with tension, so as I rounded the car to Rebecca’s side I calmed myself and rolled off my shoulders before opening her door and flashing my award-winning grin at her. ‘Come on, my beautiful girl. Let’s get inside.’ Glancing down at her again I saw her cheeks were pink and I grinned – I loved the way Rebecca flushed when I complimented her; it seemed to make her entire being glow with happiness. Happiness that I had caused, which in turn did stupidly soppy things to my own insides.
Smiling shyly at me Rebecca took my extended hand and allowed me to assist her from the car as if I were a true bred gentleman and not some ex-loser fraud attempting to turn over a new leaf. Letting the warmth from Rebecca’s palm soak into my skin, I absorbed the tingles with a smile, pushed thoughts of my less than salubrious past aside and focused on the present. Quite simply, it was this woman and her gentle ways who had changed me so radically, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that fact.
Taking her hand we began crunching over the gravel towards the impressive building, her thumb caressing the back of my hand and me probably squeezing her digits just a bit too tightly because of my anticipation. This was it, I’d get to tell Rebecca my secret soon. God, I hoped she was pleased. But I suppose only time would tell. Mounting the steps together we entered the beautiful wood panelled entrance hall and I felt Rebecca’s arm lag slightly as she paused to take in the impressive surroundings. After a brief glance around my eyes landed on the reception counter and as we approached I drew in a steadying breath, desperately hoping that the smiling girl there was the one I’d spoken to on the phone just as few hours earlier.
‘Good afternoon, welcome to Langdale Chase.’ She beamed at us both before raising her eyebrows expectantly as her fingers hovered over the keyboard, waiting to check us in.
‘Good afternoon,’ I reluctantly released the warmth of Rebecca’s hand as I reached into my jacket pocket to retrieve my wallet. ‘We have a room booked in the name of Mr Jackson. Nicholas Jackson,’ I added. The girl’s eyes flicked to mine briefly and I saw a spark of recognition there. Quite apparently she was the staff member I’d spoken to earlier, and from the small smile now playing on her lips it was apparent she remembered my request to delay our check-in. Thank goodness for that, part one of my plan was slipping into place.
As if on cue she clicked a few buttons on the computer keyboard and then frowned minutely. ‘I do apologise, Mr Jackson, your room isn’t quite ready yet,’ she said with an apologetic smile. Persuading the hotel to tell us our room wasn’t ready had actually taken quite some doing – apparently a fancy hotel like this didn’t keep its paying guests waiting for their rooms, even if it was for a good reason, but after explaining my intentions the manager had warmly agreed and handed me over to the receptionist so I could explain what I needed her to do.
