‘Once it sinks in why and how it happened?’
‘That might be true for him –’ he nodded at Xane’s prone form ‘– but I don’t have the same excuses. Nope, I’ve fucked that one up good and proper.’
Spook rubbed his hands over his lower face and then blew out a sigh. ‘We’ll see.’ He took a pace towards the door, but stopped and squinted back over his shoulder. ‘Hey, I’m sorry you got outed in such a spectacular fashion.’
Luthor raised his hands and shrugged. ‘At least I’m in good company.’
Spook nodded and continued to the door.
‘Hey, wait a second. Is it true, the stuff in that article?’
Spook paused with his hand on the door handle. ‘Some of it.’
‘Just the bits about Steve and Xane, or the stuff about the rest of you too?’
‘Luthor, if you’re asking me if I’ve slept with him, I’m going to ask you, does it matter? The people reading will decide for themselves what the reality of the situation is. Chances are it’ll have very little to do with the truth.’
Luthor breathed in through his nose. ‘But have you?’
‘I haven’t properly fucked anyone since I was nineteen. I’m now twenty-seven.’
It was only after Spook had left the bedroom that it dawned on Luthor that Spook’s response still didn’t answer his question. He had no idea how long the two men had been friends.
Chapter 21
‘Take a deep breath, Saint.’
Ginny held on to Dani’s hair as she urged her to dunk her face for the third time into a sink filled with cold water. They were in the ensuite of the twin room Ginny and Ash were sharing, the two of them having dragged her through the house and manhandled her in here.
The water chilled her face but failed to take most of the steam out of her insides. They all must think she was an utter idiot by now. Raging and screaming like one of the crazy people on daytime reality TV shows.
She lifted her head again, met the eyes of her reflection in the mirror. They were pink and puffy, and her nose looked like a raspberry.
‘Better?’ Ginny asked.
Hardly, but she accepted the towel Ash handed her. He’d said surprisingly little since they’d come in.
‘It’s OK to be upset. We’re not judging you. Are we, Ash?’
He scratched the beard growth around his jaw. ‘No. I’m not judging anyone.’
Dani collapsed in a heap. ‘Why?’ she asked. That was the bit she really couldn’t get her head around. ‘Why did they do that?’ Why abuse her trust when she’d granted them so much freedom? Unless they’d never intended to pay any attention to her wishes. Maybe they’d been screwing all along.
Walking around the side of the house, after Ginny had come into the bedroom and suggested she might want to come outside, had been like experiencing that hideous day on the tour bus all over again. That time Luthor’s hand had been on Xane’s cock. This time, it had been there again, only he was fucking him like the world was about to end at the same time.
They hadn’t even noticed her.
They hadn’t noticed anything.
‘They both promised,’ she sobbed. Her previously angry tears transformed into despairing ones. ‘They said they’d only fuck one another if I was around.’
Ginny’s mouth contorted into an awkward smile. ‘Whoa, f-bombs from the Saint.’ She hunched down beside Dani and stroked her head. ‘You know that deal was never gonna work out, don’t you? I mean, I totally get why you’d want it that way. Ringside seats to the hot man loving, but Xane has the libido of a sex-starved nymphomaniac and Luthor’s in love. Dani, sex is in Xane’s nature, and sadly boundaries aren’t.’
‘He has plenty of boundaries,’ Ash remarked, silencing Ginny and making Dani look up at him. His hair was just as black as Xane’s, but his eyes were dark-blue and full of depth. He’d taken a perch on the nearest of the twin beds and was hunched forward with his elbows resting on his knees. ‘Whatever it was that just happened has fuck-all to do with whatever it is that you, he and Luthor have going on. Xane at least wasn’t in his right mind, and I defy anyone to resist him in that mood. Frankly, I defy anyone to resist him if he’s of a mind to have them.’
Ginny scowled. ‘Don’t make excuses for them.’
‘I’m not, no more than you were. I’m telling it as it is. This is the reality of who he is, Dani. You’ve been cocooned in a bubble this far. Well, the truth is he’s an addict. You want to know what his sex addiction looks like. This is it. Give or take a few more people lined up to participate, none of whom he knows and none of whom he gives a shit about. He lost it. Elspeth fucked him, and fucked with Steve’s memory, and fucked the band, and he fell right back into his safety zone. Honestly, I’d count yourself blessed that it was Luthor he chose to get his fix with.’
‘You are defending him?’ she said, trying not to swallow the bile in her throat.
‘No.’ Ash covered his eyes a moment, then got off the bed and scooted along the floor until he was sitting in front of her. ‘I’m trying to make you understand what happened. The man’s a screw-up, Dani. Hell, we all are in this band. Rock Giant’s probably the most together of us, and he has drug-addled hippies for parents. Only you can answer the question whether he’s the man you want to spend your life with.’
‘You think I should forgive him?’
‘I think that’s your choice. Weigh up the various factors and decide exactly how big a deal what just happened really is.’ He pressed his thumb to his lips. ‘He broke a promise. That’s shit. He deserves at least a bit of hell for it, but let’s be honest, he didn’t cross any lines that weren’t already decidedly wobbly. From what Rock Giant’s told me, you, Xane and Luthor spent this afternoon romping together on the lawn.’
Horrified that he knew that, Dani hung her head in shame and stared resolutely at her ankles. A lot of what Ash was saying did make sense. Maybe the person she ought to be incensed with was Elspeth, but she couldn’t quite let go of the pain of seeing them rutting like beasts.
‘I think we need drinks and biccies.’ Ginny gave Ash a shove towards the door, only to leap up immediately, obviously having remembered he was still struggling with his motor functions down the whole of one side. ‘Actually, why don’t we all go through to the lounge, and I can make them.’
Dani didn’t really want to venture into the real world, but she didn’t want to be the cause of an argument between Ash and Ginny either. Ash’s shoulders had already stiffened at the implication he couldn’t manage.
Everyone had their flashpoints, she guessed.
‘Come on. We can light the fire, and Ash and I won’t end up with beds full of biscuit crumbs.’
Chapter 22
Ginny and Ash sat either side of Dani on the sofa in the lounge while they sipped their hot chocolate. She wasn’t sure if they were trying to cocoon her in warmth – they’d all three of them covered their laps with a blanket – or were positioning themselves to jump on her if she made too sudden a movement, or showed signs of storming into the bedroom and giving Xane and Luthor a piece of her mind. Part of her still very much wanted to howl at them. However, a far larger part was now weary and worried. It was odd that neither Xane nor Luthor had appeared to say anything to her. She watched, content to watch the fake flames in the fireplace dance as the jets of hot air passed through them, while everything people had said to her over the last few days tumbled around in her head like tombola tickets.
If she’d discovered Xane and Luthor fucking like that in any other circumstances, it would have been a deal-breaker – of the relationship destroyed, pack your bags and fly home kind. After all, this wasn’t the first time she’d caught them out. But she realised – as Ash had pointed out – what she’d witnessed hadn’t been a routine act of infidelity. It’d been a shock reaction to a horrific betrayal.
Dani knew exactly how Xane felt about Steve Matlock. He never said a lot about it, but that was because he was so knotted up about what had happe
ned that he’d be working through his grief and guilt for years.
As for Elspeth, Dani had to seriously question her feelings for her husband if this was how she preserved his memory. Placing him at the centre of a rock ’n’ roll sex scandal! For real – who did that to someone they purportedly loved, after they were dead and buried? Bad enough to do it while they were alive and able to defend themselves.
The things Elspeth had exposed were all incendiary points, meant to produce the maximum hurt to the people she was exposing, while merely providing titillation to the rest of the world.
And why drag the rest of the band into it? Why imply that they were all Xane’s bottom boys? It didn’t make sense. Though, in her experience, Elspeth didn’t make a whole lot of sense.
Most likely, Dani’s own screaming and hitting Luthor earlier hadn’t made a whole lot of sense to those around her either. Why target him and not Xane, who’d refused to even make eye contact with her? She hoped that was because Xane realised what a shit he’d been. He’d breached her trust. Stupid then that she actually wanted to go and hug him.
When she saw Spook emerge from the bedroom and go into the kitchen a few minutes later, Dani extracted herself from the smothering comfort Ash and Ginny were providing and went to talk to him. She found him taking swabs and antiseptic from a large first-aid kit.
‘What are those for?’
He turned his head, and looked her up and down. ‘Xane’s split his knuckles.’
‘Oh!’ She swallowed hard, feeling curiously choked to learn he’d injured himself. ‘Is he OK?’
‘I don’t think he’s broken anything.’ Spook pointed to the upright freezer. ‘Pass me some ice, please.’
Dani did as he asked and watched him wrap a tray’s worth of cubes in a tea towel. ‘Is that for Xane too?’
‘For Luthor.’
‘Oh!’
Spook pinned her with his intense gaze. ‘Is that your default response to everything at the moment?’
Tremulously, Dani shook her head. ‘I didn’t realise they were both hurt.’
‘In Luthor’s case, you were the cause. That’s quite a punch you have on you.’
‘I didn’t punch him, I slapped him.’ She guessed the difference was unimportant. It probably hadn’t lessened the pain or the damage. ‘Can I take those things through for them?’
Spook’s wary gaze seemed to lance right through her. She expected him to say no, outright. Instead, he slid the items he’d readied, along with a bowl of warm water and a crepe bandage, along the worktop to her. ‘If I hear any more screaming or raised voices, I’m going to call the security guards over from the mainland to sit on the culprit. Got it?’
She nodded.
He raised his brows sceptically.
‘I won’t scream. I’ll try not to raise my voice. I just want to talk.’
‘You’re going to be sorely disappointed if that’s what you’re going in there to do. Xane checked out a little while ago. You’re not getting any sense out of him until daybreak.’
She wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that, but didn’t want to sound stupid by asking. Maybe he simply meant that Xane was sleeping. ‘Is this everything?’ She scooped up the supplies. ‘Do you mind getting the bedroom door for me?’
‘Sure.’
Luthor was kneeling by the side of the bed when Dani went in. He saw her and jerked upright. ‘Dani!’
‘How is he?’ she asked quietly. Spook shut the door behind her, leaving himself on the outside. ‘I brought the things to clean up his hand. Spook said he’d hurt his knuckles.’ She carried the items over to the bed and dropped them on the eiderdown, except for the bowl of warm water, which she stood on the nearby windowsill. ‘I thought we probably ought to talk.’
‘We as in you and me? Or we meaning you and him?’
‘All three of us.’
Luthor grabbed one of the swabs she’d brought and started cleaning away the blood from between Xane’s fingers. The state of Xane’s knuckles made her heart turn over.
‘Xane’s not exactly very communicative right now.’
She realised he was lying horribly still, face-down. His long dark hair covered what little of his face wasn’t turned towards the quilt. ‘Isn’t he cold like that, on top of the covers?’ He was completely naked, which would normally have made her pleasure centres light up. At the moment, it only made her want to tuck something warm around him. ‘Why’s he so still? Xane, are you cold? Should I cover you up?’
‘He hasn’t said a word since we got in here, Dani. Actually, he hasn’t said a thing since he ordered me to come in his arse.’
Luthor’s words impacted her emotions much like a physical slap might have stung her flesh. It made her hackles rise, and an angry retort hovered on her lips. Dani bit it back, recalling Spook’s warning that he wasn’t in the mood for any more drama.
She stared at the sizeable red mark she’d left across Luthor’s cheek, and decided that maybe he felt obliged to make a retaliatory swipe. She offered him the ice. ‘What do you mean, he’s not said anything?’
‘Just that.’ Luthor grabbed another cotton ball, dampened it and began cleaning the cuts across Xane’s knuckles. Whatever Xane had chosen to hit had caused a grim amount of damage. ‘He’s lost somewhere inside his own head at the minute, and I can’t say I blame him for not wanting to come out. What’s there to come out for? Just a world of shit drummed up by his ex and a girlfriend with a bee in her bonnet.’
‘I didn’t come in here to shout at him.’
Dani climbed onto the bed so that she was level with Xane’s shoulders. ‘Xane.’ She touched the back of his head. ‘I saw what she wrote, and I’m sorry you’re hurting. I know you didn’t do it out of malice when you … when you fucked Luthor. I wish you’d have come to me, and let me help you deal with it.’
To her astonishment, he lifted his head up onto her lap, so that his nose touched her belly, and wrapped his arm around her waist.
Luthor sighed, and she recognised it as the sound of heartbreak. He wanted Xane every bit as much as she did, but he knew that whatever chance he’d believed he’d had with her and Xane was now over. He was good for wound-cleaning, and seeking release with, but it was Dani that Xane turned to for real comfort and love.
By the time Luthor had finished his task and removed the two thick metal rings Xane wore on his right hand, in case his fingers swelled, Xane’s breathing had become deep and even.
Luthor disposed of the used swabs and packaging, before giving the hand a blast of antiseptic spray. Now the blood was gone, mottled blue and purple contusions were starting to show through the skin. ‘I’ll go now and let you get some rest.’
‘I think he’s already asleep.’ Xane’s breathing had definitely softened as she’d worked her fingers through his ink-black, waist-length hair, loosening the tangles. ‘Stay if you like,’ Dani murmured as Luthor moved towards the door. ‘If he wakes, he might want you.’
Luthor faced her again. Clearly an invitation to spend the night was not what he’d expected, if his open-mouthed expression was anything to go on.
Dani dipped her head again, and focused on Xane’s head resting on her lap. ‘We can stretch out either side of him. He’ll like that.’
Luthor returned to the bedside. ‘You’re telling me I can stay?’
‘Uh huh.’
He took a breath. ‘I’m sorry. I really am truly, dreadfully sorry about what I did. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew. It’s just everything got crazy and out of hand.’
She lifted her tear-filled eyes to meet his face. He was hiding behind his ridiculously long fringe again, but that didn’t hide the tear chasing down his cheek.
‘Luthor, I don’t want this to be the end of things. It would feel too much like we were playing into Elspeth’s hands. She probably knew something like this would happen. She hates the fact he’s found a bit of happiness with us, whereas she now has nothing.’ She stroked a line ove
r Xane’s eyebrow. ‘I just want him … I want us to be happy. He makes me happy. He does.’ Her lips trembled. ‘I don’t really know what happened outside. I don’t think either of you did it to spite me, or because you didn’t give a damn –’
‘I very much do give a damn.’
‘– but seeing it, realising you’d done exactly what I’d asked you not to, it hurt. It still hurts.’
Luthor inched his hand across the eiderdown and grasped the hand she was using to stroke Xane’s head. ‘I knew it would. It isn’t how I wanted things to happen, but he was so full of pain and fury. I just wanted to help ease that. Which isn’t me trying to shift all the blame onto his shoulders. I made the decision, because it seemed like the right one at the time.’
‘Maybe if I’d been in the same position I’d have done the same thing too. And maybe I shouldn’t have insisted on such a stupid rule in the first place,’ she said.
‘It isn’t a stupid rule.’ He moved his thumb against the back of her hand. ‘I do kind of understand why you made it. But I happen to think it’s going to cause more problems than it solves. Isn’t it easier to accept that sometimes when we’re together we’ll make out, than live constantly wondering if we broke the rules?’
‘Maybe.’ She bit her thumbnail.
‘Look, I know I’ve said it a thousand times already, but my intention isn’t theft. I don’t want to take him away from you. I want you both.’
She nodded. ‘I know.’
Luthor noticeably shivered. He was still wearing nothing but his shorts, and the room was chilly.
‘There’s a dressing-gown on the back of the door. Put it on, and then we can get under the covers to keep warm. You’re obviously cold.’
Luthor wrapped himself in the Egyptian cotton. ‘Is it OK if I take these off?’
She nodded and he shimmied out of his shorts. Then they rolled Xane under the covers and assumed positions either side of him.
Come Alive Page 20
