by Alicia White
She walked upstairs to her bedroom and climbed in bed, pulling Conner’s pillow toward her chest. She closed her eyes, thinking about him.
* * * *
The next day came slowly, and Chloe woke up with a tight grip on Conner’s pillow. She took a deep breath, enjoying the fact that his scent still lingered. She didn’t want to get out of bed. Instead, she pulled the covers over her head. She hadn’t eaten in days, and her stomach grumbled. She’d only been drinking, not wanting to be in reality any more than necessary. She forced herself to get up and went to the kitchen to eat something.
She pulled out Conner’s letter from her shirt pocket and read again. Now that she was sober, she realized that he had said there were things he never told her. She thought they had always been so honest with each other. What did he never tell her? Would a trip to Alaska really clear things up? Would she finally know him, the “real him,” and what did that mean exactly?
She ate slowly, not really tasting the food. There were so many things running through her mind. She had questions about Conner, about their relationship, and more importantly about his family. Maybe it was time to face them, time to fulfill his last request. Chloe grabbed her phone, noticing that she had missed more than fifty calls.
“Chloe. Fuck…finally. I’ve been so worried about you. You’re lucky mom stopped me. I was planning on busting down your door today.” Her sister huffed in her ear.
“Hey, Katie. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I wasn’t ready. I’m calling because I’m going to be heading out of town. I’m going to Alaska. Looks like I’m finally going to meet Conner’s family.” She left the kitchen and headed back to the bedroom. She didn’t hear most of what her sister said. She was too lost in thought. It was time to plan.
“Chloe…Chloe. Can you hear me?” she demanded through the phone.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m just so lost without him. I’ve cried for so long, I think I’m out of tears.”
“Do you really think this is a good idea? Maybe I should come with you. I can pack and be there in thirty minutes. Please…let me come with you.” Her voice broke a little, and Chloe knew her sister really wanted to be supportive.
“I need to do this by myself. I’m not really sure what to expect, but I need to go there with Conner. I’m not sure if I should fly or not. It’s gonna cost a small fortune either way. It doesn’t matter, though. This is his last request. So…I’m going.” She grabbed the largest suitcase in her closet, laid it on the bed, and started loading it up with clothes. She went quickly, not folding her clothes, or aware of what she was packing. It didn’t matter.
“I’ll get you a plane ticket. I’m looking online right now. You’ll fly out of Portland and straight into Anchorage. You can get a rental there and drive to his parent’s house. You can leave tomorrow. Take a shower, pack, and relax today. Tomorrow, I’ll pick you up around eight in the morning and take you straight to the airport. I’ll click ‘purchase’ when you agree.”
It was hard to believe that Katie was her younger sister. She always seemed so together and organized. Chloe was twenty-seven and her sister all of twenty-three. Their roles seemed reversed, but she was glad to have her. “Okay, that sounds good. I’ll see you in the morning. Katie…thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“That’s what sisters are for. Now…go shower and take your time packing. Don’t throw everything in messy. You’ll never find anything to wear that way. Also…think winter clothes. See you tomorrow, sweetie.” Chloe stopped and looked at her suitcase. She shook her head. How had her sister known? A small smiled graced her lips, and then she thought about Conner and it disappeared again. She pushed the end button without saying good-bye and dumped her clothes out of the suitcase.
After folding all her clothes and placing them nicely into the suitcase, she went into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t recognize herself. Her face was pale, her eyes swollen, and she even looked thinner. Turning around, she went to the shower and turned the water as hot as it would go. Nothing beat a hot shower.
She climbed in under the water and let it beat against her skin. Once Conner’s request was taken care of, she could go back to bed and never get up again.
Chapter 2
Chloe woke up bright and early and waited by the front door for her sister to arrive. Her suitcase sat next to her, and she held Conner in her arms. He was finally going back home to see his family, the family that he had kept her away from. She never understood why, and he never would tell her. That was one argument they had on a regular basis. She shook her head. If only he was here, if only she had another chance, she would never fight with him.
Katie pulled up in her bright red Mustang and honked. She jumped out of the car, her beautiful brown curls bouncing, and ran over, pulling Chloe into a tight hug. “I’m so happy to see you. I’ve been so worried. I’ll grab your bag, come on.” She pulled back, smiling, and walked to the back to the car with Chloe’s bag in tow.
Chloe got into the car, buckling up and refusing to put Conner down. She didn’t want to let go of him.
“Do you know where to go? Did Conner leave an address?” Katie started the car and pulled away from the house, Chloe stared out the window, watching the house until it disappeared from view.
“Yeah…Conner wrote everything down in a letter for me. When I land in Anchorage, I’ll rent a car and head straight there. He said that they would be expecting me. I’m not sure how they could be unless a letter was sent to them as well.” She leaned back in her seat, enjoying the ride to the airport. She felt a bit scared, traveling alone to an unknown place. It was for Conner. This was for him, and she wouldn’t let him down.
“Will you please call me when you land? I just want to make sure you’re safe. If you need me, I’ll fly there.” Katie glanced over at her, taking her eyes off the street for a minute and sending her a sympathetic look.
“I know. Thanks for this. I need to get out of town, and if this trip will help Conner rest a little easier, then I’m gonna do it.” She just wanted to get on the plane, have another drink, and fall asleep. She hoped this trip would be short. Maybe his family would like her. Maybe she could see his childhood room.
“I left the date to return open on your ticket. That way you can stay as long as you want to. You won’t be stuck somewhere you don’t want to be.”
“Good thinking. That’s why I was initially going to drive. I’m glad I didn’t though. Could you imagine, forty-seven hours, the urn and me? How pathetic.” She rubbed her eyes, feeling incredibly tired and worn out.
“It’s not pathetic. You’ll move on when you’re ready. Right now, you’re in mourning, it’s gonna take some time.” Katie reached over and grabbed her hand, making her feel like she did in fact have her family’s support. “Do you want me to drive you to the front and drop you off, or would you like me to park and walk you in?”
“No…drop me off in front. I can go through security and get a coffee before boarding. Thanks.” They pulled off the exit for the airport, and Chloe watched as multiple planes departed for places unknown. She loved traveling, or at least she had. Conner usually surprised her every year on her birthday. He would take her to new places. They had been to Seattle, San Diego, Orlando, New York City, and Mexico, but never to Alaska. She had asked many times, and each time he would tell her that she wasn’t ready yet. What did that mean she wasn’t ready?
“Are you okay?” She hadn’t realized the car was stopped at the curb of the airport. “I can come with you.” Katie’s voice was so sweet, and she knew that she could feel some of her pain.
“No. I need to do this for Conner. I can’t stop thinking of him. All my thoughts are plagued. I feel lost. I can’t seem to pull myself up, like I’m drowning.” Chloe unbuckled and climbed out of the car. She held the urn tightly to her chest, unable to give it up, even for a minute. Katie walked around the car with her bag, her eyes sad.
“I love you. I’ll say a prayer
. Everything will be fine. Be safe. Call me when you can.” Katie reached over and hugged her. She pulled back, gave a small wave, and drove away.
Chloe stood in place for a minute, grabbed her suitcase, and walked toward the ticket counter. It was time.
The airport was busy. Standing in the huge line at security went in a blur. Before she even realized it, it was her turn. She took off her shoes and laid them in the bin with her purse and jacket. She stood, holding the urn, and walked through. The beeping was automatic, and the security guard made a mean face at her.
“Ma’am, can you please put the vase down? It needs to go through the detection machine,” he told her.
“No, I can’t. It’s my husband. I won’t put it down.” Tears stung her eyes as she looked around, noticing that other people watched her, pity filling their eyes.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but for security purposes we need to send it through.” He talked to her in a calmer voice, but Chloe felt anything but calm. She was angry, shaky, and hurt. He left her, and now she had to do this alone. Damn you, Conner.
“It’s an urn for God’s sake. I don’t want him going through the machine. I can’t.” People surrounded them now, unsure if they should step in. She knew she was making a scene, but she couldn’t seem to help it.
“Sir, is there another way? What if she shows you the death certificate? Would that work?” The man that stepped in to rescue her talked quietly to the officer. It felt weird to have another man fight for her, and it made her smile a little, thinking of what Conner might say.
“Yeah, that would work. Do you have the death certificate?” The guard looked at her, probably realizing that she was making a huge scene and wanting her to move on.
“It’s in my purse. I didn’t think of that, thank you for your suggestions, sir.” She walked over and grabbed her purse, searching for the piece of paper that declared her wonderful husband dead.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Please, go ahead.” He stepped aside and Chloe continued on, grabbing her things. She walked quickly, hoping that nobody would say anything more about what happened.
* * * *
Chloe sat at the gate, coffee cup in one hand, urn in the other. She felt ridiculous, sitting in the airport alone.
“Hello again, my name is Jacob Miller. I’m sorry about what happened back there. Where are you headed today?” He sat down next to her, and Chloe immediately made a face. “Miller,” that sounded familiar. Where had she heard that name before? It didn’t really matter. Lots of people had the same name. She sat in silence for a minute, not sure she really wanted to talk to this man. He seemed nice enough, but he was also intimidating.
Jacob Miller stood at least six foot five, about the same height as her husband. They had the same large build, muscular. She watched him, taking mental notes about his beautiful, green eyes and blond hair. He was a good-looking man, and normally she’d be in the mood to flirt a little, but she couldn’t seem to be happy anymore.
“Hi. I meant to thank you for your help back there, but I haven’t been myself for a while. I’m sure you understand.” She looked away, wanting him to leave her alone.
“I’m sorry for your loss. I have no doubt you’re in some serious pain. I know I would be if anything happened to my mate.” He gave her a serious look, and something flashed in his eyes.
“Thank you. I’m Chloe by the way, Chloe Novikov. Thanks again for your help. I’m not really in the talking mood. I’m not trying to be rude. I just want to be alone,” Chloe whispered to him, hoping that she wouldn’t offend the big man, but needing space.
“I understand. I’m flying to Anchorage myself, going back home. I hope you have a safe journey.” Jacob collected his things and moved a few seats down, giving her the space she needed. Chloe continued to sip her coffee, waiting for the plane to start boarding. The sooner she got there, the sooner she could get back home.
When the call came over the loudspeaker to board a few minutes later, Chloe grabbed her things and went to stand in yet another line. The lines never had bothered her before, but then she remembered cuddling close to Conner. They always had so much fun together, just the two of them, always in their own private world.
She found her seat right away and got comfortable. Katie must’ve been feeling really bad for her since she bought her a first-class ticket. She sent a silent thank-you to her. This really was the only way to travel on an airplane. She buckled her seat belt, grabbed a blanket and pillow, and got comfortable. She put her back to the person sitting next to her, not even glancing their way. She didn’t want to talk. Chloe closed pulled her knees up to her chest, cradling the urn, and closed her eyes. Silent tears slipped from her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.
* * * *
“Chloe…Chloe…are you awake? We just landed.” A man’s voice pulled her back to earth and out of the wonderful dream she was having. She smiled, thinking of Conner, and then her eyes sprang open. She threw the blanket off her and looked over, realizing that it was the man from the airport. Jacob Miller. He was smiling at her, offering his hand to help her get up. She unbuckled and stood up, stretching her sore muscles.
“Wow. That was fast. I’ve never slept through a whole plane ride before.” She was a little embarrassed.
“No worries. Is someone picking you up?” When she shook her head, he continued. “I could drive you, if you need a ride,” he offered.
“That won’t be necessary. I’m not staying here in Anchorage. I’m renting a car and driving straight to meet my husband’s family.” They filed off the plane, heading to baggage claim.
“Okay. If you’re sure. Be safe. It was nice meeting you, Chloe.” He gave her a smile and walked out of the terminal. He was a nice man. Maybe chivalry isn’t dead after all, she thought.
* * * *
Jacob walked out of the terminal, going straight to his truck in the parking lot. He moved quickly, wanting to make sure, he didn’t lose her along the way. He only had one job, to make sure that she arrived safely. When he got into his truck, he called Adam, knowing he’d be waiting for an update.
“Report.” Adam’s strong, demanding voice rang in his ear.
“She’s here, renting a car now. We should be at the gate in four hours if she doesn’t make any stops.” He gave his report quickly, not bothering to fill Adam in on any details. Adam only wanted facts anyway, so talking about listening to her cry wasn’t necessary. Although Jacob wanted to say more, he kept it to himself. His only goal was to get back home and see his mate. He wanted to hold her, to make sure that she was happy with their life. After feeling Chloe’s sorrow roll off in her in waves, he just needed to feel peace once more.
“Good. Stay on her. Jacob…she’d better arrive safe.” The phone clicked. Jacob shook his head. Chloe seemed so soft and fragile. How was she going to respond to their leader? Adam wasn’t a bad man. He was just a bit harsh sometimes, and he ruled with an iron fist. He was fair, but he ruled without hesitation.
* * * *
Adam sat back in his chair behind the large mahogany desk and looked at his brother, Brandon. “She’s here. Make sure everything is ready for her arrival.”
“Do you really plan on keeping her locked in Conner’s old room? Give the poor girl a break. She just lost him. She’s probably devastated. When Stan returned from seeing her, he said she sobbed the whole time he was there.” Brandon shook his head, clearly waiting for Adam to change his mind.
“This is all Conner’s fault. I told him to bring her here sooner.” Adam was angry about this whole situation. He spoke with Conner almost weekly, ordering him to bring her back home, but there was always an excuse. He knew his brother loved and cared about Chloe, but his excuses made waiting hard.
“He said she wasn’t ready. He was trying to prepare her. This is a huge issue, Adam.”
“Other mates haven’t had this problem. It’s been five years. We’ve been waiting for her for five long years. Conner did this to her, not us. Now we have to pick
up the pieces. If she even tries to leave, I will personally lock her up.” He growled.
“Gentlemen, I don’t mean to interrupt, but she’s not what you’re expecting. She is innocent and fragile. I’m not sure what Conner was thinking, but if he believed that she was the one, then she is. It does take time. Believe me. I waited for a long time for Jacob to bring our mate home. It’s not easy.” Stan Miller interjected. He had been the clan attorney for as long as Adam could remember.
“I’m sure Conner chose well. It’s just too bad he’s not here for the ceremony.” Brandon sat back in the chair, looking almost helpless.
“Make sure everything is prepared. She’ll be in in four hours.” Adam got up and walked out of his office. He needed a long run to clear his mind. He wasn’t the only one that suffered from Conner’s choices. He had to remember that Brandon missed out and waited for five years as well. This whole situation was going to be rough. They were all dealing with Conner’s death. He needed to remember that.
* * * *
Chloe dragged her bag to the waiting SUV in the parking lot of the rental car place. Every vehicle they had here was made for this frigid, harsh weather. It was cold, and being a girl from Portland, she thought she’d be prepared. She threw her things in the car, starting the engine to warm up the car’s interior, and then she buckled Conner into the passenger seat. She took her time, programming the address into the navigation system before leaving the airport parking garage.
Once on the road, Chloe tried to look at the wonderful Alaskan landscape. Everything was so beautiful. When her stomach growled, she decided to pull off the road and grab some snacks. She didn’t want to start her four-hour drive on an empty stomach. At the first gas station she spotted, she ran in and bought a bottle of water, a couple bags of candy, and a pack of smokes. She didn’t normally smoke, unless of course, she was alone on a long car ride. Conner never approved, but she tried to hide her guilty pleasure from him.
