Happily, Georgiana took the lead by approaching Darcy and wrapping her arms around him. “Truly, William, everything is fine,” she said, with an obvious note of truth in her voice that reflected the relief she had received from Elizabeth’s earlier words. Elizabeth could not help but be touched by the tender embrace that Darcy gave his sister, nor but be amused by the baffled look on his face.
“Well, then, I am glad to hear it,” he said. “I did not, in fact, come in to eavesdrop on your secrets, but to offer the use of the carriage to Miss Bennet, since I realize that we have kept you from home for quite a while, and your family must be wondering what has become of you.”
“I will accept that offer gratefully”—particularly if it takes me as far away from here as possible—“as even I have had enough walking for the day.”
The orders being given to prepare the curricle, it was only a short while until Elizabeth was bidding her adieus to Miss Darcy, while Mr. Darcy, who was clearly planning to drive her home, prepared to hand her into the carriage. No sooner were they on the road than Darcy expressed concern regarding his sister’s behavior.
Elizabeth was reluctant to enter onto the topic, but knew she would be doing Miss Darcy a disservice if she did not. “Mr. Darcy, there is indeed something I should tell you, but I do not expect that you will be happy to hear this.” She felt him stiffen perceptibly, and a glance at his face showed a frozen look that did not go far to mask a feeling of devastation. Feeling quite out of patience with his single-mindedness regarding her, she placed her hand lightly on his arm and said with some exasperation, “No, it is not that. I am beginning to suspect that jumping to the worst possible conclusion is a Darcy family trait! This is something you will dislike, if I read the subject correctly, but it is not that. Pray forgive my bluntness; I seem to have exhausted my entire store of tact for the day with Miss Darcy.”
The look of relief on his face told her she had guessed rightly. “Well, then, Miss Bennet, you may do your worst, and I will do my best not to jump to dreadful conclusions.” He managed somehow to catch her hand in his before she could withdraw it.
She took a breath, prepared to protest the action, then decided instead to ignore it and save her energy for the conversation at hand, a conclusion that would have been more practical had his touch not proved to be significantly more distracting than she had anticipated. “Sir, Miss Darcy made several confessions to me, at least one of which I am sure you would have preferred that I not hear, but since I am concerned for her feelings I feel it appropriate to risk wounding yours by telling you the source of her anxiety, as it is one that you may wish to address.”
“If it concerns Georgiana, I would prefer to know, even if I find it unpleasant,” he replied unhesitatingly.
“She confided that you have been in a particularly black humor these last two months, and that this was her fault,” she began.
“Where in God’s name did she get that idea?” he exclaimed with more feeling than politeness. “I beg your pardon, Miss Bennet.”
“She attributes it to a serious lapse of judgment that she made last summer. She did not give any details, although I assume that we both know to what she was referring. She has been blaming herself acutely for the situation and for being the cause of your distress, and apparently has been afraid to say anything for fear of making matters worse.”
As she spoke, she saw his face set in grim lines, and suspecting that some of his annoyance must be directed towards her, she made a tentative attempt to withdraw her hand from his, only to have him tighten his grip. She subsided and tried to calm herself with thoughts of leaving for the Lakes. No, she decided, the Lakes were not far enough away. Perhaps the Continent, or the frozen wastes of Russia would do. No one would have ever heard of the Darcys at the court of the czar. An involuntary smile curved her lips at the thought.
Darcy, having regained control of his temper, said, “If there is some humorous aspect of this situation, Miss Bennet, I would appreciate your sharing it, as I could certainly use some laughter.”
“It was nothing at all,” she hastened to reassure him. “I was thinking about the czar of Russia, in fact.”
He stared at her in momentary disbelief. “I confess there are moments when you baffle me completely, Miss Bennet.”
“Thank you,” she said gravely. “I work quite hard at baffling you, and I am glad to know that my efforts are not in vain.”
He could not help laughing. Despite all the difficulties Elizabeth presented, he could not fault his taste. There was no other woman like her. That she could on such a short acquaintance elicit from Georgiana something that had troubled her for months, tell him the unpleasant truth, and then make him laugh! And she was allowing him to hold her hand, albeit with some ambivalence, if he read her correctly. Thoughtfully, he allowed his thumb to lightly trace circles in her palm, and noted with pleasure that her color was rising and her eyes dropped. At least she was not completely indifferent to him—surely that was something.
Elizabeth herself was unsure whether the sensations coursing through her were more horrifying or pleasurable. How could she respond so strongly to his touch when she was wishing him half the world away? She schooled herself to offer no response that might give away the extent of his effect on her, and consequently forced herself to allow her hand to relax in his, with the unfortunate outcome of allowing his thumb even more scope for its exploration, and more latitude for wreaking havoc with her composure.
“Thank you for telling me about Georgiana,” he said. “I apologize that it put you in a difficult position. I try my best with Georgiana, but there are times when the mind of a young girl is quite beyond my understanding.”
“Sometimes a stranger has an advantage in these matters.” What was wrong with her, Elizabeth wondered, that she was feeling throughout her whole body the effects of his attentions to her hand?
“If it is the right stranger,” he allowed. “But I cannot and do not fool myself into thinking that I can offer her everything she needs.”
“That would seem to be an impossible task. It appears to me that you have done admirably well, given the predicament inherent in the situation of a man of your years trying to raise a girl at the most difficult age.” Elizabeth was surprised to realize that she meant it.
“It is a continuing challenge,” he acknowledged. It would be so much easier with you by my side. Since they were nearing Longbourn, he asked, “May I have the privilege of seeing you tomorrow?”
He sounds almost humble, she thought, but I cannot possibly bear to do this again so soon. “I do not believe I can get away in the morning,” she said, and then was shocked to hear herself continue. “Perhaps you and Mr. Bingley might call later in the day.”
“Thank you,” he said softly, and raised her hand to his lips to give it a kiss that was more a caress than a formality. The sensation was exquisite, much though she hated to admit it.
She felt enormous relief when she was able to take her leave of him. Drained by her efforts and the unfamiliar sensations he had induced in her, she decided to go straight to her room to refresh herself before facing her mother and sisters, but no sooner had she entered the house than Mrs. Bennet saw her.
“Lizzy!” she cried. “There is a letter from your aunt Gardiner.”
Elizabeth took the letter with a smile, amusing herself again with the idea of the frozen wastes of Russia. Her amusement faded as she read the letter, which at once delayed the commencement of the tour and curtailed its extent. Mr. Gardiner would be prevented by business from setting out till a fortnight later in July, and must be in London again within a month; as that left too short a period for them to go so far, and see so much as they had proposed, or at least to see it with the leisure and comfort they had built on, they were obliged to give up the Lakes, and substitute a more contracted tour, and according to the present plan, were to go no farther northward than Derbyshire. In that county, there was enough to be seen, to occupy the chief of their three wee
ks.
“Derbyshire,” Elizabeth said numbly. She was excessively disappointed, having set her heart on seeing the Lakes, but the last place in England she desired to visit at present was the one place that would continually remind her of Darcy. And an additional fortnight before she could be free of him and his disturbing effect upon her—suddenly it was too much, and she made a hasty retreat to her room, where she could lament in private.
* * *
When the gentlemen from Netherfield arrived the following afternoon, Elizabeth was still feeling distinctly out of spirits and, apart from the pleasure it would give Jane, none too glad to see their visitors. She made little effort at conversation, but found this seemed to cause no distress to Darcy, who, as he had so often in the past, seemed to feel no discomfort at simply enjoying her presence in silence. Before long Bingley proposed their all walking out, and it was agreed to. Mrs. Bennet was not in the habit of walking, and Mary could never spare time, but the remaining five set off together. Bingley and Jane walked slightly behind, while Elizabeth, Kitty, and Darcy were left to entertain each other. Very little was said by either; Kitty was too much afraid of him to talk, and Elizabeth too dispirited.
As they walked past the road to Lucas Lodge, Kitty expressed a wish to call upon Maria, and as Elizabeth could think of no sensible reason to object, she agreed to allow Kitty to leave them. She pressed firmly onward without looking at her companion.
“Miss Bennet,” he said after a silence of several minutes, “I cannot help but observe you seem somewhat out of spirits today. May I be so bold as to inquire if I have offended you in some manner?”
Elizabeth sighed, not wanting to explain herself, yet was still too fair-minded to take out her displeasure on an innocent—well, perhaps not completely innocent—party. “Mr. Darcy, I am in a prodigiously uncivil state of mind today, and you merely have the misfortune to be in my company at such a moment. I apologize for being such poor company; please do not construe my regrettable behavior as in any way related to you.”
“You have no need to apologize, Miss Bennet. I would not have you pretend to feelings you do not possess.” He said nothing more for some time, and then asked, “May I ask if there is anything that is troubling you?”
Elizabeth, who had begun to feel irritated he had not asked this very question, perversely discovered she was annoyed he seemed to assume he had the right to ask it. “It is nothing of any concern to anyone beyond myself,” she said shortly.
They walked on, Darcy struggling with a frustrating feeling of impotence that she would not allow him to help in whatever was troubling her, and an unhappy suspicion that he must be in some way responsible for her distress, despite her words to the contrary. Elizabeth, meanwhile, made the awkward discovery that, having gone to the trouble of pushing aside his concern, she now felt that she would like to tell him of her disappointment, and was further baffled as to why she would feel the desire to talk to him, of all possible people, about it. Finally, as she was not by nature of a sullen disposition, her wish to express herself won out.
“Sir, again I must regret my lack of civility. To be honest, I am merely sulking like a fractious child who has been denied an expected treat, and deserve no sympathy whatsoever.”
With some relief at the change in her tone, he said, “My sympathy is not contingent on whether you feel it to be deserved, Miss Bennet.”
“You are too kind, sir, but in fact I am being quite petty. I received news that my northern tour, which I have been much anticipating, is delayed, and that we will not be able to travel as far as the Lakes, which was a great wish of mine.”
Darcy’s first reaction was one of relief that he was not in fact the culprit, followed by a feeling of frustration that he did not have the right to relieve her distress by offering to take her to the Lakes himself some day. “That must be a great disappointment; I recall how much you were looking forward to it.”
She felt a surprising degree of relief after for having spoken of it, and resolved to be in kindlier spirits.
“I appreciate your thoughtfulness in telling me, and thus sparing me the need to jump to the worst possible conclusion,” Darcy added.
She gave him a sidelong glance. Was he in fact making a joke at his own expense? “I will try to keep your frailties in mind.”
“And speaking of frailties…” Darcy glanced over his shoulder at Jane and Bingley, who were a short distance behind them. Speaking noticeably more quietly, he said “Your sister is, I believe, concerned with observing the proprieties, is she not?”
Wondering where he could possibly be leading, she said cautiously, “That would be a correct assumption.”
“Then I fear that she is determined to stay properly near us, which is unfortunate for poor Bingley, who was hoping for some time alone with her, as he has something very particular to discuss.”
A delighted smile spread across her face as she realized what he meant. Remembering the last time the subject was raised between them, she said, “I… am pleased to hear it.”
He glanced down at her. “Well, it remains to be seen if he will find the opportunity, given that we seem to be in the way. A pity, is it not?”
If he had been anyone else, she might have thought this a suggestion to take steps to improve the situation, but she found it hard to believe that he would approve either the sentiment or the lack of propriety. On the other hand, when she glanced up at him, she saw that he had an amused smile on his face. Perhaps she had misjudged him. “Mr. Darcy, I am beginning to suspect that you have some nefarious scheme in mind.”
“No, in fact, I was counting on you to come up with the nefarious scheme, since you know better than I how to convince your sister, while Bingley will accept any excuse, no matter how weak, to steal away with her.”
Elizabeth thought she might have to revise her opinion of him. “I will give the matter some consideration, sir,” she said with a saucy smile. But separating themselves from Jane and Bingley would also have the effect of leaving her unchaperoned again with Darcy. Elizabeth felt a peculiar sensation at the thought of it and knew that she must be blushing. She did not feel ready to be alone with him again, though no doubt he was desirous of the situation. She was willing to give him what he wanted in this case, though; if the price of allowing Bingley to propose to Jane was time alone with Darcy, she would pay it. After all, she had survived the previous day, and she could do so again, although she would need to take care given his increasing forwardness of the day before. She would be prepared this time, though. She would watch him closely and not permit any liberties. He might not be the easiest of men to refuse, but she had managed to do that before as well.
She considered how best to effect the separation of the couples. It needed to be something that Jane would perceive as temporary, yet capable of being extended to allow enough time for Bingley to say his piece. She decided to opt for a simple approach, and just as they reached a small thicket, without a word of warning to Darcy, she made a sudden exclamation of pain and caught at his arm as if to balance herself. He immediately turned and supported her arm, his face alive with concern, as Jane hurried up to help.
With a look of embarrassment toward Darcy, Elizabeth beckoned to Jane and whispered in her ear that she had a stone in her boot, and if Jane would take the gentlemen on ahead, she would remove it and rejoin them in a few minutes. As she expected, Jane, conscious of her sister’s modesty, immediately urged Bingley and Darcy to accompany her. Darcy looked momentarily confused, but after a moment said, “No, I cannot support leaving Miss Elizabeth Bennet by herself. I shall remain here in case she needs any further assistance.”
Elizabeth hobbled to a fallen log, and said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, “As you wish, but I must insist that you remain where you are, sir, and turn your back.”
“No, I must be the one to wait,” said Jane.
In a voice rich with embarrassment, Elizabeth said, “Jane, please, just go on!” Her sister looked indecisive, but wit
h Bingley’s urging, eventually continued down the lane.
In the interest of verisimilitude, Elizabeth unlaced and removed one of her half-boots. Looking up to see Darcy watching her unashamedly with a slight smile on his face, she said dryly, “Why, imagine that! There appears to be no stone in my boot after all.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Indeed?”
“However,” she said judiciously, “I believe there is still sufficient pain that it is best to remain here until it improves.”
“Certainly you must. And it would be unmannerly of me not to bear you company while you wait.”
“Quite unmannerly,” she agreed as he sat by her side, and she smiled at him in satisfaction at the success of her plot.
Her playful smile evoked a very different response in Darcy, whose eyes darkened as he gazed intently into her eyes. Elizabeth forgot to breathe, and as he dropped his gaze to her lips, felt a disturbing surge of sensation. She looked away from him abruptly, realizing that she was at a certain disadvantage as to avoiding his advances while she sat with one boot off and one on.
Darcy, seeing her discomfort, had rarely wished so fervently for that happy fluency of speech possessed by Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam. How in the name of heaven was he supposed to apologize for the way he looked at her, especially since he could hardly claim that he had not wanted to do more than look. Finally he said quietly, “I apologize, Miss Bennet. I shall endeavor to remember that I must be patient.”
“I cannot argue with that conclusion,” she replied, her eyes still averted. She hardly knew what to say or do; she was becoming uncomfortably aware that there was a rift between the distance she wished to establish between them and her response whenever he touched her or looked at her with those smoldering eyes. She could not but disapprove of herself for having such a reaction to a man toward whom she had no serious intentions. However, regardless of her inner conflict, she could hardly continue staring at the ground until Jane and Bingley returned, so with firm resolve but little self-confidence she looked up at him, only to find that he was now staring off into space.
To Conquer Mr. Darcy (pemberley variations) Page 5
