Because he loves me. Even though I’m never completely convinced that I deserve him or that he wants someone like me, I never doubt how much he loves me. I feel his love so strongly that it warms my heart and gets me through the hardest of days. As I rest my head against his chest and he strokes my hair, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. And I know our baby is going to grow up in a family bursting to the seams with love. I missed out on a lot of years with my mother, but my baby won’t grow up without me, or Dylan. We’re going to give this child everything.
“Eat up your breakfast. I’m going to call your father and see if he wants to spend the day over here. I know he’s desperate to see how you’re getting along.”
I laugh. “He only saw us two days ago.”
“I know, but he doesn’t want to miss a thing. It’s his first grandchild, after all.”
Ever since we made amends with my Dad, he’s been a better father than ever, and he’s been seriously preparing for life as a grandpa. He’s been reading books about it, like a true scholar. He’s been buying baby clothes since he found out that we were having a boy. He even turned a room in his house into a nursery so that the baby has somewhere to stay overnight if necessary. He’s always been a good Dad if a little overprotective but he was made to be a grandpa. He’s going to spoil this kid rotten.
“Well, it’ll be nice to see him. Call him! I don’t want him to miss a thing.”
A few hours later, the three of us sit by the front window of mine and Dylan’s house. I moved in here permanently right after Dad and I made up again. I told him that as much as I loved him, I needed to be with Dylan for the pregnancy and our engagement. He was upset at first, but he understood. Now, he sits opposite me, smiling at me and my bulging stomach.
“I can’t believe how fast the last nine months have gone by,” he says with a sigh. “I remember when your mother was pregnant with you. We knew it was going to change everything, but we couldn’t have been more excited.”
“I feel the same,” I say, tenderly rubbing my belly. “It’s strange, even though I’ve got my degree now, I’m in no hurry to get a job. I want to spend every second I can with the baby when he arrives. I never thought I’d be this attached, but he’s special. He’s a part of me, a part of Dylan, even a part of you, in a way...that makes him the most special kid in the world. All I want is to be with him all the time. It’s going to be weird when he’s not inside me anymore, but I can’t wait to see his little face.”
“If he’s anything like his parents, he’s going to be a wonderful child,” Dad says. He crosses the room to kiss my cheek and rests his hand on my stomach, feeling the baby kicking.
“I think he’s going to be a great soccer player.”
I laugh. “I can live with that. So long as I don’t have to watch any sports on TV, he can join whichever teams he wants.”
“I’ll take him to soccer matches,” Dylan says. “I used to play as a kid. I can teach him a thing or two. But, hey what we really want is for him to love reading.”
“His parents are both bookworms, and his grandpa,” I point out. “It’s inevitable.”
We spend some time together, wondering about the future. Wondering what our baby’s first word will be, what his favorite school subject might, when he’ll fall in love for the first time. There’s so much to think of, so much to look forward to. It feels so strange that he’s going to be with us so soon.
I stand, ready to get a cup of tea for everyone, when I feel it. My water breaking. I gasp in shock. I knew the baby would be arriving soon, and yet it still comes as a shock. Both Dylan and my Dad stare at me in shock. Our lives just changed so much in a split second.
It’s time.
“It’s okay, we’re ready,” Dylan says hurriedly, standing to wrap his arms around me and kiss my cheek. “I love you, baby. I’m here with you every step of the way. I’ve got everything ready for the hospital, let’s go.”
I’m in a daze as Dad helps me to the car and Dylan gets our bag for the hospital trip. My father drives so that Dylan can sit with me and hold me. He helps me breathe through the initial pain and anxiety. I’m so excited about this, but I’m also terrified. Giving birth is a big deal, but with Dylan here, I know everything is going to be just fine.
Dylan calls ahead to the hospital so they’re ready for me when I arrive. They get me settled in a bed and then everything moves so fast. Every second of it feels like a lifetime, but Dylan and my Dad stick close by and help me through it. My mind is a daze, but I’ve never known so clearly that this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
And then, a few hours later I hear my baby cry for the first time. His wails fill the air and bring me back down to Earth. I feel tears of joy fall down my cheeks and a few minutes later, I hold him in my arms for the first time. He feels so tiny in my arms, but he makes me feel so much love. I rock him against me.
“My baby angel,” I whisper. Dylan is right by my side and he kisses our baby boy on the head.
“Maybe we should name him Gabriel,” he says. “It seems fitting.”
“I like that,” I sniff, holding back tears. This moment is so emotional, that I don’t ever want it to end. I’ve never been happier. I thought my life was perfect from the moment Dylan entered it, but now that we have our baby, everything feels even better.
Gabriel shifts in my arms and I hold him close, closing my eyes. This was nine months in the making and it feels like a miracle to be holding him in my arms now. I’ve always wanted children, but I never thought I’d find someone I wanted this with. But as I look at Dylan, I know he walked into my life at exactly the right moment. He was the only man that could make this possible. He was the only man who could make me this happy now. I lean in to kiss him, knowing that this is all possible because of his love and affection.
Now we have the rest of our lives to live out together.
Extended Epilogue
Ten years later...
Dylan
Taking your angelically named children to parents night when they’re more like little devils is an experience, for sure. As Cora and I bundle Gabriel, Celeste, and Ariel into the car, we exchange an amused glance. Who knew that our good parenting would produce such little adorable tyrants.
“Whatever Miss Bush says about me, it’s not true,” Gabriel declares as we get into the car. I glance back at him with a smile.
“Oh yeah? Can you guess what she might say?”
Gabriel chews his lip. “Well...she might mention that I wrote my eight times table on my hand to use in a test, but that’s not true.”
“So that’s not why you came home covered in blue ink the other day?” Cora teases affectionately. Gabriel folds his arms defiantly.
“My pen exploded.”
“Ahh,” Cora and I say in unison. We know by now that Gabriel tends to bend the truth a little. He’s a smart kid, if a little unfocussed, but fortunately for us, we can always tell when he’s telling a white lie. I suspect we’ll hear some interesting things about him tonight at parent’s night.
“Well, Miss Bush likes me,” Celeste brags. “She says that I have a big personality.”
Cora and I try our best not to laugh. Our kids are all big personalities, for sure. We’re not entirely sure where they picked up their divaish personas, but we wouldn’t change them for the world. Even three year old Ariel is starting to prance around the house like she’s the queen of the world, but we love them for it. We like that they’re not just some clones of every other kid in their classes. They do well in school, even if they’re not always focused, and they have friends. The teachers like them, even when they’re slightly disruptive. The way we see it, our kids are one of a kind in the best possible way.
As we get to the school, and Celeste takes my hand. She’s just turned seven and she has already used her charm to get exactly what she wants from life.
“Mr. Rhodes wants me to join the music after school club, he thinks that I’ll be a good singer for th
e school play, but it’s at the same time as Mom’s book club.”
I glance at Cora as she’s balancing Ariel on her hip and chatting with Gabriel. Since she finished school, she’s spent most of her time looking after the kids, but she’s also started her own book club that became a viral sensation. People from all over the world tune into her podcast where she discusses her favorite books. She also has a book club once a week in person with people in town which has proved to be extremely successful. The kid’s book club she runs is every Thursday after school, so I guess that must clash with music class. I squeeze Celeste’s hand.
“Darling, if music club is what you want to do, your Mom will understand. We want you to follow your passions. She’s not going to be offended. She knows how much you love to read. You don’t need to show up to her book club to prove anything to her. Besides, you have your own little book club, right? You read together every single night.”
There’s always a moment of calm every evening when Cora settles down with the kids to get them to read. They don’t even need to be persuaded because they love it so much. Even Ariel is trying her hand at picture books already. The kids are different from us in many ways, but when I see them with a book in their hands, I know they’re ours through and through.
“Okay, I’ll ask her later. I just hope she isn’t upset.”
I kiss the top of her head. “She won’t be. She loves you. And all she wants if for you to follow your heart. Don’t worry about it one bit.”
The rest of the evening goes off without a hitch. We speak to Gabriel’s teachers first, who tell us that he’s a bright kid with a bright future. Like we didn’t already know that. A few of them mention that he’s not always the best behaved and can be easily distracted, but we were expecting that. When they hand over his term grades and we see that he’s top of the class, all of our concerns fizzle away.
When it’s Celeste’s turn, her teachers describe her as a creative girl with her head in the clouds. Cora exchanges a smile with me. We know she gets that from her mother. But even if she’s not getting straight A’s in math and science, she’s excelling beyond all the other students in the rest of her classes. She looks guilty as we walk away from her final teacher.
“Did I do bad?” she asks miserably. “I know my grades for math were bad.”
“We can get you some extra help for that,” Cora says, ruffling her hair. “But honey, everyone has their strengths. You’re a creative person, math was never going to be your strong point. We’re so proud of you for your grades in English, music, and drama, the rest doesn’t matter. As long as you’re trying your hardest then you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”
I can’t stop smiling. Its moments like these when Cora proves how good of a mother she is. She always knows exactly what to say to the kids to make them feel better. Celeste cheers up immediately and when Cora suggests ordering pizza in to celebrate, the three kids go wild with excitement.
We spend the rest of the evening in front of the TV, eating pizza and ice cream and watching a family movie. The kids are pretty hyper throughout it, but by the time the credits roll, they’re all sleepy and ready for bed. Cora takes them upstairs to read for a while and I take that time to pour us each a glass of wine so we can kick back and relax. Every single evening, we make sure we have enough time to just enjoy one another’s company. I still work full time at the university and she can often be busy with the book club and the kids, so every second we steal together is precious. Since we’ve had the kids, though, our feelings have only strengthened for one another. We still make love every single night. We still look at each other with as much love in our eyes as we did the first time we met. She still turns me on every single time she walks into a room. I’ve never looked at any other woman since I met her, and I know she’s never looked at a man either. We are still a perfect match.
When she comes back downstairs in a pair of silk pajamas and sees the glass of wine waiting for her she smiles.
“I definitely feel like I need that tonight, parents night is so intense. I feel like the kids put so much pressure on themselves, parents night just stresses them out even more. I wish I could protect them from that feeling.”
“You do everything you can for them, baby. Schools apply pressure on kids, it can’t be helped. They know that we always have their backs no matter what,” I say, pulling her into me. “And you’re way too harsh on yourself too. You’re a perfect mother. Just because you can’t protect them from everything doesn’t mean you’re doing a bad job.”
She smiles. “I guess so. Celeste told me about the music club. I can’t believe she thought she couldn't go for it just because of me. It just makes me feel a little guilty.”
“It’s not anything you’ve done, she just desperately wants to make you happy. That’s because she loves you so much because you’re a damn good parent,” I tell her sternly. “No more doubting yourself, baby okay.”
She nods, but she doesn’t look at me. I know that even after all these years, Cora sometimes doubts herself, that she’s not sexy anymore, even though I rip off her clothes at any opportunity I get. She sometimes thinks she’s not a good parent even though our kids are amazing. I know she even feels like her book club isn’t good when a member leaves or someone makes a negative comment. But she’s the most incredible woman in the world, and if I have to remind her of that every single day, then I will.
“Cora...you need to know just how amazing you are,” I growl. “You’re the most beautiful woman on the planet. You’re strong and sexy and driven and smart. You’re an amazing mom, an amazing daughter, and an amazing wife...and you’re the center of my whole world. I’d have nothing without you. Everything that really matters, our marriage, our kids, our livelihood, that all comes from you. Never doubt yourself, baby, because I know I couldn’t live without you. I know I’d never love again if something took you from me. You’re everything.”
Cora reaches over to cup my cheek. “Dylan…”
“I mean it,” I growl. “I don’t want to see you doubting yourself anymore. I know it’s not as simple as me telling you these things, but I’ll say them every single day until you finally believe me. You’re the light of my life, Cora, and I hope I’m the same to you.”
“Of course you are, baby,” she whispers. “And you make me feel so so special. I know that no other man could ever make me feel this way. I know I’d doubt myself so much more if I didn’t have you cheering me along all the way. You remind me that I have a better version of myself that I can’t always see. You always see the best in me. And you know just how to wipe away all the misconceptions I have about myself and make me feel amazing again.”
I lean in to kiss her. I can’t hold back from her beautiful body any longer. We abandon our wine and she falls into my arms, giving me everything in one single kiss. We don’t need wine. We’re constantly drunk on one another.
“I love you,” I growl. She kisses me, biting my bottom lip and making me moan.
“I love you too,” she murmurs against my lips. I scoop her up into my arms and carry her towards the stairs. Now that the kids are asleep, the adults get to have their fun. We might do this every single night, but I’ll never get bored. I’ll always want everything her body has to offer me.
I lay her down on our bed and undress her quickly. I want to see her beautiful naked body. As I strip her of her clothes, I admire her. She has stretch marks now and her body has changed since we first met, but she’s just as beautiful, if not more so. Even though she’s ten years older now and she’s changing with every passing day, I’ll love every change her body makes for the rest of our days. She catches me watching and sighs.
“I know it’s not sexy…all these stretch marks...”
“Yes, you are,” I growl. “Your body is amazing. It gave us three children. Every night when I fuck you it lets me go wild without hurting you, only your body can handle the beast you’ve woken inside me. You’re incredible and I love every inch of y
our skin.”
She looks sad for a moment, but then she smiles. I undress for her and she watches in awe. The fact that she still wants me after all this time lets me know that this love is forever. Even as we age, even as we change, we still want each other unconditionally. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted or needed.
And now I’m going to let her forget it.
Happily Ever After
Twenty years later...
Cora
This day is truly blessed. I knew it would come at some point, but nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I’m feeling today. Our youngest daughter, Ariel, is getting married today.
She found the love of her life at a young age, just like I did. He’s a handsome young man with a good job and a kind heart. I know exactly how it feels to be in her shoes. I remember how excited I was to walk down the aisle and commit the rest of my life to Dylan all those years ago. Thirty years together has proved to me that if you know, you know. I can see the love in Ariel’s eyes as I help her with her dress and veil in preparation for her big day, and I know her love is going to last forever too.
“I’m not even nervous,” she tells me as she sips some champagne. “I know some people get nervous on their wedding day, but I don’t really understand that. I’ve never wanted to do anything more than this. I committed my life to him long before today. At this point, the ceremony is just a celebration of what we share together.”
“That’s exactly how it should be,” I tell her as I thread flowers into her hair. Celeste tsk’s.
“Well, everyone is different,” she says. “I mean, I get what you’re saying, but marriage is a huge thing. It changes everything.”
Ariel smiles. “Not for me. I know how I feel. I know that’s not going to change.”
“Well, I’ve got enough nerves for the both of us then,” Celeste says, finishing off her third glass of champagne. At Ariel’s request, she’s agreed to be both a bridesmaid and the wedding singer. I tsk at Celeste and take the empty glass from her.
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