That is what he said.
‘He was a stray I found on a building site – that’s what I do, construction. He was an ugly little mutt that no one could stand except me. I had him two years before he died and met Carla soon after that. She’s allergic to dog hair, amongst other things, which is why we don’t have any pets now. I would’ve told you if you’d bothered to ask.’
Ana opens her mouth to comment but then closes it again. Maybe he really had been asleep.
‘I’ve tried to be straight with you about who I am. I admit I’m a fucking terrible husband, I lied to her about everything, not just about Becca, but I’m no killer. Honestly, if I had it in me I probably would’ve killed Carla a long time ago.’
Is he seriously making a joke of it?
‘We both know that’s not really why I’m here though, don’t we Ana?’
Ana finally sees what he is holding. Rebecca. He’s holding her. It’s the photo from the first newspaper she left him, the page folded so only her face is visible. He notices her interest and pushes it behind him.
In that moment it hits Ana that this whole thing has never really been about him. She got into this because she needed to know that what she witnessed between them was real and not something she created in her head.
‘Did you love her?’
He holds her gaze, unflinching.
‘I married her, didn’t I?’
‘You know who I’m talking about.’
‘Why can’t you just admit it, Ana?’
She’s unsure where this is going but wants to keep him talking. The more he talks the less she has to.
‘Admit what?’
‘That the idea I might be dangerous – a killer even – makes you all wet.’
Ana’s whole body flushes, with embarrassment, with fury that he would reduce her to that level of baseness.
‘That’s not what this is.’
Are you sure about that?
‘Don’t let it get to you. A lot of women fantasise about a bit of rough trade. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.’
‘Like Rebecca?’
‘You’re nothing like Becca.’ He makes it sound like an insult. ‘This doesn’t have to end badly, you know. For either of us.’
As usual his words could be read as a threat or an entreaty and as usual Ana has no idea which. Mostly, though, he sounds tired. Tired of this. Tired of her.
That makes two of them.
Ana takes a step towards him and he gets up as if to meet her halfway. He’s still not totally sure about her and it makes her want to finish him off, to dig the knife in just a little further.
‘For future reference, you’re not at all dangerous when you’re unconscious.’
She places the plastic bag of food within the chalk line.
‘Wait. Ana, can we stop playing games with each other?’
Can we?
‘I don’t know who you are, or what it is you want from me, but I do know that if you want to get to know someone you’ve got to be prepared to reach out, to reveal something of yourself …’
Even now, when all Ana thinks she wants is for it to be over, he reels her back in.
‘Why don’t you stay and eat with me?’
Last chance.
She’s tempted but tries not to show it on her face. Even now they could be closing in on her. There’s no time to play picnic in the basement. Not if she wants to come out of this clean.
‘I have to take care of my dog.’
Ana makes for the stairs. His voice follows.
‘Whatever’s in that bag, I’m not touching it. Not unless you eat it too.’
That’s what his invitation was about. Insurance against being drugged. He doesn’t know it yet but he’s just given her what she needed.
Ana returns to the bag and pulls out the contents laying them one by one down on the ground. ‘Cheese, sealed in a packet. Bread rolls, fucked if I know how they can be tampered with unless I made them, which I didn’t. Chocolate milk, also sealed.’
He raises his eyebrows at the milk.
‘Fine.’
Ana opens it and drinks straight from the bottle until half of it is gone. Then she sets it back on the concrete and makes for the stairs. His voice follows her.
‘You can still join me if you want.’
Ana doesn’t stop.
‘No? Maybe next time. It’s an open invitation.’
There won’t be another time. There can’t be.
Ana leaves the basement door open and heads straight for the bathroom where she sticks a finger in the back of her throat and throws the milk back up. She forces herself to stay there over the basin until she’s sure she’s got rid of it all before she runs for the living room window. Luke has her thoroughly spooked now and she almost expects to see police moving in on the house. She peers intently out, scanning the garden, the road, and the surrounding line of trees. Nothing moves.
Night is falling and as she stands there watching the outside world fade away the tension starts to leave her body. There’s safety in the dark, all she has to do is imagine that the world has disappeared. No one is out there. No one is coming.
Once her car is out of the driveway it’ll look like no one is home and if all goes as planned by morning her basement will be just an empty space under the house. He’ll be gone, along with all the evidence that he was ever here.
Ana grabs her keys and is on her way through the garage to move her car when she pulls herself up. If she drives it in here now, so long after she got home, he is sure to get suspicious again.
She looks at the basement door and edges closer, her ears straining, aware that he can hear her and will be wondering what she’s doing. She can’t hear him but that doesn’t mean anything. It wouldn’t be good to get caught peeking down there.
The fan.
Of course! She was in such a hurry to get to the bathroom that she forgot to set it back up.
Ana makes as much noise as she can now, plugging it back into the extension lead and carrying it over to the door. She’s setting it down on the landing when she spots the half-empty milk bottle sitting in clear view at the edge of the chalk line.
He’s placed it where she can’t possibly miss it and tied a bow that he’s fashioned out of the plastic bag around it. He doesn’t even bother to come out to see her reaction.
Ana stands there for a moment, not knowing what to do. Why can’t this be easy, why can’t he just fucking do what she wants?
In the end she simply turns on the fan and steps away from the door.
Ana paces around the garage for a bit and then returns to the door, tackling him directly.
‘You were right, okay? It was stupid of me to go looking for your wife. I fucked up. It’s not safe for you here anymore.’
Now he comes out, a half-eaten bread and cheese roll in his hand.
‘Tell me exactly what happened.’
‘There was a man just sitting there in a car, I’m pretty sure he was watching the house. It was gone when I went in so he didn’t see me but your wife did. She got a good look at me.’
‘That’s it? You’re worried about Carla?’
‘If the cops work out who I am we’re both fucked.’
‘That’s not true, only the one of us who is guilty is fucked.’
Ana can see Luke working it over in his mind for a bit before he shrugs and lets it go.
‘Carla’s never been particularly observant. I wouldn’t worry about it.’
With that, he returns his focus to his bread roll.
‘Please, I won’t leave you outside the police station, I promise you that. Tell me where you want to go and I’ll drive you there. I’ll make sure you’re safe, I’ll even wait until you’re waking up if you want.’
‘I got a better idea. How about you trust me? Blindfold me, take me as far away from here as you need me to be. I’ll even let you tie me up if you have to but I’m not drinking your fucking milk, or your orange juice. I’d rather take my chances
here.’
Conversation over, he disappears back into his cave.
Ana remains there, staring down into empty space. She feels like screaming, like throwing a tantrum and breaking something. But that would let him know he’s got to her.
‘It’s your funeral.’
She swallows her rage and steps away from the door. She needs to get her car out of sight.
THIRTY-NINE
You didn’t really expect him to trust you? Why would he? Why would anyone?
With her car locked away in the garage Ana slams her way through the house, shutting all the curtains and making sure all of the lights are out, even the one in the hallway.
What did you think when you trapped him down there? That he’d be your new pet? Not as easy to train as River, is he?
In her bedroom she crosses straight to the window. She spots her as she gets close, that other Ana coming out of the darkness to meet her. She doesn’t look worried or scared of anything. She’s sending her a challenge.
Ana pulls the curtains closed, she’s had enough challenges for one night.
She hunkers down in the dark on the floor by her unmade bed. River is already curled up beside it but he shifts closer so his head rests on her leg.
He vomited on his bed earlier, just bile, but she’s worried now that feeding him liver treats wasn’t such a good idea. His medication seems to be taking longer to work and she’s not sure how much of it he threw up. There’s not a lot she can do apart from sit with him until he settles. Until they both settle.
Ana turns on her reading lamp and opens the bedside table. Inside, rolled up neatly amidst her years of dreams, is Rebecca’s scarf. She hasn’t let herself touch it since she hid it away in there after taking it from the van, but she pulls it out now, dipping her fingers into the watery silk as she lets it unravel and drape across her lap. By the light of her lamp, she notices something she missed before. There’s a tear at one end, the silk fraying along the edges. A fine strand comes away and she twists it around her little finger. Even damaged it really is a beautiful thing but it was foolish of her to take it and would be even more foolish to keep it. Tomorrow she’ll find a place to bury it.
He’s not so easy to bury.
Ana’s eyes shift to the monitor sitting mute on the bedside table. She reaches for it too, resting it down on the floor beside her. After a moment she turns it on but there’s nothing to hear. Luke has made his point. Now he’s quiet.
Ana’s finger toys with the talk-back button before she reopens the channel. In her mind she’s back at the mountain lookout, her body finely balancing on the edge of the rail. Below her, a cushion of mist shrouds the very top of the trees, drifting across her vision as it slowly but surely spreads over the valley. A cool wind rises, wispy tendrils reaching up to lick her face.
She feels the same resistance within her, holding her back, but this time she lets herself fall.
‘What I’ve been doing here … with you … I know it’s not right, no matter who you are or what you’ve done … If I were you I would feel the same, there would be nothing you could do to make me trust you.’
Luke doesn’t respond but she knows he’s there, listening.
‘When I said I didn’t know Rebecca that was true. It was only that one time I saw her … with you … At first I thought she needed help – and I guess she really did because she was dead just a few hours later – but when I got closer she wasn’t struggling, she didn’t look scared. She looked … alive. More alive than I’ve ever felt. I know it doesn’t excuse what I’ve done, what I did to you, but …’
She grasps for the right words to make sense of it.
‘I think I wanted to feel that … to know how it felt before –’
River suddenly sits up, his low growl alerting Ana of danger. He’s staring into the mirror, in which the bedroom window behind Ana is reflected. A shadow moves across the curtain. Then the distinct sound of ground cover crushed underfoot reaches her from outside.
Are they here already? She thought she’d have more time. Wants more time.
‘Ana, don’t stop …’
‘Shh,’ she whispers urgently. ‘There’s someone outside.’
Her eyes seek out her grandmother’s shotgun, leaning up against the wall next to the door.
In a sudden move, she dashes across to grab it and disappears into the hall.
*
Ana tightens her grip on the shotgun as she shifts aside the edge of curtain on the front window.
There’s a car on the road at the end of her driveway. It’s hard to tell in the dark but it could be the same one she saw outside Luke’s house. Pale and nondescript, exactly the kind someone who didn’t want to be noticed would drive.
She can’t tell if there’s anyone in it but whoever was at her bedroom window is around the side of the house now. She can hear movement in the bushes. Then she sees the dark figure of a man stepping up onto the porch. He trips on the top step and falls hard, pitching into her front door.
‘Fuck!’
Ana knows that voice.
He picks himself up and then swears again. He’s hurt himself.
Ana is so relieved that it’s not some SWAT team on the hunt for Luke that she flicks on the porch light and throws open the door.
‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
Lenny is momentarily blinded by the light so it takes a few seconds for him to notice the shotgun she’s still holding.
‘You gonna shoot me now? Seriously?’
He’s drunk and by his tone in a foul mood.
Ana holds the shotgun tighter, suddenly weary of Lenny in a way she has never been before.
‘What are you doing snooping around my house?’
‘What am I supposed to do? You won’t tell me anything. I’ve been calling all day but you don’t pick up the phone.’ He keeps an eye on the gun. ‘I was worried.’
‘You could have tried knocking on the door.’
‘Didn’t look like anyone was home. Is he here too? Your “boyfriend”?’
‘No,’ Ana states, a little too emphatically.
Lenny’s eyes flick to the open door behind her.
He knows you’re lying.
‘I think you should go now, Lenny.’
She stands as firmly as she can. Feeling River leaning into her leg she reaches a hand down, aware of Lenny’s eyes following her every movement. River picks up on her anxiety and growls quietly.
‘Hey, River, you know me. How you doing, boy?’ Lenny holds a hand out.
River’s tail twitches but he stays where he is.
‘I wanna meet him. I wanna meet the man who got Ana Saltzman to do something so completely out of character.’
‘He’s asleep.’ Ana stands rigid, there’s no way he’s getting through her.
‘Sleeping? Really? At this time?’
His eyes rake over her body in a way that leaves Ana feeling naked and vulnerable despite the shotgun. She steps back into the protective shield of the door.
Ana has never been attracted to Lenny for his looks but she’s never thought of him as ugly either. In this moment though, ugly is the right word to describe him.
‘You really should go.’
‘And you should have been honest instead of leading me around like a fucking dog on a leash … Were you just using me to get to the drugs?’
‘No, I wasn’t –’
‘How far would you have gone? Would you have fucked me if you had to?’
Ana stares back at him, the fury inside her building.
‘Be careful, the next thing you know he’ll be pimping you out.’
‘Ana? What’s going on?’
Luke’s voice is distant but clearly audible to her and to Lenny.
Ana forces herself not to react. All he has heard is a voice from inside, a voice that could be coming from anywhere in the house – he has no way of knowing Luke is in the basement, unless Luke himself gives it away.
‘Ana?’ L
uke calls again.
‘It’s okay, mate, why don’t you come out and join us?’ Lenny calls back.
‘Just go, Lenny, please.’
‘Why don’t you want me to meet him? What’s wrong with the guy?’
‘There’s nothing wrong with him.’
‘Are you scared? Worried he’ll hit you again?’
‘What are you now? My shrink?’
‘Do you need one?’
By the look on Lenny’s face he thinks she does.
‘Ana, please, just talk to me. If you’re in some sort of trouble I can –’
‘I’m not in trouble, Lenny, I don’t want you here! Why can’t you get that?’
Lenny gets it loud and clear now. He looks so wounded that Ana lets her guard down but as soon as she does Lenny ducks and tries to slip through the door.
‘No!’
With an ear-shattering roar the shotgun goes off, throwing Ana off balance and blasting a hole in the wood of the porch. She hears River scrambling back down the hall behind her.
‘Jesus Christ!’
Lenny has also backed right off, unsure if she meant it or if it was an accident. Either way it worked. Once again he glances at the door behind her, surprised that even a gunshot hasn’t brought the mystery man out.
‘You should know, I had to report the stolen drugs.’
Ana can see the conflict in his face. That’s why he came. She doesn’t bother to protest her innocence.
‘You should probably warn your boyfriend.’
With that he starts limping back to his car.
Ana retreats into the hallway, the blast still ringing in her ears. She leans heavily into the door to shut it and switches the porch light off, returning the front of the house to darkness. She hears the sound of Lenny’s car starting and then moving away down the road. She also hears Luke calling her name again.
It’s weird hearing his voice like that, travelling down the hall from the bedroom. She can almost imagine, as Lenny must have, that he’s lying on the bed waiting for her to return. But he’s not. Her ‘boyfriend’ is chained up in the basement and she’s batshit crazy. Not only has she just driven the only friend she ever had away, she almost shot him, for fuck’s sake. She could have killed him.
‘Ana, talk to me. Was that a gunshot?’
Ana starts back down the hallway and is almost in the kitchen when she hears Luke’s voice again, softer this time.
Lonely Girl Page 25
