"You're so damn stubborn, always have been. I've watched you lose so many good things in your life because of that man, but I won't do it again. Not like this." He says. Talking to the wall, I know his words are meant for me.
I stare at his back in shock, I never told Frankie about Hoyt.
"Tommy isn't the only one who knows your secrets." He says as if he can read my mind.
Then he walks out the door.
I sit there for several moments and thing about what Frankie said, and I realize it's time to go home.
When I get there I take a shower, put on my work clothes and head to work. Ive neglected work long enough. I find a pile of bills and invoices to sort through once i get to my office, and I get to work.
Ive been working for a few hours when Pete my chief operating officer comes into my office.
"Lexington may be a problem."
"What? We scouted it for months. It's the perfect location."
Lexington is where I am hoping to open another branch and what i need if I want to continue branching out.
"Apparently we're not the only ones interested in the property. And Dillon's nephew is friends with Rick."
"Fuck!" Dillon was part of the building commission in Lexington and Rick was the owner of another local branch. Our competition.
"Do we have any ins?"
"Melody spencer."
"Christ." I'll have to speak to her.
"So what do we do?"
"I don't know. I have a lunch scheduled with Dillon next Week. If you could make it, I think it could really help."
"Yeah, sure. Tell me when and where. If I have clients, I'll reschedule them."
"Great. Thank you." He says nodding.
I see Haley for the first time in two weeks in the elevator on my way down to the lobby as I am leaving for the day. It's full and I'm in the back so she doesn't see me, but I watch her.
She looks so different. I didn't think it was possible for someone to change some much in so little time.
When the doors open I look away, and wait for everyone to step out and then I follow. I stay further back from her, walking slower than normal, she turns the corner and I see her face. She sees someone who makes her happy because she smiles. I groan as jealousy surges through me at the thought of it being another woman or man that's making her smile that way.
When I round the corner I avoid looking at anything and head strait for the doors.
"Janie!"
I cringe when I hear my mothers voice. Not because she's here, because myself and everyone else heard her, which means Haley knows I'm here.
I turn in the direction of where her voice came from, and she's the one standing next to Haley. I try to ignore Haley altogether as I walk towards my mother.
"What are you doing here Ma?" I ask as I near her. "Is everything okay with Tommy?"
"He's fine Janie, I'm here to give Haley a ride home."
I look at Haley now for just a second and then back at my mother. When did they become such great friends, what happened in the last few weeks?
"You busy later, Ma?" I ask, trying to avoid all the questions I'd like to ask her about her and Haley.
"Actually, I'll be at Haley's helping her pack her things, you should come by Frankie will be there too."
Packing her things! She's moving! Inside I'm panicking, but on the outside I play indifferent. I glance at Haley again, she's got the shocked look on her face.
"Sure Ma, I'll be there."
I don't mean a word of it. I see Melody.
"I'll see you later." I say.
I catch melody before she gets to the door.
I return home after talking to Melody.
Take a shower, eat something and sit on my couch. I look at the time, its only six thirty.
I could go stop Haley from moving away from me. I still had time, but what if she really didn't want me anymore? These thoughts piss me off.
I don't subconsciously know where I'm going when I get up, and grab my keys off the counter. I end up at her apartment, that door is open, and I watch my mother and Frankie interact with Haley as they pack her stuff, but mostly I watched Haley. She is all I thought about these last couple of weeks. She's a dream that will never come come true. Letting her move away from me is the right thing I tell myself.
Her back is towards me, as I finally step into her apartment. The playful mood the room has been in turns quiet, and I don't know if I should say something or wait for someone else.
"So...lets get this done." I finally say.
A couple of hours pass and we almost have the whole apartment packed up, there's boxes scattered all over the place. I've avoided even looking at Haley, and I think she's done the same.
I'm kneeling getting ready to tape a box shut when papers in the box catches my eye, only because I see my name. I pull them out, I read through Hoyt's notes about me, and I can feel this living, breathing, crawling hysteria start in me. Its happened before only when I was with him.
How the hell did she get this?!
"Oh no!" I hear Haley's voice.
"Haley." I say, or I hope I have actually said it out loud.
She reaches for the papers, carefully like I might scratch her eyes out.
When the papers are out of my hands I explode.
"How the hell did you get those?!" I say, while getting closer to her.
I don't even notice anyone else in this room. My eyes are solely on her, and I want answers.
"Melody." She says, and I close my eyes, I'm gonna kill that woman.
"I was going to give them to you, but you just disappeared. You didn't give me time."
"You could have given them to my mother since it seems you guys are best friends now." I say, finally looking towards my mother for a second and then back to Haley.
"So that's how it's going to be?" She says.
Full of sarcasm, I retort.
"I don't know what you mean?"
"She never would have given me those if you'd just told me yourself, if you would have trusted me, but you don't! You can't." She was angry now too.
"I was going to tell you, I told you this before. Why are we hashing out the same fight? You can't tell me if you were in my situation you'd do it anything different."
I vaguely hear a door shut but don't look away from her to see.
"Don't try to tell me that your actions are simple."
Part of me was afraid she was right. So I went on the defensive.
"My actions are clear."
"Mine are more clear than yours are, because I'm honest. You're so used to pretending, I don't think you even know any more what you want."
A gasp left my mouth.
"What are you talking about? I'm not pretending!"
"You've spent the last few months, maybe longer, pretending to be someone you're not." She says.
I'm not pretending.
"It's called self control. You should exercise it sometime."
"I'm completely in control. You're the one who has lost it. I don't know what you want."
"Because you don't ask me!" Is that really so hard to understand."
I take the papers from her, glance at them once more before ripping them in half and throwing them away.
"I can leave if you want me to." That feeling of hysteria comes back so overwhelming as I say it though.
"I don't want you to." She says and I let out a relived sigh. "But I don't want to fight anymore."
I put the tape on the box I was working on and she starts doing the same with another box.
"Are you going back home?" I ask her.
I've been avoiding this question.
"No the lease is up on my apartment, and I didn't renew it."
"Why didn't you?"
"When I made the decision, I thought I would finally give in to you, and move in with you."
"How long ago was this?" I ask.
"Almost a month ago."
I stare at her. She wanted to move in with me in wi
th me a month ago, but not now? She would have said something if she still wanted to.
"So where are you going to be staying?"
"With your mother." She says after finishing her box.
I begin to laugh, really laugh. It shakes my whole body and tears form in my eyes.
"I'm sorry." I say, when I get myself under control and I rub the heel of my hand over my eyes.
"Don't be Jessica, I love it when you laugh."
I stare at her and grab my water bottle.
"What?" She asks.
Shaking my head, I take a sip of my water before I answer her.
"I can't figure you out. That's all."
"How about we play a game? You can figure me out." She says.
"Game?" I say, smiling.
"Like twenty questions. We can take turns."
"Okay." I agree. "You go first."
"Tell me more about your condition."
"That's not a question." I say.
"Fine, you have a..." She trails off.
"Yes Haley, I have a penis." I finish her sentence for her.
"Is it functional?" She asks.
"That's two questions, it's my turn."
"Okay." She says.
"Why didn't you find a new apartment?"
"I haven't had time to find another one. Now answer my second question."
"Yes it works." I say. Not giving away much information in my answer like she did in hers.
"How did my mother get you to stay at her place?"
"I ran into her last week, I said something about it and she offered me a room."
I nod, I'm not surprised my mother would do that.
"Have you had sex before?" She asks.
I knew this question was coming up, but I wasn't ready to answer it.
I turn my head and look at her, and she's staring at me, waiting for me to answer.
I tape close a couple more boxes before I say anything.
"I haven't." I don't look at her when I say it. "You're the first person who's ever questioned the way I do things, and it scares me."
"But you have no reason to be afraid, we can take it slow sex doesn't have to be a big thing in a relationship."
"I'm afraid of losing you Haley, not about the sex. There's a big possibility I can handle that." I chuckle a little, even though this isn't that funny.
"If you'd stop running and give me a chance you won't lose me." She says.
Im sure the shock is written all over my face when I turn to look at her again.
"So you want a relationship with me?"
"Yes Jessica, that's all I've wanted since we started this, and nothing I've read or been told has changed my mind."
Chapter 12
Haley's point of view.
A week passes and neither one of us broach the subject of sex and we don't fall back into whatever we had before everything came out. I still move in with Angela, I don't think living together right now would be best. But we spend everyday after work together. We talk about everything. She's told me more about Charles Hoyt, I know it's difficult for her to talk about but when she brings it up i don't stop her.
I call her on my way up to her apartment for a movie night she planed but she doesn't answer. When the elevator comes to a stop and the doors open I step out.
"Jessica?" I call out.
When I get no response I look in both the kitchen and living room, when she's not in either of those rooms I go up stairs and look in her room, but it's empty.
The bathroom connected to her bedroom opens up and Jessica walks out. It's takes her five seconds to notice I'm standing there with my mouth agape.
She's got a pair of black slacks on and a bra, but nothing else, her hair wet from a shower. I stand there frozen I know I should move and give her privacy to get dressed but my legs won't move.
"I'm sorry." I say, and turn to walk out of her room, but Jessica catches my wrist. She gently stops me. She watches me for a moment and leans forward slowly. Her lips touch the side of my face, I inhale deeply and close my eyes. And I can't stop the movements of my hands.
My hands move to her face the pads of my fingers travel over her cheeks and down to her jaw, and then lower to her shoulders, I skip her chest and move to her stomach.
Jessica's eyes close as my hands move over her. I know memories are flashing behind her eyes because she becomes rigid in my arms. I want to make it better. When she opens her eyes again, they lock with mine and her sorrow is no longer hidden. It's reflected in her eyes, it's difficult to keep looking in them.
Her head dips and she kisses me. Her hands are on my face and then in my hair. They drift over my shoulders and down my back, gliding over my shirt as her tongue does wicked things in my mouth.
I hold on to her tight, digging my nails into her back so she doesn't fade away.
And then Jessica suddenly pulls away. She runs her hands through her hair.
"I was...I was going to call you. I have an unexpected meeting tonight." Jessica says.
"Oh. Okay." I say, disappointment evident in my voice.
"Let me get dressed and I'll walk you out."
"Okay." I say.
She pulls out an undershirt from her dresser pulls it on, and then walks to her closet and pulls a blue button up shirt off a hanger. I watch her button the buttons and tuck her shirt into her slacks, and put her socks and shoes on.
She looks up at me when she's finished.
"Let's go." She says taking my hand and leading me down the stairs.
I have a smile on my face when we get downstairs, all this time without her touch has been tortuous.
My smile falters when we come to the hall leading to the elevator. My father is standing in front of it.
He stares at me for a moment and then at Jessica, he hands some papers he has in his hands to Jessica.
"That's all the information you need, but I suggest you make your move fast. Don't worry about dinner it looks like you're already preoccupied." He says, and his eyes land on me again. "I'd like to speak to you alone for a moment."
I let go of Jessica's hand and lead my father into her kitchen.
"I thought I told you to stay away from her." He says, when we are safely in the kitchen and away from Jessica.
"I believe that's what you said, but I'm not a child anymore dad. You can't tell me what to do." I say, frustrated.
His gaze narrows.
"I don't like her, Haley. She seems like she might snap and go postal or something."
"Then don't make her mad." I say.
After my father leaves Jessica picks up her cell phone. Her gaze lifts and meets mine. Shes thinking something, but I don't know what. Jessica looks at the phone cradled in her hand.
"I need to make a call." She says.
"Who are you calling?"
"My brother. I need to ask him something." Her features harden and she no longer looks like the woman I know.
She leaves the room and I wait for her.
When she steps back out she sits next to me.
"My brother is coming over, if that's all right. I need his help with something."
"Which one?" I ask.
"Tommy, he's more down to earth. He's dealt with shit, which is why I want to talk to him." Jessica looks fine, but her voice is a little too tight.
"Okay." I say.
Tommy shows up soon afterwards. I watch them interact and I remember
when Jessica first told me about Tommy, she said her brother was messed up, and I wonder what they were like as children, if they knew how tragic their lives were going to be. No child thinks that anything like that will happen. The future is always bright, it isn't until you get there that you realize it isn't.
I leave them alone so they can talk freely.
I turn on a movie in Jessica's room and start watching it. I've seen it a thousand times, but i love it.
Jessica eventually comes in and sits on the edge of this bed.
We sit in a comfortable silence until I
break it.
"Back when we first met and you had to cancel dinner you said tommy got into some trouble, what trouble was that?"
"He was drunk, and ran over a priest." Jessica says casually.
"Do you drink?" I finally ask when i can speak again.
Jessica shakes her head.
"Occasionally, but not like Tommy. Tommy does it because he doesn't know how to handle things."
"And I thought you were a head case."
I realize what I've said after I say it, and smile weird since I can't gather the words and swallow them back down.
A smirk lights up Jessicas face. She tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.
"You thought I was a head case? Me? You realize you're in this relationship, too, right?" She says.
"Yeah, but you're different." I say.
She settles on the bed next to me.
The space between us feels foreign. I don't cross and neither does she.
I plan on leaving as soon as the movie is done, but my eyes close in the middle of it. At some point I feel Jessica pull me closer to her. I breathe her in.
"I hope you can forgive me for what I'm about to do." She whispers in my ear and holds me close.
Sleep overtakes me before I fully process what she said.
Chapter 13
Jessica's point of view.
My mind wanders in darkness, seeking out memories that I'm always trying to forget. Hoyt's face comes into focus, and so does Haley's.
Hoyt's fingers trace her curves, touching her stomach and trailing a line up to her neck. My heart beats faster and faster.
I yell at him to stop but he doesn't listen to me. The more I tell him to stop, the faster he moves. He takes off her jeans, along with her panties. I beg him to stop. The words flow from my lips over and over again, but he doesn't.
"Jessica!" Haley yells to me, she wants me to save her.
I try to take a step towards them but I'm stopped by this invisible wall that doesn't let me near them.
He touches her anywhere and everywhere. I keep thinking that this isn't happening, that it can't possibly be real.
He puts the blade to her neck before he pushes into her, tears stream down my face and I stop yelling. I whimper, silently waiting for it to end. But I don't know that it'll ever end, this will replay over and over again every time I close my eyes. Hoyt shudders and goes still.
The Billionaire Lesbian Page 5
