"I know." She says.
I pull away from her.
"How long have you known?"
"A few days, but it's not that big of a deal. Harrison and I went to track him down again, we think we've located him."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you contact my father?"
"Haley." She reaches for my hand. "It's not a big deal, and I didn't call your father because I knew they were talking to him. Just please forget this for the moment and let's have a good day?"
"Okay." I say.
That's what we do for the rest of the day, we don't talk about Charles Hoyt, the detectives, or work. And it's a wonderful day with her.
When we get back into Jessica's car to go home I don't say anything, and Jessica reaches out and takes my hand.
Her phone buzzes and accidentally connects to the car stereo as she answers.
"Hey Tommy, what's up." She say as she answers.
"I need to talk to you Janie."
"Okay, you in trouble?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"It's about dad." Tommy says, and Jessica lets go of my hand.
I run my hands together, suddenly not sure how this conversation is going to go. Not sure how Jessica is going to react. I swallow.
"He's hoping I might talk some sense into you."
"He's wrong. Whatever he wants, I'm not giving in." Her hand tightens on the steering wheel "Money?"
"No."
"I bet it's money. I told him..."
"Jessica, he has cancer."
Jessica freezes. Her mouth opens but no words come out. She closes it again and stares at the highway.
"What?" She finally whispers.
"He wants to see you again."
I reach for her hand and lightly rest my fingers on the arm of her seat, too unsure to reach out and touch her.
"How long has he had cancer?"
"He's been receiving chemo treatments for the past three months."
Jessica shakes her head, before she straightens and presses her lips together in a tight line. A sharp breath pushes through her nose.
"It doesn't matter. It won't change anything. That bastard can rot in hell for all I care."
I move back as if Jessica has slapped my hand.
"You don't mean that." Tommy says. "Don't let your anger or your pride keep you from seeing him. You'll regret it, trust me."
"Trust you?" Jessica scoffs. "My pride has nothing to do with it." She then reaches out and ends the call.
It takes everything in me not to say anything and just let her be. The muscles in her jaw work as she gets her thoughts and emotions under control.
"I need a drink." Jessica finally says.
We end up at a bar about a mile or so from Angela's house. An off the road place that I could never have pictured Jessica going in to.
Jessica points at a table and walks to the bar to grab drinks.
I slid on the bench and wait for Jessica.
Jessica comes over a few moments later, carrying two pint glasses.
She leans over and sets a pale amber yellow bubbling looking pint in front of me before sitting down on the chair across the table.
"It's cider. I wasn't sure if you liked beer. I actually don't really know what you drink." She grins.
I pick up my glass and try a tentative sip. It was bubbly but light, almost fruity.
"Cider? A girl's version of beer?" I kind of like the aftertaste and take another sip.
Jessica chuckles. "Sort of."
She take a long swig of her dark amber glass.
We sit quietly for a few moments, we are both angled so we can watch the other customers talking and laughing where they sit.
I know I should say something to help Tommy, because I know the emotions that crossed her face before she tried to bury them behind anger. I reach for her hand and she turns to look at me.
"Your father's dying and wants to see you again." I move closer to her. "And I know you're not happy with things the way they are. Maybe I can help figure this out, but I can't do anything unless you let me."
Jessica glares at me for a long moment, and then stares past me at the wall behind me.
"I was seventeen almost eighteen when I graduated early, only because I was able to test out." Jessica starts talking, as I sip my drink and then set it down to lean closer so i can hear her.
"I got a job waiting tables to put myself through college. When I was nineteen I made my first investment and started researching the stock market, and Wall Street. By the time I graduated with a bachelor's in business, I was already making enough off of my investments to live off of. I started my own stock broker company the week I graduated."
"That's incredible."
"I was determinded to make something of myself and prove that bastard wrong."
"That's why you work so hard?" I ask. "Because you're angry at your father?"
She shakes her head and lets go of my hand so she can motion to the bar to bring us another drink.
"It started out that way," she admits. "Then it became an obsession. The more money I made, the easier it was to pretend I was someone else." She pauses when the bartender sets two new glasses on the table. Jessica takes a swig and then clears her throat.
"Someone who doesn't have a screwed up past and an asshole father. So I guess you were right, I am pretending."
I shake my head, I didn't really mean it, when I said that.
She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose as if she suddenly has a bad headache.
"I won't go see him."
I don't want to push it, so I don't say another word about it.
A few hours, and a lot more beer and shots for Jessica later, she has passed the point of being drunk. She's never been like this before, so not in control of a situation. I decide to get her out of here.
I take her to Angela's, getting her out of the car and in the house was like pulling teeth, when she takes herself to the couch I don't try to stop her.
"Come sit next to me." She whines.
I smile at her, when all I really want to do is laugh. I sit down next to her, and she turns her whole body towards me.
"Haley, I...I really want to kiss you right now."
"Oh yeah?" I say, and can't help but laugh.
She sweeps my hair out of my face and peers up at me. "Can I?"
"Yeah, you can."
She lets out a tense breath and leans toward me, tipping her head to the side as she seals her mouth to mine. She lets out a breathy moan that floods my body with a hunger. She grabs my waist, and pulls me onto her lap so I'm straddling her.
"I can't stop myself with you." She says.
A tiny gasp escapes my lips as I feel her hardness press against me.
"Jessica…" I start, but trail off as she knots her fingers through my hair and escort my face toward hers. Moving her lips down my neck.
"I have to tell you something." The back of my mind screams at me to stop whatever she's going to say.
"I've never felt this way about anyone before."
My body goes rigid, and I pull back to stare at her face.
"What?"
"You and me… I like it so much. I've never liked the idea of being with anyone before."
Exhaling slowly, I start to push upward and to climb off the top of her, but she grabs ahold of me.
"I think maybe we should talk about something else."
"Like what?" She asks.
"Like something that makes you happy." I suggest. "Or something that you're not going to regret in the morning."
"That's you. Haley, you're the only person that's ever made me feel happy about anything. You changed something in me, you made me want to live."
"Jessica, I really think you need to get some sleep now." I say, and again try to climb off her but she doesn't let me.
She catches ahold of my hand and places it on her erection on top of pants.
"Jessica." I warn.
I move my hand away.
I don't want to push her that far, especially since she's drunk. She grabs and my hand again and places it back, and she doesn't move her hand off mine.
"Please Haley." She pleads.
I slowly start to move my hand along the hard ridge. When I met her eyes again she looks as if she barely restraining herself. She stares at the wall behind me, her hand tight around mine. She's tense.
"Are you sure?" I ask.
She leans up and covers my mouth with hers, kissing me with an intensity that feels as if she's getting to the very depths of my soul.
She pulls her lips away from mine, her brown eyes are dark with desire. Holding my gaze like some kind of erotic hypnotist, she starts to move her hand that has ahold of mine against her.
I can't look away from her eyes, as her control begins to slip. She groans softly, and her hand tightens on mine.
Should I stop this? It's pretty clear she's never gone this far before and I don't want to be the one responsible for pushing her where she's not ready to go.
"Jessica." I say, but her fingers tighten around my hand, her nails piercing my skin as she lets out a moan and I know she's close.
"Fuck!" The word comes out as a low, harsh whisper. A tortured sigh escapes her, and her hips thrust forward, her muscles stiffen and her whole body shudders.
I watch her in complete awe as she works to reclaim control of her thoughts. As she settles down, her whole face sinks and my chest tightens as she stares over my shoulder.
"Hey?" I graze my finger cheek "Are you okay?"
She blinks at me. "Yeah, I'm fine." She lets go of my hand, and moves me off of her. "Can you just give me a few moments?"
I'm worried. The sadness that washed away from her eyes momentarily has returned and is magnified. We sit in silence for several minutes, I don't know if I should say anything.
"Come on, let's go to bed." She finally says.
Her eyes are downcast as we walk to my bedroom, neither one of us change into pajamas we just climb in the bed. I fall asleep laying on my side facing away from Jessica, she doesn't move to close the distance between us.
AN-I've rewritten this chapter four times, and I really hope you guys like it.
Chapter 17
Jessica's point of view.
I wake up screaming, and in a panic. When I finally realize I'm in Haley's bedroom and not Hoyt office I calm down and lay back down on the bed. I look over at Haley who's still sleeping, and I'm glad I didn't wake her up. Last night comes back to me, what I let happen, what I made happen. I have no idea what happened. Well, actually I do. I had my first...I can't even say it...that didn't involve Hoyt, and It felt so good, I wanted it. But when it was over, it was his face I saw instead of Haley's. I get out of bed and walk down the hall to the bathroom, lock the door and collapse onto my knees in front of the toilet. I lift the lid, feeling the pain burn in my stomach. I want it out. So badly. I drop my head down, and force everything to exit my body. My shoulders jerk and the vomit tears at my throat. My eyes water and my nostrils burn as I lean away and rest my back against the wall and, my head falls back. My chest is twitching fitfully as I work to breathe.
"I don't want to be this way." I whisper as my eyes fill up with tears.
I fucking hate him for doing this to me with every single ounce of strength that I own. I tuck my fingernails into my palms, and stab them into my skin. Every part of my body wants to escape, be alone, find something sharp and bleed the pain out of me, even though I've never done that before.
What if I had told someone. What if I'd never had to suffer in silence for three years? What if my life had been different? I usually always shove these thoughts right out of my head. The what ifs aren't important. I can't go back through time and change things, but I can't seem to stop thinking about it.
My fingers pierce deeper into my skin.
When I get myself in control I brush my teeth and find some of my clothes, take a quick shower, then go into the kitchen knowing I won't get anymore sleep so I might as well make coffee. My mother is sitting at the table drinking tea. I blink to make sure I really see her.
"Ma?"
Her head snaps up to me.
"Hey, sweetheart. Everything okay?"
"Yeah, just couldn't sleep. What about you?"
"Same."
I chew on my lip and sit down opposite her.
"Do you want some hot chocolate?" She asks.
"Sure." I say and smile. When I was younger and couldn't sleep she would make me hot chocolate.
I watch my mother boil the kettle and get the mugs out. She is to calm. That means something is bothering her.
"Are you okay, Ma?"
She nods and busies herself making hot chocolate. I smile as she sits back down, handing me a mug.
"Can we talk?" She asks.
"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"
"Were you dreaming about him?" She asks. She heard me.
I nod.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't think you want me to. I don't want you to feel guilty."
She takes my hand.
"I feel guilty whether you talk about it or not. You should be able to talk to me. I want you to. There is nothing we can't discuss, and I've wanted to apologize for so long, I'm sorry I didn't protect you."
A tear slides down her face and I instantly get up, and move around to her side of the table and hug her.
"Please, don't apologize, Ma. There was no way you could have known what was happening." I whisper.
"I should have." She murmurs against my hair. "I don't understand how you're not angry with me."
"Because it wasn't your fault."
I pull back and wipe the tears from her face, I smile and squeeze her hand. She looks me in the eyes.
"You are so brave, my beautiful girl."
I don't feel brave. Tired and desperate are better words I would use to describe myself. Im tired of trying to move on. Tired of seeing his face. Tired of being scared that he can somehow get to me again. Most of all, I am just desperate to get my life back.
She takes a deep breath and wipes her tears.
"I keep going back to how much you changed, and how I should have realized what was going on."
"I didn't want you to find out as much as he didn't. He told me so many things. He told me that you would hate me. You wouldn't want me anymore, that he would get me taken away from you, and that you wouldn't believe me. I was so scared. As I got older, I realized you wouldn't, but I knew it would break your heart, and I didn't want that. After I stopped going, I convinced myself that everything would be okay, so I forced myself to leave it in the past."
"I would have always believed you."
"I know that now, and it means a lot."
She pulls me into a hug, it's tight and almost squeezes the air from my lungs.
When she pulls away she looks at me again.
"I'm so proud of you. The way you're handling everything is unbelievable. You deserve to be happy. Haley makes you happy, doesn't she?"
"Yeah, she does."
"Don't let him ruin your happiness, Jessica."
I nod again.
I finally realize how wrong he had been. My mother would never have abandoned me for speaking out. I wish I had known that years ago, but I was a kid, and I believed him.
"Whoa. What's go going on here?" Tommy asks, appearing in the doorway. "Oh, I see, having secret hot chocolate moments without me. I'm hurt." He pretends to stab his heart.
My mom sighs and shakes her head in discouragement.
"Sit down, Tommy." She gets up to make him a drink.
Tommy sits down and looks at me and I know he wants to say something about our conversation we had yesterday, but I shake my head. Ma doesn't need to hear any of that right now.
"So what are you two talking about? How awesome I am?" Tommy says.
My mom snorts which makes me laugh.
"See, this is why I'm unable to love." He says, waving his hand in our m
others direction. "When you're sitting in your big death chair in the retirement home, crying to yourself about never seeing your son get married, just remember it was half your fault."
I stare at him with the same dumbfound look my mother has on her face. These fine words came from an adult?
"A death chair in a retirement home." My mother repeats.
From everything in that little speech thats what stood out to her.
"Yeah. All those old people have a chair they always sit in, ninety per cent of them'll die there."
I shake my head.
"Wow." I say.
Im not even going to try. My mother opens her mouth but shuts it quickly.
Good call, Ma. Its best not to encourage him.
Haley comes into the kitchen then, and I advert my eyes from her. I look at the clock on the microwave, it's a little after six I should be getting ready for work, but I don't feel like doing all that today.
"Would you like some coffee sweetie?" I hear my mother ask.
"Yes please." Haley answers.
I feel her sit next to me, but I don't look at her. She sets my phone in front of me.
"It's been ringing for the last 30 minutes." She says.
I pick it up and look at the missed calls. Four are from Frankie and one is from melody. I hit Melody's number, and wait for her to answer.
"I have some of the investor information you asked for. The rest we had to order, but I have a few packets coming overnight to your office. They should be there by Monday." She says as soon as she answers.
"Of course, thanks."
"And Mr. Norlin wants to know if you've considered his offer?"
"He's got a great product, and he needs to start looking for a partner, but I'm not interested. I know a couple of financial moguls that might be. They're all incredibly smart where finances and investments are concerned. Make sure you bring that up with him next week. I'm sure he would be thrilled to work through any opportunity."
"Okay, I'll let him know."
"And tell Susan I won't be coming in today."
After I hang up I look up at my mother.
"What are you doing today?" My mother ask.
"I'm guessing Jessica's hanging out with Haley, where they'll make eyes at each other and pretend they're not minutes away from ripping each other's clothes off." Tommy answers for me.
The Billionaire Lesbian Page 8
