Words whispered through Nessa’s mind. Images played on her eyelids with each blink.
“Are you feeling alright?” Hunter asked, taken a little aback as he rose from his crouch. “You look a bit off.”
“Alright?” Nessa whispered, her head was overwhelmingly filled with a million thoughts, a lifetime of memories. “Am I alright?”
Nessa was changed.
She was complete.
Orm raised his brows. “I think we should take that as a no.”
“You’re right,” Nessa said, her wide eyes darting between Hunter and Orm. “I’m not alright. I’m not alright in the slightest.”
Both of them frowned in confusion. Hunter looked worried, and he took a step towards her.
“I feel hurt,” Nessa continued, backing away. Backing away from them. “I feel hurt and betrayed.”
“Betrayed…?”
“How could you,” Nessa asked through clenched teeth. “How could you lie to me all this time? How could you keep so much from me?” Her voice rose into a shout as anger—rage—joined her rolling emotions. “How could you have the nerve to call me your friend all these months when all along you were telling me nothing close to the truth?”
All the blood left Hunter’s face, leaving him as white as a ghost.
“Oh shit,” Orm muttered.
Nessa swung around, eyes flashing, hands balled into fists. Orm flinched. “‘Oh shit’ is right, you lying son of a bitch. You’ve been caught out. I know everything. I can finally remember. I remember it all.”
“Double shit.”
“How long were you going to continue with all your bullshit? How much further were you willing to take it? Were you ever planning on coming clean or were you just going to keep feeding me lie after little lie? How much were you going to keep from me?”
“Nessie,” Hunter implored, voice croaky and broken. At least he had the decency to pretend to be troubled and apologetic, Nessa faintly thought. “Please understand th—”
“I don’t understand!” Nessa cried, retreating a few more steps, needing more space between them and her. She buried her face in her hands, unable to look at him, at Hunter. Everything was changing. Everything had changed. Hunter had changed. It broke her heart. Her cheeks were wet with tears, and she swiped them away angrily. Whether they were tears of rage or heartbreak, she didn’t know. She couldn’t be sure. “I will never understand.”
“We just wanted to help you.”
“By denying me everything I wanted? Everything I needed?” Nessa shook her head, backing away from Hunter as he tried to sidle closer. “You had no right. No right whatsoever.”
“We just wanted to protect you.”
“I don’t need your protection! I didn’t want it in the first place. What I wanted was a friend, someone who respected my wishes. You did neither. You as good as stabbed me in the back. You betrayed me when I needed you the most.”
Hunter looked tortured, his eyes bright with anguish. “This was never the plan. Things got too complicated.”
“They wouldn’t of have if you’d just told me the truth from the bloody start!”
“We had good intentions,” Orm finally spoke up from where he now slouched against the wall, deflated and defeated, his face as grey as the winter coat he wore. “We never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did. You’ve hurt me more than you can imagine.”
Hunter flinched. “Please, just let us explain.”
Nessa shook her head again. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“Please.”
“There isn’t an excuse good enough,” Nessa spat. “Not for this. I don’t want to hear any more of your lies.”
My little Rider, just listen to them. Give them a chance to explain. Give us a chance.
Nessa recoiled, flinching away from Aoife’s presence in her mind. The betrayal ran deep. And there you are. I was beginning to think that you weren’t going to make an appearance.
Don’t talk like that, Aoife pleaded.
Like what? Like someone who’s just discovered that the only people they know have been keeping things from them? Like someone who’s been betrayed by the people she trusted the most? How could you allow this to happen?
I was scared and worried. We all were.
“We just wanted to give you time to heal,” Orm said quietly, like that made it okay. “As much time as we could. That’s all.”
Nessa stared at him, realising that Aoife had linked all their minds together, relaying what the two of them had said.
“Time?” Nessa muttered bitterly. “How much time exactly? A year? Two? Ten?”
“In all honesty,” Orm started. Nessa laughed darkly at that. Oh, the irony! “For as long as possible. At least until you came into your powers and Aoife grew big enough for you to ride her.”
“So, it wasn’t for my health; it was a tactical manoeuvre.”
Orm pointed a finger at her. “You’re twisting my words.”
“Everything’s twisted,” Hunter gushed. “This isn’t right. This isn’t how I wanted things to turn out.”
“Join the bloody club,” Nessa grumbled.
Hunter looked at her beseechingly. “There’s more than just one reason. It’s not as clear-cut as that.”
“And what’s your reason then?” Nessa asked him mournfully, her heart breaking in two. “And don’t tell me that it has something to do with giving me time to heal or protecting me. That’s bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit.”
“Can’t we…can't we just go join Aoife and talk about this calmly?”
“An excellent idea,” Orm agreed, forcing a smile, attempting to shove aside the guilt that played upon his strong features. “We can grab a bottle of wine,” he peered at Nessa’s tear-streaked face, “or something stronger. Definitely something stronger. Then we’ll sit with Aoife in her snug little dragon cave and discuss everything. No more secrets.”
Nessa could feel Aoife sending her soothing thoughts through their bond, trying to calm her, to make her agree with Orm’s suggestion.
“Tell me,” she urged Hunter with a quivering voice. “Tell me why. If you were ever really my friend, then give me an honest answer.”
Hunter looked torn and conflicted, standing lost in the middle of the alley, shadows and revelations crowding in on him. His shoulders sagged beneath his heavy winter tunic. His eyes were wide and pleading. “Nessie, I was against it. I swear I was.” He sucked in a shuddering breath. “I know I should have gone against Orm and Chaos’ idea, or just gone behind their backs and…”
“So why didn’t you?”
He groaned, anguished and pained. “I guess that I didn’t want to lose you again.”
“Right.”
Please just hear him out, Aoife murmured.
“But what about who I lost?” Nessa continued unrelenting, merciless. “What about those who have lost me? Did you think about that?”
“I—”
“Did you even think for a second about what must be going through my mother’s head? The wondering, not knowing what happened to me must be crippling her. And having to deal with my disappearance while expecting a baby…” Nessa choked up, tears spilling down her cheeks like a waterfall. “So much time has passed. She must have had the baby by now. I missed it. I wasn’t there for her. That’s all I wanted. Just to be there for her. I know…I know she may not be my birth mother, but that doesn’t change anything for me. Not really…”
“I made a mistake,” Hunter said quickly. “A huge one. I know that. I know that now. And I am so, so sorry. I am so unbelievably sorry. I just couldn’t lose you too. Not to Margan. It would be too much to bear.”
“You knew what was at stake for me,” Nessa sobbed. “I told you everything I wanted and you completely disregarded it.”
“I was trying to do the best I could.”
“Well, you’ve messed up.”
“Story of my damn life!” Hunter exploded, something in him breaking irreversibly. “
No matter what I do or how hard I try, it’s never good enough.”
“Oh, don’t try and turn this around so it’s about you.”
“It not about me,” Hunter yelled. “It’s never been about me. It about you. It has always been about you. And before…before it was about Kaya.”
Orm winced. “And things go from bad to worse.”
“Kaya…” Nessa had heard that name before, but where? Margan. Margan had once taunted Hunter with it during their imprisonment in Ironguard.
“Kaya was my baby sister,” Hunter murmured, tears of his own starting to fall. “She was only a year or so younger than me, but there was just something about her that made me want to keep her close, to protect her from the big, bad world. You remind me so much of her, Nessie. I think that’s what drew me in to start with, the similarities between the two of you. The four of us—me and Kaya, Ma and Pa—we led a good life. A simple life. We had a large farm on the outskirts of a town that was under the leasehold of House Īren. We were mostly left to our own devices, provided we paid our taxes on time and caused no trouble.”
A bad feeling grew in the pit of Nessa’s stomach.
“Then there was a flood one winter. It ripped through the town, damaging buildings and shops. It ruined the fields and destroyed the crops. When it came to that year’s taxes, no one in town could pay them. House Īren wanted their money, so they sent out people to retrieve it.”
Hunter’s throat worked. “We’d all been summoned to the town’s square by the collectors, a group of merciless, highborn monsters. They demanded payment. We didn’t have it. We didn’t have anything. We barely had enough food to last us through the winter. Old Ottie said as much. She was the town’s healer and as old as dirt. She tended to speak her mind, to put it politely. It was seen as impertinence. A lie. She was punished. Fifty lashes then and there.
“Kaya…Kaya was a kind soul. A gentle soul. She was also Old Ottie’s apprentice and she loved that old woman. Loved her so much that, after the first few lashes, she demanded to take the punishment in Old Ottie’s place, fearing that the old woman wouldn’t survive. Those bastards accepted, even though Old Ottie was against it, and our parents were against it. Instead of giving an elderly woman fifty lashes, they instead gave them to a young girl.
“The collectors had come with a small army. There was nothing we could do. Others volunteered to take Kaya’s place, myself and Pa included, but our offers were refused. We were all forced to watch; the entire town was forced to watch as those bastards tied her to a pole in the middle of the town’s square and whipped her back raw.”
Nessa felt sick. If Kaya was Hunter’s junior, and this had happened several years ago, then Kaya had to have been even younger than Nessa was now.
“Kaya survived the lashings. But she took ill. The wounds became infected and took weeks to heal. Old Ottie and mother nursed her, never leaving her bedside. And Pa and I…Pa and I wanted House Īren to suffer as we were suffering. We weren’t the only ones. The entire town was behind us, as were a handful of other places that had been affected by the flood, although to a lesser degree.”
Hunter laughed a ruined, twisted sound. “I was so young and angry, and seeing so many others feeling the same way was empowering. Hundreds of us had banded together so quickly after the incident. Within a few weeks of Kaya being brutalised, we were coming up with ideas for how to make House Īren pay. It was the most amazing thing I had seen. Somehow, I managed to persuade Ma to join the gathering that night. She hadn’t left the house since it had all happened. I thought that being in such an intoxicating atmosphere would do her some good. We left Kaya with Old Ottie. They were laughing at the time. Kaya was starting to feel better. Old Ottie was telling stories of her exploits during her youth. Ma was smiling for the first time in weeks.
“What we didn’t realise was that word of our little uprising had spread to not only the nearby hamlets, but also to Ironguard, and…and Margan.”
Nessa closed her eyes, powerless to make Hunter stop. She had been sucked into his story, his truth. And Hunter…Hunter looked like a great and terrible weight was being lifted from his shoulders.
“I lost sight of Pa almost instantly. Dragon Fire and fleeing people separated us. I never saw him alive again. Ma and I managed to get out. Somehow. I don’t know how, only that I did. I got her to safety…”
“And…and Kaya?”
Hunter sobbed. “Destroying the town wasn’t enough for Margan. Nor was killing anyone who had shown any defiance. I wasn’t quick enough. He got to our farm before I could. And he…and he slaughtered Old Ottie just as I burst through the door, and with her knitting needle still stuck in his shoulder—the old woman was as fierce as she was stubborn—Margan turned to Kaya…” Hunter choked and staggered forwards. Nessa didn’t back away as his hands gripped her upper arms. The look in his eyes held her immobile. “I lost everything to Margan. My Pa. Kaya. My home. There’s nothing left of the town where I was born and raised. Nothing but ash and bone. And Ma…she’ll never forgive me for not getting to Kaya in time to save her.”
Nessa’s mouth was dry, and her heart ached something terrible. So this is what the truth feels like? What it looks like…“That wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done.”
“I lost everything to Margan,” Hunter continued, his hands shaking, his face painfully pale, his brown hair dishevelled. “I couldn’t risk losing you to him as well. I just can’t. I don’t think I would survive it.”
“I…I need to think about all of this.”
“Do you understand? Do you understand that I only wanted to keep you safe, to keep you away from Margan.”
“This is too much for me.” Nessa shrugged out of his grip and began backing away again. “I need some time.”
“Nessie,” Hunter begged. “Please.”
“I need to be alone. I need to think.”
Hunter mirrored her retreat step for step, looking like he was about to grab her before she could make a break for it. Orm clapped a hand on his shoulder, leaning down to say something in his ear. Nessa didn’t stay to listen to what Orm had to say. She had heard enough. She had heard more than enough.
Nessa turned and ran, disappearing into the maze of narrow streets and winding alleys as Hunter’s agonised yell echoed behind her, haunting her steps, tortured and gut-wrenching.
Chapter 42
Nessa ran without direction, lost and alone. The city’s streets, its people, passed her in a blur. Tears filled her eyes and streaked down her cheeks in a never-ending cascade. Her lungs burned with sobs and gasped breaths. Nessa’s mind was in turmoil, her thoughts chaotic. She once thought that discovering she was adopted would be the biggest revelation she would have to face, but Hunter’s story…the lies…the secrets… She didn’t know which hurt worse. The pain she felt was unimaginable. Broken bones and slashed skin were nothing compared to the agony that tore through her heart.
It had been ripped apart.
Her spirit crushed.
Her soul bruised and torn.
How could they?
The question haunted her, chasing after her as she barrelled deeper into the city, losing herself in the shadowed backstreets, climbing hills and narrow stairways.
How could they?
How could they?
How could they?
It wouldn’t leave her alone.
That’s all Nessa wanted. To be left alone.
Nessa wanted solitude and silence. Even Aoife had respected that wish, withdrawing from Nessa’s mind even as she had built a wall of amethyst around it, sealing herself away, blocking out Aoife’s sorrow, her shame. Aoife had simply told Nessa that they would be there for her when she was ready.
Nessa wasn’t sure she would ever be ready.
How could they?
Nessa wanted to be alone.
And alone she was. She had no one she could trust. No one to turn to. Nowhere to go.
Nessa was utterly and completely alone, and tha
t knowledge made her feel so very empty. So very cold.
Nessa stumbled to a stop, unable to take another step.
“I have no one.”
It was like being in Ironguard all over again. She was back at square one, back at the very beginning. Everything had been for nothing.
“I have nothing.”
Nessa felt the crushing weight of fear and uncertainty settle upon her shoulders, coiling around her chest, tight. Constricting.
“What do I do?” she wondered aloud.
The answer came as a soft whisper in the wind, the flutter of dry leaves on the stone path, the rustle of tree branches rubbing against one another.
Nessa turned, a peculiar feeling settling over her, brushing way the conflict, the crippling pain she felt. She sucked in a deep breath and wiped away her tears. None fell after them.
Something called to her.
Something was beckoning her.
She looked around, taking in the sight of trees and flowerbeds full of blooming winter plants. She was in a small park, a quiet corner of the High Quarter that was pressed up against the mountainside. A path was before her, cutting through the narrow slip of woodland, but Nessa didn’t follow it. Instead, she veered off to the right, walking through flowerbeds and skirting around sleeping trees in a strange type of daze.
Nessa emerged out of the tree line, and before she knew it, she was standing at the edge of a viewpoint that overlooked the city.
A sea of rooftops stretched out before her, spreading as far as the eye could see, and Lake Nyma twinkled on the horizon, crystalline waters catching in the sunlight. The castle was to the left, presiding over it all, a hundred spires reaching high into the sky, the gold-threaded black stone shimmering with threat and sinister beauty.
Nessa spared the view the briefest of glances.
Something else held her attention.
Someone else.
A man stood with his arms behind his back, his stare fixed upon the city that was laid before his feet, at the twelve dragons flying far in the distance, twinkling like stars. He was dressed in dark clothing and wore his black hair loose, allowing it to drift around his face and shoulders, stirred by a light breeze.
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