by Lisa Scott
She stood up straight. “Grandma, you know I’m all about healthy choices, now.”
“And I’m into indulgence now.” Her voice was low and sultry.
“You could learn a few things from Kate,” Jack said, looking gorgeous in a pale blue sweater and jeans. He kissed Grandma’s hand, and whispered, “Should we tell her?”
Panic walloped Rose’s chest. “Tell me what?”
“Nothing darling. Nothing you need to know yet.” She shared a knowing look with Jack.
He just shrugged. “Okay, then. You’re in charge. It’s your call, Kate.”
Oh, my mammoth zucchini muffin. Are they going on vacation? Getting married? With just a little bit of Grandma’s money, Jack wouldn’t have to hustle so many other old ladies. That’s probably what he was thinking. Grandma wasn’t just a senior cougar; no, this was much worse.
Rose jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “I’m going to go.” She had no choice but to tolerate this; but that didn’t mean she had to watch it.
“Bye, darling,” Grandma said, never taking her eyes off Jack.
***
She got to the bakery before the sun was up the next morning. She hadn’t been able to sleep, and there were numbers to review and muffins to make. Wanting to please her calorie conscious customers, she was going to offer different sized muffins and list the calories and ingredients for all her goods, along with the benefits of the select ingredients. She hated that Jack had inspired this new strategy, but then again, even gigolos needed good marketing skills to get ahead.
She dumped a cup of rice flour in a mixing bowl. With Valentine’s Day approaching, she wanted to experiment with some romantic treats. A rose hip bread would be nice. She stirred some dried cherries into the mix. The rose hips were said to soothe the nerves and cherries aroused desire in women. Passion Bread, that’s what she would call it. That might be appealing to her clients. She wouldn’t let her grandmother have any of it, though. When the first batch cooled, she sunk her teeth into the warm, moist bread. She smiled. It was good.
The hours flew by—she had another piece of bread—and she flipped her sign to ‘open’ right before seven a.m. She didn’t have to wait long for her first customer to arrive. When the bells jingled, she looked up and frowned—while running a hand down her hip and then smoothing her hair. She shouldn’t have had that second piece of passion bread. She blew out her breath. “So, you finished all your muffins already?”
“I’ve been sharing them with my clients. It keeps up their stamina,” Jack said.
It probably did. Seaweed detoxified the body and increased metabolism. It also helped with impotence—a problem he certainly didn’t have. She pointed a wooden spoon at him. “Do not talk to me about the other women in your life and what you’re doing with them.” She shivered as an image of her grandmother wearing a silk teddy and feather boa popped into her brain.
His big lips curled into that darn smile of his and she closed her eyes to keep it from affecting her, too.
“I’m just doing what your grandmother wants. There’s a lot you don’t understand about our relationship.” Her eyes popped open and he stepped closer to her and leaned against the counter. “Give me a chance. I’m not as bad as you think.”
Rose backed away from him.
He laughed. “Are you afraid of me?”
“Of course not.”
“I’m hardly the big bad wolf, Rose. So, are you going to serve me?”
Well, butter my croissant. Is that how it worked? Grandma was the one who did all the…. She shook the thought from her head and blinked at him.
“Your muffin.”
Rose blinked at him again. Exactly what was he proposing?
“The Seafood Goddess muffin. Can I have two dozen of the small ones? They are for sale, right?”
“Oh, yeah. Yes, of course that’s what you meant. I’ll get those right away.” She wiped away the line of perspiration beading above her lip. She needed to create a literal humble pie. Or a deep dish pie of common sense. What would be good for that—ginger?
“I like these. I usually don’t go for health food stuff. But these are good,” he said, tapping the display case.
“Thank you,” she said tersely, handing him the box.
He grabbed a few cards stacked up in a clear acrylic box by the register. “I’m going to pass these out to my clients. I’m going to recommend they bulk up on a muffin before I arrive.”
She didn’t know what to say. Would that make her some sort of accessory to this whole sordid thing?
“Hey, if you stop by Kate’s tonight, bring some of that pink bread in there. It looks good.”
“If there’s any left.” Which there would not be. Neither of them would be getting any passion bread. She’d give them something absolutely unsexy, like licorice. She frowned. Licorice actually had tons of health food benefits. She’d have to whip up something with a bit of it mixed in.
Maybe she wouldn’t stop by at all. Maybe Grandma didn’t even want her visiting anymore. Rose had assumed Grandma could use the company and would enjoy some left over baked goods. She doesn’t need me or my vegan banana bread when she’s got a hot, fresh, stud muffin.
But she couldn’t turn a blind eye to this nonsense. She was going to keep visiting. Maybe she could guilt grandma into giving up her escort. Maybe I need to visit even more often.
Jack smiled at her before leaving and she hated the feeling of lust that curled inside her. Guess he just had that kind of effect on everyone. Grandma didn’t stand a chance.
The cab fares were killing her, but what if Jack was out to swindle her Grandma? Being a sugar granny was one thing. But Jack could very well clear out Grandma’s sizeable bank account. She couldn’t afford not to go for another visit.
***
That night, Grandma was in the shower when she arrived. Well, at least they’re not in there together, she thought. She sat down on the couch with a sigh.
Jack tossed the magazine he’d been reading onto the table. “So, looking to join us for some fun, Red?”
Her mouth opened and closed and she finally managed to say, “Excuse me?”
“While I specialize in older women, I do have clients of all ages. We could make an arrangement. Your baked goods for my services.”
She popped up from her seat and went to the kitchen for a drink. She hadn’t had alcohol since her mother died, but she might kill Jack if she didn’t calm down. A nice Riesling usually did the trick. “I am not interested in any business dealings with you.”
He followed her into the kitchen, and she downed the entire glass of wine. “Were you always like this?” she asked. She could imagine him pimping himself out as a prom date to girls across the city.
“You mean, generous enough to share my gifts with those in need?” His eyes locked on hers and she looked away.
“Yes, generous, that’s how I’d describe you.”
“Actually, I wanted to be a doctor. But in college, I realized this line of business was better suited for me.”
“It’s always good to find that perfect career match.”
“What about you? Did you always want to be a baker?”
She laughed. “No. I had no idea what I wanted to do. But I knew I had to get my act together after my mother died and baking was one of the few things I enjoyed doing. It was either that or party for a living, and Paris Hilton had that socialite thing all tied up at the time.”
He leaned against the counter and she could smell a whiff of mesmerizing aftershave. He stared at her long enough that it made her uncomfortable and she found herself crossing her arms. He chuckled. “Oh, so you did know how to have fun once upon a time.”
“I had enough fun for a lifetime.”
Grandma breezed into the kitchen in a new, silky kimono. Good grape seed streusel. What had these two been getting up to? Is that whole Kama Sutra thing Japanese? Is that what this was?
“Now, Rose, you’re not trying to steal away Jack from me, ar
e you?”
She shook her head so hard it hurt.
“I’m sure he could fit you in, too.”
Holy whole-wheat bagels. “I’m going to get going. I left some muffins for you guys on the table.”
“If it’s the money, Rose, I can pay for it! Jack’s expensive but he’s worth it,” Grandma hollered after her.
There really wasn’t any amount of wine that could erase that comment from her memory bank.
***
The next morning, Rose was at work, beating a bowl full of eggs much harder than necessary. Now they were too frothy for her recipe. She dumped them down the sink and sighed. She had to stop this relationship. That, or she had to stop seeing Grandma for a while. Rose was more and more upset each time she visited. This must be my punishment for putting my mother through such hell all those years. She cringed, remembering the time she dragged home a guy from Germany in the middle of the night who spoke no English at all. Her mother spent an hour staring at him in the kitchen the next morning offering him eggs and pancakes and toast until she finally shook Rose awake.
When she closed up shop that night, she decided this would be her last visit to Grandma’s. She was going to lay it on the line: leave Jack or lose me. She bundled up her goodies and her determination, and headed uptown.
Clutching her basket of banana buns in front of her, she rang Grandma’s doorbell. This time, Jack answered the door. “Hello, Red.”
She was constantly rolling her eyes around this guy. “Where’s my grandmother?”
“Why don’t you come in?”
He was acting like he owned the place; he was probably imagining he did.
Squeezing past him, since he was blocking most of the doorway with his broad shoulders and thick thighs—thighs that she tried so hard not to look at—she called for her grandmother. “It’s me, Grandma. I’ve got something new for you to try.”
Jack nodded. “Your grandmother likes to try new things.”
Rose clenched her teeth and counted to ten under her breath. Luckily, Grandma breezed out of her bedroom, dressed in her kimono again. Rose wasn’t sure if there was anything under that kimono. The thought made her shudder. Which was why she had to do this.
“Grandma, we need to talk.”
“Of course, dear.” Grandma walked over to Jack and set her hand on his shoulder, leaning against him. “Want to know what we’ve been doing?”
“No, please, I don’t want the specifics.”
Grandma shrugged. “We’ll show you then.”
Rose dropped her basket and covered her eyes. “No! Don’t show me, for the love of lavender biscuits.” Rose heard the rustle of Grandma’s robe as she tried to back up toward the door with her eyes still closed.
“Lavender biscuits. Now those sound lovely,” Grandma said, dreamily.
“Okay, on all fours, Kate,” Jack said.
A whimper slipped out Rose’s lips.
“Oh, I’m too sore for that, darling.”
Rose whacked her heel on Grandma’s credenza as she tried to blindly flee the apartment. She reached and grabbed around her, trying to get her bearings.
“Okay, let’s start on your back, Kate,” Jack said.
“Hold my ankles, then.”
Rose tripped over the rug and landed on her butt, but even worse—she opened her eyes. “What are you two doing?” She looked back and forth between Jack and her Grandmother. They’re still clothed. Jack held Grandma’s ankles while she did—“Sit ups?” Rose asked, incredulously.
“I believe they’re called crunches these days,” Grandma said.
“Yep, that’s what most of my clients call them,” Jack confirmed.
Rose scrambled to her feet, heart pounding. “Wait, so you’re not … I mean, you two aren’t …because I thought….”
One corner of Jack’s mouth quirked up. “Oh, I know what you thought.”
Rose stomped her foot. “Why did you let me believe that?”
He shrugged and shook his head. “Ask your Grandma. It was her idea.”
“Grandma?” Her words came out in a raspy whisper.
Grandma sat up and looked at Rose with big wide, innocent eyes. Then she fell backward laughing. “Oh, you should see your face.”
“Why would you let me think….”
“That I was having an affair with Jack? That he was an escort?”
Rose nodded her head vigorously.
Grandma shrugged. “Because I’m a bored old lady and it seemed like a hilarious prank to pull on my granddaughter who hasn’t had fun in a long, long time. Remember when you convinced me you were joining a Hungarian circus with your boyfriend? I was mad at first, but then I laughed my behind off for weeks. You need a little fun, Rose. I’m worried.”
Her heart fell. She had good reason for not having fun. If I hadn’t had so much fun, maybe Mom would still be alive.
Grandma continued snickering as she lay on the floor.
Ready to kick something, Rose put her hands on her hips instead. “Do you know how worried I’ve been about you and … him?”
“Oh darling, don’t be mad at me. You can’t be mad at me. I’m the only relative you’ve got. And we are going to laugh about this when I get old some day. Really, it was almost as fun as really having a younger male companion.” She winked at Jack. “I’ll call you when I’m ready for that.”
“Honestly, Kate, I don’t think I could keep up with you.”
Rose turned her glare toward Jack. “And you played right along with this! Making me think….” Rose let out a string of obscenities. All the words she’d been holding back for two years. Sweet berry muffins my ass.
When she finally finished, Jack said, “You thought what you wanted to think. I just didn’t correct you. I do specialize in older women—as a fitness trainer for senior clients. Ever since my Great Aunt Tildy broke her hip and died, I’ve tried to get more seniors to work out, build up their bone mass, keep their heart healthy. Although, I didn’t believe your grandmother was a senior until I insisted she show me her ID.” He winked at her.
“But Grandma, you said you really needed it and that he had a really big…”
“What did you think I meant?”
Her lips wobbled. “A really big p… p…”
“Pectoral muscle?” Jack offered.
Rose figured her face was as red as her beet muffins.
Grandma laughed. “A really big heart, darling. He volunteers as a trainer for seniors at the YMCA. I’ve hired him as a private instructor. Some of those women down there are so annoying, popping out their false teeth, complaining about their aching joints while they’re working out. He’s been improving my health, darling. You should be pleased.”
“Oh, I am. As punch. It’s all good. Great. You’re not taking advantage of my grandmother.” She flung her arms wide, sending a muffin flying from her basket.
“Oh, he takes advantage of me, alright. He tries to squeeze a few extra crunches out of me every visit.”
“Sounds like she’s lucky to have you, Jack.” I spit out his name.
“Actually, I was thinking he’d be lucky to have you. You’d make a lovely couple,” Grandma said.
“Absolutely not.”
Jack was shaking his head, too. “Rose doesn’t like to have fun. And I most definitely do.”
She jerked back. “I do too like to have fun. Just because I’m not a fan of fattening cupcakes and inappropriate juvenile pranks doesn’t mean I don’t like fun. I like to …” Organize her spices? Return errant shopping carts to their corrals? Rose’s heart wasn’t slowing down any. “I’m leaving. Enjoy your banana buns.”
“Oh, that’s not my nickname for Jack. It’s granite thighs.”
“And there you go with more jokes! I’ve been worried sick about you, when I should be worried about my bakery, which will probably be closing any day. I haven’t been able to concentrate on sales or new recipes…” She paused to take a breath. “And you’ve been cooking up ways to make me look li
ke a fool!”
Grandma looked horrified and popped up from the floor. “Darling, I had no idea. I’ll lend you money.”
“No you won’t. This is my mess, I’ll handle it.” Her cheeks still burned from embarrassment. “Get back to your crunches, Grandma. I’m going home to take another look at my budget books from the bakery.”
***
Grandma was at knocking on the door of Yum Yum Good For You before Rose even opened the doors for business. “I want six dozen of your best sellers, Rose,” she announced, breezing inside with a waft of Chanel in her wake.
“Grandma, you don’t have to. You’ll never finish six dozen muffins.”
“True, but my neighbors will. I’m passing out samples today.”
Her eyes got teary. “Really?”
“You have no idea what an astute businesswoman I am Rose. I’m more than just a hot body, you know.”
Rose packed up six boxes filled with goodies. “Good luck, Grandma and thanks.”
Grandma took the boxes and then paused. “Rose, I’m sorry. I never meant to make you look like a fool. I was just having fun.”
Rose nodded, but the embarrassment still stung. She still felt so silly.
After whipping up a few more batches to replenish her stock, Rose wondered if she could keep up. By noon, fourteen of Jack’s clients had dropped in, nearly wiping out her stock. As usual, she was working by herself and she panicked, wondering how she was going to wait on customers and make new supplies.
The answer showed up in a dark leather jacket and a wicked grin. “And how’s business looking today, Red?”
She crossed her arms and offered her first smile for him. “If business was like this everyday, I’d be making a profit.”
“Excellent.”
She brushed a coating of flour off her apron. “A little too excellent, I’m almost out of stock.”
“Put me to work.”
She gave him a doubtful look.
“What? If you need a reference, you can always call your grandmother. I’m a hard worker. I’m sure she’s told you so.”
