by Brook Wilder
“Yes, I would.” Amber hissed. “I’m stuck in the middle, remember?” She looked like she was about to hyperventilate. “I wish I’d gotten rid of this baby as soon as I found out. I wish someone had killed this baby before.”
That hit me hard in the gut. It felt like Amber had ripped my heart out of my chest. For a moment, I was speechless. Surely, Amber didn’t mean she would have done that. But I could see it in her eyes; she meant it.
This wasn’t the Amber I knew. She would never have killed a baby in her belly. Not a chance.
“You…” My voice was croaking, and I had to swallow hard. “You can’t really mean that.”
“You think?” Amber snapped. She started moving towards the stairs. “I thought I was getting away from being controlled by my family, and I ended up being controlled by Khloe. And now I’m away from Khloe, I find that you’re controlling me.”
“What?” I hurried after her, grabbing her arm before she got to the stairs. “I’ve never controlled you, Amber. Never.”
Amber looked up at me. I almost took a step back at the fire blazing in her eyes. I had never seen her so angry. Amber pulled her arm away, her voice turning icy.
“If you believe that, then you and I differ big-time.” She ran up the stairs. “Keep away from me.”
I watched her go in mute astonishment. Since when had Amber thought I was controlling? I couldn’t control her if my life depended on it. Then I snapped out of my shock and ran after her.
Amber was at the bottom of the main stairs when I got to the hall. I charged after her, but Amber was too fast. She was at the top of the stairs before I realized she had moved, disappearing into the bedroom and slamming the door behind her.
I reached the landing and tried to get in, but the door was locked. I silently cursed putting a lock on the inside and banged my fist on the door. “Amber! Let me in!”
“Get away from me, Diesel!”
I growled. I didn’t want to break down my own door, so I pressed my forehead against the solid oak.
“We need to talk.”
There was the sound of something heavy hitting the door near my head on the other side. Then Amber was shrieking at me. “No, we don’t need to talk! Do you want me to lose this baby? Go the fuck away!”
I toyed with the idea of slamming my shoulder at the door and getting in to make Amber see reason, but I decided against it. Amber was already in distress, and she clearly wasn’t going to be talking to me.
This was going to get us nowhere.
With a heavy heart, I slammed my fist into the wall and walked away.
Chapter Thirty
Amber
I lay on the bed, trying to stop myself from crying, but it just built up, and I couldn’t breathe. I could still see the sight of Diesel shooting Carlos in the face and blood splattering everywhere. The look on Carlos’ face, a look of defiance, moments before the trigger was pulled, was still engrained on my mind.
Carlos was going to haunt me forever.
I had known that Diesel was a dangerous man and had done things that would be considered horrific, but I had never witnessed anything like that. I had seen a completely different side to the man I had foolishly given my heart to.
Given my heart to. That shocked me more than Carlos’ murder. I loved Diesel. Surely I didn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t even know if I could love. My parents, and then my foster families, had drummed it into me that love was conditional, and I would never be able to love. No one would be worthy of me, and I was certainly not worthy to anyone. I had grown up believing I was worthless, that nobody was going to care.
But Diesel, I thought, had been something else. Even though it had started out as sex, the intense chemistry between us was undeniable. I knew I shouldn’t expect anything more, but then Diesel started talking to me about anything and everything. He kept himself guarded, but I felt honored to have him see me as a confidante. It gave what we had a bit more meaning than just a transaction.
Diesel had made me feel worthy. Now, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be worthy of any of his attention. I just wanted to get away. No Diesel, no Khloe, nothing. Just me and my baby. We would be find a way on our own.
It would be hard, but I’d find a way..
A sudden buzzing noise made me lift my head. My cell phone, which I had put on vibrate, was ringing across the bedside cabinet. I glanced at the caller ID. It was someone I hadn’t expected to call.
Khloe.
I debated answering. But I knew the bitch wasn’t going to give up easily. Wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I sat up and snatched up my phone, answering before the call went to voicemail.
“I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”
“And I didn’t think you would answer my calls,” came the reply. “But you did.”
I gritted my teeth. I huddled against the headboard, absently taking a pillow and hugging it to my belly. It was the only thing that comforted me right now.
“What do you want, Khloe?”
Khloe was silent for a while. For a second, I thought the call had been dropped. When Khloe finally answered, she sounded worried. That was something I had never heard in all the time I had known Khloe.
“You’re in danger, Amber.”
I snorted. “You think I don’t know that?”
“More than you know,” Khloe urged. “The cartel know that Diesel got away from the botched ambush. They’ll be coming for him.”
That got me sitting up. I felt the fear down my back. “When? When will they be here?”
“I don’t know exactly. But I do know that Fernandez is furious. He knows that Herrera was kidnapped; a specific plan B for whoever was taken. Extensive, but it’s how Fernandez would know if one of his own is in danger. And he knows that Herrera is already dead.”
I grunted, unable to stop myself from flashing back to the basement to see Diesel shoot Carlos again.
“Only in the last hour.”
“What?”
“Carlos died less than an hour ago.”
I heard Khloe gasp. “You saw it?”
“I did. And I wish I hadn’t.”
“Am I right to guess that it was Diesel who killed him?”
I nodded and then realized that a nod couldn’t be seen. “Yes. But he didn’t know I was there.” I shivered. “Carlos knew – I saw him looking at me – but Diesel didn’t know until after.”
“Doesn’t matter if he knew you were there or not. You need to get out of there, Amber. It’s only a matter of time before Diesel turns on you.”
“He wouldn’t.”
But even as I said it, I realized I didn’t sound convincing. Not anymore.
“He will,” Khloe insisted. “I know he will. If you leave now and come back to me, I’ll make sure you and the baby are safe.”
That had me sitting up. Khloe had made it perfectly clear that a baby wasn’t wanted in her place of business; it wasn’t good for trade. What was with this sudden turnaround?
“You don’t want a baby in the building, Khloe,” I pointed out. “Remember? And you’re selling me off, so how can you keep me safe?”
“I’ll make sure you don’t go anywhere. And I’ll set it up, just so you can have your baby. I’ll look after you, just like I have since you first came to me.”
For a moment, I wanted to believe her. I really did. In spite of my belief that Khloe was more than happy to sell anyone for money, so she could make a profit, there was still a part of me that listened to Khloe. It was engrained in me to listen to Khloe, to take advice from her. And Khloe knew that. She could say whatever she wanted, and all the girls could fall in line.
I may have fallen out of line but, like many other girls, I could be pulled back. And I felt that happening now.
“How do I know you’ll do that for me?” I asked guardedly.
“I look out for my own, Amber. You know that.” Khloe sighed. “You want this baby, yes? I’ll make sure you keep it. You have my word.”
I felt a slight
glimmer of hope. Would Khloe follow through? I hoped so.
“I don’t want to be a whore anymore, Khloe,” I whispered.
“We’ll talk about that when you get here.” Khloe barely acknowledged my declaration. “I’ll give you until six o’clock tonight to think about it. Let me know, yes or no, by then. Otherwise, I won’t be able to help you.”
Then she hung up, and all I could hear was the dial-tone.
Chapter Thirty One
Diesel
It took longer than I expected to clean up. I had had to make a few calls to help get rid of Herrera’s body. The corpse would be dumped in a shallow grave outside of Eden, on the other side of town to my place. I wasn’t in the mood to give the bastard a decent burial.
The basement wasn’t going to be pristine, but it was better than nothing. My knuckles felt raw from the hot water and bleach disinfectant. It stung my hands and made my nails feel like they had been torn to shreds. But it didn’t abate my frustrations.
Amber should never have come down here. She shouldn’t have followed me downstairs. I knew it had been stupid to leave the door open, but Amber shouldn’t have come after me. Then she wouldn’t have witnessed me having to put a bullet in Herrera’s head. That was not a side I wanted to show her. It was a lot easier to keep her in some sort of denial, make her believe I wasn’t a complete monster.
I had been doing this for years. Amber wasn’t the first girl in my life, but there was something about her that made me care.
Easier said than done. Now I had to contend with what Amber had seen.
How did that hurt when I hadn’t cared before? What was it about Amber that had me in a mass of knots? This wasn’t right. I had to get Amber away from me.
But what about our baby? And even if she hadn’t been pregnant, I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk away from her now. Amber had grabbed hold of me, and she wouldn’t let go, no matter what she said.
It was mid-afternoon by the time I left the basement and headed upstairs. I had left Amber on her own for three hours. Surely, that was enough time for her to have calmed down. I needed Amber cool and reasonable. And we did need to talk.
I rapped gently on the door, but there was nothing. Then I knocked again.
“Amber? Will you let me in?”
Still silence. I wondered if Amber had fallen asleep. I had started to walk away when I heard the sound of the lock, and then Amber opened the door. She wasn’t crying anymore, but she was pale and still miserable. She wrapped her cardigan around her, hugging her arms across her belly.
“You expect me to welcome you back with open arms?”
“No.” I didn’t know how to explain myself. Why should I? I let out a heavy sigh and rubbed my hands over my face. “I don’t expect you to understand. But it’s something I must do.”
Amber snorted. But I carried on. “Herrera’s false news killed nineteen of my men. My friends. People I consider as family. Herrera couldn’t get away with that.” I swallowed. “Julius is dead.”
I knew Amber knew about Julius. The young man had accompanied me several times to the brothel. He and Amber got on well. Like brother and sister. I saw Amber’s mouth drop open, her eyes widening.
“Julius?” Her hand went to her mouth. “Oh, no.”
“He was only twenty-one.” I went on. “I saw him die. Julius didn’t deserve that. Think you can be sympathetic to Herrera now?”
Amber’s face was twisting into an expression that said she was keeping back the tears as much as she could. She lowered her head, her hair falling over her face. Then she looked up, fixing me with a cool but guarded stare.
“How many men have you killed, Diesel?”
I hissed in a breath. “You know I was a soldier once, Amber. I can’t answer that.”
“How many?”
“Too many.” I was aware of Amber flinching, but she didn’t back away as I approached her. “I’ve killed more than Herrera. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I protect my family. The bikers are my family.” I touched Amber’s cheek, expecting her to move away. But she didn’t. “You are my family.”
That last statement came out before I could stop it. I had never made a declaration like that outside of the club. From the look on Amber’s face, no one had ever said that to her.
But then she was shaking her head.
“I’m nothing to you.”
I tilted her head up towards me. “You have no idea how wrong you are.”
I kissed her, planning on just a sweet, simple gesture. One that I could walk away from. But the moment I kissed her, I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk away. Amber was like a drug to me; there was no chance of leaving.
Amber pushed at mychest, breaking the kiss. Her lips were swollen from the kiss, and her eyes blazed. “I’m too mad at you for this.”
“I know.”
I started kissing her jaw, moving to her ear and sucking on the lobe. Then I nibbled at her neck, an action that I knew Amber loved. Amber gasped and shuddered in my arms, her actions going from pushing me away to tugging me closer, her fingers digging into my shoulders.
“You’re a fucking bastard,” she hissed.
“I know.”
I then bit down hard on the crook of Amber’s neck, where it met her shoulder. Amber gasped and arched against me, her pelvis rubbing against my erection. I snatched her up, kissing her hard as I tipped us onto the bed. Amber tried to wrap her legs around my waist, draw me closer, but I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the bed, pulling back with a sly shake of my head.
“Stay like that. I want you just like that.”
Amber was breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed. She nodded and relaxed her legs, resting her arms in a submissive pose above her head.
Seeing her like that was so erotic… I groaned and climbed off the bed. Then I stood before her, taking in every part of her body. Her luscious long hair, her full breasts, her soft belly and curvy hips, and her long legs. Even dressed as casually as she was, Amber was gorgeous.
“Undress yourself,” I ordered, tugging off my t-shirt. “And be quick about it.”
Amber moved in a flurry of clothes, sitting up and stripping off her cardigan and vest top. She wore no bra, and my mouth watered when I saw how much fuller her breasts were. Pregnancy was already starting to change her. Amber tugged off her leggings and panties, tossing them aside. Then she lay back, her legs slightly open with her arms above her head. I didn’t think I could get any more aroused.
I stripped off the rest of my clothes, kicking them aside. Fisting my cock in my hand, I climbed onto the bed, sliding my other hand up Amber’s belly and over her breasts. I squeezed them and elicited a sigh from Amber. Her legs fell open further and her hips arching towards me.
I grabbed her hips and hoisted them up, resting her feet against my shoulders with her knees turned out. Amber tilted her hips more, and my cock rubbed against her clit. Amber sighed, her hands fisting into the duvet.
It took just a sharp jerk of the hips for me to fully seat myself inside her. Amber’s pussy fluttered and tightened around me enough for me to cry out. With a snarl, I pulled out and thrust back in, bending Amber’s legs out even further as I went in deeper. That made her moan while her body gyrated under me.
I didn’t want to slow down. Just the sight of this woman – my woman – in the throes of a passion that was my making was too much. I hammered into her pussy, our bodies slapping together. Amber looked like a woman possessed, her body almost off the bed as she screamed, clutching at her breasts with her nipples rolling in her fingers. It was a stunning sight.
She was screaming her climax moments before mine hit me over the head. I felt my cock pouring out seed as I thrust one more time, slumping over Amber as she lay trembling beneath me. I pressed a kiss to her shoulder before licking my way up to her neck.
I was vaguely aware of Amber pressing a hand to my shoulder, her voice sounding like it was a long way away.
“You kill in front of me again, and yo
u won’t see me or the baby again.”
I growled and sucked on her earlobe. “It’s a deal.”
Chapter Thirty Two
Amber
I waited until Diesel was asleep. We often fell asleep together with Diesel cuddling me from behind until he rolled away to get comfortable. When he started snoring, I knew that he was well and truly out. I had to wait until he was completely out of it.
Even after the round of incredible sex, I knew this couldn’t last forever. Something was going to give way, and the chances were it wasn’t going to be good for either of them. Diesel could promise me that he wouldn’t kill anyone else, but I knew he wouldn’t follow through. Nobody loved me enough, or cared about me enough, to follow through on promises they said they would keep. Diesel may say that he was going to look after me, but I was becoming more and more certain that this wasn’t going to become reality.
