“I’m not going to let it happen.”
“Why? You don’t even like me, most of the time.”
“Liking you has nothing to do with it.” His hand dropped from mine and he walked a little distance away.
“This doesn’t change anything.”
I watched as his frame straightened and tensed. “No?”
“I told you. She’s there because of me.”
“And I told you, I’m not letting it happen.”
Chapter 31
Finishing the job.
Fate and I had hit an impasse. The tension was so thick when Lars walked back in that it had become a palpable thing in the very air I was laboring to breathe.
“Did you bring everything?” Fate asked Lars, seeming more at ease than I; or maybe he was just better at hiding it.
Lars lifted his hand and I saw the bag he carried his tattoo gun in, which I’d been too busy to notice before, my attention drawn to the phone vibrating. It was a continuous chain of calls in an attempt to stop whatever was coming. That’s how I knew whatever Fate had planned would be a deal breaker between Malokin and me, and mean the end of Kitty. I had to stop this.
“Is everything in place?” Fate continued.
“Exactly as you wanted.”
Trying to go unnoticed, I edged further toward the door in the smallest movements, no bigger than a shifting of my feet. I didn’t make it more than an inch farther before Fate’s hand wrapped around my wrist. The tiniest shred of dignity I had left was the only thing that kept me from trying to pull myself free.
“Doesn’t look like she wants this though, man,” Lars said, as he took a step backward, physically trying to put distance between himself and something he felt morally questionable about.
“Want what? What are you going to do?” My breathing was obviously labored now, as my adrenaline raced to keep pace with my rising panic.
“She doesn’t even know?” Lars held up a hand and took another step back. “We don’t force anyone. Isn’t that why we broke out? Isn’t that what we’re all about? Making our own choices?”
“She hasn’t made her own choices in weeks.” Fate’s grip on me didn’t loosen at all, even under Lars’s doubts. He was actually pulling me closer, demonstrating his commitment to the choice he’d made.
“I don’t know. This feels really bad. It’ll cut her off permanently.” Lars was shaking his head, clearly conflicted between helping his friend and going against his morals. “When did we start forcing people? You didn’t even do this final step.”
I realized my last hope was standing right in front of me. I hadn’t given Lars enough credit in the past. Maybe he was a better person than I’d known. “Please, Lars, don’t do this,” I pleaded, looking straight at him. “You know it’s wrong.”
I didn’t know what the consequences of being cut off permanently would be, and I didn’t want to know. I was already losing Kitty. Murphy might be next, and who knew who’d fall victim to Malokin after that, and all because of me.
“Lars, this has to be done.” Fate wasn’t asking anymore.
Lars looked off through the windows toward the beach for a minute, but then nodded.
After that, Lars wouldn’t look at me again, and I knew I’d lost the fight. My dignity was officially gone as I tried to pull free of Fate’s grasp but couldn’t.
Fate was slowly pulling me in closer to him, as I started to completely break down. Sobs wrenched my body now, and I must have looked as unstable as he said I was.
Fate walked over to the couch, pulling me with him, as Lars grabbed his ink and gun out of the bag. Fate sat angled in the corner, pulling me down along with him. His arm wrapped around mine.
“You’re killing Kitty. Right now, you are killing her. They have her and not letting me go is killing her.” My breathing was becoming more erratic, and in some part of my brain I recognized I was hyperventilating, maybe even having a panic attack of some sort.
Fingers gently moved the hair out of my face and Fate’s hand rubbed up and down the outside of my arm before he spoke, “They’re killing, Kitty, no one else. But if I let you go, it’ll be you in her place. Maybe not tonight, but soon.”
“Why do you care?”
One arm was wrapped around my waist and the other crossed in front and wrapped over mine, pulling me slightly more snugly to him. “I just do.”
“This isn’t your choice to make.” I was still arguing, but the fight was slowly draining from me.
“I don’t have a choice. You don’t see what he’s doing to you. You aren’t thinking clearly anymore. You aren’t making rational choices. And if I need to shoulder the weight of Kitty’s death, then I will.” His voice was somber as he said it, and gave me the impression he didn’t actually want to do any of this. He wasn’t gloating over besting me, and I felt myself finally giving up.
The constant battle I’d been fighting was being taken from me. The guilt was overwhelming, even if I did let him shoulder some of the blame. But I didn’t feel better; I felt disgusted with myself.
An image of Kitty being eradicated from all existence made me shudder, as Lars kneeled down in front of us, tattoo gun in hand. Fate’s one arm stayed wrapped around my torso, holding me snug to his chest as he opened my jeans enough to expose the ying yang tattoo.
He could’ve let me go at that point. I had no fight left in me tonight. I knew a lost cause when I saw one, even when it was myself.
“This will only take a minute. I just need to add a few more strokes in this different ink to the tattoo I gave you initially. See, this started the process but…” Lars looked at me and then stopped talking. He focused on the tattoo again.
This time felt different, and there was no mistaking it. A connection I hadn’t realized existed was being severed. Each stroke of the tattoo gun felt like a dull saw, running its blade across my midsection.
“This feels wrong,” I said to Lars.
I couldn’t see Fate’s expression, but Lars’s was alarming. He knew. He looked down quickly again, but he answered, “That’s how it’s supposed to feel. I’m finishing what we started before. This is what it feels like when you’re completely severed from...” His eyes shot skyward and then quickly down again, purposely avoiding my face.
“It has to be done,” Fate said. “This is how he was monitoring you.”
If I wasn’t so destroyed over the repercussions that would come from this, I might’ve actually been happy to know that at least I was getting my life back. But any joy I might have felt from being free was swallowed by the dread of everything else it entailed.
All this time, wasted; the effort, the hurt, all for nothing. Malokin would surely kill Kitty now. And what were the rest of the ramifications of such an action? What happened now?
“I’m done,” Lars said, and placed his equipment on the table.
His words might have benefitted Fate, but I’d already known. The last stroke had felt like an elastic snapping back against my skin, but it didn’t just smart with pain. There was a void left.
“I’m going to get out of here.” Lars looked up to Fate with a nod and then started repacking his things. He wanted to escape the scene of his crime.
I tugged out of Fate’s loose grip but only made it to the other side of the couch. I couldn’t get up yet. I felt…weak.
The door closed softly behind Lars. My phone wasn’t vibrating anymore.
Fate walked into the kitchen. He came back and placed a glass of iced tea in front of me. I ignored him.
“You’ll feel weak for tonight, but it will go away,” he said, as he stood looking down on me.
“How would you know? You’re still connected.” The anger churned inside of me and I didn’t even know where to direct it anymore; at Fate for interfering, Lars for helping, Malokin and Luke? Myself, most of all, for letting all of this happen.
He sat down on the other side of the couch in the now eerily quiet room. My phone hadn’t vibrated since Lars had started on the ta
ttoo, confirming my fears. I didn’t know how this changed me, my abilities or what I could do, but it changed enough that Malokin no longer wanted me. He’d have no need of Kitty.
“I might have been able to save her,” I said, deciding I had enough anger right now to spread around. Why choose just one person to blame?
“You were becoming a shadow of yourself. You weren’t saving Kitty; you were just giving him both of you.” His voice sounded almost as tired as I felt.
I turned my head away from him, where I had it lying on the armrest and pulled my knees into my chest. I tried to hide the first couple of tears but once they started, I couldn’t seem to stop them.
I was like a geyser that had been gathering pressure and finally erupted. The last month had been almost unbearable. I couldn’t remember the last time I hadn’t felt terrified. If it wasn’t fear of what I had to do, it was fear of what was coming next.
I was relieved Fate had taken the choice out of my hands, and I was embarrassed because of it. I’d failed Kitty.
Fate’s hand started rubbing my back, but I swatted him away. It did nothing but make me feel more pathetic. He removed his hand but didn’t leave.
“This isn’t your fault.” I could tell by the way he said it that he believed it, but I didn’t.
I rubbed the back of my hand across my face, ashamed by my weakness. “Just tell me what happens now? I’m an outcast, like your guys?” I asked, not even caring but looking to change the subject to anything else. I watched him through lids that were becoming heavier and heavier.
“No. You’ve got another option,” he said. I would’ve questioned him, but I couldn’t stay awake anymore.
Chapter 32
Damage Control
I woke up in Fate’s bed—again. It was becoming a bad habit. This time didn’t bode any better than the previous times. Thinking back to last night’s events had me closing my eyes and sinking deeper under the covers.
I was truly cut off. I could feel it, like an amputee felt a missing limb. It had been a connection so intrinsic to me that I hadn’t even realized its presence until it was severed. And what were the ramifications of this? I wasn’t sure, but common sense told me it probably wouldn’t be good.
But nothing felt worse than when I thought about Kitty. I needed to find out what this meant for her. Was there a chance Malokin would keep her alive? She might already be gone. If she was, I hoped it had been quick. If Luke had been involved, I knew it wouldn’t have been.
Images of her being tortured still haunted me daily. What would they do when they no longer feared killing her? I rolled onto my left side, trying to quell the bile rising up from my stomach.
“Where is she?” It was Paddy’s voice in the kitchen. Now he shows up? I could have used him a lot more last night; or last week, for that matter.
“She’s in my room, sleeping,” Fate replied, his deep voice carrying into the bedroom easily.
“I need to talk to her alone for a bit,” Paddy said.
“That’s a change,” Fate barked at him. Why was he so angry? “You get fifteen.”
I heard a single set of footsteps in the hallway, heading toward me. Paddy opened the door and his smile faltered as it met my stare. It wasn’t his fault either, but that didn’t stop the anger welling up in me. I had plenty to go around for everyone so step right up.
“Nice timing,” I said. My words tasted like venom in my mouth, but I wanted to hurt him. He might not have verbally said he would be there for me, but his actions had. He’d never mentioned anything about bailing as soon as I needed him.
In spite of my tone, he came in anyway and perched on the side of the bed. “I know you’re angry about what happened last night, but I’m partly to blame. Both Fate and I thought it was the only way.”
“When did you two start chatting?” It seemed I couldn’t talk without spewing anger.
“That’s a long story and not important right now.” He reached out his hand and placed it over mine. I was about to jerk out of his grasp until he said, “But I think I can fix this.”
Those words had me staring back at him. What did he know? The rage inside of me was still there, but something about the way he was looking at me gave me some hope. I wanted to tell him to get the hell out of here, but I couldn’t; not if there was a chance to fix this. I squinted my eyes at him, not sure I believed it but desperate enough to listen. “How?”
“Let me give you a little explanation on what I think was going on, first. The working theory is Malokin tapped into your connection to the greater Universe when you were still human. When you died, being a transfer, you never completely shed that part of you. That’s how he knew your whereabouts, what you did—”
“I’ve got that part, keep going.” The damage of Malokin’s wide-scale intrusion into every tiny detail of my life still burned. I didn’t need a play-by-play of it.
He nodded and continued. “If you think of your connection in terms of a river, that mark on your hip was a sort of dam. It controlled and dampened the connection, but never cut you off completely, just slowed the water passing through. Malokin was, in essence, upstream of the dam, filtering everything through him first. By Fate and Lars finishing your tattoo, and cutting you off completely, they stopped the flow of information entirely. With nothing left to filter, Malokin lost his trace on you.
“It had to be done. If it hadn’t, eventually, there would have been no connection anyway. Only what was channeled through him. At that point, I don’t know myself what might have become of you.” His hand, still resting on mine, squeezed my fingers.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come to me?” His disappearance had felt like a betrayal, another wound that I was struggling to heal.
He looked down at the floor when he spoke. “I couldn’t. Understand, I do care for you greatly, but I couldn’t chance any more contact with you until we figured out what was happening. I wasn’t sure what his capabilities were.” All traces of his kidding nature had been eradicated, until he almost took on the appearance of a stranger. “If they were to get me, it would be catastrophic. It can’t happen.”
Goosebumps spread down my arms. I still didn’t know what he was, but I certainly didn’t want to find out by Malokin getting a hold of him.
My eyes darted toward the door, thinking of Fate. He’d been in close contact with Malokin.
Paddy picked up on my train of thought and said, “He refused to cut you off, even after I warned him. But now we’re pretty sure Malokin can’t do it to anyone that isn’t a transfer. However he did it, it was while you were still human.”
Fate had refused to abandon me? My eyes watered but I held it back, but just. Why was that making me cry? Was I having a mental breakdown or something? Kitty might still be alive, and I couldn’t waste time sitting here—an emotional basket case—because some guy who I had sex with a couple of times didn’t abandon me along with everyone else. Time to get a grip.
“What about Kitty?”
“I’ve got a plan. If it works, we still might be able to save her, and you’ll be able to go back to the office as well. You’ll be as good as new, just a little different than the original version.” Paddy had a way of talking, and minimizing things, the way only someone who’d seen a whole lot of ups and downs could.
And then I realized. “So you knew about the tattoos and how that worked the whole time?”
“Yes. I am the recruiter, after all.” He stood up again and looked as if he were mentally preparing for something. “Now that we’ve cut off Malokin, I’m going to try and reconnect you.”
I sat up; Paddy had my full attention. “You can do that?”
“Well, it’s a bit unorthodox, and I haven’t done it before, but yeah, I think I can swing it.”
Thinks he can swing it? “How?” Please, just once, could someone have a logical plan of action?
He brought a finger in front of his mouth as one eye squinted. “That gets a little trickier to explain, but I�
��m going to connect you back, just through me instead…I think.”
Nope, he had absolutely no logical plan. “Could this kill me?”
“No, no!” He shook his hands in the air, but paused suddenly, as if something occurred to him. “Okay, maybe there’s a point one percent chance, but that’s trivial.”
“Fuck it. Let’s do it.” Then I thought of Harold. He’d already sensed something amiss. “Won’t everyone know something’s different about me?”
Paddy looked down at his watch. “You haven’t been off the grid long enough to raise any flags yet. It’s only been about five hours. As far as being different, you’ve always been a little off. Just pretend everything’s normal and they’ll go along with it.” Paddy did that shrug again, like who cared if they had doubts. Maybe I’d feel the same way in a couple of thousand years too, but I had less than a few decades under my belt.
“I’m your only shot.” He smiled in a mischievous way that made me a bit nervous.
“And you feel good about this?”
He was rubbing his hands together. “I really think I can pull this off. I haven’t gotten to try anything this cool in at least an eon.” He patted my shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”
“But you’ve never done this?” He was awfully excited, in contrast to how I felt about it.
“No, but in theory it’ll work.” When I didn’t look confident, he kept talking, “Hey, it’s this or hanging out at Lars’s tattoo shop.” He leaned closer. “Pick your poison carefully.”
Was hanging out with the guys that bad? Maybe not, but was it what I wanted to do for the rest of eternity? Hell no. I took a deep breath and said, “Okay,” before I could change my mind.
He tiptoed over to the door and closed it very carefully, as to not make a noise. “Show me the tattoo and then close your eyes.”
My fingers stalled at the edge of the sweatpants I wore. How was I wearing Fate’s sweatpants anyway? Why did Fate keep dressing me in my sleep?
JINXED: (Karma Series, Book Two) Page 19
