Beatrice was in her own bedroom, but Lily’s mistake was to believe Beatrice wouldn’t know she had come to the kitchen.
Lily was eating leftovers when she felt Beatrice approach behind her. The disapproval, the jealousy, the greed, the hatred were choking. There was no coming back from that darkness, Lily realized sadly.
“How dare you?” Beatrice asked.
“This boy, Mother, wanted to sleep with me. He had his hand up my thigh and was groping me under the table. Is that the type of man you expect me to marry?”
She had her answer before Beatrice uttered a word. Beatrice didn’t care what type of man she married, as long as he was rich and would get Lily out of her life.
“A man like that is all you deserve,” Beatrice said, a sickly sweet smile on her lips.
Lily’s stomach turned, and she fought hard to keep down the chicken she had just eaten.
“This is the last party I will ever attend, Mother. I’m done. And this time, I mean it.”
She was angry and hurt, and she couldn’t hide her emotions anymore. And she was afraid. Lily hadn’t realized to what point Beatrice didn’t care about her well-being and never would. Beatrice just wanted her gone, and nothing Lily would do would ever change that.
Nothing.
“Oh, you think so, do you?” Beatrice asked, her smile never wavering. “You will do as I say,” she said, the anger distorting her usually pretty face.
“Not anymore, Beatrice. I’m done.”
Tears now running from her eyes at the memory, Lily rolled over in her bed, trying to get more sleep when her phone vibrated. With a growl, she grabbed it from the bedside table and swiped the screen with her finger.
Sandra.
Need help in math. Can you come over?
Lily looked at her alarm clock and frowned. It was ten-thirty in the morning already. With a sigh, she sat.
Be there in thirty minutes, she texted back.
She really didn’t want to go, but maybe helping Sandra would get her mind off Malakai and her mother, and help her snap out of her funk.
Malakai.
He had been genuinely angry when the cheerleader talked about Andrea, but Lily hadn’t wanted to hear more. She was already hurt and raw as it was, and she couldn’t handle sitting in another conversation of football players and cheerleaders in the who’s-dating-who gossiping game. Maybe leaving to sit somewhere else had been childish, but she had had enough.
She had managed to arrive late to all her other classes and leave as soon as the bell rang, which hadn’t given Malakai the chance to try to explain, yet again. She didn’t want explanations anymore; she wanted to be left alone and to forget about him.
Who was she kidding?
She liked him.
A lot.
But she wasn’t one of those pretty cheerleaders or dancers. She was only a band girl, and football players did not date band girls.
Period.
End of the discussion.
Bring bathing suit. It’s warm and we can study outside. Also, Mom invites you for lunch. We’re having BBQ.
Lily smiled. She loved barbecue at Sandra’s. Her father would cook while her mom prepared all the fixings. They would then set up the patio table and eat outside.
And it tasted so, so good. Just like what Lily’s father used to barbecue when he was still alive.
Fifteen minutes later, Lily was ready. She grabbed her bag and books and made her way across the street. Sandra was in her room, getting ready herself.
A few minutes later, they were covered in coconut-smelling sunscreen and seated on lounge chairs in the shade, their calculus books in front of them, studying and talking about their math problems. Sandra wasn’t in the same class as Lily, but she also had AP calculus, and they had the same homework. After a few minutes, they set themselves into a rhythm, and Lily felt normal for the first time this week.
She didn’t know how long they had been studying when she felt him.
“Hi, ladies,” a self-satisfied David said at the same time she looked up.
Behind him, Malakai followed, his head lowered, shyly looking in their direction. Lily rapidly turned to Sandra.
“What the hell?” Sandra said, putting her books down and getting to her feet. She walked to David and stood in front of him, her hands on her hips. “In the house, now!”
As Lily looked at Malakai coming toward her, she wondered why her friend thought it had been a good idea to leave her alone. She rapidly looked down at her books, hoping it would deter Malakai but she realized it hadn’t worked when he sat on the chair next to her. She glanced his way, noticing how good he looked in his sleeveless shirt and basketball shorts, black and yellow, just like the school colors.
“Hi,” he said, shyly looking at her.
“What do you want?” she asked, none too gently, returning her eyes to her book.
“I wanted you to know I’m not with Andrea because I don’t like her.”
“You said that before.”
“She doesn’t make my heart beat faster,” he added, touching his chest over his heart.
Lily frowned, looking up at him; she knew he wanted to say something more, but he just stared at the pool, biting his lower lip. He then looked at his lap.
“Cheerleaders and football players, they’re not like the rest of the students. They live in their own little world, and in that world, they see me with Andrea. Heck, even Andrea sees me with Andrea,” he said with a humorless chuckle.
He was avoiding the thing he really wanted to say, and as he shifted on his seat, Lily was puzzled by his confusion, hopefulness, and disquietude. She had to fight the urge to nervously grab her own hands and look away, things she would have done had she been in his shoes. “You’re part of that world, too,” she said quietly when he wouldn’t say anything more.
“Yeah. What does it say about me?” he asked, looking up at her. Those green eyes looked so sad. “I’m good at football, and I’m part of that world, but sometimes, it just sucks. Sometimes, I wish cheerleaders and football players would get down a notch and be more in tune with the common mortals.”
Lily frowned, wondering why he wasn’t simply saying what he really wanted instead of hoping she would understand without his saying it.
“Who you are is who you choose to be,” she said quietly.
“And you, Lily? Are you who you want to be?” he asked.
No one had ever asked her that question before. If only he knew what she was…
“For some parts, I think I am,” she answered slowly.
“Lily!” Sandra called, rushing out the door and running the few steps to her chair. “Care to give my chair back?” she asked Malakai, her hands on her hips, tapping her foot.
Lily looked at Malakai, disappointed by the interruption. She was beginning to like this conversation and how it was giving her a deeper insight into who he really was.
As Malakai stood up, looking at Sandra, Lily leaned forward and raised her hand to grab his, but she stopped before establishing the contact, half a foot away from his big hand. Touching Malakai, the way it made her feel when they touched, she couldn’t chance it.
“Malakai, wanna swim before lunch?” David asked, coming out of the house.
“Sure,” Malakai said, walking away.
Sandra sat on her chair as Malakai joined David near the towel rack.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Surprisingly, yes,” Lily said, her eyes still on Malakai.
“What did he say?”
“That he didn’t like Andrea, again. He wanted to say something else but didn’t get around to it.”
“Want me to get David back in the house?” Sandra was dead serious.
Lily chuckled. “Nah. I think it’s too late now. He won’t say it. Why did you leave me alone anyway? Not that I mind now; my conversation with Malakai was well worth it, however short and confusing it was,” she added with a frown.
“To chew his ass off! I mean, the big dou
che knows you’ve been depressed over Malakai and he brings him over while you’re here. He should know better.”
“You know what, I think he planned it. When he arrived, he felt entirely too satisfied with himself.”
“Oh, really? Maybe I should chew his ass off and hand it to him again then.”
Shaking her head, an amused smile on her lips, Lily returned to her book.
Chapter Thirty
LILY
It was later that night when Lily found it in herself to tell Sandra what had happened with Beatrice the previous day. They were both changed and showered and, wrapped in blankets, they were sitting outside on lounge chairs next to the lit fire pit.
“What did I ever do for her to hate me so?” Lily asked quietly, her voice broken by her tears after retelling her friend what had happened. “Am I that awful, that despicable?”
“No, Lily, you’re not. If you were, I wouldn’t hang out with you. You’re nothing like the Zoes of this world. You’re everything your father was,” Sandra added, drying her own eyes with her sleeves. “And if you were that awful, I wouldn’t be crying with you.”
Then Lily felt him; Malakai was coming toward them. He would see she had been crying. She didn’t want Malakai to see her cry.
“Lily, how can you manage feeling everything she feels about you? Never mind that. How can you manage freaking school?” Sandra continued, shaking her head.
Quickly, Lily waved her hand for her to shut up, but Sandra wasn’t looking at her.
“Sandra!” she whispered urgently.
“No, Lily, let me finish,” Sandra said, raising her hand, now crying harder than before.
“Sandra, no,” she begged.
Sandra heard none of it. “I don’t know how I would survive if I were an empath, especially if it meant knowing someone so close to me despises me as much as your mother does you. And feeling everything they feel toward me to boot. Since you hurt your head and all, and can’t shield anymore… Always knowing she lies to you. All. The. Time,” she finished, turning to Lily. “Now, I need a tissue!” she added.
While Sandra was frantically looking for an extra tissue, Lily remained immobile.
Her heart had stopped.
New tears were running down her cheeks of their own volition. She willed the moment to rewind itself and for Sandra to have remained quiet.
But what was done could not be undone. There was no going back.
She felt Malakai behind her. She knew without a doubt he had heard, he had heard Sandra talk about her secret, about what she was.
Slowly, Lily turned around and looked at him through her teary eyes. The expression on his face…
He stood there, his mouth open, his eyes wide, the green and white so visible in the darkness. Then slowly he closed his mouth, and he swallowed hard, his eyes never leaving her.
“Lily, what’s wrong?” Sandra glanced behind Lily and gasped. “Lily, I’m so sorry,” Sandra said, bringing her hands to her mouth in horror.
Malakai was rooted to the ground, looking from Lily to Sandra, back and forth, back and forth again, his mouth working as if he wanted to say something.
Lily’s heart broke a thousand times over.
He knew, Lily knew he now knew, and he just couldn’t manage to say anything.
And the fear…
Lily couldn’t handle knowing he was afraid of her.
She rapidly got to her feet, grabbed her things, and, her blood pounding in her ears, ran to the house, not hearing anything Sandra was saying from behind her.
Why couldn’t she be like any normal seventeen-year-old?
Chapter Thirty-One
MALAKAI
As he heard Sandra, Malakai froze.
He had just wrapped up his homework session with David and was ready to go home. He had come out to say his good-byes when he stumbled upon their conversation.
Now he just stood there, feeling like his limbs were suddenly made of lead, and he couldn’t move anymore.
What had Sandra meant? Lily’s mother didn’t like her?
David had alluded to a hard life at home, but after hearing Sandra, it sounded a lot worse than what David had implied.
Then another thing Sandra said registered in his mind.
Lily was an empath.
An empath?
What in the world was an empath? What did she mean Lily felt what her mother felt toward her? She knew when someone lied?
For a moment, Malakai thought they were making fun of him but then he realized Sandra didn’t know he was there.
Lily, however…
She slowly turned and looked straight at him, anguish written all over her beautiful face, tears in her gray eyes. She knew perfectly well he was there.
Malakai felt as if someone had put an ice cube down his shirt. He was in the dark in more ways than one, and it gave him the chills.
“Lily, what’s wrong?” Sandra asked.
Malakai just stood there, his eyes firmly on Lily, and heard Sandra gasp. He didn’t hear what she said; he only heard the blood pounding in his ears. He knew he had stumbled into something that was a lot bigger than he had expected, a lot scarier too, and he tried to say something, ask something, anything, but he couldn’t find the words.
As unbelievable as it was, as completely surreal as it was, Malakai believed Sandra. He didn’t understand what the words meant, but somehow he knew them to be true. The horror on Sandra’s face told him she had let slip something she was not supposed to. Lily, quickly wrapping her things, only confirmed that it was major.
But he didn’t understand what it was.
And it scared him.
What was an empath? What did it make Lily? What did it mean for him? What was this thing about her knowing everybody’s feelings? What did she know about him?
He looked at Lily, trying to catch her eyes, trying to get her to tell him what was going on, what it all meant, but she didn’t look at him. She ran to the house, almost bumping into David on her way in.
“Watch it!” David said. “Lily? Lily?” he called after her, but she didn’t stop.
Malakai took a step to go after her, to ask her what was going on, but Sandra beat him to it and ran behind Lily, apologizing all the while.
“What the hell happened?” David asked, turning to Malakai.
“I…” Malakai looked at the door through which Lily had disappeared again. “What’s an empath?” he finally asked, looking straight at David.
His heart was beating so fast Malakai didn’t know whether he really wanted to know the answer; he didn’t know if he could handle it.
David stared at him, his eyes wide. Then he looked down at the ground and sighed.
“What’s going on?” Malakai asked when David wouldn’t answer.
“I…I think you’d better ask Lily, dude. It’s not my place to tell,” David said sadly, shaking his head.
“Come on, David!”
David sighed again. “Lily, she’s not like us, you know. She’s special,” he said, looking Malakai straight in the eye.
By the way his friend looked at him, Malakai knew David was about to talk about some serious things, and it wouldn’t be easy.
“She…she knows stuff, man. I mean, she knows what you feel; she knows what I feel. I mean, dude, that’s so messed up. Sandra calls her an empath, and that empath shit, it’s real. Lily, she really, really feels what everybody else feels.”
“Wait! You mean she knows how I feel all the time?”
Malakai was breathing as quickly as if he had run at top speed for the last fifteen minutes. The thought of knowing someone always knew how he felt…
“Yeah, well, yes and no. Sometimes she gets clear ideas, sometimes she gets vague feelings that are more confusing than not, and that, from all of us. It’s pretty fucked up, dude. But since she hurt her head…”
Malakai waited for David to continue, but he didn’t. Untypical of him, David sadly stared at the door through which Lily had disappeared.
<
br /> “What? Is she dying?!” Malakai asked, taking a step toward David when the silence became too long for him to handle.
“No, she’s not dying, but sometimes I’m pretty sure she wishes she was. I mean, she can’t shield anymore,” David said, turning to him.
Malakai’s relief was quickly replaced by puzzlement. “What are those shields you’re talking about?”
“She used to be able to stop all that shit she was feeling from others; I mean, to a certain degree. She used to be able to come into the cafeteria ‘coz she could stop most of it from slamming into her. I mean, do you have any idea how many emotions there are in the cafeteria when we’re all there, with all the drama that’s going on? Do you know what it does to her? Splitting headaches. The kind you would chop your own head off to stop.
“Well, she used to be able to put a lid on all that, not an airtight lid but a lid that would allow her to function. Now she can’t anymore. She can’t stop all of it from crashing down on her. She couldn’t even manage the corridors at the beginning of the year. Sandra had to go with her.”
“Why can’t she do it anymore?”
As his only answer, David gave him a humorless chuckle. Then Malakai remembered what Sandra had said, what David had repeated.
“Ever since I bumped into her, isn’t it? Ever since she hurt her head?”
All because of him?
David nodded.
Malakai felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. The guilt of hurting her, even if it was an accident, came back tenfold. Everybody had told him she was fine, even Lily herself.
But she was not fine.
And it was all his fault.
“Listen, dude, you’ve got some serious thinking to do. I know you said you like her, and I told you she was special. Well, now you know just how much. What she is means you’re never ever going to be able to have secrets from her without her knowing you’re not telling her something. You’ll never ever be able to hide from her. And you’ll never ever be able to lie to her because she’ll always know when you do.
Crossing the Barrier Page 11
