by L. B. Reyes
I ran over to my mom when she arrived. Hannah had already greeted her; it was my turn now. She barely noticed me when I got there, but as I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her body, she had no choice other than to hug me back.
She laughed.
“What is up with you, Evelyn? Always running around and playing. Did you behave?”
“I always behave, Mom,” I replied.
She was in a good mood. I looked up at her to meet her smiling face. Mom never smiled at me this way, and yet here she was today, smiling down at me like I made her happy.
“Can we go to the park?” I asked, taking her hand in mine. She frowned, shaking her head slowly.
“I have to teach your sister a few things about the company today, Evelyn. Maybe some other day. For now, go on to your room and play. I’ll come get you when I’m done.”
Some other day.
That was more than I had ever gotten from her…
But the day never came.
My lip quivered as I raised my hand slowly to her face, running my fingers over her cheek.
“In another lifetime, I might have been more like the daughter you wanted,” I murmured. “You could have even loved me…”
***
The next two days went by in slow motion. I never knew preparing a funeral could be so time consuming and infuriating. Nathan tried to help as much as he could, but I wanted to do everything.
My mom hadn’t been the best, but I still wanted to give her a decent send off.
The judge approved Hannah’s permit. She’d be at the funeral for my mom, though a guard would always be with her and she would remain handcuffed. No one could speak to her, either; there would be no interactions.
I smoothed down my black dress, taking in my pale appearance. I’d straightened my hair for the occasion, but who really knows what you should look like for a funeral?
Who the hell even cares?
Mom did.
“Are you ready?”
Nathan had been there every step of the way, every single second of every day since they told me. But I was just…numb to everything. It was harder to process everything this time; maybe it had something to do with being pregnant and being in charge of the arrangements. Maybe it was the circumstances.
Knowing that no one would be there for her funeral was also very painful. No one loved her. No one cared. What a lonely way to die…
“I guess we should get going,” I said quietly.
Even when I arrived at the funeral home, the differences between my mother and I were visible. She would have wanted extravagant; I gave her simple.
She’d judge everything, from the few flowers to the lack of people.
The priest greeted me with a sympathetic smile while all I could do was stare at the casket.
“Are we ready to start?”
I opened my mouth to speak. Hannah still wasn’t there.
“Give us a few more minutes,” Nathan replied.
I didn’t understand at first, couldn’t comprehend what was going on when I saw a group of people approaching. A sharp gasp left my lips when I saw Jenna, her parents, Tessa, and Poison along with the rest of the crew walking towards us.
Jenna ran to me, pulling me into her arms as soon as she saw me. I squeezed my eyes shut as my childhood friend embraced me. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I nodded, letting out a shaky breath. If I spoke, I’d break down. A few minutes passed while I half greeted the rest of them when we saw a sheriff’s car pull up. My lip quivered as I saw my sister stepping out, shackled and handcuffed.
She stood. As they approached us, I took in her sad appearance; her eyes were swollen, makeup-less. She’d lost some weight.
I thought I was speechless when I saw her, but the true surprise came when she raised her gaze and saw me for the first time in over a year. Her eyes widened, and she stopped walking, standing there for a moment.
And then she smiled at me.
Forgive me.
I’m sorry.
I’m proud of you.
She stood apart from the crowd but still close enough that she could hear what the priest said.
Nathan took my hand in his the whole time, gently caressing it with his thumb.
“Would you like to say something?” the priest asked me.
I shook my head. There was plenty I had to say, but it wasn’t my place. She wouldn’t have wanted me to say anything anyway. Mom would have wanted Hannah.
My chest constricted as I saw the guard guide my sister to the front of the crowd. Nathan tensed beside me, and I heard the murmuring of the people beside us.
Hannah stood next to the casket, unable to touch it, though I could tell by the longing in her eyes that was precisely what she wanted to do.
She cleared her throat and began. “She wasn’t the best mom,” Hannah said with a small smile. “She wasn’t the best human,” her eyes met mine once again, “but she was still our mom. She was flawed, yes, but despite the flaws, she admired something from both Evelyn and me.”
I felt my heart beat a little faster at her statement.
Mom had admired me?
“She admired me because I had her tenacity when it came to business; I was all brain. And yet she admired Evelyn because she’s always been what we couldn’t be: all heart. She would have never admitted it.”
Her eyes stayed fixed on mine the whole time. She wasn’t lying. For that moment, it was my sister speaking to me, only to me. Nothing else mattered.
Hannah sighed, and I saw her eyes glistening with tears. “She’d say sorry.” The three words were so quiet I almost didn’t hear them.
She said nothing else. The guards guided Hannah away from the casket, her warm gaze still fixed on me. I’d forever remember that moment. Nathan broke the silence, however, saying something I didn’t expect.
“What the hell is he doing here?”
Chapter 22
Evelyn
I had been so focused on Hannah, I hadn’t noticed Derek standing afar, his eyes set on Hannah and then on me. His usually relaxed demeanor was long gone with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Did you tell him about the funeral?” Nathan asked me, his eyes roaming my face in confusion. Slowly, I shook my head no, feeling far too dazed with everything happening to speak up.
Hannah was already back in the sheriff’s car; I could see her looking back at us. Now more than ever, I was sure that I needed to talk to her soon. I wouldn’t miss that opportunity, not now that I had it.
I swallowed as the car took off. She was gone again.
I felt…lost. It was a never-ending nightmare.
Derek approached us, and Nathan took my hand in his. It was a sign of possession and distrust. Any other time, I would have been irritated, but in that moment, I didn’t care.
Everyone wanted to tell me how sorry they were for my loss, and all I wanted to do was leave. I wanted to be anywhere but at my mother’s grave.
“I’m not sure what you’re doing here,” I heard Nathan say. My head snapped up at his harsh tone directed towards Derek.
“Just came to offer my condolences,” Derek said. His lips tilted down ever so slightly, as if he felt hurt too.
“How did you know?” I asked him, my voice barely even there.
“Word gets around, especially when it comes to the Carsons.”
Nathan scoffed, clearly not liking his response.
“Listen,” Derek said, this time directed to Nathan, “I don’t mean any harm at all. I heard the news, and I just wanted to be here, let Evelyn know that if she needs something, I’m here to offer help.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Derek nodded with a small smile. An awkward silence surrounded us, soon broken by Nathan’s voice as he excused himself.
Derek chuckled. ”It’s good that he’s protective of you.”
“He doesn’t trust you.”
“Do you?”
I looked at the man before me. He had traitor written
all over his face; something told me so. Yet his warm gaze said otherwise. I’d find out one day. I knew I would. It was just a matter of time.
“I do.”
His forehead creased in surprise. “Why?”
“Call it naivety.” I cleared my throat, turning to the place where the sheriff’s car had been parked just minutes before. “Did you see my sister?”
Something about the aura surrounding him became darker and even angry. “I did.”
“Did you hear her?”
Nodding, he replied, “Yeah.”
“She’s changed.”
He wanted to say many things to my simple statement but held back, as if he didn’t know how to explain what was on his mind.
Though he hesitated, he surrounded me with his arms, embracing me like he’d known me for a long time.
It was strange at first. Very, very strange.
I stilled, unsure of what to do, unsure whether to return the hug. But my eyes soon closed, and my arms surrounded him on their own accord.
“I’m very, very sorry,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “But you’ll be okay.”
I choked up. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t feel anything other than his tender words that like some type of super glue were able to keep me from falling apart.
Derek pulled back, cupping my face in his hands for just a moment. He smiled, wiping away the tears that escaped. He looked behind us, chuckling softly and then returning his green eyes to mine. “I’m going to leave now, because your boyfriend looks like he’s going to beat the shit out of me, but let’s stay in contact, yeah?”
I wanted to speak up, but the onslaught of emotions wouldn’t let me. Somehow, he understood.
“It’s okay.” He nodded. “Take care. Take care of that baby.”
He sighed, closing his eyes as he kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you around, Evelyn.”
***
We flew back to New York that same night. Nathan was eerily quiet, pretending to read something, though I knew his mind was elsewhere.
The words Hannah spoke divided both my heart and mind. They paid a small homage to my mother yet managed to soothe me. She didn’t have to touch me or speak directly to me; her words had been comforting.
Derek was a mystery, though. I couldn’t explain why or how his hold made me feel better despite the circumstances.
When we landed in New York, we took a cab to my condo, but something told me that I didn’t need to go home; I needed to be somewhere else. It was late, however, and I wasn’t sure how well received we would be.
“Nathan?” I asked quietly. He turned to me, his gray eyes concerned in the dark of the night.
“Yeah?”
“Can we go to your parents’ house?”
He frowned but didn’t ask any questions. After telling the cab driver the new address to where we were heading, he hesitantly took my hand in his and held it the rest of the way.
***
“Sorry for the late visit,” was my greeting to Nathan’s parents.
Nathan carried our luggage inside, hardly even bothering to say anything. I didn’t blame him; it had been a long day for the both of us. Both his parents sensed the tension between us, however, stealing questioning glances from each other every time they could.
“Take a seat,” Deborah said, placing her hand over my arm. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Just water,” I replied.
Nathan shook his head in disapproval. “Give her toast or something too. She hasn’t eaten.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
Nathan pressed his lips together, going into the kitchen as he ran his hands through his hair. The situation frustrated him.
I placed my face in my hands, sighing. A hand ran down my back soothingly, trying to ease whatever anxiety rushed through my veins. Instead, everything burst through to the surface. I sobbed into my hands, and soon, Deborah pulled me into her arms.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay, honey, let it at all out…you’re okay.”
It was then that I realized this was why I needed to be there.
Deborah showed me more love than my mom had in a lifetime; she’d taken me in without hesitation since she met me.
I heard footsteps approaching, and I knew Nathan was watching, but the control over my emotions dissolved. It wasn’t necessary for me to raise my face. I could hear Frank telling Nathan to give me some space.
It felt like I cried for a whole lifetime.
Maybe I did.
I cried for the life I didn’t have with my mom, for the pain I’d endured. It was okay, though, because I cried in the arms of an exemplary mother, a woman who had given everything for her son.
“You should adopt me,” I joked once I calmed down.
I lay my head on her lap, feeling her run her fingers through my hair. “I could.” She laughed. “I’ve always wanted a daughter. Are you feeling better now?”
I nodded, wiping my face with my hands. “I held it in as long as I could.”
“You did. I could tell even by the way you were walking.”
“You could?” I asked.
“A mom always knows.” She smiled. I sat up, pulling my hair up to a bun. “When you two arrived, I could see the weight you carried on your shoulders. My son doesn’t look any better.”
I knew I needed to fix things with Nathan before he got the wrong idea.
“Thank you so much, Deb,” I whispered, squeezing her hand.
Once again, I hugged her, cherishing every second with her, knowing that she would make a wonderful grandma just like Nana.
With so many things to discuss, I walked to the bedroom Nathan and I would be sleeping in. I opened the door only to find him lying down in bed scrolling through his phone. He raised his head to see me, and I felt my heart break a little more at his troubled expression.
I sighed, closing the door behind me and locking it before I stepped inside. His eyes followed my every movement as I walked towards the bed, removing my shoes, and then climbing in. I snuggled up against him, his arms wrapping around my body with ease despite the circumstances.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For loving me like you do.” I smiled, glancing up at him. His gray eyes stared down at me intently, and I caressed his face, memorizing the way he felt against my touch. So much had happened the past few days, new people in our lives, people that left.
And through it all, he was my constant.
There could be millions of men in the world, but only he could make my heart soar even without wings.
Chapter 23
Nathan
The door slowly opened. As always, my attention was on her.
But I knew there was someone else on her mind.
The way Derek held her, the way they’d looked at each other, was something I wouldn’t forget. It wasn’t the time to ask her anything or to start an argument, so I remained quiet, but I knew what I saw.
For the past few days, being around Evie had been like walking on eggshells. I didn’t know what to say, what to fucking do to make her feel better. Nothing I did helped.
She shut the door behind her, locking it, and then climbed into bed with me. Her eyes were swollen and red. Evie rested her head on my chest, and my arms wrapped around her; it was automatic; there was never any thinking about it.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
The two words surprised me.
I frowned. “For what?”
She looked up at me, her eyes shining with another layer of unshed tears. Her delicate hands went up to my face as she caressed it quietly. Finally, she answered, “For loving me like you do.”
“There’s no other way,” I murmured, brushing a strand of her hair back.
With a small smile, Evelyn pressed her lips to mine. Warm and tentative, she kissed me like it was the first time. Like she was shy and hadn’t done this before.
“Let’s get you out o
f this.” I raised her dress up slightly. As soon as the dress was gone, she laid back, pulling me on top of her.
There were so many things going through her mind; I could tell by simply looking at her. She had questions, things to say, and things to figure out. But as she looked up at me, there was one thing that stood out from the others.
She needed me.
I kissed her again, this time passionately, trying to take away her fear, her sadness. She gave into me, arching her back off the bed, her fingers digging into the skin of my back.
She removed her bra, and I lowered her panties, followed by my sweatpants.
“I love you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I love you too.”
There were two time periods in my life: before and after Evelyn. Before her, nothing mattered. Now everything mattered because of her, our baby.
My hand lowered between her legs as I kissed her neck, hearing her soft sigh when I touched her. Her little sounds of satisfaction filled up the room as my finger entered her, preparing her for me.
I took the image of her flushed face, eyes staring back at me with love and wonder while I strived to give her pleasure, help her forget.
Evie bit her lip as I positioned myself on top of her, and when she felt me, another gasp escaped her lips as I began stretching her out. She threw her head back, her eyes fluttering closed as she surrendered to what she felt.
She was fucking beautiful.
Breathtaking.
Perfect.
You could find meaningless sex with anyone, anywhere. But finding the person you were connected with on every single level was difficult.
Once you found it, you couldn’t let it go.
I’m never letting her go.
***
I ran my fingers down her arm. It was already a little past noon, and Evie still showed no signs of waking up. She was exhausted. Everything that happened the past days, the flights, the paperwork, the funeral had all been draining for her.
I had doubts regarding Derek and her interaction with him, but it wasn’t the moment to discuss that yet. I understood that to some level it was normal for her to be confused; I just didn’t know what she was confused about. With doubts of my own, I stood up, needing some air to clear my mind.
