by David Mamet
B: It's primarily a ho . . .
A: A what?
B: A homosexual relationship.
A: What is?
B: I don't mean a ho . . . I mean a homosexual romance . . .
A: No. (Pause.) Perhaps it is. (Pause.) No. Because we're . . . Ah. Because we're waiting for that man . . .
B: For that one man . . .
A: No. Perhaps so, Huh. (Pause.) Huh. (Pause.) What are you saying? (Pause.)
B: That it's a homosexual romance.
A: Huh. (Pause.)
B: No. I'm not saying that. I'm asking if . . .
A: If I implied that.
B: Yes.
A: If the New Testament . . . (Pause.) No. I don't think so. (Pause.) You're . . . wait a second. I said it's an . . .
B: . . . it's an allegory . . .
A: . . . it's an allegory for . . .
B: . . . mmm hmm . . .
A: But what you're saying
B: Yes. For marriage. But it's not a reconciliation with the . . .
A: With the Earth . . .
B: Yes.
A: With the, um, um, with the mother figure . . . no.
B: But . . .
A: Yes. Mmm. With the . . . yes . . .
B: Yes. With the . . .
A: But with the father. (Pause.)
B: It's not a hetero . . .
A: No . . .
B: If we . . .
A: Yes. Taken as a romance. No. (Pause.) Mm. Striving for . . . (Pause.) No. (Pause.)
Wait a second. (Pause.) Now; what are we: what are we . . . what are we saying here: Let's step back . . . (Pause.) That Christianity is...(Pause.) I started off, I said that the Antichrist is The False Girlfriend . . .
B: Is like the false . . .
A: But it would be the false Boyfriend is what you're saying. (Pause.) You're saying that the whole religion's basically an apology for homosexuality
B: I don't think that I'm saying that.
A: Well. It's the logical extension of your . . . A reunion with the Father. A refusal to accept the . . . um . . . the weight of . . . hetero . . . essentially . . . wait . . . wait a second: mate, have children, bequeath . . . the seed bank . . . pass on your, um, and die. Essentially the hetero . . . and what you're saying . . . well. Well, yes. Um. And living forever. (Pause.) That You will live forever. It's a, yes, it's basically a refusal to change. Continence . . . um, we are assured that if we plight our troth to the father figure we will not d . . . which is, um, to say we will not grow up. We will not grow old. Ha. So we have discovered the . . . wait, we have discovered the Perfect Man. We fall in love with him, and we will not grow old. Yes. It's a homosexual romance. Yes. If we, what? If we sufficiently, if we love him with all our hearts (Pause.) Um. (Pause.) It really has nothing to do with women, does it? (Pause.) No. (Pause.) Mmm. (Pause.) And his attachment to his mother! Well, no not his, but ours...um . . . we can't . . . we can't divorce ourselves from . . . Oh! Oh! Oh! and the Weak, Absent Father! Hm! The Father Cuckolded! The impotent . . . the failure of the marriage . . . Ha! Ha! (Pause.) Ha! (Pause.) Ha! Oh! Oh! I've got to . . . (Gets up.) excuse me . . .
B: Will I see you . . . ?
A: Yes. I'll call you tonight.
Two Scenes
One
A: Give me one.
B: Here is a one.
A: Give me a two.
B: Here is two.
A: Give me three.
B: I don't have three.
A: Give me a two.
B: Here is two.
A: Give me a one.
B: Here is one.
A: Give me a four.
B: I have four.
A: Give me a five.
B: Here is a five.
A: Give me a six.
B: Six.
A: Give me seven.
B: Yes.
A: Eight.
B: Yes.
A: Give me nine.
B: I don't have nine.
A: Give me eight.
B: Yes.
A: Give me another eight.
B: Eight.
A: Give me ten.
B: Here is ten.
A: Let me have ten again.
B: Ten.
A: Give me twelve.
B: Here is twelve.
A: Nine through twelve.
B: Yes.
A: Eight.
B: Yes.
A: . . . that was eight through twelve?
B: It was. We don't have nine. I mean “ten through twelve.”
A: Yes.
B: . . . or “nine through twelve,” but we don't have nine.
A: Yes. Give me eight.
B: Eight again?
A: Yes.
B: Here is eight.
A: And give me five.
B: Five.
A: One through three.
B: Yes.
A: No. Three. Is that right?
B: That is right.
A: Two alone.
B: Two.
A: Five.
B: Five.
A: Fifteen.
B: Yes.
A: Eleven.
B: Yes.
A: Eleven and five.
B: Yes.
A: Two eleven and five.
B: Yes.
A: Three eleven and five. Make that four . . . scrub that. For-get that. Give me six.
B: Six.
A: Six and five.
B: Go.
A: Six two five and five.
B: Yes.
A: One.
B: Yes.
A: Good. That's alright.
B: Are you done?
A: I think so. Yes. Thank you.
Um, um, um. No. I think that's it. I'm done. Thank you. I'm finished. Fine. That's fine. That's very good; in fact, I'm happy with it. (Pause.) That's very good.
Two
Speaker: Up. Everyone up. Up . . .
That's right.
Down slowly.
Down.
Now left. Left. Left.
And left.
Now right. Hold . . . hold it . . . up . . . now center . . . left. Left left.
Now down. Now left again and hold.
Return.
Now down.
Now up again. Now hold.
And right right right.
Now down and hold.
Now cross.
And back again.
Now cross . . .
Now center . . . out . . . and hold it . . . out again . . . wait for it . . . out . . . and Good!
(Pause.)
In. Now hold. And left. Now hold. And in now hold. And right now hold.
And in now hold. And left now hold . . . and in now hold and yes and out and left now hold and down.
(Pause.)
Good.
(Pause.)
Good.
(Pause.)
Very Good.
(Pause.)
Wait. (Pause.) Wait. (Pause.) Down . . . (Pause.)
Down . . . (Pause.) Good! (Pause.) Good. (Pause.) Good.
Yes But So What
Two men.
A: She lost a tack I said, “Well take your shoes off . . . ” Hey? “ . . . you'll find it in one second.”
B: . . . bitch
A: . . . man, all day long . . .
B: What did she need it for?
A: The fuck I know, when I come home . . .
B: . . . hunh . . .
A: . . . sit around all day . . .
B: . . . and then her father died . . .
A: It's not her father, man . . .
B: . . . no?
A: It's not.
B: Who, I mean, it was, was it, who was it? A: It was her father's brother . . .
B: . . . what is that . . . ? Her . . .
A: No.
B: How come? It's not her, what . . . ?
A: Her uncle.
B: Yeah.
A: It's not that, he was step, something . . . she called him, she told you her father died?
B: I think I heard that wrong.
A: She called him Uncle. Uncle Charlie some like that . . .
B: Her uncle . . .
A: What excuse is that . . . ? “Who broke the plate . . . ?” “The girl broke it.”
B: What plate . . . ?
A: Some . . . I don't know . . . ”Ask the girl,” hey, fuck, I'm gone out to ask the girl, “Yes meester,” all that shit . . .
B: What is she?
A: Some, I don't know . . . from Colombia, somewhere . . .
B: What was the plate?
A: The plate? That my grandmother . . . you've seen it.
B: A blue . . .
A: No.
B: On the wall?
A: Up on the wall. Yeah. Hanging there . . .
B: Uh-huh.
A: I come in, on the wall, “What is that . . . ?" Knick knacks . . .
“Where's the plate . . . ?” “The girl broke it,” hey, I don't give a fuck. Don't laze around all day. Don't with your T.V. show, then lay this copping, copping, this, uh, copping out on me. Tell me. That's what I would ask. “Well, I dropped the tack . . . ” Well find it. Huh? Unless what does this indicate when I come home? I don't know . . . something. Huh?
B: Yeah.
A: What?
B: I don't know.
A: Some, some, she's dissatisfied. Something. Some deep . . . but . . . . Or let me try this on you: Broad in the bar:
B: Which one?
A: The looked-like-some . . . amateur dyke alright? The no-tits ten year old, the broad alright?
B: You like that young . . .
A: . . . she wasn't that young, what I'm saying what she looked: Some broads, I've thought this, I've suspected this, you tell me I'm insane, I'm lookin’ this broad in the bar . . .
B: . . . the willow broad . . .
A: Yes. What do you . . . ?
B: I don't mean “willow.” What do I mean?
A: I don't know.
B: That color . . .
A: I don't know . . .
B: that . . .
A: What does it look like?
B: Like yellow.
A: I don't know. That she had on?
B: Yeah.
A: That she had on, or like in her hair?
B: That she had on. I told you . . .
A: On her shirt . . . ?
B: Yeah.
A: The broad with the yellow shirt.
B: Yeah.
A: In the bar.
B: Yeah.
A: She looked like a dyke.
B: The young dyke . . .
A: Yeah.
B: Yes.
A: What about her?
B: That's the one.
A: Yeah. (Pause.) Yeah. (Pause.) Hey. That's her problem. (Pause.) No, that's her problem. D’ I tell you when I went home I saw a traffic accident?
B: No.
A: Yes. I did.
B: Where?
A: Eighteenth Street.
B: When?
A: Last night.
B: When we left the bar?
A: Yes.
B: What happened?
A: Some fucker got knocked down.
B: Was he dead?
A: No. (Pause.)
B: No? (Pause.)
A: He was moving.
B: He was?
A: Yeah. (Pause.) They had a lot of cars. (Pause.) Um. They had an ambulance. (Pause.) You ever think that will happen to you?
B: No. (Pause.)
A: I do sometimes. (Pause.) What I'm saying that the thoughts that you have. (Pause.)
B: Huh.
A: Do you know what I mean? (Pause.) That the thoughts you have will, um, they'll, that that they come back to you. (Pause.)
B: . . . uh . . .
A: That if you're looking at this poor man's got his legs chopped off with glee, some fuckin’ thing, “How happy that I am . . . !” “that I'm alive,” so on, or “that poor sucker with no legs . . . ,” that will come back to you. To haunt you. Time in, um, where was it . . . Newton, there was this, I knew this girl, she said that if you do a thing, you come back—I don't know if she believed that you come back, but if you did—you come back in the afterlife, you are that thing you scorned.
B: Like what?
A: Some sucker that you scorn. (Pause.) Like you make fun of a man, a beggar. (Pause.)
B: Huh . . .
A: I don't know. I think that thoughts transmit themselves. (Pause.) I don't know. But I think they do. They could . . . we never know the, look at medicine, one year, “Do this . . . ” The next year, “We have this discovery, don't do this go do that.” Or, “All the shit that your grandparents did is right, we just found out. Because the blah blah blah and science.” (Pause.) But they were stupid anyway . . .
B: They could transmit themselves.
A: Thoughts?
B: Yes.
A: I know that. Tell that to me when I come home, because I'm thinking of this broad, alright . . . The . . .
B: Yeah.
A: The dyke broad . . .
B: . . . with the ass . . .
A: That's right, and I come . . . not, not even when I come, before I have come in the door, alright? With, if I, I don't know that I did, but if . . . if I did, if I had let's, let's say if I'm coming in with hostility because of, that would be. If I had a desire, alright, and I come home, and she's . . . I'm saying: “I wish I was going home with this broad. That would make me happy. I swear to God that it would. (Pause.) It would be a simple answer to a lot of things and hurt no one.” I come in the door, and I think, “What's stopping me?” the fact I'm going home to someone . . .
B: . . . someone else . . .
A: My wife yes, and she's on the ladder with the lamp.
I don't mean the lamp. With the plate . . . I don't mean the plate. Having dropped the plate. “The girl, your plate is smashed.” What smashed the plate? (Pause.) My hostility. I'm not sayin that it did. I'm not sayin it did not . . . . But what I am saying is I don't know. (Pause.) That . . . (Pause.) That . . . (Pause.) That . . . I think that many of us, alright, much of the time, I may be, I, I may be, maybe I'm full, maybe, what the hell, we all have the right to be wrong. Maybe, I'm, uh, maybe . . .
B: If we . . .
A: . . . hold on:
B: . . . if we . . .
A: Hold on:
B: If we weren't . . .
A: Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . if we weren't wrong . . .
B: . . . if . . .
A: If we weren't wrong . . .
B: The sci . . .
A: Yes. The scientific things. Yes.
B: All the, yes.
A: That's what I'm saying . . .
B: The . . .
A: . . . the . . .
B: The inventions.
A: the inventions. Yes.
B: That . . .
A: Yes.
B: That were dis . . .
A: Yes. I'm saying, alright. Yes . . . Maybe I'm wrong . . .
B: . . . all that were discovered by . . .
A: Well, then that fucking proves my point, so shut . . .
B: That, um . . .
A: Alright. Alright, that's what I'm saying. (Pause.) Maybe I'm, here, in this, maybe I'm wrong. (Pause.) Maybe I am. That's what I'm saying.
B: They discovered them by chance.
A: I know they did.
B: Through being wrong.
A: Well, not through being wrong exactly, no, but other people thought they were. (Pause.) Is that what you meant? (Pause.)
B: Yes.
A: (Pause.) They themselves were wrong. Do you know why?
B: Because they didn't take the time to . . .
A: Ab . . .
B: To . . .
A: Absolu . . .
B: I don't mean “time . . . ”
A: No, I know what you mean.
B: “care”
A: The care to . . .
B: Yes.
A: . . . That they didn't trust themselves.
B: They didn't trust t
hemselves.
A: That's absolutely right.
B: To see . . .
A: To see the things before their nose. Or, wait a second here, to trust an inner . . .
B: Mmm.
A: To an inner truth . . .
B: . . . that they had seen . . .
A: Eh?
B: Yes
A: An inner truth. (Pause.)
B: Yes.
A: Or a “feeling.” (Pause.) What are feelings . . . ? We don't know what they are . . .
B: No.
A: We “feel” them . . .
B: Huh . . .
A: Big fuckin deal . . .
B: Yeah.
A: You know . . . ?
B: Like sicknesses . . .
A: Who knows what they are . . . ?
B: No one . . .
A: Just because we say . . .
B: . . . that's right . . .
A: We put a name on . . .
B: . . . yeah. We put a name on it, it makes us comfortable . . .
A: That's absolutely right.
B: What does it “mean” . . . ?
A: Bullshit . . .
B: That's absolute . . .
A: It doesn't mean that we know what it is.
B: No.
A: Bullshit. Bullshit. That's all that it means.
B: Yes.
A: Plants . . . (Pause.) Plants or flowers . . . (Pause.) or animals or thoughts. Or words . . . what are words? Words for things, for things themselves . . . bullshit for feelings about things.
A: They stand in the way.
B: They do.
A: Of seeing what they are.
B: They do.
A: They're such bullshit . . .
B: They are . . .
A: . . . ”feelings . . . ”
B: . . . shit . . . (Pause.)
A: Such shit. Such nonsense. (Pause.)
B: You have to have the power to let go.
A: You do.
B: To go beyond . . .
A: To go, that's absolu . . . that's absolutely right. That's absolutely right. (Pause.) Something that we say . . . we put a name on it, and . . . (Pause.) and . . . (Pause.) and . . . (Pause.)
B: . . . like a bowling pencil . . .
A: I was thinking, that you're walking down the street, you have a wrapper of some thing. You say, “I know what I should do. I know that I should throw it in the can.” So you walk toward the can. You're tossing it, alright, the while you are you're knowing that it, I'm sorry, but it's true, while you are, you know that it won't go in. You, God knows why you do it, but you, huh, as if you're playing a joke on yourself. One part of your mind does not know what the other, huh . . . ? You toss it toward the can. You know it won't go in. It has no chance. You, you aren't going back. A part of you says, “You knew that it wasn't going in the thing” . . . but you walk on. You say, “What kind of a world is it when people like me can do things like that? I could have tossed it in the can.” And you walk on. You think, “I should be punished.” As you cross the street you are hit by a cab.
