It sounds like something fake.
I lower my voice.
“I like him a lot.” I’m not sure if I should be confiding in Gina, but I could use a friend right now, so what the hell? What’s the worst that could happen? She might find out I slept with my boss and fire me? Ha.
“And I know he has baggage. We all do. It’s just…” How do I phrase this in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a huge loser? “I just don’t know if he thinks I’m worth the fight.”
Gina lets out a sigh, but I have to get off the phone.
“Someone is beeping in,” I tell her. “I have to go.”
I switch to the other line and try to put on my invisible happy face as I answer. If nothing else, maybe the person on the other line will be able to imagine that I’m happy. Maybe they’ll be able to think that I’m having a good day without me having to actually have one.
“Kayfox Enterprises, this is Allison.”
“Allison.”
It’s him.
Fuck.
Why is he fucking calling? Why doesn’t he just walk to my office? What is with everyone today?
“Mr. Fox,” I try to remain pleasant. “What can I do for you?”
“I need you in my office. Now.”
34.
Allison
He looks pale when I walk into the office, almost ghostly. Has he been losing sleep? Has Trevor Fox, the face of success, been losing sleep over a girl?
No way.
Not unless hell has frozen over, which, last time I checked, it has not.
I feel like being a huge bitch to Trevor. I feel like yelling at him, like lashing out to hurt him the same way I feel hurt. What I want to say is “What the fuck do you want?” What I want to say is, “Fuck you for making me feel cheap.”
But I don’t.
I paste on my good-girl, executive smile instead.
“Mr. Fox,” I say politely. “How may I be of assistance to you?”
“Get over here,” he growls at me. His words tear through any notion I have of being mean, hitting my core and knocking me down a peg. Or two. Or five. I can't help but obey as he watches me, brooding from the other side of the desk. My feet move on their own. I'm too nervous to make them move myself. I don't quite know how, but I manage to make it to him.
And then his hands are in my hair and his lips are on mine, pressing my mouth open, his tongue exploring mine. Hot and breathless, he pulls back and spins me around, pushing me onto the desk. I'm leaning over it with my ass quite on display for him.
Suddenly, any frustration I felt is gone, replaced with something much more feral: need.
And I think that he likes the way I look, judging by the way his hands are gliding over my soft skirt, then up my skirt, then sneaking under my panties and feeling the round globes of my ass. He pushes the skirt over my waist, giving him a clear view of my backside.
I wiggle a little, involuntarily, pushing my ass out even further for him to see. I hear him suck in his breath, then the sound of a resounding smack as his hand connects with my rear. I cry out, not from pain, but from surprise.
“Allison,” he says, and swats me again, this time on the other side. I bite my lip as I let out a moan, trying not to let him know exactly how much I’m enjoying the way he’s spanking me in his office in the middle of the day. “Rumor has it that you’ve been very naughty.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I gasp, and he swats me again. My ass feels warm and hot from the spanking he’s giving me. His hand is firm against my skin, letting me know exactly who is in charge right now.
His right hand grabs my ass and holds it tightly while his left hand yanks my hair, forcing my head back.
“Didn’t you know, Miss Byard, that fucking your boss isn’t allowed?” He’s panting the words and I wonder if his cock is hard. It has to be. My own body is crying for release, begging for mercy, as heat fills me and my legs begin to feel slick from my wetness.
“I don’t know,” I manage to get out. “He didn’t seem to mind fucking me. I did a pretty damn good job, if I do say so myself.” As I finish speaking, Trevor slides a finger into me, pulsing to my core. I let out a small yelp as he slides a second finger in and begins to push against my g-spot.
Heat rises within my body, filling me, threatening to break me as I explode with my orgasm. As I let go, coming undone before him, I feel Trevor pushing at my entrance. Before he glides into me, he leans down, his mouth hot and open at my ear, and whispers, “You have no idea how fucking gorgeous you are.”
Then he’s inside me.
I have no idea where this is coming from after days of him being distant, but I don’t care. His hands reach around my body, grasping for my breasts, and I stifle I moan as he pinches my nipples through my shirt.
“Back up against me,” he commands, and I willingly obey, grinding deeper against his cock as he continues to thrust into me.
Trevor Fox is fucking me in his office and I’ve never felt so alive.
He comes with a soft groan, releasing himself, going silent behind me. He pulls away, disposes of the condom quickly, then returns to pull my skirt back down and my panties back up. I barely have time to think before he twists me around and plants his mouth on mine, claiming me in a kiss so complete that my knees go weak.
When he pulls back, his eyes look sad, confused, and dark. He drops into his chair and rubs his temple.
“Allison,” he says, finally looking up. “We need to talk.”
We need to talk?
Shit. Really?
After all that, his words to me are, “We need to talk”?
I could think of a hell of a lot of things I’d like to talk about with Trevor Fox and none of them are pleasant. The only time someone says, “We need to talk” is if they have something to say and you have no desire to hear it. The only time they said, “We need to talk” is if they’re about to fire you, break up with you, or tell you that your puppy died.
I swallow my fear and nod slightly, letting him know that I’m here. In reality, I want to run away. I want to run through the door and down the hall, hop into the elevator and escape from the impending pain I know is about to be poured over me.
I don’t want it.
Trevor Fox can keep his talks and late night adventures.
The only thing I want is to escape.
He scoots his chair closer to me and places a firm hand on my thigh. As he rubs up and down my leg, I begin to relax. My breathing regulates as I focus on taking deep breaths in and out. In through my nose, out through my mouth, then I repeat. I’m not a huge fan of Yoga, but at this moment in time, I’m grateful for all the classes Holly dragged me to.
“There are some things you need to know about me,” he begins. And this is where I’m surprised. Trevor is not exactly the type of guy to open up to another person, especially someone as ordinary as me. He’s not really known for being vulnerable with other people, yet the look in his eye tells me I’d better shut up and listen if I ever want to have any sort of relationship with him in the future.
I nod slowly.
“I’m ready,” I tell him.
“A few years ago,” he starts, “I was very different than I am now. I didn’t run the company, for starters, and I had a lot more free time. Do you remember Miranda from the gala?”
I nod, thinking of her lovely features and kind words about Trevor. She was very put together. I liked her. I also think of Kari-Anne's comment about them being an item. I wonder how much of what she said was true.
“Miranda and I were involved,” he says, and I try to fight the shard of jealousy that’s been shoved into my stomach. She’s beautiful and I don’t think I can compare, but he’s not telling me this to hurt me. I can tell. “We weren’t officially dating, but we slept together fairly regularly, and I loved her.”
He pauses, not sure if he should keep telling me. His hands are still on my legs and I place my own on top of them, giving me silent reassurance that everything is
going to be fine.
“One day, she told me that she was pregnant and that she was leaving town,” he pauses and bites his lower lip, just for a moment, but long enough that I can tell he’s struggling with what to say. “And that she was going to give our baby up for adoption. She didn't give me much of a say in the matter, but I agreed. We both felt that it was for the best."
“Oh Trevor,” I lean forward to hug him, but he holds up a hand to quiet me. He lost a child? His baby? They gave up their baby? I can’t imagine the pain, the loss, the hardship. Slivers of pain shoot through my body as I look at Trevor’s face.
The poor man looks torn.
He looks broken.
He looks devastated.
And part of me wonders how much it hurt to carry this burden for so many years on his own. How long has it been since he had someone he could tell these things to? How long has it been since he felt completely accepted by another person?
“It wasn’t a huge scandal or anything,” he tells me slowly, “but it would be if anyone found out. The media is not very compassionate when it comes to being understanding of the life choices of billionaires. If anyone found out, both Miranda and I would be dragged through the press, but more than that, our baby and her new family would, too.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” I say quickly.
“I know you won’t. That’s not why I told you though.” He takes a deep breath. “Allison, I come with baggage. A lot of it. I’m broken in ways you might not understand for a long time or ever. I’ve lost a lot. I don’t know if it’s right to enter into a relationship with you knowing this. I don’t know if it’s fair to you.”
At first, I wonder if he's trying to let me down easy. I wonder if he's trying to tell me that I'm not exactly what he's looking for. After all, how many billionaires need a homegrown country girl from Missouri?
But then I realize what he’s actually saying.
I realize what he’s asking me.
Do I, Allison Byard, think Trevor Fox is valuable?
Do I think he’s worth the trouble?
Do I think he’s worth the pain?
When I look at him, do I see brokenness? Or do I see strength? Do I see cuts or scars? Do I see failures or strengths?
For a moment, I just look at him. Then I raise my hand to his cheek and he presses it against my hand.
My lips press against his in a soft kiss, then we lean our foreheads together and I tell him, completely believing every word.
“You’re worth it.”
35.
Trevor
Allison Byard wants me.
Me.
I told her about Miranda, my child, my past.
I told her about my playing days at Club Blaze.
I told her about my sexual behavior after I lost everything.
I opened up to her in ways I've never opened up to anyone before. I was honest. I was truthful. I laid myself bare and let her know exactly what she's walking into.
Still, she wants me.
And part of me wonders exactly what she sees in me to have accepted me so wholeheartedly, so unabashedly.
Part of me hopes I don’t fuck it all up.
I’m still floating on a cloud when my mother marches in a few hours later with Allison trailing close behind her.
“I told her you were busy today,” Allison holds her hands up in defeat, but my mother barely notices. Instead, she twirls into my office like a tornado wreaking havoc.
“Really?” She shouts at me, but I have no idea what she’s upset about now.
“How can I help you, Mother?” I try to keep my voice even, but I’m still shaking with emotion after my talk with Allison. Why does my mother have it out for me? I’m not the reason for her affair or for the predicament she’s in now. It’s not my fault that my father can’t stand her, yet here she is: trying to get me. She wants me, of all people, to help her get what she wants, and she's not above threatening me to force me into helping her.
“I met with your father today,” she says grimly. Her brow furrows. The last time I saw her this angry was when I was 11 and told her I’d accidentally scratched her favorite car with my backpack. “He told me you advised him not to give me the money I asked for.”
I nod curtly.
“That’s correct.” When my father called me to discuss the matter, I was straightforward with him. I explained that my mother had barreled into the office and threatened to tell my new girlfriend about Miranda and the baby. I explained that she didn't care about hurting our family or our company if it meant getting what she wanted.
And I told him not to give her a fucking dime.
“Trevor,” her voice deepens and she shoots a look to Allison then back to me. “I told you what would happen.”
She stands back, crossing her arms across her chest smugly.
She thinks she’s won.
She thinks the battle is over, but she has no idea just how wrong she is. My mother wants to take me down with her as she falls into nothingness, but she has no idea who she’s messing with or how strong the woman I’ve chosen actually is.
Mother’s eyes dart to Allison.
“Miss Byard, is it?” She says, walking slowly to her. She looks at me once more, as if giving me a final chance to give in to her threats.
Allison straightens up, holding her head high.
“Yes, Miss Fox. That’s correct.”
“Mrs. Fox,” my mother corrects her.
“Not anymore,” Allison mumbles, rolling her eyes. I try not to grin at her dig. She has no idea how much it bothers my mother when people won’t use her married name anymore.
“You’re involved with my son, I take it,” her eyes dart up and down Allison’s body slowly, taking in every bit of her. Allison told me that my mother already guessed about our involvement, so I’m not sure why she’s playing coy now.
I curl my hands into fists at her deliberate gaze. Allison doesn’t deserve to be looked at that way, criticized that way. I spent the early years of my life falling under my mother’s glare, trying to meet her impossible standards of what a good son looks like. I never did, and I hate that Allison is the one Mother is glaring at now.
Allison glances at me and I nod, letting her know that it’s okay to verbally admit our relationship. Neither one of us has a name for it, not yet. We aren’t much of anything yet. Shit. We’ve only fucked twice and the real date we had ended up being an enormous disaster.
What do you call that?
It’s not quite friends with benefits, but it’s not quite anything else.
“Trevor used to date Miranda Colbern,” my mother quips. She’s looking quite pleased with herself. “And they have a child together. A baby girl. Bet you didn’t know that about your precious Trevor.” Now she shoots me a deathly glare, silently telling me, "I told you so."
Mother continues.
"They gave her away. They gave their baby away like she was nothing. Do you really want a man who has a bastard daughter? One that he didn't even want?"
“Actually,” Allison’s eyes darken. “I did know that. Trevor told me all about Rebecca,” she names my child. I wonder if my mother is going to be pissed that I never told her what we named our daughter.
"And to be honest," Allison continues. "I think the decision that Miranda and Trevor made was quite difficult and quite brave."
If my mother’s jaw has never hit the floor before, it does so now, in this moment. I’m not sure how she thought I’d let her get away with her little game, but I’m finished.
“That’s quite enough,” I tell her. “Leave now and never come back. I don’t want to see you again. Ever.”
Without shedding a tear, without a hint of remorse, with nothing but her wounded pride and her empty wallet, Kari-Anne Yvette Fox walks out the door of my office.
And she doesn’t return.
Two Months Later
Allison
I’m alone with Trevor at his house, looking out over the ocean. There’s no
thing that stands between us and a lifetime of happiness any more. Once we both gave up on the idea of our relationship being just sex, just casual, just something we could fit into a neat little box, things became much simpler.
And better.
He still hasn’t introduced me to Big Tom yet, but I’m waiting for the day when he thinks I’m ready. In the meantime, I’ve had a hell of a time learning all about life and lust at Club Blaze, just how fun a spanking can actually be, and what the best way to tie someone up is.
Trevor stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into himself. This is it, I realize. This is what I’ve been looking for. All the romance books, the chick flicks, and the stories where people find happily ever after were wrong. There’s no such thing as happily ever after or a relationship without problems, but there is such a thing as happily together. There’s such a thing as moving through the pain. There’s such a thing as letting go of the past.
This, right now, is the joy I’ve been looking for.
This is the contentedness I’ve been craving.
This is the man I’ve been wanting my entire life.
And he’s right here, his entire body focused only on me and my pleasure, his goals circling around creating a place for me where I feel safe and at peace.
He’s mine.
Fully, completely, devotedly mine.
We might not have everything figured out yet, but we have each other, and that’s good enough for me.
Trevor twirls me around, pulling me close and planting a soft kiss on my lips. It’s a tender gesture: one that makes me feel perfectly fantastic right where I’m at.
“I love you, Allison Byard,” he whispers in my ear. Shivers of hope and passion shoot throughout my body, wrapping me up in an outpouring of love. No man has ever said those words to me before, and I get the feeling that Trevor has not said them since he kissed his baby girl goodbye, so I try everything I can to hold onto this moment and never forget exactly how I’m feeling right now.
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