by Toni Aleo
“I can clean up, I promise.”
Looking up at them, he could see the doubt in their eyes as Elli said, “Fine, humor me then.”
“I don’t want to humor you. I don’t want to go.”
“It will be good for you. They are really good there, and this will nip it in the bud before it blossoms into something that can’t be fixed.”
Looking away, he ran his hands through his hair. It had gotten longer. Usually, he kept it pretty clean and cut short since his beard was so long, but lately he didn’t care. Which was very unlike him. He was letting himself go and, fuck, what was he doing? God, he was stressing out, he could really use a… Shit.
Letting out a long breath, he shut his eyes tightly and sucked in a new breath before opening them again. “And then the suspension will be lifted?”
“It will be lifted as soon as you do the ninety days,” she informed him and he nodded. “But I’ll put you right back on if you don’t honor the therapy agreement.”
Squeezing his eyes shut, he honestly wanted to scream. He wasn’t a share-your-feelings kind of guy, and he knew what therapy consisted of. He’d gone for four years when he was younger. They dissected you and wanted to know your deepest, darkest thoughts. He wasn’t one to share them then, and he really wasn’t in the mood to share them now. He’d probably needed to back then, but now, he had no inclination to do that. He was fine. Maybe he had gotten off track, but this was a bit extreme in his opinion. He could quit drinking if he wanted to.
He just didn’t want to.
Looking up, he met her pleading eyes and asked, “I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“Not really,” she answered slowly. “But I want you to know I’m doing this for you.”
Holding her gaze, he knew that was a fact. Elli loved him.
“Yeah, I know that, Elli, and you know I love you for it. You’ve always taken good care of me,” he said and she smiled.
“I have and I always will. You need this, Jordie. I don’t think you are dealing with your feelings right. I swear, it’s like you’re changing in front of my eyes, and it’s killing me. Honestly…” she started, her voice breaking. When her eyes filled with tears, he had to look away. “You’re like a brother to me, Jordie.”
“I know,” he said softly, and she was the sister he’d never had. “I’ll go.”
“Good,” Bryan said.
“You’ll come back a billion times better,” Charles informed him. “This is for the best.”
He could dispute that, but maybe he was the wrong one here. That was his MO lately. Always being wrong.
“You’re making the right choice,” Elli said, and he looked up at her then as she wiped a stray tear away. He didn’t want to make her cry; he didn’t want to make her worry. Elli was very special to him, not only as his boss but as his friend. There wasn’t a dinner he wasn’t invited to, a holiday he couldn’t crash, and a place he couldn’t sleep. She mothered him and was ten times the mother he’d had. The slow burn of guilt filled his chest, and he had to look away once more.
He had consistently been making bad decision after bad decision. Each one was staring back at him from behind his closed lids, and he wished he could make them all go away. But still they flashed in his face, demanding his attention.
Going in for the puck when he knew there was a goon of a player behind him and ending with his leg in two. Which resulted in his career being up in the air.
The drinking. Fuck, the drinking.
Getting involved with his best friend’s sister.
Falling in love with said sister, and then pushing her away, like he always did with everyone.
And all of Louisiana.
It was time to make the right choice for once.
He had to, because he had already lost the one person who meant everything to him, and he couldn’t lose hockey too.
That couldn’t happen.
“Ma, I don’t know, maybe I should wait. I don’t actually have to be there till August for summer training.”
Kacey King watched as her parents packed her belongings into her little Civic. She was about to embark on the sixteen-hour drive to Nashville from her home in Wausau, Wisconsin. She grew up in the gorgeous town and to leave it was a little scary. She had friends here, and she knew the town like the back of her hand. She grew up playing on the frozen ponds and all her memories were here, but with her parents moving to Nashville and the new job that Karson, her older brother, had gotten her, Kacey knew there was no other choice. She had to go.
I want to go, she told herself for the hundredth time.
Karl King looked back at her and shrugged, his brow furrowed as he stuffed her comforter into the backseat. “We can’t go until the house sells, Kace. So you go, help your brother and Lacey with the new baby, work out with the guys to get to know them before you start, live life. You’ve been a zombie lately. It’s weird,” he essentially barked at her as her mother came up and wrapped her arms around her.
“A pretty zombie though. Like, the prettiest,” she commented, moving a piece of hair out of Kacey’s eyes, eyes that were the exact shade of caramel as hers. “If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to go,” she informed them. “It’s just that I don’t want to impose on Kar and Lacey. The baby will be here in no time.”
Karl stood up straight, his hands on his hips. “You aren’t imposing; they want you there, Karson said it himself. It’s stupid for you to get an apartment when: one, you’re broke and haven’t started getting paid yet, and two, we will be there soon.”
He was right, but still.
“I’m not that broke,” she commented softly and he scoffed. After clearing her debts by using the money from her endorsements from winning the gold at the Olympics, she may have been a little low on funds. But still, she could manage. The thought of living with her brother and new sister-in-law and niece gave her the shakes. She didn’t want to bother them, but everyone was so insistent.
“We know, love, but this is for the best. With the Olympics and everything, you know, you haven’t had time to relax and figure out your next move. This will give you the chance to do that,” her mother reminded her, like she had been doing for the last few weeks once they decided they wanted to pick up and move to be closer to their new grandbaby. “Plus, with Lacey being so fragile lately, she could use you there.”
Kacey knew that too. Her sister-in-law wasn’t very stable, even with all the groups and counseling she and Karson had gone through. Lacey was still a nervous wreck that her baby girl would develop breast cancer like she had. Everyone tried to ease her concerns, but poor Lacey couldn’t think any other way. Add in the fact that she was running three lingerie stores, dealing with a family from hell, and the constant worry for her child, and Kacey’s sister-in-law was one step away from needing to be in a padded room. She probably did need Kacey there. Especially since they had become best friends over the course of the last year.
But she was still hesitant and she knew why.
Letting out a long breath, she pushed him out of her mind and nodded. “Yeah, I know. I’m going,” she said. “Plus, you’re right, Daddy. Working out with the guys will help me get to know them and work them harder for the start of the season.” Her father nodded his head, looking as if he knew he was always right. She rolled her eyes before breaking away from her mother and going into the house.
Reaching the mantel, she slowly grasped the box that held her gold medal. A small smile covered her lips as pride burst in her chest. She’d worked hard for her medal. Years upon years, she’d worked for one thing and that was the gold. She knew it was hers, and when they’d put it around her neck, words couldn’t describe the feelings she’d felt. It was as if she had been almost flying. It was perfect, except that the person she’d wanted there, craved to be there to celebrate with her, wasn’t.
Even though they had decided to stop sleeping together, Kacey couldn’t fathom why he would d
o her like that. Didn’t she mean something to him? If not in love, at least as friends. Instead, Jordie Thomas cut off all ties with her, acting as if their relationship that lasted a good four months didn’t matter. That the nights they sat up talking about everything, the way they made love, and the way he made her feel were all a lie. She hadn’t spoken to him in over six months. Hadn’t seen him or even heard from him. Every time she asked her older brother about his best friend, he just said he was fine. Nothing more and nothing less. Since Karson wasn’t supposed to know that she was in love with his best friend, she never asked more and it killed her inside.
She missed him. Greatly.
But when he didn’t show up for the Olympics, that’s when she knew she needed to let him go. But she was having a really hard time with that. She wanted so desperately to be in love with someone who loved her back. She was almost thirty, still a good two years away, but she figured by now, she’d at least be in a relationship, ready to get married once she brought the gold home. That was her plan, at least. Instead, she brought her gold home to her parents’ house, along with a broken heart.
But Nashville was a new start. Karson had gotten her a job as a trainer with the Nashville Assassins. Something that was hard to get into. She was the first woman trainer in their club, and it only made sense since they had just drafted the first woman on to their team and into the NHL. That Elli Adler was making history for sure. Kacey was excited about this opportunity, knew that she would get along with the guys since they all loved her anyway. Then she’d find someone who wanted what she wanted, who would love her the way she needed to be loved, and she would be happy.
She wouldn’t allow Jordie to consume her soul any longer. So what? It didn’t work out. She knew going in that Jordie Thomas wasn’t into relationships and he couldn’t love anyone. It wasn’t in his DNA. That was fine. It was her fault for falling for him. If she saw him, she’d be cordial. She knew what she was getting into when she went to bed with him. She had to forget him and maybe even forgive him. Because this was her new beginning. It was time to let go of him, the pain and the rejection she felt, and find someone who would never cause her to feel like that again.
That was her plan, at least.
After saying goodbye to her parents, Kacey placed her gold medal in the front seat and drove out of her parents’ driveway for the last time. The next time she would be back, she’d be there to help them move, which they all hoped would be before Karson and Lacey’s baby came. Lacey wasn’t due for another month and a half, and her parents had already had a few bites on the house that Karson had bought her family so long ago. It was sad to see her home go, but she was excited to be closer to her new niece.
As her home disappeared in the rearview, she let out a breath and prepared herself, not only for the sixteen-hour drive but also for what Nashville could hold. Brushing her hair off her shoulders, she drove with her knee as she pulled it up into a mini ponytail. Growing her hair out from her pixie cut had been a pain, but she liked the result. Maybe now Karson would stop calling her a lesbian, not that she really cared what he thought. Having short hair was easy when she was wearing her helmet, and Kacey liked convenience. Now that she was done with hockey professionally, she was ready to look more like a girl. Maybe it would finally attract a good guy, since before, all she could get were douches or a lot of attention from women.
But it was so hard! Everyone talked about how great single life was, but Kacey found it really lonely. She wanted someone to come home to. Someone to hold her at night and tell her she was pretty, even when she wasn’t. Her life partner. The Lacey to her Karson. Unfortunately though, the last three guys she’d dated had been duds. All of them only looking for sex, no one wanting the white picket fence and kids thing like she had.
She had always wanted that. When she was little, there wasn’t a moment she wasn’t playing house. Usually, she made Karson be the dad to her many baby dolls, but that got weird quick when he told her they were supposed to kiss. No way in hell was she kissing her older brother. So then she moved to Barbie dolls, and when she wasn’t kicking ass on the ice, she was in her room, making little worlds with her dolls. It was great and she always knew she was going to be a wife and a mommy.
Hockey got in the way though, not that she minded much. She was good, damn good, and soon that’s all she cared about. She’d always idolized Karson, wanted what he did. And to be able to play the sport he did, she felt, brought them closer. And it had, but while his sights were on the Cup, hers were on the gold medal. Ever since she saw her first Olympics at the age of six, she knew that was what she wanted. Since then, she had worked hard to get to the Games, and when she was finally there, she felt like all her dreams had come true.
Except for the personal aspect. She’d always dated, always had a boyfriend going through school, but for some reason, it never worked. She never clicked with anyone because she would admit she was a little hard to deal with. She didn’t have the normal girl personality; she was ruined by her years of playing hockey with Karson and his friends. She was a little rough around the edges, had a mouth on her that would make a classy woman cry, and didn’t take shit from anyone. She was an act now, think later kind of girl, and that always seemed to get her in trouble.
Especially when Jordie put the moves on her.
She knew it was a bad idea, but she’d had a thing for Jordie Thomas since she was eighteen. The first time she’d met him was at Karson’s apartment when he was playing for the University of Wisconsin. Jordie was on his team; they weren’t roommates but still friends. And when she saw him, he was a clean-shaven young guy who made her heart race. She doubted he remembered the first time they met. He was drunk, but she’d never forget the way those dark eyes held hers, the way his mouth curved in the most sinful grin, or how his hand felt in hers. Ugh, she got tingles along her arm just thinking about it. But Karson must have known that the air was crackling around them because he quickly removed Kacey from the room and wouldn’t let her out of his room until the party was over, despite her protests.
She never got a chance to see Jordie again though. She and Karson both transferred to Chicago on full-ride scholarships, but she knew that Jordie and Karson had stayed friends. It wasn’t until they were both sent to the Assassins seven years later that Kacey saw him again. He came home for Christmas with Karson and, boy, had he changed. No longer the clean-shaven young guy, he was rugged, bulky, and oh so gorgeous. He had a beard growing, nothing like it was now, but it was thick then, and she’d never realized she had a thing for beards until that moment.
When he spoke to her, butterflies went nuts in her belly but she was completely comfortable around him. He made her laugh, made her feel pretty with only a look, and he appreciated her game. Anytime they all got together, they were outside smacking the puck around and it was great. She was feeling him and was sure he was feeling her, but she never acted on her desires and neither had he. Karson had told her that Jordie didn’t do relationships, and since that’s what Kacey wanted, she stayed clear, keeping him at arm’s length.
But that all changed when she was home for Thanksgiving last year. Karson and Lacey had just gotten married without telling anyone until afterward, Jordie had just suffered an injury, and she didn’t know why she gave in, but soon she was flat against the sink, taking it from behind. They had always flirted, but this time their flirting got out of hand and there was no saying no to him. She desired him. She was sure it wouldn’t happen again—one time and, bam, they were good. But then it wasn’t a one-time thing. It turned into an every-day thing. Then she was staying with him in Colorado, helping him with his PT, and being there on the nights he felt most alone. She was sure that she was his girlfriend, but he kept reminding her that they were just friends.
And somehow she still fell in love with him.
She had never been in full-out, head-over-heels, smack-dab-in-the-heart kind of love, but she was with him. How could she not be? He was everything she wanted and more
, but for some reason, he wouldn’t recognize that. He didn’t see that he was sweet and had a good heart. He had been abused, hurt, had a bit of a drinking problem. And still knowing all that, she went in, heart wide open for him. She thought she could change him, fix him, make him love her, but she wasn’t enough. And then he completely stopped talking to her and that made the rejection even harder to swallow.
Blinking away the tears, she hated that she allowed him to still invade her thoughts, to continually break her heart over and over again. She just wanted to know why though. Had he found someone else? Was she honestly not enough for him? There were so many questions, but he didn’t give her any answers. He cut her out of his life and it wasn’t fair. She was there, holding his hand, holding him to keep him from drinking. He never admitted to having a problem, and maybe there wasn’t one, but that was the first thing he always went to when things got tough. Except, when he was with her, she was his drink.
But it wasn’t only about sex. It was real. It had to be.
Or at least she thought it had been.
Wiping her face free of the tears, she shook her head as she settled into her seat. No, it was only sex, and the sooner she accepted that, the sooner she’d get over him. It was coming up on seven months without any communication; he didn’t want her. Fine. There was someone out there for her. She just had to find him.
And she would.
“You got in late?”
Kacey looked up from her cup of coffee as her sister-in-law wobbled to the sink to wash some potatoes. Her growing belly pushed against the front of the cabinets, and Kacey couldn’t help grinning despite how dog-tired she was. She just couldn’t wait to meet her niece, to cuddle her and be her best friend. She’d always thought that Karson would have started earlier in making a family—he was always cut out to be a dad—but then he didn’t get Lacey back into his life until recently. Kacey had always known that Lacey was going to be her sister-in-law after meeting her almost nine years ago. She was everything that Karson needed, his other half, and they always just fit.
