They were all photos of Aiden.
"What the hell?” Luke whispered.
I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat went dry, chest tightening around my lungs. Numb legs carried me into the dark shed where images of my brother surrounded me like some twisted shrine. A few showed Aiden smiling while others looked more candid. Only a handful were close-ups, the rest distant.
I lifted my eyes to the ceiling, which held a few more photos. When I wandered forward to study one in the far corner, my foot kicked something hard. I looked down.
Aiden’s guitar.
I knelt down and stroked the instrument, leaving finger trails in the layer of dust that had accumulated over the years. Yes, it was his. I would recognize it anywhere.
Although it rested under the intact section of the roof, protected from most of Mother Nature’s fury, the wood of the body was cracked, and some of the strings had broken loose, trailing in spirals over the wood floor.
My lip trembled, my heart crumbling inside me. Seeing my brother’s most prized possession in this condition made my soul ache. Who could do such a thing?
I clenched my jaw, fighting back hot tears. “Jimmy,” I growled.
Luke lay a hand on my back, and I swung to face him. When he noticed my rage, he snapped his hand back, watching me carefully.
“I know this stuff is messed up, okay? Like, disturbing on all sorts of levels. But you have to simmer down.”
I brought my eyes back to Aiden’s guitar.
Luke followed my gaze, breathing a reluctant sigh. “I hate to say it, but you’ve got to go to the police with this.”
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the broken instrument. Its strings would never play his songs again.
“Look, I’ll just go back to my plan of skipping town, and you can work with the cops to find the truth about Jimmy. If he did have something to do with your big brother’s accident, you’ll know. Maybe it’ll even jog your memory from that day.”
A fire ignited in my chest at the mere idea. I could just see it. Nightfall would come, and the police would still be meandering around the shed. Then, I would be stuck in my dream world forever, fading away just like C. The Jimmy of the real world would continue living his life, carefree. And Alice and my parents would lose me. Just like we all lost Aiden.
I ground my teeth until my jaw went numb, my hands clenched into white-knuckled fists. I stood up.
“Mads?”
I walked past Luke without a word, unwilling to look into his eyes. “No,” I hissed as I passed him, marching into the clearing between the shed and the cabin. Dozens of birds flew from their perches and into the clouded sky as if driven away by my very presence.
“You don’t exactly have a choice, all right? We don’t know what this kid is capable of.”
“No!” I slashed my hand through the air to mark my answer.
The snapping and cracking of wood filled the clearing. The mighty pines and oaks towering high above us began to fall away with a whoosh, as if axed by a lumberjack. There was a thunderous crash. Then, silence.
When the shock passed, I spun to look around me. Every last tree that had bordered the clearing lay toppled on the forest floor or leaning against neighboring trees, snapped off at arm height, like twigs.
Fear crept into my chest. I stared down at my palms, eyes wide. Was I losing control?
Neither of us moved for at least a minute. Finally, Luke stepped in front of me, placing his own dark, trembling hands into mine and squeezing tight. He locked me in his gaze, trying his best to look collected.
“Madelyn, I’m telling you. You’ve got to calm down, and you need to go to the police. Please.”
I let my gaze drift to the weeds that rose around the cabin, their shoots still green. I recognized the leaves. They belonged to some of the most colorful fall wildflowers that grew around Shy Harbor. But not a single bloom rose from the mass of green.
Luke snapped his fingers to bring my attention back. “Hey, let me know you understand what you need to do.”
I nodded. “I know exactly what I need to do, but it doesn’t involve any police.”
Luke groaned, bowing his head. “You can’t confront Jimmy yourself. You just-”
“Don’t you tell me I can’t!” I hissed.
“I’m just saying. It’s… it’s dangerous.”
I cackled bitterly. “You think I’m going to snap that jackass in half, just like I did these trees?”
“That’s not what I meant. He’s dangerous.”
I shook my head, breaking away. “I need the truth. I don’t care what it takes.”
He let out a frustrated groan. “Why won’t you just listen to me?”
“That’s just my problem. I keep listening to you. I let you stop me from making Jimmy talk when we were back at Shoreview, but I should have done it when I had the chance. I keep taking your advice and taking your lead, as if you were real.”
Luke furrowed his brow, taking a step back. “What do you mean, as if I were real?”
Damn it. I should have bitten down my tongue when I had the chance, but it was too late now.
“You’re not real, Luke. I made you. I made all of this.” I gestured at the forest around us.
Luke’s expression was unreadable. “Madelyn, come on.”
“No, listen. You’re going to deny it and refuse to believe me. I know. I could make you believe, but that’s exactly my problem. I won’t. Because I care about you as if you were a real human. Maybe that’s why my mind made you. I just needed someone that much, so I could stop being alone.”
He sighed, brow still wrinkled in worry. “You’re not making any sense. You know that, right?”
I walked toward Luke until I was inches from his face. “One year ago, I started lucid dreaming, learning to be conscious during my dreams so that I could control them, manipulate them. I thought if I could explore my mind while I slept, maybe I could find my memory of Aiden’s death that was locked away in my unconscious. I didn’t do it to escape the real world, or even to create a fake version of Aiden to numb my pain. I did it so I could find the truth.”
My eyes glassed over. “I created a replica of Shy Harbor, just how I remembered it, adding all the residents I knew. All except for you. You were just… there.”
I took a steadying breath. “I knew coming back to Shy Harbor in my mind was the only way to reach my lost memory.”
Pausing, I pulled the agate necklace from my pocket. “You see this? It’s the Key to my unconscious. It’s half of the puzzle. Once I find my unconscious, I can unlock it. I was so close, but then… I tried to wake up.”
Luke remained silent.
“I must have gone too deep into my mind. And now I’m trapped, and the only way I might get out of here is by reaching my unconscious. The only path there now is to solve Aiden’s death.”
He crossed his arms. “And who told you that?”
I shuffled my feet. “My Consciousness, the friend I’ve been talking to.”
He stared at the ground, probably thinking it all over. “So you think this is all just a dream? That none of it’s real?”
Sighing, I nodded.
He scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, all this psychic power stuff is nuts, but still… a dream? What’s your proof?”
I shrugged. “Aside from all those phantom monsters, you mean? Easy. I’ve done all the reality tests. Mirrors don’t work. I can levitate. And…”
I pointed to the greenery growing around the old cabin. “My dream Shy Harbor has no flowers. Not a single one.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “It’s fall.”
“There would still be something.”
He stepped forward again, gently taking my hands in his and pressing his forehead to mine.
“Madelyn, I know this is hard. I can’t even imagine. You’ve been under a lot of stress, and I’m starting to think this place is bad for both of us. Maybe everything we found, everything that’s happened, is telling us that
this town isn’t where we should be. Think about it. I got kicked out of my place. The cops are on my tail, and then there’s this whole crazy thing about Jimmy Olson.”
He pulled back to look into my eyes. “What do you say we leave, just the two of us? Washington, Colorado. Hell, maybe even California. We start a new life, meet new friends, make some memories. I’ll prove to you that this is no dream. I promise.”
I pulled away, stepping back. Tears fell as I shook my head, fighting sobs. “I’m sorry, Luke. I can’t. I need to find the truth. I need to wake up.”
He stared, crestfallen. I knew he wouldn’t be able to understand. I wished there were another way. After a long pause, he spoke again. “Fine. I see how it’s gonna be.”
Luke turned and started walking back the way we’d come, shoulders sagging in defeat.
“Luke, wait.” Just as I reached out to him, a thump and crash behind me snapped our attention back to the shed. We shared a quick glance, approaching the open doorway with quiet steps. We looked inside. Nothing had changed.
We took another long moment to study the photos, the guitar, the gaping hole in the ceiling. But the place was otherwise empty.
“Don’t go to him,” someone whispered behind me.
We whipped around. The caved logs of the hunter’s cabin began to shift and rumble as if they were alive. After a moment of stillness, an enormous shape burst through the ruins, splinters shooting into the air. An enormous white wolf bristled and snarled as it stalked forward. Eyes as black as hell itself.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Before…
I glared at my mom over the pink bubble I was blowing from my watermelon bubblegum, and she glared back, an ugly pout accenting the icy daggers shooting from her eyes. I sunk deeper into the therapist’s overstuffed sofa, popping the bubble. My mom shook her head and sighed dramatically.
“Do you see what I mean? She’s always like this with me.”
Dr. Anna, in her sweet demeanor, raised her hands to signal my mom to relax for a moment. Her blue eyes were all sympathy. “Mrs. Clarke—do you mind if I call you that, or do you go by your maiden name now?”
Mom shrugged, still pouting. “That’s fine.”
Dr. Anna folded her manicured fingers under her chin. “Mrs. Clarke, I understand that Madelyn’s behavior has been stressful-”
“Stressful?” She scoffed. “Her sister Alice is only just a little girl, but she is so quiet and mature. She never argues with me. Never. She does her homework, never asks to go out, and even helps around the house. But this one.” She pointed to me with her chin. “Is nothing but trouble.”
I rested my elbow on the arm of the sofa and held my face with one hand, ignoring the sting of my mother’s words.
“When she wanted to cut off her beautiful hair, I went along. But then she went behind my back and dyed it pink! And do you see that eyebrow piercing? You think she got my permission for that?”
Dr. Anna turned to me, but I avoided eye contact. “Maddie-”
“Don’t call me that,” I snapped.
“My apologies. Madelyn, then. How is your relationship with your father these days?”
“What relationship?” I spat. “We never see him. Half of the days he’s supposed to take us, he doesn’t even come.”
Mom hummed her agreement. At least we saw eye to eye on one thing.
“I see. And how are you doing? Your mother says you’re quite the artist, but you dropped out of all your extracurriculars at school.”
I blew another bubble, popping it before responding. “It’s just not me anymore.”
“See? She used to draw every single day. Why the sudden change? I don’t know if she’s trying to get my attention or if its…” She lowered her voice. “Maybe she’s spending time with boys?”
“Mom!”
“What? How would I know? You don’t tell me anything anymore!”
Standing from her office chair, Dr. Anna tried to signal for both of us to be calm, unease making her pretty face more doe-eyed than usual.
“Mrs. Clarke, would you mind giving me and your daughter a few minutes to talk in private?”
Mom ran a hand through her long, graying hair and shot me one more hard look before standing up and exiting the room. The doctor removed her glasses and folded them on the desk.
She crossed her legs and watched me, waiting for me to speak. The silence stretched on for a minute or two. The only sound in the room was the ticking of a cat-shaped wall clock.
“Well, Madelyn. Your mother certainly isn’t too pleased, but I want you to know something. Although I am a family therapist, right now, I want to focus on what you need, not what your mom needs.”
I remained slumped in my chair, but I met her eyes to signal I was listening.
“It’s been nearly two years since your brother Aiden’s passing, but grief is not an hourglass, slowly fading over time until you’re fine again. It can work that way, of course. But it can also build up, damaging your other relationships and your own mental health.”
She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. Her eyes had a knowing look to them, somehow unlike the hoards of people who’d only pretended to feel for my loss.
“I believe that all these changes, these fights with your mother, that they’re the result of the grief that is building up inside. And unless you find a way to process it, it’ll keep tearing you down.”
I crossed my arms, letting my gaze drift to the window that looked out over the sprawling city below. “I can’t remember what happened on the day he died. The cops thought I was lying, but I wasn’t. It’s not fair. I want to remember. What if I saw the person responsible? If it weren’t for this stupid memory block, whoever did this would be behind bars.”
Dr. Anna chewed on the back of her pen, thinking. “You think it wasn’t an accident. Why is that?”
I sat forward so I could meet her eyes. “There’s no way he could have fallen. Aiden was practically born bouldering, and he never, ever took risks on the cliff. But apparently, I’m the only one who remembers who Aiden actually was. People just want an easy answer, so they call it an accident. But I know it was something more. Maybe even…”
She waited. “Maybe even what?”
“A murder.”
The doctor leaned back in her chair, face unreadable, scribbling something on her notepad.
“You think I’m delusional.”
“No, of course not.”
I clenched my teeth. “You think you’re so smart, that you can see right through me. Well, you can’t. You know about grief? Sure you’ve studied it in your textbooks, but have you ever really lost someone?”
She smiled a wistful smile, eyes still on her notepad. “Actually, I have.”
My anger subsided. I swallowed my gum.
“I lost my daughter to leukemia a few years ago. She wasn’t much younger than you.” Dr. Anna forced a cheerier smile. “She also loved to draw, just like you. Especially animals, koalas in particular. Don’t ask me why.”
I let my head fall, eyes on the gray carpet. “I’m sorry.”
She waved it off, shaking her head. “Don’t be. I haven’t overcome my grief yet, either. But I’m dealing with it. I’m processing.”
“How?” I couldn’t hide my interest.
“Well, I usually don’t condone this type of therapy, but since you asked...” She uncrossed her legs, folding her hands over her lap. “Have you ever heard of lucid dreaming?”
I shook my head.
“Let me explain it this way. When you dream, even though you might be fighting aliens on a pirate ship or walking your pet banana, it all seems normal at the time, right? You don’t realize you’re dreaming. What if I told you, some people have discovered ways to become conscious in their dreams? This act is known as lucid dreaming.”
She grinned. “Let me tell you, though, it’s not easy. Even when you finally get your first moment of lucidity, which can take many nights, you often lose it after a short time
, forgetting that you’re inside a dream. But when you start having more lucid dreams, and staying lucid longer, you can start to control them.
“Some people fly while others manifest the people they want to talk to. Some even talk to their own selves. When you get really experienced, you can even create whole dream worlds, but that can take years of practice.”
I pulled another strip of gum from my pocket. “How has that helped you?”
“Well, after I got the hang of it, I was able to talk to a dream version of my daughter. I knew she wasn’t real, but still, it was comforting being able say to her all the things I’ve wanted to say since she died. Just seeing her beautiful face, that was enough already.”
I sighed, resting my chin in my hands.
“I’m no psychoanalyst, but maybe exploring your mind through lucid dreaming could help you tap into your subconscious. Maybe you could trigger your lost memory and find your answers.”
I lifted my head, a surge of hope filling my chest for the first time. “How do I start?”
She smiled as she stood, walking over to her floor-to-ceiling bookshelf and running her fingers over the spines. She pulled out three books and set them in my lap.
“These should be enough to get you started. Reality checks, waking-induced lucid dreaming, dream journals. It’s all there.”
I ran my hand over the glossy cover of the top book. A painting of a moon with a dreamlike face. I carefully slid the books into my messenger bag so my mom wouldn’t see them.
Dr. Anna sat back down on her chair, blue eyes glowing.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Madelyn.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The pale beast lifted its head, releasing a howl that sounded more like the blast of a foghorn. As the giant wolf lumbered forward, I clenched my fists, running through a dozen different possibilities in my head. But they all ended with us getting eaten by this over-sized Kujo.
Luke picked up the rotting log that had propped the shed’s door open, wielding it like a club. Spreading my hands, I sent stones and twigs from the forest floor hurdling towards the wolf. The objects flew through him, and he continued unhindered.
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