“Mara.”
Her eyes fluttered open, pupils dilated and unfocused. “Lev.” Her voice had softened, and her body had relaxed into me.
“I’m afraid I’ve never made love to a woman I wasn’t married to.”
She didn’t pull away, but her smile showed a hint of pain. “There’s a first time for everything.”
“Oh, no, I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you.”
“W-w-what?” She wavered too often between the weakness of a battered woman and the strength I knew she had. It shattered my heart but stirred the protector in me.
“Love isn’t absent tonight, Mara, and I offer you a promise.”
I would say the words. I wouldn’t disrespect her gift by asking for more than she was prepared to give, but I wanted her to know the truth, even if she couldn’t reciprocate.
I dropped to one knee. “By all the winds and every wave in the sea, I swear to be yours and true to you alone, Mara, my Mer maiden.”
Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened slightly. She pulled herself from my hands. “Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t even know me. How could you love me?”
I captured her hands and pressed a kiss to the palms. “Does it scare you?”
“What if I hurt you again?” she whispered. “What if what comes next hurts you more?”
“Love always hurts in the end,” I said, tracing a line from her shoulder to her wrist and back.
She smoothed her hands over my face. “No, don’t say that, Lev. It’s too sad.”
“For me, Mara, it will always hurt in the end. I am Leviathan, as old as the world, but trapped as a man for over one hundred and sixty years. I’ve swallowed prophets, been called Moby Dick, and I never seem to die. I spent one hundred and twenty years without a past to help lead me into the future. I’ve been waiting for my end for a long time. After all the days that bled together, I don’t mind embracing what shows up in front of me.”
“I can’t love you.” Mara’s mouth turned down. “You don’t know what comes next.” Her shoulders drooped.
“Neither do you.”
“But I—” Her mouth snapped closed like she’d said too much.
“Is there someone else, Mara?”
She shook her head back and forth. “No, never anyone else.”
I lifted her chin until she met my gaze. “Then I swear this to you. You are mine, and I am yours alone.
She bit her bottom lip. “Do you mean it?”
I pulled her against me. “Until the end of time, my love.”
She moved closer, squeezed her eyes closed, and pressed her lips to mine.
Before she could do anything else, I moved her close, molding her body against me, tempering my response. Desire coursed through me, but I wanted to savor every moment. I wanted to bury my hands in her hair and ravish her red lips. Instead, I pressed a kiss behind her ear and teased her earlobe with my tongue until she arched against me.
When I lifted her, she wrapped her legs around me and moved her mouth against mine. My knees wobbled as white-hot fire poured through me. My hold tightened, and I stumbled to the bed I had never shared with any woman. Setting her on the jumble of covers, she moaned my name, clutching my shoulders and whimpering as I started to move away.
“Let me help,” she said, running her hands over my shirt and tugging at my belt buckle. She undressed me, murmuring her approval at every turn. Then, I did the same, kissing every inch uncovered until she stood in front of me, her naked skin flushed with desire.
She wasn’t anything as simple as pretty. She was gorgeous, awash in vitality. She had all my attention. There was no denying her intent.
I pulled her against me, driven by need. She wrapped her legs around me once more.
Then we were lost in a sea of sensation as the train rocked us closer and closer to happily ever forever.
Hours later, tucked against my side, Mara’s silvery hair fanned across my chest. My heartbeat thundered in my ears. She’d been fierce and soft, and a strange mix of moonlight and volcano. It had been so long since I had shared intimacy with anyone.
She sighed and traced designs on my chest.
“What is it?” I was already anticipating the next time, while she was likely mired in regret. I moved, preparing to back away, but a squeeze from her arms halted my movement.
I stifled a yawn, struggling to keep up with the mercurial moods. “Do you regret it?”
She trembled against me.
Tears. I don’t know what to do with tears. My mind blanked. What did one do in this situation? I patted her shoulder.
That was all I could conjure as I replayed what I thought was the seduction. I had no idea how I had completely misread her signals. I couldn’t deny that her post-love rejection stung. I hadn’t dated in a long time, yet I knew that disrobing was a blatant sexual, if not romantic, overture.
And then, what I thought was the sound of sobs became laughter when she tipped her chin up. “I don’t regret it,” she finally managed. Her palm was soft against my cheek. “Thank you for being mine, Lev, and I will be yours until the end of eternity.”
Her words weren’t at all what I had expected, and they took root in my heart, sprouting something that I had believed long-dead.
“I knew you’d need a sign as big as a billboard before you’d take me up on my offer.”
The quiet stretched until she slipped her hand into mine. “You’re too good, Lev.” She sighed the words.
“Not nearly good enough,” I countered, running my fingers through her hair. “I could have said no, opting for a respectable courtship first.”
“We don’t have to take the time for that.”
“Do you have travel plans?” I asked, elbowing her. It would be the train ride I would never forget. I drew her close, overcome by expression in her eyes.
She gave me a half-smile. “No,” she said, but didn’t offer anything else.
“Then what?”
She pulled away. “We have to find your son. Promise that we will. That’s the one thing I wish had been different.”
I stroked her cheek, smiling into her face. “We will.”
“I want you to know I won’t rest until we know what’s happened to him. I know how important it is to you, and we’ve lost Bitteen.”
“That leaves the Boss with the clue,” I said. “We’ll get her to tell. We’ll find a way.” I didn’t know if I spoke the truth or not, but the hope of the dream was enough.
“I won’t argue with that plan,” she said.
I didn’t have time to consider the oddity of the request, as a sleepy darkness stole over me. “If that’s what you want,” I said as my eyelids slid closed.
We woke around midnight, still awash in the languid afterglow. We dressed slowly, and I made herbed scrambled eggs and served them with fresh blueberry muffins, and Mara ran my comb through her hair.
Over our evening meal, she asked, “Do you think we’re close?”
I considered the options and shrugged. “I’m not sure. I didn’t keep track the first time we made the trip.”
Mara tapped her chin. “Neither did I.”
“We’re ready, then.”
Mara nodded. “Ready as we’ll ever be.”
43
Upset
Woe
Our Lady of the Park, Catholic Cathedral, New Haven City
I spent the ride back alone, but I slept most of the way so I didn’t have to think about what was going on at the back of the train. It was good to step out onto Unseen Street. Lev had sent Jason a message from the train, and I half-expected Jason to greet us as I peered through the window. I scanned the people who milled about the train station, but he wasn’t there. After what I’d heard about his last visit, it made sense. Trylon and Perisphere weren’t exactly members of his fan club. Maybe he’d be in the subway station.
Outside the train, I parked myself on a bench to wait for Mara and Lev. I didn’t have to guess what they’d been off doing to o
ne another. It was odd thinking of Lev with a girlfriend, much less a sex life. It was going to take some getting used to.
Together, they emerged from the last car. He grinned, and her mouth was bright red. They were as adorable as any couple I’d ever seen. Mara wasn’t in the clear with me, but after that stunt she’d pulled to save me, I figured I could give her a chance.
We’d all been close to death together, but we’d all survived. Between that and the over-the-top cuteness of the two of them together, I wasn’t quite sure where she and I stood.
But I loved Lev. And he loved her.
That was enough for the moment, enough for today. And we all needed a break from seeing enemies around every corner. There would be time to fight again.
When they drew near, I stood, feeling a bit naked without my bags. The Raishanans had said they’d ship them back to us if they found them. “Ready to go home?”
“Indeed,” Lev rumbled. He looked…satisfied. I willed myself not to blush, but I could feel it coming on anyway. I was behaving like a schoolgirl. I was a grown woman, and I’d had a husband. I knew what happened. It was an everyday thing. I’d be glad when I didn’t jump to from my normal self to blushingly awkward every time I was around Lev and Mara.
“Do you mind if I live with you in the Cavern?” Mara asked.
I snickered. “I don’t live there. You’re more than welcome.”
She tilted her head. “Where do you live?”
“I have my own apartment. It belongs to my husband and me.” I didn’t mention the anxiety attacks or the loneliness. In fact, after a few days with the two marine lovebirds, I was ready to get back to the solitude of a New Haven City high-rise. I planned to bask in the quiet and sleep for days.
Jason didn’t show up in the subway station or anywhere along the walk back to the church. I couldn’t imagine Vic hadn’t told him we were coming back. We were triumphant victors, and it didn’t seem like him to not meet us when we came back.
The minute I could, I hurried ahead, leaving the two to meander home. I traced the woodgrain on the Joan-of-Arc double door of the church. I’d never seen anything lovelier. The church had the other part of my family in it, and it was as much my home as the penthouse.
For all I knew it could have as much to do with the men who inhabited those places as it did with the places themselves. I didn’t know if I could smile at him yet—so much water had passed under that bridge. But I’d be glad to see him.
The door creaked when it opened. I scanned the interior, but Jason wasn’t inside. He must be in the Cavern. Vic met me just as I left the cathedral, headed for the downstairs office.
Vic threw her arms around me. “Woe, I lost track of time.”
I gave her a half-smile. “That makes me feel great, Vic.”
She laughed and hugged me again. “You’ll see why in just a minute. In the Athenaeum.”
“Jason?” The question escaped from my lips before I could stop it.
Vic’s face turned sad, and she dug a wrinkled envelope from her pocket.
Woe had been scrawled across the front in a heavy-duty scrawl. I ripped the flap and removed the note from the envelope.
See you soon.
Jason.
I glanced up at Vic, wanting more explanation than the mysterious note she had provided. Four words that said nothing about anything important. No apologies. No whys.
“He’s gone, Woe,” she said the words gently as though she was delivering news of someone’s death.
“Like… dead?”
Her eyes widened. “Oh, no, no. Not like that.”
“Then he’s gone… Like down the street?”
“No, he’s—”
I put my hands on my hips. “Then what do you mean he’s gone?”
Jason couldn’t be gone-gone. I was ready to bury the hatchet with him. I was tired of fighting. With Jane. With him. I hadn’t realized how true it was until that moment.
“No,” she said, drawing out the syllable. “He took a sabbatical.”
“That’s impossible.” I plastered a smile on my face and glanced around, expecting Jason to jump out from somewhere, to proclaim it had all been a prank. “He never takes a vacation.”
“You’re welcome to search the place,” she said. “But I wouldn’t lie about something like that, Woe. I know he needed it or he wouldn’t have gone. Respect his wishes enough to leave him alone as long as he needs.”
I took a calming breath. He’d gone away, and my last word to him had been to call him Judas. Regret twinged my heart. At least he’s wasn’t dead. As long as we were here, as long as the church remained, Jason would find his way home.
Vic’s question interrupted my thoughts. “Where are Lev and Mara?”
“They’re probably holding hands, romantically strolling down the streets, making goo-goo eyes at each other, I’m sure, with birds singing rainbows over their heads.” I rolled my eyes but had to blink rapidly to clear the tears that were collecting in them. It was one of the sweetest things I’d ever seen, and crying was a favorite pastime so far in my pregnancy. At least when I wasn’t worried about dying.
“They can show themselves in, then,” Vic said. “Come on.”
She took one of my bags, and we went through the secret passage and down the narrow staircase. My claustrophobia wasn’t as overwhelming this time. Vic bustled me all the way into the Athenaeum.
The blaze in the fireplace had gone out. I made a mental note to ask Lev to re-light it as soon as he could. No Jason didn’t have to mean an absence of the cozy fire.
“Woe,” a sweet voice exclaimed. “I’ve been waiting for you to get back.”
“Ziva?” I dropped my bag on the floor.
The girl ran at me and threw her arms around me.
I hadn’t expected to see her down there, never mind the risk of having a girl know about our secret hideaway, but her hug filled my heart so full I thought I might burst.
I smoothed my hand over her head. “What are you doing here?”
“Vic brought me for a visit,” Ziva said. She bounced around the Cavern. “Vic said I can stay, and it’s okay with my mom.”
“You can stay here as long as you like.” I stepped closer to Vic. “Her mom?”
“Murdered,” Vic whispered out of the side of her mouth.
“Her employer?”
She sighed. “Her pimp.”
Jason would throw a fit when he got home and found her there, but I didn’t care.
Ziva’s bounded back toward us, and she laid her hand over my belly. “Come on, little girl. Kick my hand.” When the baby obliged her, she giggled.
“Did you feel that?” I asked. She nodded, her face enraptured. It was early for somebody on the outside to be feeling movement. Maybe Vic knew how long a normal Fae pregnancy lasted. It would be nice to have a pregnancy shorter than nine months.
In that moment, however brief, I felt like the world might find a new balance and good things were in store. Until Ziva came along, Arún had been the only other person capable of imparting optimism despite grief and overwhelming sorrow.
Ziva had a knack of giving me hope when others couldn’t. Despite Jason’s future frustration about my attachment to the girl, Ziva would make a great addition to the Keepers.
44
Happy Endings
Lev
Our Lady of the Park, Catholic Cathedral, New Haven City - Three weeks later
I set a bowl filled with jelly donuts on the table in front of Woe. She smiled at me and took one, carefully tearing it apart piece by piece. She’d grown an appetite finally, and the leftover fizz-tonic sat in the corner of the Athenaeum, the case collecting book dust.
Mara would be in with supper shortly. The two of us took care of our paranormal family. Things were still strained between her and Woe. I think Woe still expected her to betray us at any moment, but things would get better over time.
Ziva skipped in and plopped down on the seat next to Woe. “Ooooh, donuts,” s
he squealed. “What kind, Lev?”
“Jelly,” I said.
“What do you say?” Woe murmured.
“Thank you, Lev,” Ziva said and then took one. She scooted back and laid her hand over Woe’s barely-there belly.
It was an odd quirk for a child to have, but Ziva was a remarkable child with a remarkable power. She chatted with Woe’s baby and swore that the contact helped her hear better. Woe never seemed to mind. She didn’t say so, but she’d settled into the role of Ziva’s mentor as naturally as a whale calf to water. Woe hadn’t noticed yet, but she couldn’t go without mentoring a young woman.
Being pregnant with a daughter made sense for her.
“Where do you come from, Lev?” Ziva asked around her last bite of donut.
“We come from the same place you do—an infinite Creator.” I winked at the girl and made a funny face when she used her sleeve to wipe red jelly from her mouth.
“We’re a creation of a Creator, and we’ve been around for thousands of years. For every one thing a mortal eye can see, there are five more they can’t,” I said, tapping her nose. “It’s a truth we all know well.”
The answer satisfied her, and she turned to whisper something to Woe.
With Jason gone, we’d decided she could visit as often as she wished, and she fit in with our little troupe. Even if Jason had a problem with it when he came back, Jason wouldn’t be able to get rid of her. We wouldn’t let him.
Vic dragged in, looking more tired than normal. Either she’d had a miserable night or Ziva had run her ragged at the New Haven City Zoo. Mothering Ziva on Woe’s days off must not be an easy hobby.
“Did you have a good time at the zoo?” Woe asked, offering the basket of donuts to Vic.
“Scoot over, Six,” Vic grumbled. Ziva climbed onto the back of the couch to make room, and lay across the back, still keeping one hand on Woe. Vic had nicknamed the little girl Six—as in sixth sense—the first time she’d seen Ziva carrying on a conversation with Woe’s baby.
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