Sadie sat back on her heels and burst into tears.
“Oh crap. What did I say?” Renee dropped to the floor beside her, rubbing her back while making a reassuring crooning sound.
“I…I’m so sorry, you’re going to think I’m a total basket case.” Sadie wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “It’s just that you were right, Renee, with what you said earlier at Dr. Hanlon’s office. I’m… Oh, God, I’m pregnant.”
“It’s okay. Shhhh. It’s okay.” Renee engulfed her in a hug, which only made her cry harder. “So, this was a bit of a surprise?”
“Understatement of the decade.”
“Ah, well. Some of life’s greatest gifts are surprises,” Renee replied awkwardly, stringing together a slew of idioms and hating how much she sounded like a Hallmark card. “But seriously, you’re a wonderful mom, and Lincoln will be thrilled to have a little brother or sister.”
“No need to sugarcoat it. Trust me, I know better than anyone how much I suck at motherhood.”
“Suck?” Renee flinched. How could the world’s most amazing high school babysitter and loveliest home maven think she sucked at motherhood? “How can you say that?”
“Easy. Look at the evidence.” Sadie sniffed, trying to wipe away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. “I can’t ever get my son anywhere on time, and you saw for yourself that my husband thinks I’m a total flop. I know it sounds stupid, but I thought I’d be a great mom. Like the one in The Parent Trap.”
Renee tried and failed to suppress a smile. “Natasha Richardson’s character?”
“Yeah. She was a fashion designer—do you remember that?” Sadie rubbed her blotchy cheeks. “She was all chic and accomplished, yet somehow still kind and motherly. I thought I would be like that, keeping up with design and still being this kick-butt caregiver.”
“She also agreed to split up her set of twins, potentially never seeing her other daughter again.” Renee winked. “So, I wouldn’t say she was perfect. Plus she’s uh…you know…not real.”
Sadie huffed a faint laugh.
“For the record, you are a fantastic mother. Think of the way your son watches you. Like you’re the best person on the planet.” Renee nodded toward Lincoln, who looked happy as a clam drinking from his sippy cup, a favorite blankie wrapped around his arm. “I don’t think a sucky mom would spend an entire morning drawing elaborate chalk drawings on the driveway. Or bring home a bubble machine. I also don’t think a sucky mom would need to take a wagon to the library each week, because a sucky mom would not check out dozens of books to read together.”
Sadie nodded, tears filling her eyes all over again but a small smile finally spreading across her face.
“Everyone has a hard day here and there. And you can’t beat yourself up for those. They happen to all of us. I promise.” Renee stood, walking toward the fridge decorated with finger paintings. “Now, how does a mocktail sound?”
“Blissful,” Sadie murmured, rising herself and dusting off her pants.
Renee retrieved a cocktail glass from the cabinet and filled it with ice, sparkling water, a splash of grapefruit juice, and even a sprig of mint. She gave it a good stir and handed the cool drink to Sadie.
“I tried to have a second child.” The words tumbled out of Renee and it was hard to tell who was more surprised, Sadie or herself. Her younger sister, Bree, was the only person she’d ever admitted this to, but she felt compelled to share it now. Maybe, hopefully, it would help. “After Tansy and before the divorce. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d imagined having a house full of children—four, five…maybe even six.”
When Tansy turned one, Renee and Russ had started trying again. She’d gotten pregnant with Tansy so quickly into their marriage that she qualified as a honeymoon baby. But months and then years went by without any luck. Renee and Russ tried to focus on Tansy, the beautiful blessing they’d already been given, but it was hard to ignore the growing sadness each month, the silent disappointment.
“I’m sorry.” Sadie grimaced at the floor. “I know I must sound like a brat. I’m just daunted. First world problems and all that.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. That was my dream to have a bunch of kids. I didn’t mean it should be yours.” Renee shook her head, not quite sure where she had intended to take the conversation. She didn’t mean to accidentally veer down a path that was all about her. Maybe this is what happened when you spent too much time alone. You lose people skills. “Less talk, more pies. Time to get to work.”
Sadie slid onto a kitchen barstool and sipped her mocktail while Renee got to work, first combining the flour and salt and then cutting in the cold butter.
“Do you have a pastry blender?” Renee asked.
“Probably.” Sadie gestured toward a deep drawer to the left of the kitchen sink. “Ethan’s mother went through our entire wedding registry and then provided me with a list of essential items I simply must have forgotten.”
Her lips curled in a mischievous grin. “Sounds like your mother-in-law has a strong personality?”
“Annette means well,” Sadie ventured cautiously. “She’ll actually be flying in tomorrow from Cincinnati for Lincoln’s party.”
“Big trip for a second birthday bash.” Renee blended the butter into the flour mixture before adding a splash of ice water.
“Ethan’s her youngest, and between you and me and the Wild Kratts? He’s her favorite child.” She rolled her eyes and Renee laughed. “I think that’s part of why I have a panic attack whenever she comes. I stress that I’m not good enough for her darling.”
“I highly doubt that.” Renee dusted the countertop with flour before deftly rolling out the dough. “And not to brag, but these pies are going to knock her Cincinnati socks off. And you better take every ounce of credit for them.”
After she’d flattened the dough to a perfect thickness and cut it into discs, Renee wrapped each piece with plastic and set them in the refrigerator.
“The dough needs to chill for an hour. I can come back later,” she said awkwardly, forgetting this waiting period of the pie-making process. “Or I can take it to my house and finish the crusts there, of course.”
“I hope you’re kidding.” Sadie wrinkled her nose. “Because one of us should enjoy that wine. Please pour a glass and hang out. It’s so nice to catch up.”
Renee agreed—it would be nice to truly catch up. The last time she’d talked to Sadie, really talked to her, had been shortly after Sadie’s parents’ big going-away party, and Sadie had still been in college then. Once Sadie’s parents had moved to D.C., they’d lost touch until she and Ethan bought the cottage. They’d lived beside one another for two years now, and yet, all they’d exchanged were neighborly pleasantries, Christmas cookies, and mixed-up mail.
As she set the blueberry-and-sugar mixture to a simmer on the stovetop, Renee felt the wine’s warm, happy buzz—or maybe it was simply the thrill of connecting with someone other than herself. When was the last time she’d shared such an open, honest conversation with someone? With her friends around town, she tended to keep things breezy and casual, only sharing the attractive parts of her life: Tansy’s impressive scholarship or funny stories from work.
Now as Renee swept up crumbs and got started on the blueberry muffins, she got up to speed on Sadie’s parents’ life, how her father had been hired as a financial manager for the Department of Treasury, and they’d recently moved into their dream home: a Georgetown brownstone.
“Are they thrilled?” Renee asked.
Sadie gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Everything there is currently neat and in order, which means they must be positively ecstatic.”
Renee didn’t question the edge to Sadie’s voice, and instead told her all about Tansy’s new life in Los Angeles. Sadie said how fun and exciting that sounded, even though Renee swore she slightly hesitated over her word choices.
“How has working with Dr. Hanlon been?” Sadie asked while replacing the Wild Kra
tts with Yo Gabba Gabba! “I’m so glad there’s finally a full-time pediatrician there instead of that revolving door of temporary docs.”
Renee’s cheeks flushed. Hopefully Sadie didn’t notice that she suddenly resembled a tomato. “It’s been a very smooth transition,” she replied with professional blandness. “Lincoln’s in fab hands. Um, can you preheat the oven for me, please? Four hundred degrees.”
Her thoughts strayed to Dr. Dan’s big strong hands, his bare left one in particular, and wondered how they’d feel sliding up the back of her arms. Were his fingertips callused from sailing? Rough and strong?
“Hey, um…can I ask a personal question?” Sadie asked right as the kitchen timer dinged.
“Of course,” she replied, retrieving the discs of pie dough and ducking her head to hide her burning cheeks. Hopefully she wasn’t about to ask if Renee was a secret horndog.
“Well, did you know your divorce was coming? Like…were there signs things were going wrong?”
“Oh.” Renee paused from rolling the dough, momentarily frozen.
Sadie had never known Russell. She hadn’t started to babysit for Tansy until a few months after he’d left, when Tansy was only five.
“Yes and no,” Renee replied, spilling a little sugar. She wiped her trembling hands on her jeans as memories flooded in.
Those too-quiet family dinners, the only source of conversation a babbling Tansy, and the year Russ forgot her birthday. How he wanted to move to a ski town and how he accused Renee of being a prude on the nights she was just exhausted.
“I knew we had problems, but I never expected him to leave me for Tansy’s kindergarten teacher.”
Sadie whipped around from the oven. “Hold the phone. I’d heard my parents talking about Russell like he was a major jerk, but never got the whole story.”
“It was a big scandal at the time. At least they waited until the end of the school year.” Ms. Samantha had been a slightly younger, slightly thinner, and slightly more attractive version of Renee. She even had strawberry-blond hair. “They moved to Stowe, Vermont, and now have three children.”
“No way. I didn’t realize Tansy has half-siblings.”
“She only sees them sporadically. Unfortunately, Russell never made much of an effort to integrate her into his new family.” Renee cleared her throat, the lie heavy on her tongue as she tried to sound more upset about this injustice than she actually felt. The awful truth was that she was selfishly glad to have Tansy to herself. Russ had taken her self-esteem, belief in love, and trust. But her daughter was hers. “But why dredge up ancient history?”
Sadie sucked on her bottom lip. “Because I know you saw Ethan and me have that stupid shouting match. Things haven’t been great here lately.”
Renee stirred cornstarch into the sweet mixture warming on the stovetop before transferring it into the prepared pie shells. She slid four beautiful pies into the oven and quietly closed the door.
“We all lose our tempers sometimes, especially when small kids are thrown into the mix, and no one’s getting anything close to eight hours of sleep,” she said diplomatically. “Marriages are hard work. Do you know what my mother always told me? It’s not fifty-fifty. It’s a hundred-hundred.”
“I think I’ve heard that somewhere, too. And yeah, you’re right. I haven’t slept a solid night in what feels like forever. Is it any wonder I feel like I’m turning into an emotional zombie?” Sadie gave a small laugh. “But…I mean, what’s going to happen to us once we throw this second child into the mix? In some ways, I feel like we’re doomed.”
“You can’t think like that,” Renee said, crossing her toes that everything would work out. She might not believe in fairy tales anymore, but this sweet cottage felt like something out of a storybook…and Ethan was so earnest, Lincoln so lovable, and Sadie so sweet. She wanted so badly for them to have a long happily ever after.
“Who knows? Maybe the new baby is your family’s missing puzzle piece.”
“You think?” Sadie sounded puzzled herself but a little more hopeful.
The two women chatted a while longer, this time about easier, more mundane things, like the weather and Essie Park’s new haircut, before Lincoln ran into the kitchen exclaiming, “Mommy! What dat smell? Is sugar?”
They both giggled at the hopeful note in his tiny voice.
“They’re Renee’s magical blueberry pies and muffins.” Sadie scooped Lincoln into her arms while Renee removed the treats from the oven. “Did you know we live next door to a bona fide superhero?” She turned to Renee with a grateful smile. “I’m serious. You really did save the day.”
“Aw, it was nothing. Really.” Renee set one warm pie in the center of the kitchen island and handed Sadie a fork. “Here. This one is for now.”
Sadie took a step back, “Please don’t tempt me. I gained too much with Lincoln and I only just got rid of the baby weight. I’m not looking forward to ballooning up again.”
“I’m going to stop you right there. Baked goods are food for your soul.” Renee arched her brow, not lowering it a centimeter until Sadie gave in, begrudgingly accepting the fork.
“Fine, fine.” Sadie delicately cut into the flaky crust. She blew on the steaming forkful for a few seconds before taking a nibble. Her eyes widened, and she quickly went for a second and then third bite. “Renee! Holy crap. This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”
Renee was chewing a bite of her own. She smiled and nodded. The truth of the matter was she couldn’t cook up romance if her life depended on it, but pie? She could bake a pie blindfolded and with one arm tied behind her back. From the time she was a girl, baking had made Renee feel happy and useful. It had given her a sort of power. She would never forget the first time she put a pie into the oven all by herself at the age of twelve, and the huge smile that had spread across her dad’s face with that very first bite. “Now this is a treat!” he’d gushed.
Ever since that first pie, Renee had gone out of her way to bake for neighbors who were housebound or under the weather, friends with new babies. Whenever she got wind of someone feeling down or needing a bit of a pick-me-up, she was on their doorstep with a freshly baked pie. Her friend Myles “ordered” two pumpkin pies for his Friendsgiving feast every year. Bree often requested a peach pie for her knitting group. Even Essie sometimes dropped elaborate hints regarding cherries and her favorite flaky crust.
“No, I mean it. This is literally the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. Forget warm chocolate chip cookies. Forget maple-walnut ice cream. Forget Boston cream pies.” Sadie’s angular face grew serious yet excited. “Stop everything you’re doing and open a pie shop. Like, yesterday.”
Renee laughed. “Oh, come on. You’re the one with baking in your blood.”
Sadie grinned. “Because of Grandma Hester?”
Renee nodded.
“Unfortunately my gene pool didn’t come with a talent for the kitchen. Still, some of my favorite childhood memories are spreading my coloring books across her kitchen table as she rolled out dough. She always explained everything as she went, almost as if she was on a cooking show. I loved it,” she said with a laugh. Sadie handed Lincoln one of the cooling muffins and the toddler actually squealed. “Yummy! Yum, yum! More?”
“I’m serious,” Sadie continued. “Why don’t you sell these? The world deserves this pie, or at least Cranberry Cove does.”
“Because I have a perfectly nice job at Dr. Hanlon’s.” Renee dabbed the corner of her mouth. “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m happy with my life, just as it is. I like to bake for my friends. That’s enough.”
Just then, the front door swung open and a deep male voice called, “Sade?”
Sadie and Renee exchanged a quick glance before a subdued Ethan entered the kitchen, carrying a bouquet of pink tulips.
“I’m— Oh! Renee,” he murmured sheepishly, giving his neighbor an awkward half wave. “Hi. I didn’t know you were over.”
“She saved my sanity and the
birthday party.” Sadie gave the flowers a hesitant nod. “For me?”
“Sweets for the sweet.” Ethan kissed Sadie’s forehead and traded her the flowers for a squirming Lincoln. But not before whispering something into Sadie’s ear that caused her lips to curl into a pleased smile. “It smells incredible in here.”
“Renee just whipped up the best blueberry pies.” Sadie gestured to the counter.
“It’s no big deal. Seriously. But I should go.” Now that domestic bliss seemed to have returned to the Landry household, Renee felt like a third wheel. The evening had been a welcome surprise, but it was time for everyone to return to their real lives.
As she strolled back to her empty house, breathing in the cool, briny air, her own words echoed through her head.
I’m happy with my life, just as it is.
In her quiet kitchen, she made chia seed pudding for tomorrow morning’s breakfast before taking a hot bubble bath upstairs. She flipped through the most recent issue of Real Simple, being careful to keep the magazine from falling into the tub while bookmarking a recipe for a Mediterranean couscous dish.
Dan likes Mediterranean food.
I wonder what he ate for dinner tonight.
Bree called as she dried off.
“Whatcha up to?” her sister asked. Renee could hear pots and pans clattering in the background.
“I’m more curious to know what you’re up to.”
“I got carried away at the shop again,” Bree said. “I’m teaching that intro to knitting course, and I have three kids this session! Which is awesome, of course, but kids tend to get pretty distracted.”
Renee laughed, thinking of the many times Bree tried teaching Tansy to knit, and her daughter ended up with a book in her hands instead.
“Anyways, I’m just making a late dinner now. Spaghetti care of Paul Newman.”
“Gourmet.”
“Shut up. I was actually calling to see if you wanted to go with me to that pinot-and-paint fund-raiser at Chickadee Studios,” Bree said. “It’s tomorrow night. Are you free?”
Of course Renee was free. And yet she faltered, just as she always did.
Forever Friends Page 4
