* * *
The next morning, at nine o’clock sharp, she knocked on Renee’s cheerful red door.
Eight o’clock was too desperate she had decided the night before. But if she waited until ten, Renee may already be out and about for the day.
“Good morning, Sadie. Hiya, Lincoln.” Renee had her hair tied into a French braid and a smudge of flour on her cheek. “What’s up?”
She shoved Grandma Hester’s recipe book into Renee’s hands. “Let’s do this.” She blew right past all the usual pleasantries. “I know the pie shop is a big leap, but I need it. Heck, we both need it.”
“You’re serious.” Renee’s head whipped back with shock. “Come on in and we’ll chat. I just pulled a batch of scones out of the oven and they need to be eaten.”
Relieved to be invited in and not laughed at for showing up and acting like a crazy woman on a mission, Sadie walked right in.
Renee’s cottage was the definition of adorable. While her own mom had an affinity for trendy, modern art and leather furniture, Renee’s decor had always been warm and sentimental. Every item in her house, from the mismatched plates to the upright piano, had a story.
“Smell good!” Lincoln cheered.
“It always smells yummy in here.” Sadie nuzzled Lincoln’s little nose with her own. “Miss Renee is a magical baker. Do you remember what a baker does?”
“Cuppy cake! Bread!”
“Coffee?” Renee held up a French press.
“Please, oh, please, oh, please. I’m allowed one cup a day and could use every ounce.”
Renee filled two ceramic mugs. She transferred the scones to a wicker basket lined with a tea towel that said “Sweet Dreams Are Made of Cheese” and placed it in the center of the kitchen table. She then spread a classic star-pattern quilt on the floor and handed Lincoln a few plastic bowls and measuring spoons to play with.
“You’re always so prepared.” Sadie sighed, both awed and defeated. Renee was the sort of wife and mother Ethan and Lincoln deserved. If he was smart, Ethan would take Lincoln and move into Renee’s cottage and never look back. “I’m always two steps behind.”
“You’re too hard on yourself.” Renee smothered her scone with butter. “It’s just the stage you’re at. Trust me on this, I’m old and wise.”
“S-sometimes…” Sadie stammered, staring down into her cup of coffee. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m a bad mom. I think about my grandma…and my mother…and how much better they were at this whole mom thing than me.”
There. She’d done it. Spoken the ugly fear out loud.
“Grandma was so great at involving me in fun activities, from having me help her bake to collecting different shells and driftwood during our nature walks on the beach,” Sadie continued. “And Mom always had me signed up for something educational or enlightening. She banned frozen food from the dinner table and never lost her temper. Ever.”
“Okay, that? That just isn’t human.” Renee reached for Sadie’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m sure your mom had her moments. I used to be a shower crier myself.”
“A what?”
“A shower crier,” she said, smiling sadly. “I would bottle everything up during the day and then let it all go once I got into the shower at night. Because God forbid I show my daughter that I was a real person with real human feelings.”
“Maybe I should give that a try.”
“Listen, Sadie, you’re not a bad mom. I swear. All of us mothers try our very best, but let’s face it. Kids don’t come with instruction manuals. As much as we love them, they push our buttons and put us through the wringer. We may have the best of intentions, but we’re only human.”
Sadie nodded, trying not to cry yet again. She was becoming quite a waterworks lately.
“I’m feeling like a pretty lousy parent myself these days,” Renee admitted in a confidential tone.
“You?” Sadie’s eyebrows flew into her bangs. “Yeah right. What’s happened? You only sent three care packages this month?”
Renee sighed and took a slow sip of coffee. “Ever since Tansy went away to school, it’s like she’s becoming a different person. I knew college would be a change, but I didn’t anticipate a total transformation. It’s impossible to get ahold of her these days. Just yesterday, when she finally did call, it was to inform me that she didn’t want to come home this summer. She wants to go and live with her new boyfriend and his family in Vail, Colorado.”
Renee looked near tears herself. She swallowed thickly. “I had never even heard of this boyfriend until that phone call.”
Sadie thought of the photos and videos Tansy frequently posted on both her Instagram and Facebook accounts. Her former—and favorite—babysitting charge was now taking photos of herself drinking White Claw and filming videos of her friends doing keg stands. She seemed to favor crop tops and could often be seen hanging on the arm of a fraternity brother.
“You aren’t on social media much, are you?” she asked, just for confirmation.
“Like Twitter and stuff? No, I hate all that.” Renee shuddered. “Tansy created a Facebook profile for me at some point, but I forgot my password and never bothered to update it. I just don’t have a need for it. If I want to talk to someone I call or text. It makes me sound ninety, but it’s how I roll.”
“Right.” Sadie debated if she should tell Renee about the posts. Even though she wasn’t completely sure it was her place, she figured she would want to know if Lincoln was getting involved with the wrong crowd. “I have something to show you.”
She pulled out her iPhone, and Renee huddled close.
She scrolled to Tansy’s Instagram profile, and sure enough, the girl had posted a photo just last night. She was wearing a bikini top paired with a pair of jean shorts that revealed half a toned buttcheek. She had a red Solo cup in one hand and was in the arms of a well-muscled guy with a giant tattoo on his shoulder and a backward baseball hat on his head.
“What the,” Renee inhaled.
“Ayuh. That’s a pretty standard post for her.” Sadie handed Renee the phone so she could scroll at her own pace. “Her pictures started changing last fall. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just innocent and fun. I mean it is her freshman year.”
She peeked over Renee’s shoulder at Tansy holding up a bottle of vodka while wearing a white dress with an absurdly deep neckline. She had a cigarette dangling from the corner of her mouth and made a vulgar gesture with her vodka-less hand.
Sadie shook her head. Nope. Not so innocent.
The color drained from Renee’s face. “Smoking? She hates smoking. We both do. There’s no way a student could party like this and have time for studying. What if she loses her scholarship?”
“Tansy was always exceptionally smart,” Sadie said helplessly, hating that she was the messenger here. “I’m sure she’s got it figured out.”
Renee pushed the phone away and closed her eyes. “I feel so freaking out of the loop.”
“Tansy is thousands of miles away. How could you have known any of this was going on?” Sadie countered. “Kids go a little wild their first time away from home. I know I did. Tansy is smart and was always a good girl. She’ll find her way.”
“But I let her become so distant. I should have been more persistent.”
“She’s living on her own now. You can’t be there every minute. She has to make her own mistakes. It’s like you said, all of us are just trying to do our best.”
“You best!” shouted Lincoln. “Pies best!” The two friends hugged and laughed.
And for the next hour they talked about pies and business plans. It felt fantastic.
Chapter Twelve
Renee sat and stared at the phone in her hand. After a great business-brainstorming session with Sadie, she now had to switch gears and deal with Tansy. Tipping her head back, she blew out a long raspberry. How was she going to handle this?
Should she play it cool for the first few minutes, and then let it rip?
Or s
tart off full Mama Grizzly with angry shouting and threats to kick her butt off the Santa Monica Pier? Tempting, but probably not productive.
Good lord, the fact she even needed to have this conversation felt insane. Smoking, drinking—who knew what else?
Renee didn’t want to shame her or put even more distance into their relationship. But she couldn’t condone binge drinking. And if Tansy was having sex with this Beckett, it better be protected. She’d suffered through not one, not two, but three painfully awkward talks with Tansy about birth control pills, condoms, IUDs, oh my!
She closed her eyes as the reel of Instagram pictures played past like a disturbing movie starring a stranger. How could Tansy have changed so much in such a short time? Not too long ago, she had been too self-conscious to wear a bikini or ask her crush to the annual Sadie Hawkins dance. Renee had to cheerlead every single tentative step Tansy took toward being less shy and more confident with boys or her body.
And now she was running half-naked around Los Angeles. Renee wasn’t stupid—she assumed Tansy would have her fun. But sipping on the occasional cocktail was a lot different than beer bongs and shots.
“What do I even say?” She shoveled in a third scone before choking on the dry bite. So much for eating her feelings. “It’s like she’s throwing everything away, and for what?” she said, once she finished coughing. “I have no idea.”
“I’m not sure either,” Sadie admitted. “But the first step is just to be honest with her. I think I would approach it from both an emotional and logical perspective. Tell her how seeing those posts made you feel, and make sure she knows the implications. Like she doesn’t want that to be what people look at if she applies for an internship.”
Renee squeezed her eyes, feeling the beginning throb of a migraine. “I hadn’t even thought of that.”
Sadie gave her a squeeze. “Good luck. Come over later if you want to debrief.”
After Sadie left, Renee made her way upstairs. She’d call from Tansy’s bedroom, with its creamy yellow walls, crowded bookshelves, and loft bed. Her prom dresses still hung in the closet, and her stuffed lamb perched on the nightstand. It still smelled like her, a sweet mix of vanilla and brown sugar–body lotion. Renee needed to be here for this phone call, surrounded by Tansy’s old, familiar things. She needed those physical reminders of who her daughter was before she’d moved to California.
She sat on the multicolored rug and leaned her back against the mostly empty dresser.
“Oh Mother, hi.”
Renee heard giggling in the background, and the slam of a car door.
“I’m a little busy. Mia—you remember Mia, right? The girl who lives across the hall? We’re heading—”
“No,” Renee replied immediately, her tone serious and commanding.
“No what?”
“You and I are going to talk now. I don’t care where it is you and your friend were going, I want five minutes.”
“Um, okay?” she replied, taken aback. “What?”
“I just, I just called to say,” Renee took a deep breath. “You’ll be spending your summer in Cranberry Cove, not in Colorado. I’d be open to you going for a week or two, but that’s it.”
“Um, yeah. That’s not happening. Beckett already told his parents I’m coming,” she sniffed haughtily. “I won’t risk upsetting them.”
Renee felt some of the wind escape her. Apparently, Beckett’s parents’ disappointment was more concerning to Tansy than her own mother’s.
“This isn’t some joke, Tansy,” Renee said, her nerves frayed. “I finally got wind of your social media this morning. From the kegs to that shirtless boy you’re constantly draped over like a curtain, your behavior isn’t exactly scholarship material. And smoking cigarettes? Really? What the heck are you thinking? Remember Grandpa’s lung cancer? Hello? I thought you were smarter than that.”
“B-but,” Tansy started to stutter, “you hate social media! How do you even know what I’m posting?”
“A friend brought it to my attention.” Renee decided not to out Sadie. She didn’t want Tansy to know her former babysitter had ratted her out. “You’ve worked your talented little butt off to get where you are. Why risk blowing it? You’re going to be the next Nora Ephron, remember?”
Tansy snorted. “Beckett thinks rom-coms are stupid.”
“Too bad for Beckett then.” Renee stared at the Sleepless in Seattle poster over Tansy’s desk for so long that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan were reduced to blurry peach-colored blobs. Tansy was nine the first time they watched it together. As the credits rolled, she’d declared it the most romantic thing she’d ever seen, and asked to watch it again the next day. It had felt so pure, and so fun, to bond over movies, squee during the grand gestures, and bury faces in pillows during the dark moments. “Since when are you the kind of girl to change yourself based on what a boy thinks?”
She’d raised her better than that, hadn’t she?
“Whatever.” Renee could tell Tansy was rolling her eyes. “Anyways, that was just a kiddie dream.”
“It’s kiddie to want to write great comedies?”
Tansy exhaled. “Look, I get that it’s hard for you, but I’ve grown up a lot since moving out here. I’m changing. I’m not some helpless child who needs Mommy holding her hand all the time.”
Renee closed her eyes, her migraine going up a notch. “If you’re such an adult, how are you keeping up with your schoolwork? It looks like partying is your new major.”
“That’s a stretch.”
“Is it, though?” Renee snapped. “You know, when you came home for winter break, I never considered asking to see your first semester’s grades. And now I’m starting to think that they weren’t as stellar as you claimed.”
When Tansy had reported she’d received straight As her first term, Renee hadn’t thought to ask for actual proof. Tansy was a hardworking, dedicated student. She always had been. One afternoon during her sophomore year, Tansy had actually arrived home in tears, practically inconsolable over receiving a B+ on a history paper.
“I’m not even close to failing out, but thanks for the vote of confidence.” Hurt filled Tansy’s words. “I’m totally maintaining the GPA required to keep my scholarship. I’m not an idiot. So, calm down. Please. I know this must come as a shock but I can chill at frat houses and write an essay on Emily Dickinson. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Since when do you even care about Greek life? Let me guess. Mr. Shirtless is a frat boy. What a shocker.”
“His name is Beckett! And I am going to Colorado this summer, for as long as I feel like. I’m legally an adult, and I can make my own decisions. And I choose Beckett. I want to spend my summer with him.” Tansy’s anger erupted. “You know what? You’re probably just jealous because when’s the last time you’ve had a boyfriend since Dad left? Oh wait, I know…never!”
The phone went dead.
Renee sat in stunned silence, looking at her phone as if it had smacked her across the face.
Whoa.
She blinked, trying to focus, but the room felt blurred and unreal.
What the hell just happened?
Her daughter had never spoken to her that way; they used to joke they were like the Gilmore Girls. Now it felt like they were starring in a nineties Jerry Springer episode or something. Except, what Tansy had shouted had some truth to it, even if she did spit it out like a brat.
She hadn’t slept with anyone since Russell left. And she hadn’t slept with anyone before him either. The tall and lanky Russell Rhodes, with his green eyes and shaggy blond hair, had taken her virginity, and she’d married him thinking they’d be together forever.
Her almost-kiss yesterday was the most romantic action she’d received since she’d bought a battery-operated boyfriend off Amazon five years ago.
Good lord. She was practically a nun.
And what had she been thinking anyway, moving in for that kiss? Sure, she had a giant crush on the tall, dark, and handsome
Dr. Dan, but he was first and foremost her boss. And she had forgotten how awkward it was to share your feelings. Did he really like her? After all, she was a woman who loved going to Target or watching HGTV.
Renee pushed herself from the bedroom floor and trudged downstairs in dazed, plodding steps.
Restless, she needed company—some light conversation and distraction.
Sadie, she thought, grabbing a jean jacket and heading next door.
No one answered though. She must be putting Lincoln down for his nap.
From there Renee grabbed her bike and headed down Seashell Lane and eventually turned onto Bree’s street, Starboard Court, head down, lost in thought.
Maybe she should join a dating website.
There were dating sites for just about every type of person, right? It would be like online shopping for the perfect man. She would request someone tall and tanned.
Eyes? Blue. Definitely dark blue like the ocean she loved so much.
He’d have to be sweet-tempered, giving, and passionate about doing good in the world.
Widowed, divorced, or never married. No preference there. But he’d need a healthy appetite and an adventurous palate. He wouldn’t be one for trendy fad diets. He’d have to love bread and pasta.
Dan.
She was describing freaking Dan Hanlon.
Frustrated, she propped her bike by Bree’s front steps and rapped on her sister’s antique door knocker with extra force.
“Whoa, tiger. Don’t break it.” Bree wrung a dish towel in her hands. Behind her, the house looked darker than usual, most of the blinds pulled shut.
“Can I come in?”
Bree hesitated but nodded after a too long pause, motioning her forward.
“Sorry to barge in.” Renee studied Bree carefully. She had pale purple circles beneath her eyes, and her burst of curly blond hair hung lank. She was wearing a pair of worn jeans and an old oatmeal-colored sweater. She looked tired and slightly sad. Nothing like her usual serene self. “What’s wrong?”
Forever Friends Page 11
