by Alex Lidell
Lovely.
Drawing myself together, I pull in a long, steadying breath, filling my lungs with the scent of woods and power that comes from the male. Right. Here goes. I raise my chin. “River—”
The male puts a callused finger to my lips. “I fell in love with you when I didn’t know who you were, Lera,” he whispers, his gray eyes flashing with soul-shredding desperation. “With my memories gone, with everything around me screaming that I needed to stay away, I couldn’t help myself. You own my soul. Always will.”
I catch his wrist, feeling the speeding pulse tapping against the skin. Looking down from above, I can see the tension coiling each of River’s muscles, from his impossibly broad, bare shoulders to the hard squares of his abdomen and the rock-hard cords along his thighs. When he swallows, I see the agony lining his eyes, an unbridled terror that what he did in the courtyard—what he had to do in the courtyard—would make me walk away.
“River,” I say, my voice gentle. “River, I’m not mad at you. I was, but I’m not anymore. There is something I need to tell you.”
He tenses, bracing for a blow. “Please don’t,” he whispers. “Please don’t leave me, Lera.”
“No.” I catch myself as River flinches. “I mean, no, I’m not going anywhere. In any way. It’s something else. And I need to you to stay calm. And not—” Not faint or go feral or lose all your better sense.
“Time’s up.” Shade’s voice lashes between River and me as he crosses the library. “Lera and I have unfinished business.” I have only a moment to turn and brace myself before the male is in front of me, gripping my shoulders, golden eyes blazing. His muscles are so tight, it looks like he’s barely breathed since I left the library fifteen minutes ago. “Pull a stunt like that again, and I will muzzle you.”
“Stand down.” River is on his feet at once, lips pulled back to reveal his canines.
Standing between the two males, I put a hand on both their chests, shoving River back down into his chair while forcing Shade to take a step back. “I don’t need help dealing with this idiot, River,” I say, twisting to square off against the shifter, my blood heating. “Speak to me that way again, and I will rip off your balls and feed them to the first hog I find.”
“You think it’s me who is the problem here?” Shade demands.
Leaving River where he is, I pinch Shade’s arm right above the elbow and pull him toward the back of the library, Tye and Coal both getting out of my way without a word.
The high-domed ceiling makes it so even the soft rustle of pages turning feels grand and somber. But it also makes it so I can hear every single sound irritatingly magnified—Shade’s quick breaths at my back, Gavriel’s scratching quill at some private desk in the stacks, tiny squeaks as Arisha’s cat, Minion, tortures another mouse. I wonder where Arisha went that Gavriel hadn’t found her, what the girl would find more interesting than plotting against Owalin.
A sudden boom of thunder is so loud in the scratching, squeaking silence that I jump, then yank harder on Shade’s arm to try to mask it.
The tsunami of emotions battering me with every step turns the edges of my vision dark, the beat of Shade’s pulse under my fingers like a tapping against my soul.
This isn’t how anything was supposed to go. Like River’s performance in the courtyard, it’s a bloody mockery of all the times I imagined the return of Shade’s memories, the male wrapping his muscled arms around me, his velvet lips brushing against mine. And it’s bloody unjust.
Many turns through long narrow aisles later, we reach a reading nook that Arisha showed me once, far in the back corner of the vast library—the closest we can get to privacy, short of going outside. Tall, semicircular shelves surround a space covered in floor cushions, a single curved window cut out in the center of the shelves casting light to read by—though with the coming storm, it might as well be twilight in here.
I shove the male against the wall. “You want to tell me what in the name of all the stars is up with you?” I demand, pressing my fingers into Shade’s flesh, my hard tone the only thing I can do to fight against my stinging eyes.
Shade looks down at me, at the grip that I have on his arm, his usually expressive golden gaze as unreadable as River’s. His bare chest rises and falls with deep even breaths, every intricate line of muscle casting shadows in the low light, a sheen of sweat glinting on his abdominals despite the swiftly cooling air. Lines of strain spider from the corners of his eyes. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he let me shove him against the wall because he needs its support to keep upright. Given that he threatened to muzzle me moments ago, however, I am not about to underestimate the male for a moment.
“Well?” I prompt, realizing Shade still has yet to answer my question.
“I remembered who I am,” he says.
“And did something go wrong with that process?” Still holding on to Shade’s elbow, I press my other hand into his sternum, my canines bared. “Because the Shade I knew was a reasonable and kind male, not a thickheaded coyote who wants to shove, piss, and growl his way to whatever he wants.”
Shade’s brow twitches at my grip, a hint of irony flashing before it disappears behind that damn mask of cold resolve. “What I am, cub, is a wolf. And a warrior. One who left you unprotected for too many months. That ends now—whether you like it or not. I’ve told you before, when I have a choice between keeping you happy and keeping you safe, the latter will win every time. I don’t give a bloody damn whether you like that answer.”
Heat simmers my blood, the tolling bell in the keep’s tower reminding me how little time we have before people die. “So I can add my happiness to the long list of things you no longer give a bloody damn about.” With an effort that’s as grand as squaring off before Coal, I tamp down the streak of violence rushing through me and force myself to try reason. “All right, Shade. Let us play this out. Two dozen Night Guard fae are holding half the continental kings hostage. Magic is free in the mortal world. What exactly do you imagine happening now if you had your way?”
“We go home,” says Shade. “Once I’m certain River is stable and we can get you out of here safely.”
“You want to abandon them?” The words sound strange on my tongue. “The humans. You want to forget we were here on a mission, that the Night Guard is holding their kings hostage, and sneak out the back door?”
“I don’t want to abandon anybody,” Shade snarls, finally grabbing the hand I have holding his elbow and throwing off my grip. “But I already have. There is no going back on what I’ve done!” Shade’s chest heaves as if he just ran for miles, his tight cheekbones and jaw razor-sharp in the shadows, his long black hair giving his beauty a feral edge. His throat bobs. “I can only try to contain the damage now. To protect you and the pups ahead of all else.”
“You—” I stop, something about Shade’s words catching inside my chest. Frowning, I study his tight face, the lines that I took for fatigue before now looking more like deep pain. Beneath the taut tanned skin, Shade’s muscles are so tense that it’s a miracle the male can move at all. I cock my head, gripping his gaze before it can slide away. “What do you mean, what you’ve already done?”
Shade flinches.
My chest tightens. ”What did you do, Shade?”
His head drops, his large shoulder curling slightly around his core. Beyond the window, the rain finally starts, like a bucket being overturned. But through a slim crack in the clouds, a single ray of sunlight sparkles against the silver I now see lining his large eyes. I don’t want to abandon anybody—but I already have. Shade’s words whisper again in my head.
Slowly, carefully, I reach toward his cheek, the stubble there just peeking from his tanned skin.
Shade presses himself farther into the wall, shaking his head slightly.
Ignoring the signal, I lay my palm on his face, letting the tiny shadow of stubble prickle my palm. ”Who did you abandon?” I whisper.
He lifts his gaze with as great an effo
rt as I’ve ever seen from him, golden eyes wide with a mix of vulnerability and sorrow. “You. I abandoned you. For months and months. I left you all alone. You are with cubs, and I left you all alone.”
My hand tightens on Shade’s chin, and I don’t let the male pull away from me. “You had no choice. The magic—”
“My wolf knew!” he yells. “My wolf fought it. Sensed what was happening. If he could do it, I should have as well. I should have fought harder.” Shade’s voice shakes as he speaks, and when I take a step closer to him, I feel the fine tremor rushing through his body. In all my time with the quint, I’ve seen Shade angry and worried, stubborn and kind—but this is the first time I’ve seen him tearing apart with a pain so deep, I don’t know how I’m going to reach it.
All this time I was furious with Shade for being a bastard to me, I hadn’t realized it was actually himself he was punishing. “It wasn’t your fault,” I say, enunciating each word. “It was a magical accident. And all four of you were affected the same way.”
“It was different for me.” He rubs his hands over his face, gripping his hair on the way down. “My wolf knew the truth. And I should have too. But I didn’t. I didn’t even smell the cubs. And that day in my infirmary, when you were in so much pain and fighting through it, I was too worried about what my own cock wanted to see the truth that was right before my eyes.” The ache filling every syllable of his voice spills into the air between us, sharpening the male’s earthy scent. With the evening light sculpting his hard muscle, he looks more like a wolf than ever, his yellow eyes intent with a predatory protectiveness that is ready to tear any culprit to shreds.
Ready to tear his own soul to shreds.
“My wolf is furious with me,” Shade tells me softly. The delicate flaring of his nostrils draws my gaze, making me aware of just how each one of his tiny movements affects my own body. “He only stepped aside to let me return because we felt…felt that you were calling for me. And he couldn’t bring us to deny your call. But the wolf is right—I don’t deserve you. Not when I couldn’t—ow!”
Still standing on my toes, I pull my mouth away from where I just bit Shade’s bottom lip hard enough draw tiny red droplets. “You are my mate,” I say, low and gravelly, suddenly drunk on the coppery taste of his blood. On the roused mating bond that now twists in my chest. Inside my own veins, heat spreads through my body, quickening its circuit with every heartbeat. It’s been so long since I tasted him, and I’d almost forgotten his spicy, earthy flavor, as addictive as a fine wine. “If you think I’m going to let you hide behind a wet nose and a furry tail to save yourself from feeling all the emotions the rest of us grapple with, then you’ve truly forgotten who in the bloody stars you got yourself entangled with.”
Shade laps the cut on his lip, the tip of his tongue flicking over his canines with a predatory gleam. Balancing on the edge of his wolf shift as Shade is, I can almost see the awesome primal instinct taking hold of him, the force of it strong enough to make my own deep-lying predator break its leash.
With the next heartbeat, it’s all I can do to keep from pouncing on the nearest bookshelf just to hunt down a mouse I can hear skittering beneath the stacks. Inside my chest, the mating bond drinks it all in, pulsating with blind need to secure its hold.
Shade’s fingers dig into the wall behind him, his coiled muscles twitching with strain. His broad chest fills with quick breaths, his golden eyes flashing and dilating. A wolf ready to pounce, drawing on every fiber of his being just to keep himself in check. “Walk away, cub,” Shade pants. “Slowly. Walk away from me slowly.”
“No.” I swallow, a streak of heat racing down my spine. Energy simmers inside my muscles, making heat pool low in my abdomen, rousing every scent to full wakefulness.
Shade growls, the sound more animal than fae. “Another few heartbeats, there won’t be any walking at all.”
My heart quickens, the echo of Shade’s words rushing through my blood. Run. Fight. Mate. The options flash through my body without deference to higher thought, the whole world beyond us sinking into a distant fog. Run. Fight. Mate. A small growl rumbles through my own chest, as each heartbeat strips away another swath of civility.
My sex pulses in echo of my heart, making my hips clench with need. When I feel a trickle of moisture slither down my thigh, Shade shoves himself away from the wall.
“Go!” he hollers at me.
And so I do. Right into him.
7
Lera
We crash right back into the wall Shade just left, my nails raking the male’s bare chest, leaving four parallel gashes in his perfect tan skin. Some sane part of me is appalled at the deep, bleeding marks, but another much more primal essence savagely savors the satisfaction of having marked the male. Having told his body that it’s mine. I stare at my handiwork, my thighs slick beneath my dress, my sex clenching with the same savageness that spurred my hand.
Shade pounces with a snarl, his callused hands grabbing my wrists, his mouth claiming mine. The male’s scent of earth fresh from rain fills my lungs as his tongue pillages my mouth, taking me in deep, possessive strokes that make it impossible to breathe.
I struggle against his unyielding grip, which only makes him shift his hold from my hands to my backside, fingers digging viciously into flesh. The small dots of pressure pierce deeply into my muscles, a predator holding prey captive. The feeling spills into my blood, rousing me to the dangers of playing with a wolf.
My hips undulate, my underthings dampening more with each moment. The bulge in Shade’s trousers presses into me, his cock so hard that I can feel it throbbing. Gathering all my strength, I shove my hips against that hard cock, a jolt of pleasure streaking along my apex as I manage to connect with it.
Shade’s body bucks against me in return, and he grunts as he deepens his kiss.
I reach down to tear open the flies holding him captive. The large rock-hard cock springs free with enough force to sting my thigh. The mere thought of all that power entering me is enough to make me moan impatiently, a low sound swallowed up by the pounding rain outside. I push my hips forward, and Shade grips the backs of my legs, lifting me without ever surrendering my mouth.
He takes one step forward, hoisting my slick thigh onto his taut waist before ripping away my damp underthings with the same ruthless consideration I gave his flies moments ago. The sound of the ripping fabric makes my sex clench hungrily.
Shade tears his mouth away from mine, pressing his damp forehead against mine. “Mine. You’re mine.”
I moan and buck, impatience almost making tears press out of my eyes.
With the next breath, Shade sheathes his cock to the hilt inside me.
I gasp, twisting along Shade’s length, the great size of him impaling me somehow too much and not nearly enough at the same time. His powerful hips pump forward, sliding me along his cock as if I weigh nothing at all, the thick head of his cock striking the most sensitive spot deep inside me.
I grip his shoulders with all my strength, my teeth sinking into the side of his neck as the pressure inside me takes over my body. Shade growls and thrusts harder, faster, wildness taking any remaining finesse out of his movements.
Thump. Thump. Thump. The wet strikes of my body against Shade’s rake through my core. My apex throbs, the need inside building more and more, fueled with every deep inhalation of Shade’s damp-earth scent. I can’t think, can barely breathe for the want of him. A deep longing so far inside my body that it drives me mad.
“Last. Chance,” Shade rasps into my ear, though I’ve no notion how he manages the words, my own long gone. “We’ve things to settle. And I intend to. Thoroughly.”
A shiver runs through me, the dangerous edge to his words sending just enough anxiety into my blood to make my already aroused sex clench uncontrollably.
Taking my shudder for an answer, Shade pulls out of me long enough to hook a nearby bookshelf with his ankle, his body covering me protectively as he twists us both away fro
m the crashing furniture. Nudging a few priceless books out of the way, he grips my waist and bends me over the upturned shelf, the hard edge digging into my belly bothering me only until I feel Shade’s strong arm slide beneath my hips as he settles himself behind me.
Gripping the ragged hem of my dress, the male tears the cloth just to my waist. The feeling of being half bared from the bottom somehow makes me more vulnerable than pure nakedness.
Shade growls, a sound I feel as much as hear. With one arm still firmly clasping my waist, he pushes my thighs apart and—
I gasp as callused fingers slide through my sex, top to bottom, smearing my juices so my scent fills the air. When Shade’s slippery touch traces either side of my swollen bud, I discover just how unyielding the shifter’s hold on my waist is, my struggles gaining not an inch of ground.
Pinned. Exposed. Excited and needy beyond logic. A strangled whimper escaping my throat turns to a yelp as a sharp crack along my backside lights every nerve ablaze. A second slap follows, this one harder. The pain turns to pulsing that scorches my skin—and is nothing compared to the molten heat now bathing my apex.
My breaths come in little gasps, my hands opening and closing against the edge of the bookshelf. Shade’s power and arousal fill my lungs with every inhale, the intoxicating feeling driving me insane until I can’t think beyond the throbbing in my sex.
I’d thought the dangerous, exciting edge of Shade’s power made me the prey in this game. But as I feel everything inside me rouse and fight, I realize my error. My primal fae body is no prey, and Shade’s alpha wolf instincts have known it all along. It’s a predator the wolf wants to conquer, and the looming intensity of that clash makes my breath catch, my body bucking with renewed anxious energy.
Ignoring my struggle, Shade massages my backside. The gentleness of his touch is a new type of torture, making the clenching need gripping my apex creep away from the edge. It’s not pain the bastard is after, but control. And if I ever get the upper hand in this, I’ll rip him apart for it—no matter how much my traitorous body moistens for the forced surrender.
