After rereading it a hundred times, I thoroughly despised every word. It said nothing about how I felt, how much I missed her, how badly I wished she was coming home to see me in addition to working her event. Maybe she’d have stayed with me—we could have had the entire weekend together. Slept two nights in my bed. Woken up together—I’d never gotten to wake up with her.
Angry, I hit send and put my phone on the charger. Then I switched off the lamp, rolled over and yanked the covers to my shoulder.
Miserable. Frustrated. Alone.
Twenty-Six
Winnie
I was sitting on my couch in the new apartment working on some social media content for The Alexander when the text from Dex came in.
Holding my breath, I read it through three times.
Exhaling, I closed my eyes. Tears welled behind my lids, which surprised and annoyed me. Why should he still have the power to make me sad when things were going so well?
I loved my new job, and I liked all my co-workers, especially Sandra. She was in her fifties, recently widowed, and had moved away from Manhattan to start a second chapter in her life. Her kids were in college and she lived alone, so sometimes she and I worked late nights together and ended up having dinner while we worked. She was fast becoming a mentor, if not a friend, and I really admired her work ethic, style, and grit.
The Alexander was beautiful, and I had a small office of my very own with a view of the gardens. My new apartment was tiny—just one bedroom and one bath—but close to work, not far from the beach, and I could walk to downtown Newport within minutes.
It just didn’t feel like home.
I told myself to give it time—it had only been ten days, after all—but inwardly I worried that I’d never feel like I belonged here. Ellie and I were in constant touch about our wine tasting dinner, and that kept me feeling close ties to Cloverleigh Farms too.
But I was determined to push forward, be successful, and meet new friends. I’d promised myself I’d start saying yes to some of my co-workers’ invites to drinks after I got back from Michigan next weekend—that is, if I survived seeing Dex, I thought, as my eyes ran over his words a fourth time.
It didn’t even sound like him. There was no grumpy humor, no dirty words, no personality. It was just straightforward, polite, almost formal.
Had he gotten over me already? Maybe he wasn’t afraid to see me. Maybe out of sight was out of mind for him, and I was nothing more than a girl he used to know. My throat squeezed with the need to cry, but I fought back.
After a deep breath, I picked up my phone and replied, being careful to adopt the same polite formality he’d used.
Hey Dex, thanks for the note. Things are going well here. I enjoy getting emails from the girls and miss seeing their faces. I can meet you all on Sunday morning at Plum & Honey, but it will have to be before church because my flight leaves at 11:10. Let me know if that is okay.
I hit send and stared at my phone in my hand. My pulse quickened as I imagined him reading it. Where was he? Was it a work night? Was he in bed or on the couch? Would he write back again tonight?
Suddenly three dots appeared, and I held my breath. But they only lasted a few seconds, and then stopped. No reply arrived. Disappointed, I set my phone aside and went back to what I was doing, ignoring the tear that slipped down my cheek.
I didn’t hear back from Dex for two days.
Sorry for the delay. We will meet you at 8:00 at the bakery Sunday morning.
As soon as I read it, I burst into tears.
It was so impersonal! Not even a greeting this time. And his tone was even more flat. Would it have killed him to say he was looking forward to it? Or wish me safe travels? Or ask how I was? How could he go from holding me in his arms almost every night and confessing that he loved me to this nothingness?
I read the text right before a meeting with Sandra. Since I was due in her office in ten minutes, I quickly ran to the bathroom down the hall and tried to clean up my face.
When the meeting was over, Sandra asked me if I was okay.
“I’m fine,” I told her, reaching for a tissue. “I’m sorry if I seemed a little out of it. I promise I got all the details we discussed written down.”
“I trust you.” She smiled at me from across her desk. “I just noticed you seemed a little anxious today. I haven’t seen you smile once.”
“I think it’s this wine tasting dinner back home,” I lied, dropping my eyes to my notepad. “I want everything to go well, and I’m not there to oversee things.”
“Of course. But knowing you, everything is under control, and the event will be a huge success.”
“Thank you.” I stood up. “I really appreciate the time off so I can be there, and for the offer to look in on my cat. She’s just getting accustomed to her new home, and I think traveling would be really stressful for her.”
“Of course.” She hesitated. “How about you? Still getting accustomed?”
I hesitated. “Yes, but I really love the job.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it. Are you getting out at all? Or do our late nights at work make up the bulk of your social life?”
Blushing, I dropped my gaze to the surface of her desk. “I don’t have much of a social life here. To be honest, I haven’t felt much like going out.”
“Why not?”
I wasn’t going to get into it, but suddenly I heard myself blurt, “There was someone at home.”
Her expression was surprised. “Oh.”
I blinked several times, trying to prevent tears. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to forget about him, but it’s hard.”
“You broke up because of the move here?”
“You could say that . . . although we weren’t together very long. We just met this summer, but unfortunately I developed some pretty strong feelings for him in a fairly short amount of time.”
She nodded, closing her laptop. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Thank you, but I don’t think that will help. I just need to move on.” I wiped my nose with the back of my knuckles.
“I know that feeling.” Her smile was sympathetic. “Easier said than done, isn’t it?”
I took a shaky breath. “Yes. I don’t have good control of my feelings.”
Sandra laughed gently and nudged her tissue box closer to me. “Oh my goodness, honey. Does anyone?”
“Most people have more than I do. I have a history of falling hard and fast for the wrong guys.”
“I was that way too. And then I finally found the one that deserved me.”
“I’m working on that.” I blew my nose. “But what’s so great about this feeling that I keep going after it?”
She smiled again. “When you find the right person, you’ll know the answer to that. Don’t give up on love, Winnie.”
I grabbed another tissue. “This guy is a single dad, and I got to know his girls a little bit. They asked to see me while I’m home this weekend. I said yes, but now I don’t know if I should. It’s going to be hard to keep it together.”
“Just remember that you’re stronger than you think.” She paused. “And also that he’ll be really sorry someday. Does he honestly think he’ll find someone better?”
I smiled. “Thanks. But he’s pretty set on remaining alone for the rest of his life.”
“Ah. He’s that guy.” She nodded knowingly and leaned back in her chair. “I was married to that guy for twenty years. Trust me on this. He’s probably stewing in a big pot of misery right now.”
I shrugged. “Hard to say for sure. He’s pretty spare with his feelings in his texts.”
“Listen, if you decide to see him, make sure you wear something amazing, just to rub it in a little. He deserves it.”
That made me laugh. “Okay.”
“And when you get back, let’s get you out and about. I know some nice young guys I’d be happy to introduce you to.”
The idea had less than zero appeal, but I tried to smile and nod. “Th
at would be nice. Thanks.”
Thursday evening, I called Ellie while I was packing. After going over some details for the wine tasting, I told her I was seeing Dex and the girls on Sunday.
“You are?” She sighed. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“The kids asked to see me! How could I say no?”
“I guess you couldn’t. I saw him the other day.”
I gasped. “Where?”
“The dentist, of all places. In the waiting room. He was there with the kids.”
“How did he look?”
“Grumpier than usual.”
“Did he recognize you? Say hello?”
“He gave me a grunt and a nod.”
I smiled sadly. “Sounds about right.”
“So you’re meeting for coffee?”
“Yeah.” I stared at the clothing in my closet. “Sandra says to wear something amazing.”
“Do it. Make him crazy.”
“But it’s cold there, right? I don’t think I own any make-him-crazy sweaters and jeans. He used to like the skimpy stuff.”
“You know what? It’s not the clothes, Win. It’s you. It won’t matter what you wear. Show up and just be yourself—that’s who he fell in love with, right?”
“I guess.” I pulled a dresser drawer open and took out the white sweater I’d been wearing the last time I saw him. It was soft and cozy and oversized—I wore it when I wanted to hide from the world, not when I wanted to set it on fire.
But I folded it up and tucked it into my suitcase. It wasn’t tight or revealing or the slightest bit sexy, but it was comfortable and warm, and I felt like me in it.
If plain old me wasn’t enough for him, there was nothing I could do about it.
Twenty-Seven
Dex
Friday afternoon, I pulled into the complex parking lot and noticed an unfamiliar car in Winnie’s driveway. At first, I assumed it was the real estate agent or maybe someone looking at the place, but then I saw Winnie herself come out the front door and check the mailbox.
My breath caught, and my heart hammered in my chest. My foot slammed on the gas, my tires screeching as I swerved into my driveway. I didn’t even pull into the garage, and I nearly forgot to turn off the engine as I jumped out and ran for her front porch.
Her eyes went wide as I raced up the steps, and she backed up against the door, hugging the mail to her chest. “Dex. Hi.”
“Hi.” Breathless, full of pent-up feelings for her, my entire body vibrated with the need to touch her. My hands twitched at my sides. “Did you just get in?”
“Yes.” Her eyes glanced at the strange car in her driveway. “I borrowed my mom’s car to run by and grab the mail and just, um, check on things here.”
I nodded, although I barely heard a word she said. She was so fucking beautiful. It had only been two weeks since I’d seen her, but it felt like she’d been gone for a year. How had I forgotten the midnight blue of her eyes or the gold in her hair or the way her cheeks grew pink when she looked at me?
Her thick black lashes lowered as she studied our feet. “Did you just come from the gym?”
I glanced down at my running shoes. “Yeah. I had a couple private coaching sessions.”
“How’s that going?”
“Good.” But I didn’t want to talk about that. I didn’t really want to talk about anything—I just wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad. Would she shove me right off this porch? Or would she kiss me back?
When she looked up at me, I nearly lost it and put my mouth on hers. Her lips fell open, and I swayed forward.
“I should go,” she said, breaking the spell. “I’ll see you Sunday.” Then she zipped past me without so much as bumping my elbow.
What the hell? Were we strangers now? How could she be so cool when I was losing my mind?
“Winnie, wait.” I jumped off the porch and chased after her, catching her arm halfway down the walk.
“What?” She pulled her arm from my grasp but turned to face me. “I—I’m running late. I have to meet Ellie.”
I struggled for words. Shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “Can I see you later tonight?”
She shook her head. “No, Dex.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m trying to move on from you. And spending time alone with you after dark won’t help.”
“But I’ve missed you.” It was torture to keep myself from embracing her. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
“I’ve missed you too.” Her eyes filled, and she blinked back tears. “But the answer is still no.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” I said angrily. “You were the one who told me not to fall in love with you. You said no love, no happily ever after, and no Frostys.”
“I know.” Her shoulders rose and her tears fell. “I wasn’t supposed to love you either, Dex. I thought I could be with you and guard my heart, but suddenly I looked and it was gone. Same old story.”
“No.” I took her by the shoulders. “I am not those other guys. You don’t get it. If I was younger, if I thought I could offer you any kind of future, I would.”
“So what exactly are you offering me right now?” She laughed bitterly. “A night? A weekend? A quickie?”
“I don’t know,” I said desperately. “I just know I can’t see you and not want to be with you. I told you I loved you, Winnie. Isn’t that enough?”
“No.” Wrenching free from my arms, she took a step back. “I want more than that. I want someone who isn’t afraid to take a chance on a future with me. I want someone who doesn’t hide behind excuses. And I want the fucking Frostys.”
I couldn’t argue with her. But I couldn’t bring myself to take the chance she was asking for either.
When I said nothing, she rushed to her mom’s car, jumped in, and took off.
Frustrated, I glared at her taillights and stood there a full two minutes after she left.
Then I stomped over to my car like an angry toddler, got in, and slammed the door. Sitting in the driver’s seat, I gripped the steering wheel with both hands and breathed hard through my nose. I felt like what I wanted was right in front of me, but I couldn’t reach it. It was like fucking Freddie Purrcury in my dream—just when I was close enough to reach him, he hopped to the next branch.
“Fucking women and cats,” I muttered, opening the garage and pulling in. “They’re impossible.”
I spent another restless night staring at my ceiling, burying my head beneath my pillow, and trying not to think about the fact just a few weeks ago, she’d been right here next to me. I missed her with an ache I hadn’t felt since losing my mom.
But I refused to pick up the phone and reach out to her. There was no point. I was never going to be that guy she described, and she wouldn’t come near me otherwise.
I just had to get through Sunday, and try to forget about her.
The following afternoon I was still sitting around my place feeling sorry for myself when I got a text from Chip.
Hey, I’m in town unexpectedly. Time for a beer?
Definitely.
Name the time and place and I’ll be there.
Let’s meet up at Southpaw Brewing Co at 5:00.
Relieved to have something to do tonight, I sent back a thumbs up and went upstairs to take a shower.
Just before five, I walked into Southpaw Brewing Co., which was owned by Tyler Shaw. In a couple hours, it would be packed, but since it was still early, I was able to find a seat at the bar. After looking over the menu, I ordered a Knuckleball Ale and a basket of wings. I’d just taken my first sip when Chip showed up, clapping me on the shoulder before dropping onto the stool next to me.
“Hey man,” he said. “Good to see you.”
“You too. How’d you end up in town?”
“Mariah and I decided to run up here and check out some possible wedding spots.” He signaled the bartender and ordered a Bandbox IPA. “We saw several today, and then
April took her over to a bridal shop just for fun. Thankfully, I was excused.”
“So when’s the wedding?”
“We’re thinking early February, although we could do later that month since I won’t have to be at spring training.”
I paused with my beer halfway to my mouth. “Did you retire for real?”
He nodded and thanked the bartender who set his beer down in front of him. “I haven’t announced it yet, but I told my folks.”
“How do you feel about it?”
He took a drink from his beer. “Fucking great, actually. I’m ready for the next chapter of my life, and so’s my shoulder.”
I laughed. “I’m happy for you.”
“So how’ve you been? I heard Tyler has you doing some training at Bayside.”
“Yeah. That’s going well, actually.”
“And the kids are good?”
“Kids are good.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “They’re at Naomi’s wedding reception tonight. I’m picking them up later.”
“No shit. Naomi got remarried?”
I nodded. “To Bryce Vogel. Remember that guy?”
Chip squinted. “Red hair? Lacrosse team? His parents gave him a sailboat for graduation?”
“That’s the one.”
“Huh. Interesting.” He glanced at me. “You okay with it?”
“I’m fine.”
“How come you don’t sound fine?”
Exhaling, I took another sip of my beer. “I did something stupid.”
“What?”
“After your party, I started spending a bunch of time with Winnie, and even though we both agreed it was supposed to be casual, somehow it didn’t stay that way.”
Chip laughed, shaking his head. “Oh man, I saw this coming.”
I frowned. “Well, I didn’t. Not in time to stop it, anyway. Then she got this great job offer in fucking Rhode Island.”
Ignite: A Grumpy Single Dad Romance Page 26
