by Claire Thake
Chapter 3
Staring at the empty suitcase open on the bed Carrie wondered what exactly to take for a 2 day trip to Devon. She had packed and unpacked several times already that day, each time changing her mind as to what exactly she needed to take. Did she go formal and wear her work suits or did she go for comfort and take her jeans and jumpers? Worrying that the jeans and jumpers may make it look like she was planning to stay and make friendly, but then worrying that her work suits may seem too formal towards her own flesh and blood.
Sighing she decided to pack both and play it all by ear, even throwing in an old black evening dress on the off chance they may go somewhere classy to eat and wanting to be able to dress appropriately. Finally satisfied she had packed everything she needed, she placed her suitcase by her apartment door and went for a hot shower before climbing into bed.
Worry caused her insomnia to flare up and she watched the clock as it ticked past 1am, 2am then 3am before she finally decided to get up and read some of her book. Wrapping herself in her dressing gown she grabbed her e-reader from her briefcase and snuggled into the armchair.
Looking up, the photo of herself and Ian on the beach the day of their wedding caught her eye. Shaking, she leaned over and picked up the delicate frame and hugged it to herself. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to suppress the sobs that accompanied the waterfall of tears that fell. She missed him so much, that however much she tried to push it to the back of her mind and put on a front, the physical and mental pain was always there. Life was too cruel; it should have been her who lost her life in the crash, not him.
Pulling up the arm of her dressing gown she ran her fingernail over the hideous scar that ran down her right forearm. A physical reminder of that dreadful night she had lost everything.
Waking to find herself still in the armchair, Carrie winced as she uncurled her body and felt the tightness in her limbs from being curled up for those few short hours she had managed to sleep. It had been a while since Carrie had sat up and cried herself to sleep and she didn’t feel any better for doing so. In fact she questioned what the stress of this trip away was doing to her sanity and once again wondered whether hiding in her apartment for two weeks would be a better option.
Climbing out of the chair, she made her way to the bathroom for a shower and got herself dressed in a smart grey trouser suit with a pink blouse and matching pink heels before applying her usual make up. She wanted to arrive in work attire to give them all the impression of how busy she was and how work was at the forefront of all her decisions.
Grabbing her handbag and briefcase she made her way to the front door and took the handle of her suitcase and wheeled it out into the hall, making sure to double lock the front door on the way out, before making her way down to the street and catching a cab to the coach station.
The coach journey was not a comfortable one and no matter how much Carrie squirmed, she could not sit comfy for the long 6 hour journey down into Devon. Carrie checked her emails on her phone and noticed once again that she had several from Jason. She locked her phone without opening them. She had not confirmed to Jason that she was going for the 2 days for fear she may change her mind or be guilt tripped into staying even longer than she had planned.
The trip was relatively productive as Carrie managed to finish the current book she was reading, and made it half way through another. Carrie loved to read; it was her way of escaping the world and throwing herself into the life of someone else. Picking up her e-reader, along with all the other belongings that had made their way out and returning them to her bag before exiting the coach.
The cab ride to the address Jason had given her was the most nerve wracking experience of her life. She made her hands sore from wringing them together, and her lips were bright red where she kept licking them which was a bad lifelong nervous habit of hers.
Driving up the farm track, Carrie began to panic the cab was going the wrong way. This wasn’t a real road even and was thick with slushy mud and bumps.
“Sorry, but is this the right way?” She questioned the balding, overweight cab driver. Giggling, he observed her in the mirror.
“This is the way to the address you gave me luvvy, I hope you brought your wellies with ya, it’s been a bit wet down these parts lately”
Leaning back in the seat, Carrie started to panic; surely her mother wouldn’t pick a place like this? Even when they had visited Devon as kids, her mom had booked caravan sites and apartments with swimming pools.
They were never very well off as kids. Carrie’s father had done a runner when he had found out her mother was pregnant with twins, and she had raised Carrie and Jason single handed. However she never booked places in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mud!
Starting to panic, she quickly opened the original email and double checked she had given the cab driver the correct address. After double checking it with the driver 3 times she finally had to accept this is what her mother had picked and had obviously been mistaken in the booking.
Glancing down to the floor she suddenly became very aware of the shoes on her feet; her favourite pale pink 3 inch heels and thinking she hadn’t owned any wellies since she was a small child.
Pulling up outside a large converted barn, the driver turned and smiled at Carrie. Looking back at him she wondered why he had stopped the cab here and began to internally panic after all the stories you heard about girls on their own getting taken away by cab drivers.
“This is your stop my love” he said turning back and checking the meter. Carrie was just about to question the driver when she saw Jason leaning against the door frame of the barn; a cigarette hanging from his mouth, with a very startled expression on his face. His old beat up rusty excuse for a car was also parked in the yard, and Carrie wondered how she hadn’t first noticed it.
Retrieving her purse she quickly paid the driver and slowly exited the cab, her heels sinking into the ground so much that she had to try and stand on tip toes. The driver grabbed her case from the boot of the car and Jason walked over and took it off him. Carrie thanked the driver and he said his goodbye tipping his head in Carrie’s direction before spinning the cab round and driving back down the muddy lane.
“Well I’ll be damned” Jason exclaimed staring at Carrie as if she was some sort of ghost. “I really didn’t think we would be seeing you”
“I’m here for mum Jason. Not you or anyone else so please do not get the wrong idea” She tip toed her way across the yard and held her hand out to take her case from Jason.
“Its ok sis, I’ve got it. Come on I will take you and show you your room” Jason said whilst throwing the cigarette butt to the ground and standing on it to make sure it was out.
“I can manage. Where is mum?” Carrie asked coldly, not wanting to make small talk with him. Jason turned and observed her, as if trying to read what she was thinking.
“Mum is resting. Let’s get you settled and you can see her when she wakes up. Thank you for coming Carrie; you really don’t know how much this will mean to her. Come on”
Carrie followed her twin brother inside the barn, and had to admit that despite the run down looking exterior the inside was stunning. It had been furnished in an old fashioned way but still with modern amenities, with varnished dark wood and beautiful floor to ceiling windows at the back with views across the fields.
Following Jason down a winding stair case to the floor below, to a room at the end of the corridor, where Jason opened the door and gestured inside; Carrie took her case from Jason and without a word he turned back and walked back up the corridor; shouting over his shoulder that he would let her know when mum was awake.
Carrie walked through and observed the gorgeous bedroom, with a 4 poster bed, luxurious red bedding, matching curtains, a large dark wooden wardrobe and matching dressing table with a large flat screen television adorning the wall opposite the bed. There was also a door leading to an en-suite shower room, all modernised with a power shower and heated
towel rail. Carrie had to admit to herself that she was impressed with the inside even if the outside had been abysmal.
At the other side of the room were 2 patio doors. Carrie lifted her suitcase and placed it on the bed before walking over to the doors and trying the handle. They were unlocked and she took a step outside on a small concrete path which lead out into a beautiful small grassed area, with a wooden swing seat and well kept beautiful flowerbeds. Despite the cold weather of this time of year, Carrie could picture herself spending time on the swing seat with her e-reader and relaxing reading her books. Sighing she knew she wouldn’t be seeing much of the little garden by only staying 2 days, but the lovely space wasn’t a big enough reason to stay any longer.
Chapter 4
After settling in as much as she wanted to, Carrie kicked off her heels and settled on the bed, pulling out her laptop and connecting her wifi dongle. Since she didn’t want to socialise with Jason or whoever else had been invited here, she thought that she would be better to spend her time working.
Pulling out her phone whilst she waited for the computer to load, the screen filled her with dread; her signal bar was empty! Jumping off the bed she paced the room, then paced outside in the garden trying to find one bar at least to connect her to the outside world but it was useless, there wasn’t even a flicker of signal.
Checking her laptop she could see that also had no connection either and she slammed the lid shut cursing under her breath. How on earth could she cope for 2 days with no access to the outside world?
Stomping out of the room, she went back up the stairs, to where Jason was slouched across the sofa watching television. He lifted his gaze to her, wondering what had caused her to rush up the stairs, in such a manner.
“Has this place got any wifi connection by any chance?” she asked waving her arms about by her side dramatically. Sitting up and lifting one eyebrow at her, Jason doubled over in laughter.
“It’s a serious question Jay. I have work to do”
Wiping the tears away caused by the laughter he stood up and walked over to his sister, placing a hand on each of her shoulders.
“You’re being serious? You came all this way to see your terminally ill mother and you bought your work with you? You are unbelievable sometimes Carrie you really are! And no there is no wifi here, and you know what, mum picked this place for several reasons and that was one of them. Technology takes over too much of people’s lives these days, it’s about time we shut it all off and concentrated on what is important in this world”
Taken aback Carrie stared at him, doing an impression of a gold fish, her mouth opening and closing, trying to think of something to say back.
“I can understand that Jason, but my job is very important and I will already be missing too much just by being here. I need access to keep in touch with what’s happening or I will fall behind” Removing his hands from her shoulders, Jason turned his back to her sighing.
“If work is so damn more important to you Carrie than your family then why don’t you just go? It seems you would rather not be here so why are you bothering?”
“Stop, the pair of you please” Carrie’s mother stood in the entrance to the room, wrapped in a pink dressing gown. Carrie’s breath caught in her throat as she saw what had become of her mother.
Anne Warren had always been a strong woman; raising the twins on her own, she hadn’t had a choice to be anything else. She had been the sole provider and they never went without. Carrie admired her mother so much and seeing what this horrid disease had done to her made Carrie feel sick, angry and guilty for staying away and shutting her mother out.
“Carrie, my beautiful girl” Her mum took a few steps towards her smiling. “You both have always been so strong tempered” she said glancing between the twins. “Maybe this break is just what you both need, I know you must have missed each other and I know I’ve missed you so much Carrie”
Tears began to form in Carries eyes, but she swallowed and tried to hold in her emotions at seeing her mum so frail. Jason walked up to their mother and took her by the arm and guided her to the chair, fetching her blanket from the back of the sofa.
“Please don’t fuss Jason, I’m fine” she smiled, touching his cheek affectionately. “Jason, would you mind please popping into town for something to eat for dinner? I think it would be nice for none of us to have to cook today. Nodding, Jason jumped up and grabbed his keys from the sideboard, before leaning over and kissing his mother on the cheek.
“Is there anything you would specifically like?” he asked
“No dear, Carrie what would you like to eat? You chose” she smiled at Carrie and then patted the chair next to her. “Come and sit with your dear old mum my darling, I think we are due a catch up”
“You’re call Jay, I’m really not that hungry” Carrie said to her brother before taking the seat next to her mother. Picking up the remote, Carries mum switched off the television before turning to Jason
“Well off you go then son, give me some time to catch up with your dear sweet sister” Jason saluted his mother before walking out towards to the car outside.
“I know it mustn’t have been easy for you to come here Carrie, but I am grateful” Her mother whispered, running the palms of her hands down the blanket on her lap.
“I can’t say this is easy mum, but after what Jason told me I had to see you” Carrie’s mother put her hand over and placed it on top of Carries.
“I’m so worried about you Carrie. You haven’t been the same since Ian died and I know this isn’t the person you truly are” Carrie flinched and removed her hand.
“I’m sorry mum but I don’t wish to talk about Ian. His death changed me, I won’t deny that, but I think anyone who went through what I did would not come out of it the same person, and this is me now so please let’s not dwell on it” This was the conversation that Carrie had been dreading and was hoping to avoid.
Carrie sat up straight in the chair and turned to her mother wanting to change the subject. “So who else is here? Surely this all isn’t just for the 3 of us?”
“No my darling, Lacey is bringing Mia up in a couple of days. She’s gotten so big now you probably won’t recognise her” Lacey was Jason’s ex wife, although the split had not been a happy one, they stayed on good terms for Mia, their daughter. Last time Carrie had seen Mia she had been 3 and she couldn’t imagine how she would look 2 years on.
“I’m sorry mum but I might not be here then. I have a lot on at work so I can’t stay for long” she whispered, not really wanting to admit to her mum that she wouldn’t be staying because she didn’t want to be around them, as a reminder of her old life.
“Oh well in that case, we need to make good use of the time we have then, that’s if I can stay awake long enough. This damn tumour makes me so sleepy” her mother replied, stifling a yawn in the process.
“Jason didn’t tell me much about what was wrong mum...” Carrie started not knowing how much she actually wanted to know.
“Well to put it short my dear and in easy terms I have a grade 4 brain tumour. I was diagnosed a year ago now, and was told it was terminal. I’ve been through treatment to stop it progressing but it’s now at the stage where nothing is working. They cannot tell me exactly how long I have, but it’s been very aggressive and this is why I wanted to do this holiday now and spend some quality time with the people I hold dearest, before I go and see the pearly gates” Carrie’s mother kept a smile on her face, but her eyes showed the worry and hurt she was going through.
“Now let’s stop the depressing talk, we have lots to catch up on. Fill me in on your life Carrie” Her mum said eagerly leaning forward.
By the time Jason returned, Carrie had filled her mum in on all the aspects of her job and her apartment, and had told her all about the life Leah now led. Jason had bought back enough Chinese food to feed them all twice and they all sat around the large oak table in the kitchen and tucked in till they couldn’t eat another bite.
Chapter 5
Lying in bed that night, Carrie stared at the ceiling unable to sleep. She had actually found herself enjoying the company of her mother and Jason that evening and would be sad to leave; however she knew that it was only a short time until they started to push her again into talking about what had happened with the accident.
After lying awake for hours, Carrie saw the sun begin to rise and got out of bed and slid on her chunky knit cardigan, along with sliding her feet into the pair of flat pumps she had bought with her. Grabbing her e-reader she walked across the room and unlocked the doors that led into the garden and stepped out to watch it.
Living in London meant sitting and watching the sunrise was impossible from her apartment and this was a big thing that Carrie missed. Taking a seat on the swing she pulled her feet up, hugging her knees to her chest and sighed wishing that she had work as a distraction to all the thoughts and emotions being back with her family created.
Carrie sat there for what felt like only minutes but must have been a couple of hours, after she got lost in her book and lost track of the time. She heard footsteps coming closer from the back of the garden and sat up in shock. A man was at the edge of the garden checking over the various pots of winter flowers and plants. Carrie watched him as he slowly made his way closer to where she was sitting but she was certain he hadn’t noticed her and although she knew she should say something she felt the words catch in her throat and that interrupting him would be rude somehow.
The man eventually looked up and his eyes instantly fixed on Carrie’s. Carrie flinched in the seat when she realised she had been caught staring and had to remind herself to breath as she took in the figure that was only a few feet away now.
