Grace’s hand shook as she logged off. The names and faces on the website were only the tip of the iceberg. What about the predators who didn’t register or hadn’t been caught? Or the drifters who might come through Paradise Falls and then move on? How could the police catch a person like that?
Panic gripped her by the throat. For the first time she considered the possibility that she might never know what had become of her daughter. As if the void of missing Caitlin wasn’t unbearable enough, not to know who or how or why would be hell.
She struggled to fill her lungs with air, and then, still shaking, pushed herself away from the computer.
The police will find Caitlin, Grace told herself. They will. They will find her alive and they will catch and punish the man who took her.
It was a mantra she clung to out of necessity.
~~~~
Grace needed to make a run to the store, but it was mid-afternoon by the time she could muster the energy to head out. Not that she had any interest in food. In fact, she hadn’t been able to swallow more than a few bites since Friday night. But Carl, whose appetite didn’t appear to be similarly affected, needed to eat, and the refrigerator was getting low on necessities. Since she’d never worked up the nerve to tell him she couldn’t cope with Adam’s and Lucy’s visit this week, she needed to stock up on food for them, as well.
She made a stab at cleaning up the kitchen, then showered, dressed, and got into her car.
The day was gray and bleak. A solid layer of clouds blanketed the sky. Pedestrians, heavily bundled for warmth, huddled against the buffeting wind. Grace pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine. The thought of walking through the store, filling her cart with boxes of cereal and cans of soda, overwhelmed her. And what if she ran into someone she knew? She didn’t have the energy to explain once again that there were no new developments, or to respond to outpourings of concern and sympathy. People meant well, but kindness was a burden, too. Grace found it easier to simply avoid people.
Taking a deep breath, she backed out of the parking space. She would ask Carl to pick up some things on his way home. He wasn’t one of those men who acted like a fish out of water in the grocery store or in the kitchen. And he genuinely wanted to help. He’d happily do whatever she asked.
Except allow his children to feel unwelcome in their home.
It would have been unfair of her to ask them to stay away. Grace understood that in her head if not her heart. On the other hand, shouldn’t he know how it would pain her to have Lucy and Adam under their roof right now? It would be like drawing big arrows pointing to the hole that was Caitlin.
Instead of driving straight home, Grace headed toward the police station to tell them about Lance Richter, the auto mechanic on the sex offender list.
Until she and Carl had gone in for the polygraph Saturday morning, Grace had visited the police station only once before, to turn in a wallet she’d found in the gutter near their house. Now she was making her third trip there in almost as many days. The squat brick building and sterile lobby were beginning to feel familiar, just as the Pacific Memorial Hospital ICU had become familiar following her mother’s heart attack two years ago. Not pleasant or comfortable, but familiar all the same. It was frightening, Grace thought, how quickly the human mind could adapt to adversity.
She pushed open the door and told the young male officer at the desk that she wanted to see Detective Godwin. “I’m Grace Whittington. Caitlin Whittington is my daughter.”
The officer avoided looking at her directly, as if having a missing daughter were an embarrassment, like being caught on the front lawn in your pajamas. “Let me see if Detective Godwin is available,” he told Grace.
A moment later, the detective strode to the lobby. “I was just getting ready to call you.”
Grace’s heart leapt. “You found something?”
“No, I had a few questions for you. Come on back.”
Grace followed her to an internal work area with half a dozen desks. Godwin’s desk, and another, were somewhat separate in an alcove to one side.
“How are you holding up?” The detective pointed Grace to a visitor’s chair.
“Not so well, if truth be told. I went to work yesterday and got sent home by my boss for yelling at a student. Last night I had a fight with my husband.”
Detective Godwin started to say something, then stopped and nodded sympathetically. “I know this must be a rough time for you.”
Hardly, Grace thought. How could she possibly understand what it was like to have a missing child?
“What about Caitlin’s dad? How’s he doing?”
“Probably better than me.”
A quizzical frown tugged at the detective’s brow. “You haven’t talked to him?”
“Not at any length.” Grace couldn’t bring herself to admit how limited their contact had been.
“He hasn’t come in for a polygraph yet,” Detective Godwin remarked. “We can’t force him to, but it would be helpful if he did.”
“Sorry, I can’t help you with that.” Grace sat forward. Her skin prickled. “You can’t think Jake had anything to do with our daughter’s disappearance.”
“The test is standard procedure. In cases like this we like to rule out family members. It helps us narrow the focus of our investigation.”
Which meant that on some level, he wasn’t in the clear.
Grace knew that family members were always suspect. Often with good reason. Men killing wives and girlfriends. Fathers killing entire families. Or kidnapping their children.
But not Jake. There was no way he could be involved. He could be aggravating at times, but he wasn’t a bad person. In fact, he could be kind and generous when he thought about it.
“We’re hoping his fiancée will volunteer, as well,” the detective added.
Starr. Grace felt anger rising in her chest. This was all Starr’s fault. If only she’d gotten to the school on time. Grace’s breath caught. Maybe she had. Was it possible that the whole flat tire story was a cover-up? Starr’s world revolved around Starr. Caitlin was an irritant. She was competition for Jake’s affection. For his money. His time. What if Starr had picked Caitlin up and then harmed her in some way?
“Have you verified her story?” Grace asked.
“We’re working on it. We really are covering all the bases.”
Did Grace dare give voice to what she was thinking? Jake would be furious. But this was Caitlin they were talking about. “In terms of motive, I mean it’s far-fetched, but Starr would probably be just as happy to have Caitlin out of the picture.”
“We’ve thought of that,” the detective said. “Believe me, we’re looking at this from all angles. Now, what was it you needed to see me about?”
Grace spread her hands. “Can you give me an update first? I can’t stand not knowing. I don’t mean about a suspect necessarily, just information.”
“If we knew anything definitive, we’d tell you. We’ve talked to your daughter’s friends and classmates, as well as people who live around the school who might have seen something. And Caitlin’s disappearance has been getting a lot of coverage in the news. That’s good. It may be hard on you, but the more her face and name are out there, the greater the chances that someone with information will come forward.”
“Wouldn’t anyone with real information have come forward already?”
“Not necessarily. And the reward will help.”
Fifteen thousand dollars. Money raised by friends and members of the community. It was larger than the reward offered for information about Karen Holiday, a fact which brought Grace a twisted sense of gratification, but it still didn’t offer her much hope.
The detective bit her lower lip. “I did want to ask you about Rob Hardy.”
Grace frowned. “I don’t recognize the name.”
“He’s a classmate of your daughter’s. A friend of Ty’s.”
“Still doesn’t ring a bell. Should it?”
&
nbsp; “Not necessarily. It’s just that he and Caitlin apparently had a bit of an intense discussion at school not long ago. Caitlin ended up in tears and wouldn’t talk to any of her friends about it.”
“About her breakup with Ty, could this Rob have hurt Caitlin to pay her back for dumping his friend? Could Ty have put him up to it?” Grace rubbed her eyes.
“That’s everyone’s guess. But from what I can tell, it took place before they broke up. Of course, these things are usually pretty messy for a while before they officially end, so the timing doesn’t mean much.”
“Do you think he’s . . .” Grace swallowed. “Do you think he had something to do with what happened to Caitlin?”
“There’s no indication that’s the case.”
But the detective must have had a reason for asking about him.
“One of her friends thought Caitlin might have been interested in an older guy,” Detective Godwin continued. “Any idea who it might be?”
“What?” Grace rocked forward. “How old?”
“I don’t know. Someone no longer in high school.”
“We wouldn’t allow that. Believe me. Ty’s a senior and that was old enough for us.” Which was part of the reason Grace had been secretly relieved at the breakup and hadn’t pushed Caitlin for details.
“So there’s no one that comes to mind? A neighbor? A teacher she’s close to?”
Was it possible? Grace’s stomach turned. Caitlin had been moody the last few weeks. More secretive than usual. Grace had commented to Carl about it. He’d reminded her that moody and secretive kind of went hand-in-hand with being a teenager.
Now, Grace’s mind raced. Where would Caitlin meet an older male? “I guess it could be one of her dog walking clients. Most of them are families with young children—” Although anything was possible. Grace recalled stories about dads hitting on their children’s babysitters. “One couple, I think they have a son who’s in his late twenties. He’s living with them while he goes through a divorce.”
“Can you give me names?”
Detective Godwin took notes while Grace gave her the information. Then she said, “Anyone else?”
“The teacher she’s closest to is the volleyball coach, but he’s a real family man and, well, frankly, not very attractive.” Grace shook her head. The man was approaching fifty. “Wait, there’s also an assistant coach this year. An intern or student teacher or whatever. He’s probably only a couple of years out of college.”
And he was cute, Grace recalled. Lean and sandy-haired, with an easy smile. Caitlin spent long hours at practice every week. That’s where she’d been the afternoon she disappeared, in fact. “His name is Rusty. At least that’s what the kids call him. I’m not sure if it’s his real name or not.”
“Okay, we’ll be sure to follow up. If you think of anything—”
“There is something. It’s the main reason I came to see you. I was on the Internet this morning, looking up registered sex offenders. I think the mechanic at the shop where I take my car is one of them.”
“That’s something we looked into after Karen Holiday’s disappearance but nothing came of it. What’s his name?”
“Lance Richter. He works at Art’s Auto Body.”
“Okay. We’ll follow up on that, as well.” The detective’s phone rang and she started to reach for it. “Was there anything else?” she asked.
Nothing that you could understand or help me with, Grace thought irritably. The detective was doing her job. But it was just that, a job. At the end of the day, she went home and her life went on. For Grace, there was nothing but agonizing loss and infinite bleakness.
Chapter 14
Adam lay on his bed in a shaft of afternoon sunlight and watched the bare branches of the elm tree dance in the breeze outside his window. He wondered what it would be like to be a bird, to swoop and dive through the ether of the skies. To fly away and be free. Caitlin once told him that she sometimes dreamed she was a bird. Adam had tried priming his mind with that image when he crawled into bed at night, hoping to conjure up a similar dream, but it never worked. He wondered if being dead was anything like flying.
Downstairs the front door slammed and he heard his mother’s voice as she came inside. “How was your day?” she asked Lucy, dropping her briefcase on the desk in the kitchen.
“Okay.” His sister’s tone was indifferent.
Always the same question, always the same answer. You’d think his mother would have learned to ask it differently. Or maybe she wasn’t really interested in the answer.
“Where’s your brother?” Adam heard the rustle of his mother going through the day’s mail.
“Lying down.”
“At this hour? Is he sick?”
“I think he’s upset,” Lucy said.
“Upset? About what?”
“About Caitlin.”
“Yes, of course. What a terrible thing to happen. It’s really complicated our lives. Listen, honey, I’m going to take a shower so pick up the phone if it rings.”
“Have you even called Grace?” Lucy asked.
His mother hesitated. “Why would I call her?”
“To offer sympathy.”
“I’m sure your father is giving her enough for both of us.”
“That’s mean. How can you be so mean?”
Good for you, Adam thought. It wasn’t very often his sister stood up to their mother.
“You’re a child, Lucy. You don’t understand about these things.”
“I hate it when you say that. Why can’t you just give an honest answer?”
Their mother sighed. “I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was stating the obvious. I doubt Grace is interested in my sympathy, anyway.”
“How would you feel if it was me who was missing?”
“I’d be devastated. That’s a stupid question. But I wouldn’t expect Grace to come around acting all fuzzy and warm because I was upset.”
But Grace would do that, Adam thought. The differences between his mom and Grace were so stark he sometimes wondered how his dad could have been attracted to both of them. Neither was without flaws. And they both had their good points. But they were as different as day and night. His mom was smart—a busy dentist with patients who seemed to adore her. She was slender, animated, and very pretty. But she was used to being in charge and had little patience when things, or people, didn’t fall into line as she expected. Grace was softer, both in appearance and manner. She seemed tentative at times, less certain of herself than his mom, but she radiated the kind of warmth and humor Adam associated with storybook mothers. He recalled seeing the photo of Caitlin as a toddler, nestled in Grace’s lap. Grace’s head was bent slightly like she was pressing her check against Caitlin’s dark curls, and Caitlin’s eyes were looking up toward Grace, her face alive with a chuckle about to be born. He had trouble imagining his mom ever cuddling him or Lucy in that way.
“Speaking of which, isn’t this your night with your father, Lucy? Why are you still here?”
“We’re not sure if we should go.”
“Of course you should go. He’s your dad. Caitlin missing doesn’t change that. Besides, I’ve got company coming.”
“A date, you mean.”
“Who I entertain is my business, not yours.”
“I guess you could hardly screw him with your children in the house, could you?”
“You’ve got a fresh mouth, young lady. I’m not beyond washing it out with soap.”
Adam cringed. Mom and Lucy could really go at it. That was one of the worst things about the divorce. The two of them constantly at each other’s throats. Or maybe it was simply that Lucy wasn’t the sort of cute, sparkling teen his mom must have wanted. Lucy liked Grace and threw that in Mom’s face at every opportunity, which only made his mom angrier.
He wondered if Lucy would have turned out more like Caitlin if she’d had Grace for a mother.
And what would he have turned out like?
He rolled on his
side and put the pillow over his ears to block out the arguing downstairs. At one point he heard the door to Lucy’s room slam and then the house turned quiet. He knew he’d have to pull himself off the bed soon. His backpack was ready. He kept clothes and books and stuff at his dad’s, but never the right stuff. What a pain, living in two places, but he didn’t hate it the way Lucy did.
~~~~
The minute they walked through the door, Adam had the sinking feeling that Lucy’s instincts had been right. They shouldn’t have come. It was too soon after Caitlin’s disappearance.
His dad was on the phone when they arrived and Grace tried for a cheery greeting. “Dinner’s in the oven. Chicken stew. I hope that’s okay.”
The stew was usually kind of bland. Not the best thing Grace made for dinner, but not bad either. “Sure,” he said. “Whatever.”
“I didn’t really feel like cooking, and this is easy.”
“We could have done take-out or something,” Lucy said. “I feel bad that you had to cook for us.”
“It gave me something to do. And people have to eat. No matter what.”
Adam could tell she was trying to keep things normal but there were dark circles under her eyes and her mouth was tight, like she’d had dental surgery and didn’t want to move it.
No, they definitely shouldn’t have come.
~~~~
Dinner was awkward, too. Not like before when the table buzzed with conversation and laughter.
B.C. Before Caitlin’s disappearance. And now . . . A.D.? After death? A shiver worked its way down Adam’s spine.
Caitlin’s spot at the table was conspicuously empty. At least Grace hadn’t set a place there. That would have been downright creepy. He’d read about families of missing kids who kept the Christmas tree up for years waiting for them to come home. Or kept the kid’s room as a shrine, even though by then the kid would have been old enough to have kids of his or her own. He wondered what would happen to Caitlin’s room.
No, it was definitely not a typical meal. Before, it was sometimes hard to get a word in edgewise. Tonight, there were long stretches of silence broken by stabs at conversation. The weather. The meal. His dad’s classes.
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