by Niranjan Jha
I continued oral stimulation around her U area.
After a while, as I stopped oralizing, I saw her bending on me to lay hand on my erection. Within a few seconds she had swallowed the entire length into her mouth giving me an extreme pleasure of fellatio. The movement of her mouth was giving me a terrific feel which I had never dreamt in my life. I had seen some x-rated movies before, but seeing that happening in real life was driving me insane.
After she stopped her oral movement, she and laid down to have me come over her. Before making an entrance, I asked her if we should go for coitus interrupts. But she negated and agreed to bear the consequence of possible conception. I put my clothes off and went deep into her pulsating depth making a movement of two pelvises. We reached the orgasm biting the lips of each other and finally got down to relax.
I saw that she was very happy with me that day. She went home and came back next day. She had started spending most of the time with me and less at home. We decided to get married as the difficulty was increasing for both of us to stay away for an hour also. We were spending fourteen hours together each day. From morning to late evening, the love and love-making had bound us together. Within a month, we fixed a day and went to the Tees Hazari Court of New Delhi to consult an advocate.
The advocate told us so many legal formalities to go though, and made the situation so complicated that we got a little discouraged. On the top of that, the expense that he said was out of my accumulation. He gave me an estimate of fifteen thousand rupees. My saving at that time was too less because I had invested all the money into the business. My friends and relatives were too frightened to help with anything. The advocate said that according to the legal formality, he would have to inform her parents also before marriage. And my conversion into Muslim religion, because I didn’t want her to face any trouble, required a lot of time, money, and some witnesses. Finally, considering that to be going out of our reach, I paid him the consultancy fee, and we both came out.
I decided to take some time to think and find out the possible ways of arranging money and other things. She continued to come to the institute regularly. But some neighbors, those who were good-for-nothing advisors and snake-in-grass biters, they spread the news in their localities about our so-called liaison, that they took as a sinful activity.
“Most of your enemies of today were your friends in past.”
Chapter Fifteen
“Men are born mad, some remain so.” –Socrates
Hearing that Ameena was in love with me, her brother-in-law came to me and asked a deceptive question.
‘She says that she wants to marry you. Do you also want to marry her?’
‘Yes,’ I said.
But this was not the question of his mind but he wanted to hear from me whether she was in love. The moment I replied, he started changing his color. The unlawful, insular and cut-throat mentality of the Muslims in the society was terrible. He could not hide his stupidity doing lambada on his face. Being a brother-in-law of her, he had some illicit expectation to be fulfilled from her, and so, ignoring all doldrums, he amassed his subordinate physical strength to vomit poison on my face. He got so aggravated that he made the news spread like wild-fire. Actually Ameena hadn’t said anything to him, but he wanted to know the truth suspecting her changed behavior for a month. From next day, she stopped coming to the institute and was held back inside home. I was called at her brother-in-law’s, where I was humiliated by her sister with all hypocritically substantial reasons.
And in the morning, her father came carrying a sword to behead me off…
‘You are a Hindu so my daughter can never marry you.’
‘I am willing to convert into your religion.’
‘We will never accept that.’
‘Your forefathers were also Hindu, uncle,’ I said.
‘Let the past be gone. We will never let it happen. Never means never.’
He took a pause and said…
‘If you don’t understand, I will kill you right now.’
And he continued, ‘As a dead man cannot be alive, so it cannot happen. If you ask any more question, I will cut you down.’
What could I do in that condition? He was not ready to listen to anything. At one side, earning living was getting tough, and at the other, the life was getting in danger. I did not say anything else to invoke his anger. I just realized that for some people poverty is not in their fate but in their mind. And if the blind leads the blind, both fall into the ditch.
But one question got fixed in my genetic makeup…
Why are Muslims born-killers?
I let a few days pass, then took some of my Muslim well-wishers along and approached to the highest priest of Islam in India – Mullah Bukhari of Jama Masjid (mosque) Delhi. I submitted application and other documents for the process of conversion and marriage. At the same time I was trying for marriage in the Tees Hajari Court also. My application for conversion was rejected in the mosque because they considered it invalid as my intention was to marry a Muslim girl. Just the days passed but nothing appeared to rectify the problem. Giving it a last try, I called a meeting in her colony among all the Muslim people in which I and my land-owner were the only two Hindus. There also, they considered my request to be dishonoring their dignity. We saw the situation getting tensed causing a religious conflict. Nobody from her side attempted to take any decision in the favor of my implorare.
She came twice to meet me stealthily. The last time when she came, she was carrying a paper which she had got from the hospital confirming her pregnancy. I took her immediately to the police station to seek help for marriage and I told the police and her family and all the mediators about her pregnancy. But nobody moved even an inch to support us getting married.
I was unknown to the happenstance that my love with Ameena – an outcaste – was being known to the fifth column who I mistakenly relied upon, and they, pretending to be the ombudsmen were busy discussing Uganda in their community making a communal issue for turf war. The fait accompli had consolidated its all energy to devastate my dream of dolce vita leaving me with my own figment. And my idée fixe was proved to be schizophrenic fiasco in the kangaroo court of the world.
The cloud of calamity was hovering over head pouring the rain of blood making my white attire crimson. Each stain as an exhortation of my own guilt was giving me no time to introspect, but taking me deep and deep into persecution complex. Facing left-handed compliments, dereliction of relativity, degradation of dignity, and morality being ripped off, I felt myself thrown into the ordeal of typhoon.
One day, not getting support from any side, I had a moonlight flitting to elope with her. The Delhi Police, being reported by her parents, started the city scan, and finally we were caught up in the evening. The police, the Hindu and Muslim society, the priests, and God, no one and no one helped us.
So disgusting the people and so disgusting the world! We were torn apart and the two lives collapsed because of the blindness of social conservatism. After a month somebody told me that her parents had beaten her so badly that she had left eating, lost health, and they had found a man for her marriage.
“Pain never really goes away; you just elevate and get used to it by growing stronger.” –Philippos
Chapter Sixteen
“When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty.” –Thomas Jefferson
Being paranoid and aggravated, feeling dejected from the society, I got so disturbed that I was unable to sleep in nights. Seeing the parapet wet, the overnight drizzling had taken a toll on my health. There was a rainbow, but it was with no beginning, no end, just an imitation of fake colors, and a mockery on the face of Dark Death. Even in the fall, the raindrop had its pride, its own moment of glory, the rebound and ultimate merging into the nature leaving me an existing representation of non-existence. The pavement of wilderness was giving shocks on my soul making me feel a live curse on the earth. Waiting for miracles from the churlish, selfish and euphoriant world
was of no use. The limestone region in the dearth of sympathy was standing with a scourge at my every footstep.
Feeling evaded, not knowing what I was supposed to do, no life…no death…no solace…no peace...no forgiveness…just with fading identity I passed a period of six months. Not being bestowed upon by the smile on my face, just left out by grace and mercy, I was known to nobody. Who wanted to know me? Not even myself. The life was being dragged away with the screeching silence into nothingness, as hollow as a sheer blank page.
As the time passed, it instilled some energy in me. I published an advertisement in the Hindustan Times newspaper for the vacancy of a computer teacher. I got a call from Julia Thomas – the native of Kerala, South India, who was staying with her cousin in Delhi. She came for the interview next day. In her resume, she had mentioned that she was a degree holder in computer science. I believed what was mentioned and did not ask her to show certificates. After getting appointed, she started teaching computer and I was taking English classes. She was a hot-tempered, aggressive and irritable kind of woman. Sometimes, she used to behave franticly as if she was having some mental disorder.
I still let her continue teaching because of her communication skill in English, which was a plus point to the institute. The other candidates, who used to come for interview, were not able to speak English, and if some of them were able to, I was not able to pay them the salary they expected. I remember a day when a very decent and qualified female candidate came for the interview, but when I told her the salary, she started coughing upfront showing how ridiculous she felt.
Seeing Julia’s abnormal behavior I wanted to sack her off but her dedication for the work made me change my decision several times. After a month, she started telling me all her personal problems. The fist was that she was being sexually molested by her cousin. The situation was very problematic to her but she never gave me a clear picture of her family members but always said that they were well-to-do in Kerala. She told that her maternal cousin was staying in the USA who wanted to take her there.
A mystified image created by her was quite enough to trap an innocent mind. An illusion that she created and the lies she pretending-to-be-honest said, made me a little doubtful of her. But, having no choice, I had to show that I believed her because my doubt wasn’t taking me anywhere. I had to accept the reality that she was a figure among cipher. She belonged to Kattapana, Idduki district of Kerala.
I learnt from her a lot about Christianity and studied the Bible as well. My belief for Christianity increased because the people of Hinduism and Islam had given a great wound to my heart. The thing that had happened in my past could have never happened if I were a Christian. You will never hear a gun-marriage happening in Christianity, and no Christian man ever goes to behead his daughter’s lover.
I was finalizing my thought of living life with her because loneliness was ready to grind me into sands.
Success also hurts when you don’t have a loved one to wish you, and failure also looks beautiful when you have a loved one to support you. When the clouds of sorrow gather over us, we see nothing beyond them, nor can imagine how they can be dispelled; yet a new day succeeds to the night. I was in the adverse need of a support.
“Till you understand the new trick of the world, the world learns another.”
Chapter Seventeen
“The biggest fundamental of life is that there is no fundamental of it.”
The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; it is when you do not understand yourself. The best revenge is just moving on and getting over it. Don’t give someone the satisfaction of watching you suffer. You cannot dream yourself into a character: you must hammer and forge yourself into one.
She continued teaching in the institute and her effort started giving commercial support to my stand. Four months passed and there came a day when she came to me crying bitterly. She told me that her brother, who was studying as a novitiate to become a Catholic priest, was killed by an acquainted person in Utter Pradesh, North India. At that point of time I wanted to contact her parents but she did not let me. She left for Kerala on the same day and after fifteen days came back and got into the continuation of the job. I could never know the exact reason of his brother’s death. According to what she said, the man who killed him, wanted to establish a homosexual relation with him, during which the fight occurred, and he was killed.
When she came back, I insisted her to let me talk to her parents, but she stopped me again giving some lame excuses. She said that her parents would talk to me only after I marry her. It was a catch-22 for me. She bound me with a reason that her parents did not know Hindi or English at all. Though her mother was from Hindi speaking state, yet she did not speak the language because she had spent twenty years of her depressed life in Kerala, so she had forgotten the language. It was surprising but I had to believe!
Seeing the situation dubious, I asked her to show the educational certificates. At that time she fought with me like a mad woman. Many a times she pretended to commit suicide also. I was caught up in a dilemma about getting married to her. On the one hand, her brother had passed away and she was the only member to feed her family, but on the other, she was proving herself mentally disheveled.
There are two ways to constructing a piece of software: one is to make it so simple that there are obviously no errors, and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious errors. As she knew I might decline to marry, she played her last trick!
The way she started confusing me was quite new in itself. From time to time, she started showing me some emails sent to her by the cousin who was staying in America. In the email it was mentioned that he was finding a job for her there. I could never understand that she herself used to send those emails to her account just to make a show off. She thought, by doing that, her status would be uplifted in my eyes. Considering those emails genuine, I thought if she got settled there which I couldn’t do, that would be good for our future. Though I had been cheated many a times and I had learnt a lot from past, yet the new tricks appearing with new faces were difficult to understand. I believed whatever she said and I got myself sure that if I marry her, things would get better in our life and we would be able to support each other.
I couldn’t look at the reality which was engraved under the feet of my expectation ready to ruin my life again. I could not perceive that all the information about her education and family was totally wrong.
Till now, she was still showing her emails to me and I was planning to secure future with her. The time was passing, the competition was increasing in market, and the institute started going through a lot of commercial fluctuations. In the year 2002, I could never see a good income coming out of the business because of the competition. Every month a new computer center was opening in the locality. Finally, I decided to close the institute and get settled with her in Kerala.
“It is not that I am so smart; it is just that I stay with problems longer.” –Einstein
Chapter Eighteen
“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” –Columbus
Character without courage is ineffective, and courage without character is oppression. We have to prove it not just with words but deeds. Sometimes, we hope for the best but we have to prepare for the worst. You know you might stumble, but what would you do when you have no other way to go?
When all else is lost, the future still remains…
Carrying more than thirty thousand rupees, and with bag and baggage, we reached Kerala. A room was booked in a nearby lodge for me until we get married. The first thing she did that took all the cash from me saying she would keep that in her mom’s account for the safety purpose. She introduced me to the church priest and society, and everything was quite convincing to me. I was learning a lot about Christianity; the prayers, hymns, baptism, Holy Communion… almost everything…
