“Why, Olivia?”
Her anger turned to disappointment. She looked down at the floor and said, “I don’t get it, Angela.” Then she looked into my eyes and continued, “Your priorities are screwed up, and you don’t even realize it. Jason is not the issue. Our sister is dead, and that is more important than anything that is going on between us.”
I asked through clenched teeth, “Why did you sleep with Jason?”
Olivia shook her head and said, “I’m never going to give you the satisfaction of an answer.” She started to walk out, but stopped and said, “Andrea will be buried tomorrow morning, but I don’t expect to see you there.”
My rage could not be exacted. I couldn’t put my hands on her. I shook with anger, and the tears flooded my eyes. I felt helpless, stupid, less than a human, and incapable of movement. I watched my bedroom door, shaking like a leaf, and I heard everyone leave the apartment. I crumbled to the floor and cried. I cried it seemed like for hours.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
I lay down on my bed with a clear mind. My anger had long subsided to reason. I had to go to Andrea’s funeral. I wished I handled the situation different. Olivia was right. My priorities were wrong, and I couldn’t see that. With that last discussion, I officially lost her. I wished I apologized instead of asking about Jason. I figured when I went to the funeral I would try and talk to her, but knowing how angry she was with me, I doubt if she’d say one word to me.
I suddenly realized that I didn’t know the time of the funeral and where it was going to be. I didn’t have Olivia’s phone number, and I didn’t know where she was staying. Maybe, she was at Helen’s house. Going to the kitchen, I was thinking when I talked to Olivia I would apologize. We would start over.
Helen answered the phone. I asked, “Is Olivia there?”
“No, I’m not sure where she is right now.”
I sat down at the kitchen table disappointed. “Will she be staying with you this evening?”
“No, she’s staying at the inn near the lake.”
“Maybe, you can help me.” I began to feel embarrassed asking this question. “Did Olivia tell you the time of the funeral and where?”
“It’s at your family church, and it’ll be 10 a.m. in the morning.”
I thanked her for the information, but before I hung up, Helen stopped me by saying, “Angela, have you heard about Alex?”
I held my breath. I didn’t know whether to lie or tell the truth. I lied, “I haven’t even thought about him. What’s going on?”
“You haven’t been watching the news?”
“Helen, I don’t have a television set. What is it?”
“Alex is dead.”
I had to bring a little drama. “What did you say?”
“I’ve been trying to contact you, but you haven’t been answering your phone, and then I just found out today how Andrea died. I had no idea Josh was involved.”
I sat quiet. I couldn’t even muster a hint of emotion. I finally said, “Helen, I have to go.”
“Will you be okay?”
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I hung up the phone. I was so spent. How can so much happen so fast and most of it be bad?
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
I called Tanie before going to bed. She had music playing in the background. She asked me, “When are you coming over?”
“Not tonight, Tanie.” I told her.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m very sure. Olivia is mad at me, and the funeral is tomorrow. I’m no longer in the mood to be around people.”
“Yea, I saw how mad she was. Sorry I left you there.”
“You did the right thing.”
“When is the funeral?” Tanie asked.
I answered her question.
Tanie remarked, “I can’t go. I have to make another run for Roscoe. Hey, I put your bags and stuff inside your living room. Did you see it?”
I looked into the living room said, “Thanks, Tanie. I totally forgot about my stuff. Why are you leaving again? We just got back.”
“Actually, he wanted you to do this job solo, but I told him I would take it. I figure with your sister in town, it wouldn’t be so easy for you to get away.”
“Thank you, Tanie. I really appreciate it.” I sighed and continued, “I’m tired. I have to go.”
“Okay, Angela. I’m sorry about your sister. I’m sorry about everything.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I remarked.
It would have been nice to have her at my side, but I guess this funeral was one thing I was supposed to do alone. I could speak with Olivia easier if Tanie wasn’t there anyway.
MONDAY, JUNE 8, 2009
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX
I felt like crap getting ready for the funeral. I was emotionally drained, and I was just plain unhappy. I put on black pants and a black blouse. I didn’t have a decent black skirt to wear in church. They were all too short, too tight, and very inappropriate.
When I arrived outside the church, I stood on the steps looking up at the door like they were supposed to open on their own. I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong there. I felt embarrassed, too. I can imagine people looking at me as I walked in, staring like I’m the evil one of the family, knowing I didn’t do a thing to set up the funeral. It’s been days since she died, and she was supposed to be buried a long time ago. The whispers would make me shameful, and the pointing would make me run out of the church. I had to pull myself together. This was my last chance to say goodbye to Andrea. I took in a deep breath, and I went inside.
The funeral had already started. The tiny crowd was near the front of the church, and nobody turned around as I slowly walked down the aisle. I stopped midway too afraid to get closer, and I listened to the Pastor give his eulogy. I heard ‘amen’ and ‘hallelujah’ many times. The church was lighted with the sun beaming through the stain glass windows and the florescent lights from the ceilings.
Under the pulpit at the level of the congregation was Andrea’s coffin. It was a gleaming burgundy color, and her coffin was surrounded by flowers. The casket was closed, and I wondered if it was open before the funeral began. I listened to the Pastor as he continued to speak kind words about Andrea.
“I can remember Andrea before her mother died. I’m sure many of you do. Her mother spoke highly of her to me many times, much like she did of all her girls. Andrea was a smart and gifted young lady, an important part of this town, of this community. Andrea was a nurse. She cared for the sick and the shut in. She even took care of my mother before she passed away, and I praised God to have such a wonderful person at my mother’s side. We all must remember that she had a purpose in life once, but unforeseen circumstances beyond her control affected her adversely. She handled the death of her mother, Carina, with the most difficulty. Instead of all of us watching and judging, we should have reached out to Andrea and not just to her but to Olivia and Angela, as well. We should have never given up on them. Even the best person can fall in the worse way, and when that happened to Andrea, we should have become that same warm and caring soul she used to be, and we should have helped her just liked she helped many of us before. We all must do what God expects of us. We must become hope for those that are lost. We must not judge or turn our backs thinking we are too good or better than the person who is at their worse. I’m going to tell you, my brothers and sisters, that this young woman was abandon by this community. God would have wanted us to come together and do whatever we could to help her even if it was only to sit and listen to her problems. She deserved more from all of us, including myself. I think with the passing of Andrea Gray I have learned something very important, and I hope you have, too. Love for our fellow brothers and sisters should not be at our own convenience. Our love for God should have shown through our hearts and minds, and we should have been there for this young sister every chance we got.” The preacher searched the eyes of everyone that sat in the small congregation and tears formed in hi
s eyes. He wiped vigorously with his handkerchief and continued, “I regret Andrea leaving this world in the pain she was in, but we all must pray and have faith in God that He is now watching over her and she is safe in His arms, no longer suffering the anguish of this world. Lets not forget the wonderful person she was. Lets remember the times she showed unselfish care to those who most needed it. We give you love now and forever, Andrea Gray. Rest in peace. Lets bow our heads in prayer.”
I cried with a heavy hurt in my heart. I looked up at the picture of Jesus on the wall, and I looked down at my hands. I was a horrible person. I can’t even think of a single thing that was good about me. I’ve done some terrible things, and by those actions, what kind of person does that make me? I must be a monster.
After the prayer, the processional started out the door. Andrea’s coffin was ahead of the group of people. I stood right before the coffin passed me, and I stared at it. Olivia and her father were behind it. I tried to get Olivia’s attention, but she didn’t even look my way, no acknowledgment whatsoever. She was distraught, crying and her father held her close as they walked together. I should have been the one walking beside her, hugging her, but I knew I wasn’t welcomed. I wasn’t even going to try and step in. Pritchard was on the other side of Tony, and Helen and her fiancé, John, were right behind them, Dr. Jameson and the rest of the staff from the urgent care clinic followed. Carolyn Stone, Jason’s mother, was surprisingly there, and she stopped and gently touched my hand. I shook when her soft, warm hand touched mine. I wasn’t expecting such a gesture from her, but I welcomed it. She softly whispered that she was sorry, and she continued on with the procession. I recognized other people from town, and others I didn’t.
Within a few minutes, I was alone in the church. I decided I wasn’t going to the gravesite. I can’t even say I blame Olivia for being angry. I wasn’t going to make peace with her. Our broken relationship was going to stay as it was.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
I went back to my hole in the wall apartment. The neighborhood was empty. People were at work or some place in town. I hated sitting in that car with nothing to look forward to. It was time to leave Colum. Tanie was out of town. The timing was perfect. I had over $1,000 dollars in my purse. I could easily catch a bus, go anywhere in the country, and start over.
I went to my bedroom and got my overnight bag. I never unpacked from my trip. I only needed to get my checkbook from the boot in the closet. I had no idea where I was headed. The things that Roscoe gave me, the cell phone and the keys to the car, I left on the bed. I wasn’t about to take that car and have Roscoe on my ass. I paid the rent off entirely, and I felt like I really didn’t owe him anything else. I stopped for a minute and closed my eyes. The pain of the past few weeks was hurting my heart, hurting my soul. I felt so alone in this world. How did it get to this point so fast?
I tore an empty page from an old book, and I wrote:
‘Tanie, sorry, but I have to go. I will call you. I love you, and thanks for everything.’
I left the note under the car keys. Without looking back, I locked the front door from the inside, closed it, left the house keys under the crate beside the door, and started walking towards town. Before I got to the end of the parking lot, Lori Anna ran to me. She looked so happy, and she made me smile. She was like a bright little sun.
“Hey, Angela, you want to double-dutch with me today?”
“No, not today, Lori Anna, I have something to do right now. Where are your friends?”
“They’re at the court. They’re about to start.” She was jumpy like the time we spoke at my window. I loved this kid, and I was sorry to cause her pain. I’m glad she didn’t know the truth, though. Lord knows I wouldn’t be able to handle her disappointment.
I said, “You have fun, Lori Anna.”
“Maybe this afternoon?”
I smiled knowing this afternoon I wasn’t going to be here, and I gently touched her cheek and told her to have a great time. I waved and watched her run back towards the apartments. I was glad she was the last person I spoke to before I left Covington Point Projects. I hoped she made it out of that neighborhood one day, too. I hoped she’d do great things in her life.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
I walked to town taking the dirt road, and yes, I passed by Alex’s house. That’s where I fell in love with him. I stopped at the gate and stared at it. I’m glad I didn’t live there. I’m glad I was never a part of their world. That family killed my life in more ways than one, and I guess I killed theirs.
I was tired by the time I got to the only bus station in town located at the small grocery store. My feet were hurting. I bought a one way ticket. I sat on the bench outside the door to wait on the bus. It was due in twenty minutes. I could see the park from where I sat. People were jogging or walking. Didn’t they know there was more in the world than that little park? I knew. I saw it for myself. Maybe, they’ve already seen more than I have and was content. Maybe someday I would be content, too, happy with myself and where I am in life.
“Good morning, Angela.” A familiar voice said. Sheriff Smithe was holding a bag of groceries.
“Hello, Sheriff.” I spoke.
“Are you enjoying your day?”
I smiled and said, “I’m trying.”
He nodded and then said, “I heard your sister’s funeral was today. I’m very sorry.”
“Sheriff, I’ve heard sorry too many times, and it doesn’t make me feel any better.” I said in almost a whisper, “It never does.”
The Sheriff stepped closer blocking the light of the sun and said, “This won’t last forever, this moment. You take what you can from it, become stronger, and move on. That’s all you can do, Angela.” He gave me a small nod and walked away. The Sheriff said the perfect words. I had taken all I could, I’ve learned all I could, and now I was moving on. How fitting.
I was alone again, and I thought about Tanie. I was going to miss her. I would call her in a month and explain, and maybe, one day I’ll be able to have a civil conversation with Olivia. My baby sister had grown by leaps and bounds, and I hated there was a possibility I wasn’t going to see her again. I hated that we separated on a bad note. Maybe, with time there is another opportunity.
Twenty minutes turned into an hour before the bus arrived. The bus driver opened the door not even bothering to get out of his seat. I handed him my bus ticket. With a solemn, uninterested look he initialed the ticket with a blue marker and handed it back to me. The bus started moving slowly. I found a lonely seat in the back. I felt like I was hiding and in a way I was. I was running away, too. I closed my eyes. Good-bye Colum. Good-bye forever.
THE HIDDEN MURDERESS
PROLOGUE
How far could I run before my past catches up? I asked that question many times. The answer was absolutely terrifying to the point where it made my stomach weak and my head spin. Ever since I left my hometown two weeks ago, I’d been fearful of getting arrested. I was running because I knew once my past was revealed, my life would be the ultimate prize to those that wanted revenge. At this point, it was all about survival.
The problem began with two guys I used to date. Simply put, I killed them. Jason was the first to suffer. I plotted with my best friend, Tanie Howard, to kill him, and we carried out the plan without a hint of regret. I hated him. He was abusive, even after we stopped dating. He was relentless, never leaving me alone when he was in town from college. I had no choice. I wanted peace of mind and the only way to get it was to kill him.
Then there was Alex, and my foolish mind thought he was a dream come true. I thought he loved me, but he had no intentions of committing to me. When he ran off on a lie to Atlanta and left me behind in Colum, Alabama, I couldn’t take his rejection. Then the worse part of it all, his brother, Josh, hit my sister with a car and killed her. Alex had his cell phone disconnected. He didn’t contact me once and he never showed a single consideration when it came to my sister’s death. It was too much. When I k
illed him, the sum of my hate was ten times stronger than the love I carried for him during our entire relationship. He had to die. I saw no other way.
It was only about a month or so ago when I snatched away their bright future. I felt empowered each time, never really feeling guilty. I never worried about getting caught for Jason’s death, but I always felt there was a chance I would get caught behind Alex’s death. Now, the worry had switched. Jason’s death was in the national news. His family pushed for more attention, and they got it. I knew the police would eventually look for me and blame me. But I was determined not to be found, and I wasn’t giving up, either.
My hands trembled. I stretched them out hoping to gain control. This can’t be the life I was supposed to have. Will I be hiding from the police forever? Will they ever give up trying to find out who killed Jason? I was doomed, unless I found a way to disappear for good.
I leaned against the wall in my hotel room, hiding my hands under my arms. I gazed out the window beyond the old faded orange curtains watching the rain fall. I’d been hiding in the hotel for most of the week, ever since the first day I arrived in Wisp, North Carolina. I didn’t know anyone in this town and no one knew me. It was fine for the first three days, but now my own thoughts were driving me insane.
It rained for most of the day, and I hoped the rain would go away. Then I could leave the hotel and walk the downtown area of Wisp. I wouldn’t be tempted to turn on the television to watch a show that would divulge more information on Jason’s death. I was trapped in that square, bland room. I had no other place to go, but I knew within my own heart and mind, I had to hear what was going on. I exhaled wishing the rain would just stop and for the sun to open the day so I could just escape into the world.
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