“No, I don’t mind.”
“Thanks for the pizza. Thank you for everything.” I could be literally sleeping in the streets right now, wondering how I would get my next meal. Instead, I was in a pretty green house with a nice person who was willing to take me in without question or hesitation.
I dragged from the table and retired to bed. I crawled under the covers and drifted off to sleep. There was no shifting or fussing to get comfortable. I was gone the moment my head hit the pillow.
SATURDAY, JUNE 20, 2009
CHAPTER THREE
The sound of laughter from outside brought me out of rest. There wasn’t an alarm clock in the room. So, I had no idea what time it was. I turned on my left side to face the sun. The sheer beige curtains were partly open, and I saw two boys riding their bicycles. One had a stick over his head pretending he was a warrior, and the other was laughing. The boys started cycling down the street faster and turned at the end of the road disappearing completely out of sight.
With the laughter and the boys gone, I tried to think of things to do. I knew I couldn’t stay in bed all day. I wasn’t a lazy person. I had to find work and get out in the world. Especially, since I wanted to pay my share of living in the house with Beth.
I made up the bed and put my dirty clothes on the floor in the closet. I picked out the pink floor length strapless summer dress. The fabric was light and soft to the touch. I freshened up in the bathroom before putting it on. Afterwards, I joined Beth in the kitchen. She was putting together pasta salad, tossing in her own ingredients and singing with the music that was playing from a radio in the window.
“Good morning, Beth.”
Beth turned and grinned like I had lit up the room. “Good morning, Angela! You look so pretty! Are you hungry?”
“I’m a little bit hungry.”
“Do you like grits? I made grits and bacon.”
“Grits are fine.”
“They’re on the stove. Help yourself. It’s still warm. How did you sleep last night?”
“I slept good. I haven’t rested like that in a long time.”
Beth reached in the cabinet and brought out sea salt and pepper. She started shaking the seasoning onto the salad. She stated, “Nothing compares to good, uninterrupted sleep.”
I fixed my plate. My stomach began to growl as the smell of the food took over my senses. I sat down at the table getting ready to eat when I realized I didn’t have utensils. “Where are your spoons, Beth?”
“Oh, silly me, like you would know where they are.” Beth washed her hands quickly and took a spoon out of a kitchen drawer. She said, “I would join you, but I need to finish up this pasta, and then I need to take a shower. I have to be at work around one o’clock.”
I began eating, and by the time I was halfway into my meal I realized I didn’t say a prayer. Beth didn’t even notice, either. I decided to finish up my meal. I asked, “Beth, did you make that phone call you talked about last night?”
“As a matter of fact I did.” Beth started scooping the pasta into a plastic container. “I called Brandon this morning. Brandon is Dillon’s brother. He owns a bookstore here in Wisp. He’s been trying to get me to work for him since my old roommate quite.”
“You don’t want to?”
“No, Angela, I was actually thinking about getting a second job in Threshold. They have a new club there, and I was thinking about applying to be a bartender. I figure mixing drinks are no different from mixing ingredients to make food.”
“So, is he willing to give me a job?”
“I woke Brandon when I called him first thing this morning. So, I really didn’t get a straight answer from him. Dillon is right outside in the back yard. When he comes in, I’ll tell him to call him. He’ll hire you as a favor to me. So, don’t even worry about it.” After mixing the pasta more, Beth put the top on the container. “Ms. Emma is going to love my pasta salad. I put a few extra ingredients in it this time. Okay, I have to take a shower. I don’t have a whole lot of time left to get ready for work.” Beth washed her hands again and rushed out of the kitchen.
After I finished my breakfast, I saw all the dirty dishes and decided to make myself useful. I didn’t mind cleaning anyway. I scraped the grits that were stuck to the bottom of the pot into the garbage. I put the bacon in a plastic container, and I washed every dirty dish, pot and pan, and then set them in the dishwasher. The counter had a lot of paper spread all over the place, and I stacked everything neatly and set it aside in the corner away from the sink. I set Beth’s cell phone on top of the stack of papers making sure she would see it. How did she cook with such a messy counter anyway?
My mind began to wander, and I thought about my sister, Olivia. I wondered what she was doing now. She had to be happy, living a better life than she did in Colum. I was hoping Olivia thought about me sometimes, in a good way, and I hoped one day to apologize for every single thing I did wrong, everything. I hated the feeling of being in the world without a single family member loving me, and Olivia was the only one left, except for my dad. But he never counted, never truly existed in my life. An empty hole grew in my heart when Olivia went away, and I never admitted it to myself until that moment.
I wanted to kick myself for bringing up Jason the last time me and Olivia were together. We should have been hugging and crying in each other’s arms over Andrea’s death. Instead, we stood so far apart in that room to the point where a full length truck could park the long way between us. The state of my relationship with Olivia was my fault. It didn’t matter that she slept with Jason. I should have been the better person from the time our mom died and supported all of my sisters. I believe many things would be different. I wouldn’t be in Wisp, North Carolina. Andrea would be alive, and Olivia, well, I think she’d still be with her dad, but we would be talking. Now, they’re both gone. I’ve lost my chance with Andrea. Maybe, there was hope for me and Olivia. But in order to make amends, I had to find her first. I only knew she was in Virginia. I don’t remember where her dad lives or what school she planned on attending. I’d find out. I’d find her, and I’ll try my hardest to repair my family again.
I exhaled, feeling the tug of tremendous loss, and I set back to the task at hand knowing full well I couldn’t change anything with Olivia now. The kitchen still needed to be swept. I looked around for the broom. The kitchen closet only had canned foods and cleaning supplies. I opened the back door only to be scared half to death by who I guessed was Beth’s boyfriend.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He said as he put his dirty hands in the air.
“I wasn’t expecting you to be there.”
“I’m Dillon. You must be Angela?”
“Yes.”
“I would shake your hand, but my hands are dirty.”
I stared at Dillon’s hazel eyes and his long eye lashes. He had dirty blonde hair, and it was cut short and neat. His nose was broad, and his cheeks were flush from being in the sun. Dillon was tall, almost six feet, and he had a medium build. He wasn’t fat or too thin, but he wasn’t muscular, either. He looked like a regular guy in his overalls and brown shirt.
I saw the broom leaning against the house behind him, and I started to reach for it but Dillon was standing on the step in the way. I smiled and pointed to it, and he looked around.
“You need the broom? Here you go.” He stared at me, and I instantly felt uncomfortable. His eyes indicated that he was checking me out. Was this guy serious? His girlfriend was in the same house, and he was checking me over like I was a meal.
“Thanks.” I turned to continue cleaning. He was watching me from the kitchen door. Sometimes I’d turn around, and those eyes would connect with mine. I wished he’d just go away.
Beth raced back into the kitchen and franticly said, “Oh my geez! I got like fifteen minutes to get to work. I can’t remember what I came in here for.”
I felt better with Beth in the room. Dillon sat down on the porch steps with his back to the kitchen.
She ran to the stack of papers and grabbed her phone. “Snap dragon! I can’t remember a thing. Oh, Dillon, can you remind Brandon about the job opening for Angela? Angela, you’ve met Dillon, right?” Beth turned in a complete stationary circle searching the room for whatever she was missing.
I didn’t answer her question. I only looked over at him as he worked to pull off his boots. He didn’t want to give Beth any indication he was checking me out earlier. I sure hope he wasn’t going to be a problem. I did not need any more problems in any kind of way.
Dillon answered as he was knocking the mud off his boots, “You can call him. He responds to you better, anyway. Look, I’m done outside in the yard. I finally planted the azalea, and it has a steady flow of water. It needs to be turned off in an hour.”
“I won’t be here in an hour. Can’t you see I’m going to work?” Beth bellowed, still trying to remember what she forgot. “I wish you and Brandon would just get over whatever problem exist between you two.”
“I’ll turn it off.” I volunteered. I didn’t want him coming back for any reason without Beth being in the house.
“You’re a doll. Thank you! Alright, Angela, I’ll see you tonight.” Beth ran over and gave Dillon a kiss on top of his head, and she ran passed me and out the front door, and then all of a sudden, she ran right back in. “I just remembered! I forgot about the pasta salad!”
I said, “I’ll take it over to her.”
“You will? I’ll call her and let her know to expect you. Okay, I seriously have to run! Bye, Angela!”
Beth ran back out again. I turned and saw Dillon was gone. I heard metal hitting metal and saw him walking by the side kitchen window with shovels over his shoulder. I hoped he was gone. I did not want to be alone with him.
CHAPTER FOUR
I wondered if Ms. Emma would let me in. I figured if she didn’t open the door, I’ll leave the pasta on the front porch. I glanced at Ms. Emma’s light blue front porch as I walked up to the house. I’ve never seen a light blue porch before, but most of the houses in Wisp had unique colors like that. Ms. Emma’s house was no different. Her home had beige siding with light blue shudders. The yard was immaculate, and the flowers were in full bloom. The house had flowering bushes on each corner, and it looked very cozy.
I pressed the doorbell and stood back just in case Ms. Emma opened the screen. I heard whispering from just behind the door. I didn’t know whether to ring the doorbell again or go back to Beth’s house. I didn’t want to scare the old lady.
After about a minute, Ms. Emma opened the door. She was smiling, showing her perfect white teeth between her flawlessly applied bright red lipstick. She had on pink rouge and bright blue eye shadow. Ms. Emma’s hair was white and styled like a round helmet around her head. Every single strand was in place. She had on a red dress with diamond buttons up the front and the bottom was shaped like a poodle skirt. Miss Emma stood with her hands on her hips with one knee bent towards the other. I didn’t know what to say. I’d seen strange people before at the nursing home, but Ms. Emma was really unique. I knew she was going to be entertaining.
“Hello, you must be Angela?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I answered.
“My name is Ms. Emma Jean Clark. You may call me Ms. Emma. I am the lady of this house. Please, do come in!” She stepped aside raising her hand like she was presenting a prize on a game show.
When I stepped inside, I was absolutely stunned to see the living room had stacks and stacks of books from one side of the room to the other. The yard was gorgeous like you’d see on a magazine cover. I mean, even the light blue flowers matched the shutters and the porch, and there was no garbage and nothing was out of place. But the inside was a complete clutter of stacked dusty books. I could barely see any of the furniture or beyond to the other side of the room. I decided to stand right beside the door and wait for Ms. Emma to give me instructions on where to go.
“Welcome to my home, Angela. This must be the pasta salad.”
I handed her the bowl, and Ms. Emma gave me a hug. I couldn’t remember the last time I got a hug. I welcomed it.
Ms. Emma said after standing back and giving me a good look over, “Come join me in the kitchen, my dear.”
I followed her through the maze of books. Some were stacked as high as the ceiling. There had to be hundreds of them.
The kitchen had more, but they were stacked against one wall away from the stove and counters. In the middle of the rectangular oak table were five lined up books, and a vase with a daisy set on the center book.
“Please, have a seat, Angela. Would you like to partake of some pasta with me?”
It probably wasn’t a good idea to turn down Ms. Emma. She was trying really hard to welcome me into her home. So, I answered, “Yes, ma’am, I would love to join you.”
Ms. Emma giggled and twirled around to prepare our meal. “I am so happy to have a new guest in my home. I rarely regale newcomers.”
Regale newcomers? Alright then. I pulled out a chair only to find a book in it. I started to put the book on the table but decided to put it on the next seat. I made a mental note to put it back when I left the table. Apparently, there was a reason why Ms. Emma had a book in every chair, but I didn’t know why. That’s all I know, I didn’t want to change her setup too much.
After filling the plates full of food, Ms. Emma flitted over to sit at the head of the table. Her seat didn’t have a book, which made sense. If she sat there and ate all the time, I’d imagine she’d be tired of moving the book every single time she sat down.
“Have you ever tried Beth’s pasta salad?”
“No, ma’am, but I tried her grits and bacon this morning.”
Ms. Emma threw her hands in the air with excitement and said, “I absolutely love her grits and bacon! Did you try it with strawberry jam?” Every gesture she made was overly dramatic, and her voice became high pitched when she was excited. This lady was beyond eccentric. I think she was teetering on crazy.
I put on my best behavior when I spoke, “No, ma’am, is it good?” I didn’t want to give her any indication on what I thought about her. I wanted to show her as much patience and kindness as she was showing me.
“It is delicious. The next time she fixes grits, you put jam in it. That girl is a patron saint of cooking, if there ever was one.”
“The grits were pretty good. I will admit.”
Ms. Emma nodded and giggled. She started separating the noodles on her plate according to the color. She had a green pile and an ivory pile, and she started eating the green pile first. I tried to ignore her obvious odd habit.
“Are you thirsty, my dear? I have wine, champagne, milk, water, and I believe I have sweet tea.”
Any other time I would say wine but sweet tea was more appropriate. I didn’t want Ms. Emma to think the wrong thing. “I’ll have sweet tea.”
She fixed two glasses of tea and returned to the table. She asked as she began eating again, “What is your last name, Angela?”
Do I lie? I hated lying. The moment I start lying to this lady I’d have to tell more lies to back it up. I decided to go with the honest answer and keep it simple. “My last name is Gray.”
“Did your mother or father name you?”
“I’m not sure. I never asked my mother who named me.” And honestly, it never crossed my mind.
“My mother named me. Before I was married, I was called Emma Jean Lowell. Have you ever been married?”
“No.”
“When you decide to get married, make sure you love that man to the core of your body. You make sure you have no doubts about how you feel, you hear what I’m saying?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I answered. I didn’t know what it was to love a man to the core. I thought I did each time I was in a relationship, but I’ve been wrong each time.
She continued, “I’m going to be very blunt with you. So, don’t be surprised about the things I say.”
I replied, “Please, speak your min
d, Ms. Emma. I want you to be blunt.”
Ms. Emma appeared to be happy I was willing to listen. “My dear, when you have sex with a man and you feel like nothing afterwards, it’s not love. It’s lust. If you think about a man day and night, and you want to be with him even if there’s no sex involved, that means you love him to the core.”
“I’ve loved someone to the core once, but he betrayed me.”
Ms. Emma leaned over and said, “If those feelings went away, then you haven’t loved to the core yet. You had a false feeling. Loving to the core means no matter what he has done or said, that feeling is still in the marrow of your bones, and you’re willing to do anything to be with him, love him, and have a complete life with him. Love can be so strong to the point where it defeats all other things in your mind and heart, including the firmest hate you’ve ever known.”
A false feeling, I guess that’s what I had both times. I didn’t love Jason or Alex. I lusted after them, after their life, and it wasn’t real enough to keep the relationships going.
“You’re new to love, Angela. You are learning. Keep your eyes open and your mind sharp, and you’ll know when the right guy is in front of you.”
“I’m not looking for the right guy anymore, Ms. Emma. I don’t need a guy to rescue me or make me feel any better about myself. I’ve given up entirely on men.”
She laughed and slapped the table. She remarked, “No, you haven’t, my dear. Everyone needs to express love.”
“I’ll just lock love away. It makes life easier. There are no expectations when it’s not a part of your life.”
“Your heart will burst at the seam. We are social animals and incapable of surviving without the warmth of another being. We lose our sanity if we shut ourselves away.”
The Ex Killer Series Page 34
