“So? Why does that matter?”
I rolled my eyes at her. Why indeed?
“Do you like him?”
“I don’t know. I barely know him. But he’s … he’s not what I imagined, I guess. Like, he’s funny. He’s nice too … and he … I don’t know … he seems to like me.”
Charlie smiled at me. “I’m glad you’re going out with him. I think it will be good for you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Go out, have some fun, forget all about …,” she didn’t say his name, just in case he was listening, but Charlie motioned her head towards Grey.
“Yeah.” I looked over at him, forgetting myself, and regretted it the moment I did. Just the sight of his face behind the line was enough to pang me, to remind me that I was only fooling myself. That I wasn’t over him, not yet, no matter how much I tried to act it. I sighed, suddenly looking forward to the end of my shift so I could go and drink all my troubles away.
“You should go now.” Charlie decided, as if reading my mind.
“What?”
“Go now. Go with him.” She nodded her head up at Brad. “Mackenzie, it’s like a graveyard in here. I can totally handle it. Go, have fun.”
“What? No. I’ll stay and help you close up.” I insisted.
“Don’t be stubborn. Just go.”
“… Are you sure?”
“Mackenzie.”
“Yeah?”
“Take your food out.” She grinned.
“Oh, right.” I shook my head sheepishly, sliding steak knives under the meat and then grabbing the plates from beneath the warmer. I took the food out to my table and gathered up their dirty salad bowls. On my way back to the dish pit, I stopped briefly at Brad’s table again.
“Hey, Charlie says I can leave work early tonight.” I informed him.
“Really?” His amber eyes lit up. “That’s great. Do you think you could make my order to go then? I’ll eat it on the way.”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll be like, five minutes, okay?”
“Okay.” He grinned. “Mackenzie, I’m really glad you’re coming with me tonight.”
I thought about that a moment, and my answer was sincere. “I am too.”
We smiled at each other and I made my way back to the station, excited for our evening to begin, eager to get as wasted as I could.
Grey was staring at me as I approached the order window, almost like he was impatient, like he’d been waiting for me. It took me by surprise; normally he kept his head down so it was impossible for us to talk. Hesitantly I leaned against the counter. After the weeks of nothing but silence from him, this sudden attention made me wary.
“Can I get that order to go?” I broached cautiously, aware of his eyes on my face, the heat of his stare.
“That’s not what it said on the slip.”
“I know. He … he changed his mind.”
“Fine.”
“Thanks.” I backed off, figuring our conversation to be over.
“Who is this guy anyway?” Grey asked suddenly, surprising me again. He must have overheard my conversation with Charlie. His eyes were narrowed, glittering angrily. “Some cowboy? Why the hell are you going out with him?”
I blinked at him a moment, stupefied. The look on Grey’s face told me he was used to having women fall all over him all the time, no matter how badly he treated them, no matter how hurt and rejected they’d been. I could tell he expected the same from me—and I’d felt that way once too, before—like it didn’t matter what he said or what he did or how he behaved, I’d take whatever I could get. And though my stupid, foolish heart couldn’t seem to stop loving Grey … I had enough pride, enough confidence to realize that I did deserve better. That he couldn’t treat me like total garbage and just get away with it.
I met his gaze evenly, my dark eyes daring him to disagree. “That’s none of your fucking business.” I retorted.
Grey’s face lost its hardness. He seemed struck, startled into amazement by my words, staring at me with … wonder, almost. He dropped his head briefly to put Brad’s burger into a Styrofoam container, and then placed the package on the order counter. “Here.” He mumbled.
I took the order and grabbed Brad’s bill, stalking out of the station without another look back, like I was totally confident, totally in control. Luckily Grey couldn’t hear my heart pounding a mile a minute. My hands were still shaking when Brad came and met me at the till, but I managed to smile.
“I’m just going to grab my coat and stuff.” I handed him his change.
“No problem. I’ll just be out in the truck. It’s the one with—”
“I know which one it is.” I stopped him wryly. The one with like, six tires on the back axle. I shook my head and grinned. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
I was nervous heading back into the station, afraid that Grey would still be there, wanting to talk or something. I wasn’t sure how long I could keep up the whole “so-over-you routine.” Thankfully he was nowhere to be seen. With a sigh of relief, I grabbed my purse and my light jacket from the hooks on the wall.
“Hey, I have something for you.” Charlie stopped me with a whisper. She rummaged through her bag for a quick second and then put a small package in my hand. “Here, take this, you know, just in case. Don’t look at it; just put it in your purse.”
I did as I was told, and though I didn’t know exactly what she’d given me, I had a pretty good idea. I smiled excitedly, buoyed by the thought.
“Charlie, you’re the best. Seriously.” I gave her a slight hug.
“Have fun tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow and you can tell me all about it.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I will.” Donning my jacket, I waved elatedly and headed for the entrance of the restaurant. I grabbed the silver door handle and pulled, but a sudden hand over the jamb prevented the door from opening. I looked up in curious surprise.
It was Grey. He stood beside me, his arm above my shoulder so his palm could hold the door shut. I was amazed to find him standing there, in his white-checked kitchen attire, a black hat upon his head, his blue eyes steady and intense upon me. We stared at each other a moment before he spoke.
“Don’t go, Mackenzie.”
“What?” I blinked in disbelief. “Why not?”
“Just … because. Why are you doing this?”
No one could answer that question better than Grey. I looked up at him, baffled, lowering my voice so we wouldn’t attract any attention from the few tables present.
“Why am I … are you kidding me?” It was because of him that I was searching for someone else, because he didn’t want me. And now he was staring at me with such sincerity my poor confused emotions were roiling. He didn’t care about me. So why did he suddenly care what I did? Who I went out with?
“You actually want to go out with this guy?” He demanded.
“Yeah, I do. He’s a nice guy … and he’s actually interested in me. He wants to spend time with me.” I said pointedly.
Grey frowned. “I don’t trust him.” He decided.
“You don’t trust him … okay ….” I sighed and shook my head, rubbing my forehead in total bewilderment. “Grey … what the hell do you want from me?”
He hesitated a moment. “I just … I don’t want you to go out with that guy.”
I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t. Why now? Why? A week ago, this kind of concern would have made my whole day … but now I was just confused, frustrated … saddened even, by his sudden interest.
“Get out of my way.” I uttered quietly, avoiding his gaze.
“Please, Mackenzie.”
“No.” I shook my head.
Grey dropped his hand from the door. “Fine. Go. Have fun.” He muttered.
I didn’t waste a second. I whipped the door open and stepped into the warm summer night, welcoming the fresh air on my heated cheeks, leaving Grey behind.
CHAPTER 21
“Ready?”
“Ready!”
/>
“Go!”
Hurriedly I opened my beer, putting the can to my lips and trying furiously to keep up with the onslaught of liquid as it slammed down my throat. Beer dribbled down my chin and onto my sweater as I gulped it down, trying not to laugh, watching in near hysterics as Brad did the exact same thing.
When I was finished, I leaned back and laughed uproariously, enjoying the sound of the cheering around us. Brad wiped his lips on his hand and smiled at me, his grin spreading wide over his face.
“Dammit. You beat me again!” He was forced to admit. I could do nothing but laugh at him, already drunk and getting drunker by the minute as my system tried to deal with the four or five beers we’d already shot-gunned. I sat cross-legged on the hay bale next to a roaring fire, facing Brad, thoroughly enjoying myself.
He was easier to get along with than I ever could have imagined. We cruised the town for a bit before heading out to the party, going to the liquor store for some booze, heading to my house so I could change. Brad was surprisingly fun to be around, laid back and easygoing and just … funny. He really made me laugh. And though certain things would force me into moments of clarity where I realized that we were very wrong together … things like the chew ring faded into his back pocket or the Garth Brooks in his CD player, I had to admit that I was having a great time. If nothing else, I knew that Brad would make a really great friend. I was glad to have met him.
The crowd around us slowly dissipated now that the contest was over and I was declared the winner. A few of them waved at Brad as they moved on, but pointedly ignored me. Jocks, cowboys, popular girls, brainiacs … they were all there. The small percentage of the student body that actually partied—like my definition of party—were nowhere to be found in this crowd, but this group was still having fun. The girls were drinking beer and giggling; the boys dispersed in between them were talking loudly and comparing partying stories. It was lively and carefree, but it wasn’t a hard party by any means.
It was funny, I’d gone to school with most these people my entire life, but I didn’t know them any better than just a name to “popcorn” to when we were reading in class. Most of them had given me a look when I arrived—like, what is she doing here all of a sudden—but no one was mean or hostile or even unfriendly. It was still a little uncomfortable though. They all had their little cliques and I wasn’t a part of them, which was totally fine with me. I wished I could’ve been there with my friends. We would have taken over a hay bale or two and smoked a bunch of weed and secretly made fun of all the people around us. In short, we would’ve had fun. Just like we used to.
I sighed and shook my head, trying to rid myself of the sudden nostalgia. The campfire was roaring, I could feel the heat on the skin of my shins even through my jeans.
“Seriously girl, how’d you learn to drink so much?” Brad demanded. “You had a whole mickey of rye in the truck before we even got here.”
“Practice.” I shrugged. “And, you know what they say. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.”
“Really?” Brad laughed. “I hadn’t heard that one.”
“What? That’s not one of your cowboy mottos?” I teased.
“No. Unfortunately.”
“You know what my favourite cowboy motto is? It’s … oh, how does it go? I saw it on a shirt once. Oh, okay … If you can’t ride it or rope it, take it out behind the barn and shoot it ….”
“… Get the cowboy attitude … and pass the ammo.” Brad finished with a grin.
I laughed out loud. “You know that one!”
“Oh yeah. It’s practically famous.” He laughed sheepishly. “I used to have that shirt, actually.”
“Wow.” I blew my smoke out in a giggle.
“How about this one? Cowboy motto: party ‘till she’s pretty.”
“Oh, ouch.” I laughed. “Does that really work?”
“Don’t ask me,” Brad grinned. “You were pretty before I started.”
I laughed. I’m not sure if that’s the reaction he was looking for, but I couldn’t help myself. I was too drunk. I swayed unsteadily on the hay bale, setting my hands down on the stubble in an effort to sit straight. I grinned stupidly up at him as he leaned closer to me. The light from the fire danced over his face. Before I knew it we were kissing, and his arms were wrapped around me, and he was pulling me to him and pressing me tightly against his chest.
It wasn’t terrible. Under different circumstances, I might have liked it. But even through my booze-befuddled thoughts, I knew that Brad wasn’t the one I wanted. Even with his lips on mine, my thoughts were still with Grey. So when the cell phone in my purse suddenly began to ring, it was with near perfect timing, loudly creating a welcome interruption and startling us apart.
“Sorry.” I pulled away from Brad so I could answer my phone. I could tell he regretted the intrusion, but he let me go and sat back on the bale, waiting.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mac.”
“Oh hey, Charlie. How’s it going?” I felt like my mom all of a sudden, like I had to yell to be heard. The party was rowdy around us.
“Good, good.” She answered. “Hey, where are you guys? There’s nothing going on tonight … it’s all kind of lame. Do you think I could come crash the party?”
“Are you kidding me? That’d be great. We’re out at the Dam, have you ever been there before?”
“No. I never really went to my high school parties.”
“Well, until tonight, that made two of us.” I chuckled. I gave her directions as best as I could remember. “But the turn’s kind of hidden,” I explained, “so I’ll meet you there at the entrance. Look for me, okay? Don’t run me over or anything.”
“Okay Mac.” Charlie laughed. “I’m leaving now, I’ll see you soon.”
“‘Kay, bye.” I hung up the phone, relieved. Charlie had given me the perfect excuse to get away for a moment.
I liked Brad, I liked him a lot, but I only liked him as a friend. Somehow, I had to figure out a way to explain that to him, and hopefully salvage this new relationship in the process.
“Who was that?” Brad wondered when I hung up the phone. Already he was leaning closer to me.
“Oh, it was Charlie. She’s going to come meet us, she just needed directions.”
“That’s nice.” He kissed my neck, slowly.
“Uh … I told her I’d meet her at the entrance.” I continued. “So … I should probably go … wait for her.”
“I’ll come with you.” Brad offered quickly.
“No, it’s okay. Stay; hang out with your friends. I’ll be right back, I promise.” I gave him a smile and gently pushed him away. He stared up at me a moment, his face falling with obvious disappointment. “Go shot-gun some more beer.” I joked. “You need the practice. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Reluctantly he let me leave, but I could still feel his eyes following me. I ambled away from the party and down the little gravel road, the warm wind blowing softly in the poplars above me, the path lit dimly by a tall, failing yard light somewhere in the middle of the campground. Drunkenly I stumbled towards the entrance, giggling every time I tripped over myself. I was happy to be alone for a moment. I really needed to clear my head.
At the front gate to the park I found an old pickup truck parked haphazardly on the grass right beside the turn off. Clumsily, I climbed up onto the tailgate in perfect view of the road to wait for Charlie. I kicked my feet and lit a cigarette and tried not to think of Grey.
Of course it was no use. I blew my smoke into the calm night air—it was cooler away from the fire, but I didn’t mind it. Try as I might, I couldn’t figure Grey out. He was unpredictable, volatile at times … but when he was being sweet … we were so good together. Maybe that’s what hurt the most, knowing what we could’ve had.
I sighed. As drunk as I was, I still wanted to get wasted. And then I remembered, with a quick surge of excitement, that Charlie had packed me something sure to get the job done. It was
perfect; I was alone so I seized the opportunity, digging through my purse until Charlie’s cool silver vial was in my hand. Quickly I did one nostril, and then the other. The relief was almost immediate, and I smiled, thanking Charlie again in my head. I did another, and then another, until even my nerve endings felt like they were trembling. I lifted the scoop to do just one more snort, and mid-inhale, Brad was suddenly standing before me.
He swayed unsteadily, but his amber eyes were wide with surprise, as if cocaine was just some myth and legend he had never expected to come into contact with.
“Are you doing cocaine?” He chuckled in disbelief.
“No.” I lied. I don’t know why I lied, it was so obvious. I tucked the vial back into my purse and wiped at my nose. Suddenly I was high—like really high. I felt antsy, full of pent-up energy.
“Wow. You really are a bad-ass, aren’t you?” Brad was asking.
“I don’t know about that.” I smiled shakily. “I just like to have fun.”
Brad shook his head. “I didn’t believe them … but they were right.”
“Who was?”
“My friends. At the restaurant. They said you were bad, but I didn’t believe them. You’re way too … sweet looking.”
“Well my friend, I guess looks can be deceiving.”
“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged. “But … if they were right about that … maybe they were right about the other thing too.”
“I think your friends gossip too much.” I laughed. “Why? What else did they say?”
Brad shrugged again, taking a step towards me so that he was standing in between my legs. With a grin, he rested his hands on my knees.
“They said that you were easy.” His voice was low now, amused. “They said you were a sure thing.”
“They said … what?” The smile faded slowly from my face. And then, suddenly, all of it made sense. Brad’s unexpected interest in me, the real reason for his sudden attraction even despite all our obvious differences. He didn’t really like me; he didn’t want to be my friend. He just wanted to get laid.
It stung. I blinked at him stupidly a moment, trying to recover from this shock. All night I’d been revelling in the thought of a new friend, and the whole time he’d just seen me as a means to an end. It was harsh, a brutal realization.
Life of the Party Page 16
