by K, S
I nodded again, recalling the consultation the other day when he'd drawn diagrams and had given explanations on everything.
"I'm going to do a PET scan to confirm, but I think we will need to do radiation or chemo. I know you are worried about the baby, but no research done thus far has led back to any cause for concern. What is most important is you beating this," Dr. Rothchild said sternly.
"I can't risk the baby. I've looked at the research, and there isn't enough to back either side, and you know it. While it is important for me to fight this, it is even more important that I deliver a beautiful happy, healthy baby. I won't get treatment until I deliver. Period."
"Well we can re-visit this after you are discharged."
I shook my head no to argue some more, but Dr. Rothchild continued, "So let's take a look now."
Despite it all — the pictures, diagrams, videos, and Internet search I'd done — nothing prepared me for seeing it on my own body. The tears streamed down my face as Dr. Rothchild quickly examined each suture line and drain tube, dropping my gown back down as soon as he was done. It was gruesome. The cuts spanning each side, the staples to hold it closed, the red skin screaming out in agony. I was ugly, a monster. Josh would never, ever see me naked again.
"Savannah," I gasped out in a pleading voice. "I need Savannah."
Dr. Rothchild darted out of the door, letting Josh peek in and try to enter before stopping him. I watched in slow motion as Savannah rushed in, while Josh flung the doctor's hold off him. The door slammed shut, the walls rattling from the force.
"Hey, hey. Shhh..." Savannah soothed me, pulling me in to her hold as close as she could with our bellies and rubbed my back. "It's okay."
The tears kept streaming down my face. It was not okay. Nothing was okay. I felt like less of a woman, and while it may seem silly to be so attached to two small mounds on my body, they were mine. They'd made me feel sexy and desirable, and now they were gone. Now they were just two huge scars. I cried hysterically for what felt like hours into Savannah's shoulder, her shirt soaked beneath my eyes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Savannah
I GLANCED DOWN, and Brooke had finally fallen asleep. The past three hours she'd spent bawling in my arms were some of the hardest hours of my life. I didn't know how to comfort her. What was I supposed to say to my best friend? That horrible disease had not only taken away a part of her body, but it was also leaving her unable to breastfeed her baby. I knew out of everything, that would be her most difficult obstacle to overcome.
I shifted off the bed and dialed Josh, who'd gone home to clean up and get some rest.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, concern filling his voice.
"Yeah, she's fine. The nurse gave her a double dose of pain medicine, so I think she'll be asleep for a few hours. Jake is going to take me home so I can rest up. If you want me to come back later on to switch out with you, just let me know. If not, I'll be back in the morning."
Josh let out a heavy sigh into the phone. "Thanks, Sav. I'll be there in ten minutes. If you would just stay with her until I arrive, I'd really appreciate it."
"Of course. I'm not going anywhere."
Josh ended the call just as Jake stepped into the room. He sat down on the couch and pulled me onto his lap. His strong hands began to massage my back, and a soft moan fled from my lips. "Full body," I whispered.
"Full body, what?" Jake asked, not sure where I was going with that.
"When we get home. I'm going to shower, and then you're going to give me a full-body massage." I leaned back against Jake's chest, and his hands wrapped around my middle as they rubbed over my growing belly.
Josh finally arrived, and I could tell that he hadn't gotten an ounce of rest while he'd been at home. The only difference was his fresh cologne and change of clothes. I looked at him from across the room; his eyes were still bloodshot.
I stood up off Jake's lap and crossed the room, closing the gap between Josh and me. "Did you get any rest?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
He shook his head, pulling his hand down over his face. "I tried, but I just couldn't. I hate being away from her, and I hate it even more that she doesn't want me here by her side. I'm her husband, for fuck's sake."
Josh was clearly distraught; he never spoke like that, especially in front of Brooke and me. I reached out and drew him in for a hug. "She's scared, Josh. I know it's hard to understand, but she doesn't feel like she is the woman you fell in love with anymore."
His hands gripped my shoulders, and he leaned back, holding me at arm's length. "What am I supposed to do, Sav? I tell her she's beautiful, and she doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do."
Jake crossed the room and rested his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Just be there for her, man. Don't stop telling her she's beautiful. Tell her how much you love her. You know Brooke. She's strong as hell. She'll come around; it's just new to her."
I couldn't help but smile up at my husband. He'd taken the words right out of my mouth, and I knew they'd meant so much more coming from Jake then they would have coming from me.
I tugged him in for another hug before releasing him. "If you get tired and want to go home, just give me a call."
Josh's lips pressed against my cheek. "Thanks, sis. I'll be fine. You don't need to be spending the night in a hospital recliner. You've got two babies to worry about."
My hands instinctively rested on my belly as I began to rub the mound that was a constant reminder of the squatters that'd taken over my body. I smiled up at Josh. "Call me if she needs me. I'll be back first thing in the morning."
He nodded before making his way over to his bride, and Jake led me down the hall and out of the hospital.
Jake practically carried me into the condo, finally setting me on the edge of the bed as he slipped the shoes from my feet. "You think you'll make it your entire pregnancy in stilettoes?" His lips lifted, and I reveled in the smirk that was on his face.
"That's the plan. They can take away my body, but they can't take away my shoes!"
He chuckled and rested his hands on my lap, or what was left of it and not covered by my belly. "Sit tight. I'm going to get the water started for you." He kissed my forehead.
As I sank into the bath, my skin pricked at the temperature of the water. It was hot, but the sensation felt amazing on my aching limbs.
Jake stepped into the bathroom and lifted his shirt over his head. My tongue darted out and wet my lips as I rested my head against the tub, admiring his body.
"Do you mind if I join you?"
My head nodded, inviting him in as I watched his jeans slide down his long legs. After stepping out of his boxers, Jake slipped in the tub behind me and pulled my body up against him. He reached for my lavender-scented bodywash and deposited a dime-size into his palm before starting in on my shoulders.
He seemed to work magic on the tension build-up in my neck and shoulders before turning my body. "Lean back so I can massage your feet."
I closed my eyes, relaxing in the hot water as Jake lifted my leg and began massaging my foot, his thumbs working deep into the arch before moving up my calf.
"Are you still anticipating a full-body massage?" Jake hummed as his head tilted toward the side.
I slowly opened my hooded lids and watched the excitement dancing around in his eyes. "Oh, yes." I purred, winking at him before I slipped my leg from out of his hands. "Right now."
It'd been a week and a half, and Brooke was finally being released from the hospital. Josh was with her checking out, and I was at their house overseeing the final stages of Josh's surprise. As I stood in the middle of their baby's room, I couldn't help but tear up. Brooke was going to adore what Josh had done for her.
He'd come to me a few days into her hospital stay and decided that he wanted the nursery to be complete when she arrived home, a way to lift her spirits. I, of course, had jumped right on the bandwagon, taking to her Pinterest board and pulling all of her favorite ideas.
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I'd spent the next day meeting with several designers, who'd all pitched their ideas to Josh and me. He'd finally settled on a classic gender-neutral room that was the perfect shade of mint with splashes of yellow as the accent color.
"Okay, ladies, we've got thirty minutes until Brooke and Josh arrive home. I need sheets on this crib, valances up on the windows, and a rug laid out onto the floor. Let's get a move on it."
I stepped out, allowing the design team to put the final touches on the room, before doing a once-over of the house, making sure everything was in perfect order.
Twenty minutes had passed when the door burst open, and my heart sank. I told Josh to text me when they were five minutes out. I'm going to kill him.
I turned the corner and ran right into Jake, who was standing there with a seven-pound bag of gummy bears and a dozen welcome-home balloons. "I figured Brooke would want a snack."
A laugh erupted from within as I snatched the bag from his hands. "Seven pounds worth?"
"What? I know they're her favorite."
I shook my head. "And to think I can't even convince you to let me eat a pizza on my own, but Brooke gets a bag of gummy bears big enough to feed an army!"
Jake chuckled before taking the bag from my hands and using it as an anchor for the balloons.
Just then my phone chimed, alerting me of a text.
Josh: Five minutes out. Clear the house!
I darted toward the nursery. "Everybody out! They're five minutes away."
The masses rushed through the door, and I caught the team leader. "Is everything finished?" I asked, praying that they'd met the deadline.
She smiled. "Just as he requested." She turned, and before I could glance around the completed nursery, they'd all cleared the house.
Jake stepped into the room and slid his hands up and down my arms, leaning in to kiss my cheek. "She's going to love it."
I turned, pressing up on my tiptoes, and placed a light kiss on his lips, just as I heard Josh's voice echo through the house.
"We're home!"
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Brooke
AS I SAT IN THE glider, rocking back and forth, I couldn't help but be optimistic for my baby's future. With an amazing father and aunt on his or her side, the baby would be truly blessed. The nursery was decorated beautifully, every little detail thought of and taken care of, from the honey-colored baby furniture to the hand-painted mural with lines from "You are my Sunshine." The closet doors were cracked open, revealing outfits that would take care of the baby for the first year. Over the last few weeks, Savannah and I had gone shopping almost every weekend, buying clothes and things we'd need for when our babies arrived.
My eyes drift closed as sleep tried to take me under. It was nearing my nap time. Each day my body had been getting more worn down, and I tried my hardest to not let it show. I made sure to nap while Josh was at work so when he walked through the door, I would have dinner ready and be perky. My eyelids dropped again, the rocking of the chair and soft lullaby music I had playing soothing me to sleep. Deciding to succumb, I let my eyes close.
Keys hitting our glass entry table startled me awake.
"Babe, I'm home," Josh called from the foyer, his voice growing louder as he came up the stairs.
I leapt out of the glider, the chair continuing to swing back and forth as I stood beside it.
"Brooke?" he called again.
Scooping up the blanket draped over the crib front, I answered back, "I'm in here."
Just as Josh turned the corner to come into the nursery, I re-folded the blanket.
"Hey, working on the nursery again?" Josh asked as his eyebrow rose while he gave me a once-over.
"No, I was just walking passed and saw it had fallen," I lied. I'd gotten good at it as of lately, each fib just rolling off my tongue and into his ears like poison. I draped the blanket back over the crib how I had found it and stepped up into Josh's body, stretching up on tiptoes to plant a kiss on his pouted lips.
"Your eyes are dark," he said as the pad of his thumb swiped the delicate skin beneath my eyes, the darkness giving away my secrets, telling the truth between my lies and deception.
"That's because your little one was playing soccer in my belly. I didn't get a wink of sleep," I grumbled half-heartedly with a smile on my face, my subconscious yelling at me for lying again. "What are you doing home so early?"
"Your doctor appointment is today, remember?" he prompted as he spun around, and then walked across the hall to our bedroom. How could I forget? I had avoided even mentioning anything to do with the cancer or mastectomy, always sure to dress in the bathroom, and being vigilant about where Josh placed his hands.
I watched as his hand reached up and tugged his necktie loose before unraveling it and tossing it on the bed. Next his nimble fingers undid the buttons of his dress shirt one by one, starting at the nape and working down to his waist, revealing his muscular olive-toned skin inch by inch. Enthralled by the show, I walked into the room and sat on the bed so I could watch from a better viewing spot, eliciting a smirk on Josh's face.
"Liking what you see?" he crooned.
"Oh, you know it," I teased back with a wink.
Josh's hand unfastened his belt, the buckle jingling as the leather was pulled through. His eyes locked on mine, he finally went for the button on his slacks and undid it. My tongue slipped out and swiped across my lips, my mouth hungry for Josh, my body screaming in starvation.
"Nah, I'll just wear these." His eyes lit with amusement at his announcement as he re-buttoned and let out a hearty laugh before striding into his closet to grab a shirt.
"You're an ass," I called at his back before jumping off the bed and barreling down the stairs as fast as I could waddle, hearing his heavy footfalls chasing behind me. Just as I reached the foot of the stairs, his arms wrapped around me beneath my bump and lifted me off my feet.
"If I thought you wouldn't just leave me blue, I'd strip down naked, but despite the hunger in your eyes, I also see the fear. You aren't ready to give me all of you, and I'll wait," he whispered in my ear, so close I could feel the heat of his breath as it tickled my neck. This time though, the sensation didn't prompt any burning desire because my body knew his words were true. He'd hit the nail on the proverbial head.
"Come on, let's go."
The drive to Dr. Rothchild's was filled with silence and tension. With every mile closer, the atmosphere got more arctic. By the time we parked the car, I had wrapped my arms around my belly and clung to my sides, preparing myself for what he'd say. We were led straight back to his office, since I was his only patient.
"Good afternoon, Josh and Brooke. Go ahead and have a seat."
We each plopped into the chairs in front of the desk, waiting for the verdict.
Not one to beat around the bush, Dr. Rothchild dove right in. "So, as I suspected, the cancer was in your lymph nodes. The ones we took out all tested positive, so we will need to do a combination of radiation and chemotherapy to finish this fight. I know you are concerned about the baby, Brooke, but doesn't this baby deserve a mother?"
"No. I mean, yes, the baby should have me, but the baby needs to be healthy first and foremost. I only have ten more weeks. My body will just have to be strong enough." I shot to my feet, watching both men's jaws go slack as I walked out the door, leaving them both to stare at my back.
"Brooke!" Josh roared as he chased behind me to catch up. Once I was within his grasp, he snatched my arm, forcing me to spin and face him, the embrace complete contrast to the warm loving hold from before. "You can't do this. This isn't a decision you can just make and expect me to be okay with!" His voice continued to rise as his face turned beet red.
"Yes, it is," I answered softly, not wanting to anger him further.
Each couple passing by watched us with alarm in their eyes, but not wanting to get involved, I presumed, since they kept walking.
"No! That is our baby. You are my wife. Don't you get I need yo
u? Without you I will die. I need you, Brooke."
"Oh, Josh. It's ten weeks. That's no big deal."
"Wrong! If you'd have sat when Dr. Rothchild was speaking and listened, you'd have heard him try to tell you ten weeks can make a huge difference. It can kill you."
"Yeah, well, for all anyone knows, the treatment could hurt or kill our baby!" I yelled back, tears streaming down my face. "Now, are you taking me home, or do I need to call myself a cab?"
CHAPTER THIRTY
Savannah
MONICA STEPPED INTO my office with a mock-up magazine in her hand. She sat down across from me. "How's Brooke?" she asked, concerned.
I smiled. "She had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I haven't heard from her yet, but once I do, I'll let you know."
Her head nodded, and she placed the mock-up onto my desk. "Here it is. Everything is set and ready to go with one exception." Her brow lifted, and she peered at me. "The cover, I want Brooke on the cover. I know she's going to be against it, so I'm trusting you'll convince her?"
Monica worded her last sentence in the form of a question, but both she and I knew it was more of a demand. "I trust you'll have her answer to me by close of business tomorrow?"
"Absolutely!" I exclaimed, giving her my best poker face.
Josh opened the door and let me in. "How is she?" I asked.
He just shook his head. "Stubborn as hell. I'll let her give you the details. She's in the nursery."
I walked through the house and made my way into the baby's room. Brooke was resting in the glider, eyes closed, listening to soft music.
I plopped down onto the loveseat in the corner and kicked my heels off, rubbing my swollen feet over the soft carpet. "How'd the doctor's appointment go?"
Brooke continued to glide back and forth. "Exactly as expected. They weren't able to remove all of the cancer, and they want to try both chemotherapy and radiation."
