Lord Garret considered his brother’s words. Yes, there was no other way, and although his pride called out to him, Lord Garret thought that this was an occasion in which he would have to swallow his pride and give it one last chance. “I will go.”
“Go today,” the duke said, and Lord Garret could tell that his brother was now just as eager for Katherine’s return as he was.
“Yes, I will go today,” Lord Garret said, resigning himself. He walked back towards the door and considered his options. Should he bring flowers? The box of chocolates that he had purchased and never given her? All of that seemed pathetic to Lord Garret. No, if he was going to make a fool of himself then at least he should do it with some dignity. There would be no presents. No pleading and begging. All that Lord Garret could offer Katherine was his sincerity.
Passing down the hall to the front door, Lord Garret could hear the children in the sitting room and paid them a visit before departing.
“Uncle!” Harry said. “Will you come and play with us?”
“I’m afraid not, old chap,” Lord Garret said, picking Harry up into his arms. “I have business to attend to.”
“What kind of business?” Constance asked.
“I’m going to retrieve Katherine.”
Both of the children’s faces went wide with wonder.
“Truly?” Constance asked.
“Truly,” Lord Garret replied, putting Harry down.
“It’s high time,” Prudence said off in the corner, exhaustion written upon her face.
“Will she come back today?” Harry asked.
“I hope so,” Lord Garret replied, “But there are no guarantees.”
“Can we come with you?” Constance asked.
“I’m afraid not. We don’t want to overwhelm the poor girl. Bringing your delightful faces along would be akin to bribery.”
“Bribery is okay, if it brings Katherine back,” Harry said, twisting his nose.
“No, bribery is never okay,” Lord Garret replied, pinching Harry’s cheek.
“Can you tell her that Renee is making pumpkin soup tonight?” Harry asked.
“I don’t know that that will be enough convincing,” Lord Garret replied with a laugh.
“If someone told me that Renee was making pumpkin soup tonight,” Harry went on, “I would most certainly return.”
“Well, we’re not all the same,” Lord Garret informed him.
Bidding his adieus and promising to do the best that he could, Lord Garret exited the sitting room and went out to the roundabout where his carriage was waiting for him. Nearby to where he stood, Hans was trimming a hedge, regarding Lord Garret as though he were the devil incarnate.
“I’m going to Katherine,” Lord Garret said to him. There was no need for Lord Garret to explain himself to the gardener, but considering the last interaction they’d had, he thought it prudent to do so.
“It’s about time,” Hans replied.
“You know, I could banish you for speaking to me that way,” Lord Garret said casually.
“And why don’t you?” Hans asked.
“Because you’re a sound gardener,” Lord Garret replied humorously. “And you have a good heart.”
With that, Lord Garret got into the carriage and was dispatched to the Chance household with haste. Although there was no telling what would transpire there, Lord Garret had a mind to achieve his goal at all costs.
***
Upon returning home, Katherine tried to go about her life as she had before but she found that she had changed and grown immensely as a person. She still enjoyed taking her sister into town, and was not even afraid to show her face any longer.
Katherine had made peace with what had happened to her at Bonhomie, even before receiving the duke’s letter. It came as a shock, to say the least, but Katherine was still not surprised. She knew from the beginning of her innocence, but never in her life had she thought that the truth would be revealed to the duke and his brother.
The subject of Lord Garret was the only item with which Katherine had not found peace. Despite everything that had happened, her love for him had not ceased, which was incredible in and of itself. How can it be that someone could love their tormentor?
Katherine reasoned that Lord Garret didn’t wish to do the thing that he had done. He was merely operating on the information that he was given. And he was a man that was haunted by the fear of disloyalty.
Despite her enduring love, Katherine tried to occupy her mind in order to not think of him. She read her books, helped her father in the garden, and her mother in the kitchen. And she even instructed Elizabeth in much the same way as she had with Harry and Constance. And, yes, she missed those children desperately.
She often considered writing to them, but to do so would be wildly inappropriate. Katherine even considered writing to Nigel and telling him to send her love to the children, but then thought it best to keep her thoughts off Bonhomie as much as possible.
So when the duke’s letter arrived, Katherine was pleased that she was reinstated in their minds and that they wanted her back, but she had no words with which to reply. What had happened to her that fateful day had been so utterly wounding that Katherine only felt the pain of it once more each time she thought of Bonhomie. In order to make peace with her pain, Katherine chose silence.
Nor did she even inform her parents that the letter had arrived. Katherine wished to have the whole business behind her so that she might forge ahead with a new life. In her opinion, it was the only way.
On Sunday, Katherine and her mother got into the habit of baking fresh bread in the afternoon; something that they delighted in because it made the whole house smell like a dream.
“Add the yeast,” Sybil instructed.
“It was not enough?” Katherine asked.
“It needs more. Last week’s bread was not fluffy enough.”
Katherine did as she was told, adding more yeast and mixing it with the dough, warm water, salt, and honey.
“Now, we wait,” Sybil said, throwing a warm cloth over the bowl.
“So much patience involved in bread,” Katherine said with a sigh.
“Child, you have no idea.”
“Katherine!” Dennis called into the house.
“Yes?” She replied.
“There’s someone here to see you.”
“Bring them in,” Katherine said, knitting her brow. Whoever could it be? No one ever paid a call.
“I’m afraid that you might want to consider this first,” Dennis said, closing the front door and entering the kitchen.
“Why?”
“It’s the duke’s brother,” Dennis said softly.
Katherine’s jaw dropped open. “Say that again.”
“It’s Lord Garret de Bowes.”
“Oh, my heavens,” Sybil said, equally in shock. “What are you going to do?” She asked, turning to Katherine.
Katherine heaved a sigh and wiped her hands on her apron. “I will speak with him.”
“Are you quite sure?” Dennis asked.
“Yes, I am sure,” Katherine replied with a nod of the head. She could feel her heart beginning to pound in her chest and those old sensations of heat coursed through her veins. “Bring him to the parlor,” Katherine added.
“Very well,” Dennis replied, shrugging his shoulders.
“I will be back,” Katherine said, taking off her apron and heading to the parlor.
“I certainly hope so,” Sybil replied darkly. “Do you want me to come?”
“No, mum. I must do this alone.”
Once in the parlor Katherine lit a few candles because the room was dark that afternoon, what with the clouds overhead. She seated herself in a chair and placed her hands on her lap, willing her heart to slow down. Once the door was opened and Lord Garret entered, Katherine felt faint at the sight of him.
Lord Garret merely stood there for a moment, gazing down at her. Katherine was dumbstruck. Must he be more handsome every time that
she saw him? It was utterly beguiling.
“Katherine,” Lord Garret said, taking off his hat and holding it in front of him.
“Lord Garret,” Katherine replied, unable to stand. She feared that her legs might not perform their natural function.
“May I be seated?” He asked.
“Yes.”
Lord Garret seated himself and Dennis closed the door to the parlor so that they were entirely alone. There was a great deal of silence, and in the silence, Katherine was counting her breaths in order to calm herself.
“There is much to say,” Lord Garret began, leaning forward in his seat.
“Go on,” Katherine said, wishing for him to continue. She certainly wasn’t going to be the one to speak.
“My brother has written you a letter, which you have not responded to,” Lord Garret began. “It’s perfectly understandable that you did not do so. My reason for being here is clear, I should think. There was no reason for you to be banished from Bonhomie and ever since . . . my heart has been quite broken.”
Katherine felt the tears well up but she held them back. Lord Garret had seen enough of her tears to last a lifetime. On this occasion, she was going to try to be as composed as she could possibly be.
Chapter 23
His heart has been broken, but has it been broken as mine has been?
“Katherine, I came here today,” Lord Garret went on, “because I wish to take you back to Bonhomie with me this very afternoon.”
“Sir,” Katherine protested.
“Please, listen to me fully before you answer. I have acted like a fool and I know that. I have falsely accused you without even allowing you to explain or fully defend yourself. Please understand that when I did this, I was incensed. I couldn’t truly believe that you did such a thing, which is why it came as no shock when the truth was revealed. In fact, I think that I had sensed it all the while. If you will be so good as to forgive me while I lay myself at your feet, then it shall mean the world to me. And if your forgiveness is strong enough to allow you to return to Bonhomie, I can guarantee you that I will be the happiest man that you have ever known.”
Katherine stopped to consider his words. She knew deep in her soul that he was being sincere, but Katherine felt resistance in her own soul.
“I cannot,” she replied simply.
“Please, explain that,” Lord Garret said, combing his hand through his hair in confusion.
“Yes, I did feel devalued by you.”
“I did not appreciate you enough.”
“Let me speak,” Katherine said. “I felt devalued by you and you did not give me much of a chance to explain. Had you done so, I’m not sure that the explanation would have meant very much. There was no way for me to defend myself and I fear that you took advantage of that.”
“I have been unjust to you since the beginning. I shall never do it again.”
“You can make that promise, but I feel that the pain has already cut too deep. It has dismantled me and I cannot risk the chance that it shall ever happen again.”
“Katherine, I give my solemn word that it shall never happen again,” Lord Garret replied. “From here on, I am not your master in any way. If anything, I am your servant.”
“Lord Garret, you have ruined the one thing that I held dear, and that was my reputation. I was always proud of my character, proud of the way in which I conducted my life, and you ruined that in an instant. You cannot imagine the shame that I felt when everyone at Bonhomie saw me leaving in tears.”
“I can imagine it, Katherine.”
“No, sir, you can’t,” Katherine said, feeling the emotions begin to rise. “You cannot imagine it because you have never experienced anything like it in your life. I thought that I would be confined to this house and never be able to show my face again. But upon reflection, I discovered that I was not ashamed of myself because there was nothing that I did wrong.”
“You should never be ashamed of yourself. You’re a treasure.”
“That was not how I felt on that day. I certainly didn’t feel like a treasure. I felt like an outcast who had been thrown into the dirt.”
“Hearing you say all of this pains me no end,” Lord Garret said, closing his eyes.
“Yes, it pains me as well to recount it. But it is for all of these reasons that I cannot return. It breaks my heart in two, for the love that I felt for those children was like nothing that I have ever experienced before. They were my treasures and you took them from me. You took away my life.”
“Allow me to give that life back to you, Katherine. Allow me to give you that life and so much more.”
Katherine was on the verge of tears. Was it entirely impossible to remain steady when she was in Lord Garret’s presence? He undid her every time. Seeing his heart, and even the longing, in his eyes, threatened to make her dissolve into a puddle of tears.
Although his words were a vindication for her, there was no way in which Katherine could feel entirely relieved by them. So much was already lost, and considering Lord Garret’s mercurial nature, could she even trust his promises? Although she was incredibly doubtful, the deeper part of her, and her longing for him, did provoke her to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“Give me a moment,” Katherine said, putting up her hand and using it to shield her face. She didn’t wish for Lord Garret to see her in tears once more. She didn’t wish to break down before him.
“Katherine,” Lord Garret said, seeing her emotion. He got up from his chair and placed himself upon his knees in front of her. Katherine looked away, knowing that the gesture would fill her with even more emotion still. Then, she felt as Lord Garret placed his hands upon her knees. And although her mind told her she should remove his hands, instinct allowed for them to remain. Oh, it was utterly delicious to feel his hands upon her again, even in such a benign way. She had longed for it and dreamed of it for some time.
“I apologise,” Katherine said, wiping away her tears.
“You never need to apologise to me again,” Lord Garret assured her. “You have never done anything wrong.”
They waited there for some time, Lord Garret in front of her and Katherine looking out of the window, wishing to regain her senses. There was something peaceful about it, and within no time, Katherine found that the beating of her heart had slowed and her mind was beginning to clear again.
“My soul ached when I left Harry and Constance,” Katherine finally said, her voice clear and steady.
“Their little souls ached as well,” Lord Garret assured her, grasping her knees.
“And to have them see me in such a state. I fear that it might have traumatised them.”
“If you come back, it can heal them.”
Katherine considered his words. There was no way in which she could make the memory disappear for them. When children beheld tragic circumstances, it never left their minds.
“I appreciate your saying that,” Katherine said, “but I must disagree.”
As Katherine continued to look into Lord Garret’s eyes, she could see him bargaining with himself. He was thinking of another way in which he could convince her to return.
Risky Rules of a Passionate Governess Page 26
