Risky Rules of a Passionate Governess

by Henrietta Harding

  Standing before her, there were a million things that Lord Garret wished to say, but none of them would suffice. Instead, he seated himself on the bed and looked towards Harry, just as Katherine was doing. Lord Garret listened as Katherine heaved a gentle sigh.

  “He is sleeping,” she finally said.

  “That is good.”

  “I think that there might be improvement today,” Katherine went on, turning towards Lord Garret once more. There was fear and pity in her eyes, as well as the remnant of tears.

  “You are the improvement.”

  “No,” she replied, turning away once more.

  Lord Garret couldn’t bear to see her bashfulness and fear for a moment longer. He reached over with his hand and placed his finger under her chin, turning her face towards him.

  “Everything has improved in this house since your arrival,” Lord Garret said tenderly, then gently removed his finger, fearing that physically touching Katherine was too much. Lord Garret didn’t know what his boundaries were, though he wished that there were no boundaries at all. A delighted smile came to Katherine’s lips, signifying that she enjoyed the physical contact. It warmed Lord Garret’s heart immensely.

  “You needn’t say such things.”

  “I say these things because they’re the truth. Would you have me not speak my mind?” Lord Garret asked softly.

  “Of course not.”

  “Then, very well. I’ll speak my mind once more. I’m happy that you’re here. In fact, it brings me immense joy.”

  Katherine turned away and blushed.

  “I am happy to see you, too,” Katherine said faintly.

  “And I wish to apologise.”

  “For what?” She asked, her eyes open in wonder.

  “For my rash behavior when I came to your home.”

  “Your behavior was not rash,” she assured him.

  “I fear that in my desperation to have you return, I pushed too far. I wanted to make amends for what I had done. The way that I treated you, no woman should ever have to endure it.”

  “It was a misunderstanding.”

  “It was not as harmless as a misunderstanding. It was something far deeper and more treacherous.”

  “Yet again, you don’t need to say all of this!” Katherine protested.

  There were countless other things that Lord Garret wished to say and he thought it best to no longer hold his tongue.

  “I have admired you from the start, Katherine.”

  “You have?”

  “Indeed. I tried to cover this admiration, but there was something that pulled me to you, even in that first moment that we saw one another.”

  “I must admit to feeling that pull as well,” Katherine replied.

  “From the beginning?”

  “From the very beginning. I didn’t know what it was about you.”

  “Perhaps my arrogance and smugness,” Lord Garret teased.

  “Maybe a little,” Katherine said with a smile. “But I knew that there was something that you were hiding underneath it all. That was what I was drawn to.”

  “Do you know,” Lord Garret went on, sensing that Katherine was open to his candour, “I have thought of you ceaselessly since you left. Even when I was unsure of your innocence, I couldn’t keep you from my mind.”

  “I tried to put it all behind me,” Katherine explained. “I tried to put you behind me. What happened between us behind me,” Katherine said softly, lowering her gaze, and Lord Garret knew that she was referring to the night of intimacy that they had shared.

  Lord Garret inched himself closer to her, placing his hand over hers. “In light of present company,” Lord Garret said with a smile, looking down at Harry who was soundly asleep, “I cannot go into detail of the things that I think about at night, and the things that come to me in my dreams.” He watched as Katherine’s cheek flushed and she brought a hand up to conceal it. Lord Garret reached out and took her hand away from her face. He never wished for her to conceal herself when in his presence. “There’s no need to be bashful.”

  “I know,” Katherine said softy.

  “And there’s no need to hide what I truly feel for you. I long for you, Katherine. Body and soul. I have for some time now.”

  Lord Garret could see that a tear had formed in Katherine’s eye and she looked away, back down at Harry.

  “There’s something that I need to say,” Katherine replied with a sigh.

  “Anything.”

  “You were not the only thing that drew me towards Bonhomie.”

  “You came for the children,” Lord Garret said warmly.

  “And there’s a reason why.”

  “Because they’re the greatest children in the world,” Lord Garret replied with a smile.

  “That, as well,” Katherine said, cocking her head to the side. “But also, from the first moment that I saw Harry, he reminded me of someone.”

  “Who?” Lord Garret asked.

  “My late brother,” Katherine said, her gaze meeting Lord Garret’s. For the first time that night, her gaze did not waver. She looked at him intently as though her words were of grave importance.

  “Late brother?” Lord Garret repeated.

  “Yes. Peter. I was like a mother to him. My own mother sensed my fondness for him and she allowed me to care for him. We would play out in the garden and I’d push him in a pram as we strolled to town. There were so many things that I wished to teach Peter, and I couldn’t wait to watch him grow up. Sadly, Peter took ill at the age of six years and he was unable to recover.”

  Lord Garret’s heart sank in his chest. Katherine had never revealed this information before, and therefore he assumed that it must be a crushing blow to see Harry in his current state. “And Harry reminded you of Peter,” Lord Garret said, compassion filling him.

  “That is true,” Katherine replied. “The resemblance, merely in the eyes, was so striking that I knew that I had to teach Harry, just as I had wished to teach Peter. This overwhelming assurance came over me when we were in that garden. I looked into Harry’s eyes and I felt as though I was seeing my destiny. And then, there was you . . .”

  “You thought that I might be your destiny as well?” Lord Garret said, hope swelling within him.

  “I was not entirely sure. But I knew that there was something in your eyes as well. Something that I couldn’t place.”

  Lord Garret knew that what she saw in his eyes that day were longing and curiosity. He remembered feeling those things potently.

  “Well, selfishly, I am glad that Harry resembles Peter. He brought you to this home, where you are treasured.”

  “Oh, everything became a mess, didn’t it?” Katherine asked. “That business with the locket, it almost made me think that perhaps it was fate telling me that I had made a mistake. That coming to Bonhomie was some sort of insanity on my part.”

  “You mustn’t look too deeply into the locket situation. It was a mistake. A foolish mistake.”

  “Still, I could have explained myself better. I could have tried.”

  “You were being accused by an utter brute that wouldn’t listen,” Lord Garret said, referring to himself.

  “I just have to wonder if the locket wasn’t a blessing in disguise.”

  “It was a curse, Katherine,” Lord Garret said in no uncertain terms. “It was a bloody curse that I have regretted ever since. That situation brought out the very worst of my character. A side of me that I never wished for you to see.”

  “If you say so,” Katherine said softly, looking back down to Harry. “Let’s not talk of it anymore.”

  “Yes, we’ll never discuss it again,” Lord Garret said, his heart beating faster at the mere mention of it. It filled him with fury to think of what he had done, and the ramifications of his actions.

  “Even with his eyes closed,” Katherine said, “he still looks like Peter. It’s remarkable.”

  “Your family must have been devastated,” Lord Garret went on.

  “W
e were all inconsolable. My father didn’t come out of the house for an entire month, and most days my mother kept to her room, weeping. Even though I was racked with grief, I still knew that there was much to be done around the home and I tried to do as much as I possibly could.”

  “Your character shone through,” Lord Garret said, full of admiration.

  “I suppose,” Katherine replied wistfully. “But in good time, my parents found their strength again and we returned to being a family. In fact, I think that in a strange way it brought us closer together than we had ever been before.”

  “Grief can do that.”

  “Yes, but I also think that it helped us to appreciate one another more. We realised that life is precious and we decided to no longer take one another for granted.”

  That made Lord Garret think of how much losing Katherine had caused him to no longer take her for granted. Although it pained him greatly at the time, there was now nothing more delicious than having her at his side once more. It felt like a dream. “Sometimes the lessons that life teaches us can be incredibly painful.”

  “Yes,” Katherine replied. “But when I first looked into Harry’s eyes, I felt tremendously lucky. I remembered the happiness that Peter had made me feel. It all came rushing through me yet again. I knew that I had to be by his side, and so here I will remain until he is well.”

  “I wish nothing more in the world than for him to recover,” Lord Garret said in perfect sincerity.

  “I think that he will. He is a strong boy,” Katherine said.

  Lord Garret wished to lean in and kiss her. He wanted to hold her in his arms and rock her back and forth, ensuring that everything was going to be all right. However, Lord Garret also didn’t want to push Katherine away, nor did he wish to overstep his boundaries. Instead, he took his hand that was resting on top of Katherine’s and brought it under her palm, holding her hand tightly. Katherine looked towards him with what Lord Garret took to be longing.

  So many thoughts continued to rush through his mind. If only he could lead Katherine by that hand, out of the door and down the hall to his room where they could be entirely alone, and express their need for physical comfort and intimacy in the face of fear and pain.

  If only he could undress her one more time, seeing the rare beauty of her flesh and touching every inch of her with his hands. Lord Garret wished for this and so much more, but out of full respect to Katherine, he knew that where she wanted to remain was by the boy’s side and so he would allow the impulse to pass.

  “You did not eat supper,” Lord Garret said, concern in his voice.

  “I did not care to.”

  “You must be famished.”

  “No, no,” Katherine said, shaking her head.

  “I won’t allow you to play the martyr,” Lord Garret said, releasing Katherine’s hand and standing to his feet.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m going to secure you a meal.”

  “Truly, I am fine.”

  “I won’t listen to your refusal,” he said, exiting the room and walking down the hall. Within no time, Lord Garret had procured soup and a roll from Renee and returned to the room, discovering Katherine in the very place where he had left her. There was surprise and delight when she saw him carrying the tray, perhaps because it was Nigel’s duty to do such a thing. But Lord Garret wished to bring the food in his own two hands.

  “Dinner is served, M’Lady,” Lord Garret said with a smile.

  “You are too kind,” Katherine replied with a warm smile, watching as Lord Garret placed the tray on the side table. He then seated himself in a chair just adjacent.

  “Eat,” Lord Garret said, then instantly regretted his tone of voice. He was no general.

  “You’re so demanding,” Katherine protested.

  “You wish to have me feed you?”

  “No!”

  “Because I shall, if you resist,” Lord Garret said playfully.

  “Good heavens,” Katherine replied, leaning over and picking up her spoon to take her first bite of soup. She closed her eyes in soothing satisfaction as she did so.

  “It is good?” Lord Garret asked, wishing to please her.

  “Wonderful. I must say, I missed Renee’s cooking a great deal.”

  “And he missed your taste buds,” Lord Garret replied.

  In the silence that followed, Lord Garret watched as Katherine took one gentle spoonful after another, and he admired the way that her lips looked while she did so. Lord Garret determined that he could sit and watch Katherine eat for hours on end.

  “Would you like some?” Katherine finally asked.

  “I have already dined,” Lord Garret said.

  “But you must try it. It’s delicious.”

  “If you insist,” he replied with a smile, sensing that Katherine truly was keen on having him taste the soup. She filled the spoon and then lifted it up, leaning in towards Lord Garret. He leaned in as well, and instead of taking the spoon from her hand, he gently parted his lips as Katherine fed it to him. During the sheer pleasure of the action, Lord Garret considered that he wished the spoon was Katherine herself.

  “See?” Katherine said softly.

  “Yes, it is delicious,” Lord Garret replied. The two were looking intently into one another’s eyes just then, and a rush of hot blood coursed through Lord Garret’s veins. Yes, he wanted her voraciously. How could he even possibly put it into words? It seemed as though both of them were unable to speak after that, and a delicious silence came over the room as they listened to Harry’s breathing as he slept.

  Then, seeing that her eyes were becoming weary, Lord Garret watched as Katherine lay down beside the boy and he got up to place a blanket over her. She was fast asleep, and Lord Garret stood over her for some time, watching. It made him ache, seeing her in such beautiful repose. Lord Garret finally blew out the taper and exited the room, the light of the dying fire the only light remaining in the room.

  Chapter 26

  To Katherine’s great surprise and delight, Harry continued to improve in the days that followed. The colour of his skin returned to its rosy hue and he even managed a little smile while he was taking his broth. In her heart, Katherine was vindicated. Bringing Harry back to life was what she had wished to do with Peter, but was unable to accomplish.

  Constance appeared more hopeful and cheerful and the duke stood tall yet again. Seeing that he was improving so much, Katherine managed to come down to the family table for meals and felt as though Lord Garret’s eyes were upon her with what seemed like joy and amusement. Things were settling, and Katherine found that the original joy that she had felt at Bonhomie was beginning to return.

  Even the doctor seemed surprised by Harry’s hasty recovery, and Katherine hoped that her presence had in some way facilitated the improvement. No longer sleeping in Harry’s room at night, Katherine returned to her own room and was provided with clothing and other goods that she might need. She managed to write a letter to her mother, informing her of all that had transpired and that Katherine would be remaining at Bonhomie until he made a full recovery. But she had to admit in her heart and mind, that she wished to remain longer.